What do I ask???

[curiousgal]

What are some questions that have been asked of all of you? Any that truly offended you or that you really appreciated?

[mellisa's wife]

It's not only what you ask... it's how truthful the answers are.

Maybe ask him what being a crossdresser means to HIM and how he thinks it will affect you. It may be a long slow process.

Just be patient, truthful and loving and hopefully you will get the same in return.

Best of luck to you both!
:hugs:

[Emma England]

You can only ask questions to what you are seeking answers for.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Curiousgal

Firstly you need time to let it sink in

There are no wrong questions to ask the answers may be difficult to get as most find it hard to talk about as they have kept it secret for a long time

Its best just to ask the questions you think of at the time or write them down so you can ask when you are ready
You need to absorb any infromation at your own speed as it can cause more confusing it you get too much at once

Questions have never offended anyone

It's accusations that get people upset

You have made a good start to trying to understand by joining us here

Feel free to ask anything as someone here will have something to help you

:hugs:

[Shelly67]

I bet he feels guilty . I did .....my wife did,nt question me for a while , and the silence scared me .I thought I,d done wrong and really hurt her . But then the flood gates opened ...was I gay - did i like men ...how do i feel about t- girls , ******** ? ....the questions kept coming .
I,ll say this tho ....it is,nt easy for either person when a secret like this emerges ...but , after a year of full confessions and open chatting our lives are so much better . In otherwords , its early days for you both . If youre not offended by youre partners desires , then the only thing I,d advise is to look after each other , love each other dearly , tell them so , and respect each others feelings - hopefully the rest should fall into place ...
I wish you well

[BarbaraTalbot]

so you want to know the question that WILL offend or WON'T??

I wasn't sure whether you were looking for a little way to needle him for being a dumb*$$??

Plenty of CD's would be appropriately grateful that you aren't mad or upset or turned off by his crossdressing and bi-leanings.

He sounds like he must be having some self-acceptance issues if he is pressing you to ask the questions.

I identify with that. a little over two months ago while I had the boys up camping, my wife found my recently acquired stash of thrift store rejects. She figured out that 1) I had no taste, and 2) I was a crossdresser. This was a label I was still trying to decide myself it it applied to me. She (like you apparently) googled, found this site, read, accepted me, and waited for my return.

She very patiently explained that she knew about Barbara and said that if I wanted to dress that was my business and that she would not interfere. That if this was something I felt I needed to do, she understood. (She lied about the interfere part, she has improved my sense of style, but I digress from my narrative.)

I was so deep in denial and lacking genuine self-acceptance that I couldn't hear her words for what they were. I heard it as "Well, if you insist on wearing woman's clothes, I am not going to stand in your way. Do it if you must"

She had planned that speech, it came out right, I wasn't ready. I was crushed. I had this big plan about figuring out my sizes (from the thrift store rejects) finding a cute outfit, a wig, and makeup and coming out to her with a big "Ta Da!" to her warm enthusiastic welcome. I fully anticipated her having a cute little lesbian crush on Barbara.

My response was a sulky. "Fine, if this isn't something you are into I'll put Barbara back in the closet for the next 38 years."

Fortunately she persisted and took me shopping.

[Dee Talbot]

A lack of questions on your part doesn't mean anything other than you don't have any questions. I haven't really asked Barb any questions. Maybe that is because Barb is such a chatterbox, she answers all of my questions before I am even aware of having any :D

It's also possible that you are experiencing a little shock right now. I agree that once everything settles in, you may have more questions that you feel like asking.

You need to deal with this on your own timetable and in your own way. Otherwise, the potential for hidden resentments and feeling forced are possible. Take care of your needs. You can be supportive while still finding your own path.

Dee

[Ruth]

Things my SO wanted to know were:
Are you gay?
Do you want to go with men?
Do you want to have surgery and change into a woman?
Do you want to leave me?
The answers to all these were "No" and my SO was much more settled when we had that Q&A session.
Maybe these possibilities have not occurred to you.

[Veronica Fallon]

Hmmm...
It sounds like he might be looking for any, & all reassurances that you truly accept this side of him. It might take hearing that from you, many times in many ways, before it seeps through his fears of rejection, etc. & he really believes it. He might be in a hurry to get through your fears/doubts quickly, by answering all the questions he hopes you'll ask. He might not be able to relax until he knows you two are OK.

It could also be that he's just plain thrilled to have it out in the open, where he might hope to share it all with you. Maybe he's felt loneliness as a CD, & finds it exciting to finally have a chance to share & express his femme side with a loving partner. In other words- perhaps he's hoping you'll be actively interested, & he's anxious to see if you are.

I'm guessing that he'll be happy with you just talking about it in general with him. You both might be feeling extra-sensitive, so I hope you each keep things positive, open, honest, supportive, & loving!

Hugz,

Veronica

[Marcie Sexton]

Her first question was where does this leave us ?

after that it was more me explaining to her my feelings and how it related to our relationship< secondary, dressing that is >...

there was a rocky road that followed, but thankfully things worked out she accepted me, now in a constant teaching mode on lady like 099...:heehee:

[Veronica 1]

If you are cool with it, then the only question I can think of is "What size are you" and then go buy him a nice outfit.

[Valerie]

It may help, since you seem to be such an open and caring person, to know that most of us go through periods in which we feel like purging and therefore can be quite fragile certain days... I have been plunged deep into the closet, even condemned to eternal exile, several times (by myself, of course). So the answer to some questions will at times depend on where one is.

I can only say that I have been so much happier since my wife knows about my crossdressing and we have had a lot of fun with it. My favorite question is when she asks me about clothes she is considering buying for herself, an opinion from Valerie! The most distressing was when she asked me why I had married her if I felt so feminine. I just loved her!

I wish you both the very best,

Valerie

[Lisa Rose]

If you are cool with it, then the only question I can think of is "What size are you" and then go buy him a nice outfit.

Dear Ms. Curious,

I wholly agree here. Stop asking Why, simply accept. It's just part of him that you where unaware of. Then go buy him something to celebrate. I'm pretty sure he'll reciprocate in kind 10 fold.

[Holly]

Curiousgal, I think the questions are a ruse. What your DH is seeking is affirmation that your feelings toward him have not lessened since the revelation. If they haven't changed, tell him that. If they have, tell him that, too. It is quite alright for you to be processing this news now. Tell him that you need some time to take this all in. That is more than fair. I'm sure that I'm not divulging a secret here, but the male ego is quite fragile. Your hubby is in need of reassurance. I hope all goes well for both of you.

[Chantelle CD]

I dont know where to start with this reply.....there are so meny factors that can play into it, i am at a loss.

Some questions..

Well you know he isnt gay, how does this dressing up make him feel? does he feel pretty? feminine? Is it just a sexual turn on for him? Does he feel he is a woman in a mans body? Does he want to be a woman? Or does he just like to express these feeling while he is dressed up? Is there a woman inside of him, that just wants to express her self? How far does he want or WISH to go with this? Do you want to go as far with it, as to get dressed up and go out?

Depending on what stage of this he is at, or what it means to him by doing it, will depend on his answers. Doing this means different things to all of us, Find out what it means to him, and ask him to be totally honest, regardless of his fears of how you will react to what he says. Ask for a promise of this, you have all the right to know everything!! Be aware that just because he does this, doesn't make him a freak, or different, but really it makes him open to so much more of being human, and a bunch of legs up on most men for being all they can be. It doesn't mean the man in him will be gone, maybe changed a bit, but so much more aware!!

[Josephine 1941]

Hi Curiousgal, As a cross dresser of many years I guess the most simply answer I can put forth is he is up front with you now. Like the rest of the girls replys you can pick an chose the different types amoung us ,but u will have to just love him for who he is. My girl friend an I,by the way are the same size in cloths, shoes have a great under standing of both of our lives. She by the way said she has come into balance as to her manly ways. I see no differance in what you wear my cloths are just that mine. I bet u have pants, shorts, boots, tee shirts. One thing that I would like to see you do is to ask him if he knows his women sizes , then take him shopping not him as a female but as a girl friend. Most of us have no problem shopping as do any women that i feel will be a great ice breaker. The first time my girl friend an I shopped we bought matching outfits right down to the shoes. She had a women in the store come over to her an ask if she could rent me , her hubby was sitting on the bench sulking. Your life could become very interesting or go down the drain. Make it fun for him.

Josephine :hugs::hugs:

[Angie G]

Maybe you can ask WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO ASK :hugs:
Angie

[Amy Lynn3]

Being a CDer myself, I agree with what Holly said. You have the answers to all the important questions. My answers would be the same as your husbands, so let the answers soak in for awhile, read more post from this Board. Here, you will find all the other answers to your questions. Even PM me or others if you like. Then take him shopping, as others have said. He will love you more after that than you could have ever imagined.
He sounds like a OK kind of guy to me. Like myself, he will always put you and the family first in his life. If what I'm hearing is correct, cding will always come second for him. He now has just let you in on part of his life that explains many of the good qualities in him that you saw in him when you married him. Many, manly men I know have no clue as to what a woman feels, desires or wants from the man in her life, but your husband does.
I read from your post that your husband already treats you like a queen, because he has taken the time to find out what the woman inside you needs and wants. Him being a cder in just a bonus for you, IMHO.
Amy

[trannie T]

I wasn't aware that if one's partner came out there was then a homework assignment. You seem to be a supportive caring person. I am sure that it took a lot of courage on his part to tell you and he may have been disappointed by what he perceived as a lack of interest on your part. I hope that the two of you can relax and talk when both of you are comfortable with the subject.

[JoAnnDallas]

curiousgal......Just this past weekend my wife found out that I am a CDer. She asked the same questions you asked, so I can understand your question. I answered all her questions, but she has stopped asking questions, which has me a little nervious. I still have the fear of waiting for the other foot to drop. LOL This weekend is our 26th wedding aniversity and I am hoping that we can talk more about it. Since it is our aniversity, I am not going to bring it up first. I want this weekend to be as positive as possible for the both of us.
My suggestion is to sit down with him and talk to him.

[bobi jean]

Hi curiousgal. I love the fact that you are so accepting and apparently COURIOUS about all this. My recommendations for questions to ask, would be, one that comes to mind. I have, and always will believe that there are stupid questions( you know the old saying that, there is no such thing as a stupid question). A stupid question would be one that goes un-asked. I also believe that you and your crossdressing hubby are on the road that few of us crossdressers are only able to dream of, and I truely hope that it is a long and enjoyable trip for the both of you. ASK YOUR QUESTIONS HON, OFFER ANY KIND OF ASSISTANCE OR HELP YOU BELIEVE HE MAY NEED TO LOOk HIS BEST, IN BOTH STYLES OF CLOTHING AND AS SAID EARLIER, GO SHOPPING WITH HIM. IF NOT ALREADY, YOU COULD SEND YOUR CD'R OUR WAY. COULDN'T HURT.
THE VERY BEST OF LUCK TO BOTH, NOPE, ALL THREE OF YOU.

[Rearranged]

Hi Curiousgal,


I wasn't aware that if one's partner came out there was then a homework assignment. You seem to be a supportive caring person. I am sure that it took a lot of courage on his part to tell you and he may have been disappointed by what he perceived as a lack of interest on your part. I hope that the two of you can relax and talk when both of you are comfortable with the subject.

I recently came out as a CD to my SO. Apart from the standard 'are you gay?' and 'do you want to become a woman?' (no to both) she has asked nothing. I don't think this is a lack of interest - she seems almost in denial, like the conversation never occurred and pretending so will erase what was said. I'm left feeling deeply insecure over my 'big revelation' and it's possible consequences.

I understand that such deep and confusing feelings for her or anyone in a similar position may take time to work through; after 20 years of secrecy though, I'm finding it incredibly difficult to be patient in waiting for her to express her feelings, whatever they are.

Thus, I think any questions are good questions - they can only encourage further, much-needed communication. I need to feel accepted, not 90 or 95%, but the whole 'me' (I haven't asked for anything else). Any questions, concerning even the most trivial aspect of CD, would most definitely make me feel better, or at least move things forward somewhat.

Just my :2c:, I hope it helps some.

:drink:

[Genevera]

I'm glad you came here, look at the stats there is almost 80 to 100 people on this site most any time you visit it, some CD's and GG's and SO's This shows this is not an isolated thing to find your man crossdresses. It actually quite common. As been stated earlier many of the qualities you like in him can possibly be traced back to his dressing. I don't really know if questions are what you or he needs right now, how about just sitting together on the couch with the lights low some music going and cuddling with him, touching him. If you hold and hug him it will do more to reassure him you still love him than a hundred questions and answers. Let the crossdressing issue unfold naturally after he knows you still love him. my:2c:

[TxKimberly]

Curiousgal, I think the questions are a ruse. What your DH is seeking is affirmation that your feelings toward him have not lessened since the revelation. If they haven't changed, tell him that. If they have, tell him that, too. It is quite alright for you to be processing this news now. Tell him that you need some time to take this all in. That is more than fair. I'm sure that I'm not divulging a secret here, but the male ego is quite fragile. Your hubby is in need of reassurance. I hope all goes well for both of you.

As usual, I think Holly has hit the nail on the head. I bet she's right on all counts and KNOW she's right when it comes to the ego after revealig something like this.