Coming out to your parents-how to do it right.

[SweetCaroline]

Just curious, your opinions about how to come out to your parents. I'm 35, and still live in a large, two family, complex that I co=own with my dad. Yet my mom and dad still don't know that I cross dress. They live downstairs from me, so going out is tough, yet I've been going out all summer. I usually dress "on the road" or in a room in the places where us girls meet. I'd much rather dress in my own room, but that's still kinda hard for me right now, since I still have to pass by their door.

On one hand I want to tell them, I'm an adult, and it's none of their business. Yet on the other hand, they are still my family, and I feel bad deceiving them.

I will not stop dressing, so i think it's best they know. I just don't know how to "sit them down" sortve thing.

[SweetCaroline]

Anyone?

I'm sure you must have some advice/experience to share.

[Jazzmine]

You probably want to come out all at once at full speed and tell them all about it. Sometimes that can be a mistake.
My advice would be to have a plan of opening up this apect of your life over a longer period of time. Do it in stages and let your family adjust to your new personality.
If you alienate them right from day one you'll always be seen as a freak show forever. Get them used to the real you slowly - make gradual changes and move in the direction you want to go and they will most likely follow you with support.
If you think you can do it all at once - you better be prepared to be strong and face all consequences. They may have some surprises for you - may be good maybe bad. Just be ready for disappointment. Not everyone will want to know the real you. That's their problem but you need to be ready to deal with it.
At least if it's gradual there is the chance to show how committed you are at every turn and to discuss issues one by one with your family. It's hard to do this during a major bust out of the closet!
Hope this helps and good luck petal!
Hugs Jazzmine

[SweetCaroline]

Thanks Jazzmine.

Funny, but incidently, at another site, I was once known as "rice", Longgrain even.

Those days are no more. LOL!


You probably want to come out all at once at full speed and tell them all about it. Sometimes that can be a mistake.
My advice would be to have a plan of opening up this apect of your life over a longer period of time. Do it in stages and let your family adjust to your new personality.
If you alienate them right from day one you'll always be seen as a freak show forever. Get them used to the real you slowly - make gradual changes and move in the direction you want to go and they will most likely follow you with support.
If you think you can do it all at once - you better be prepared to be strong and face all consequences. They may have some surprises for you - may be good maybe bad. Just be ready for disappointment. Not everyone will want to know the real you. That's their problem but you need to be ready to deal with it.
At least if it's gradual there is the chance to show how committed you are at every turn and to discuss issues one by one with your family. It's hard to do this during a major bust out of the closet!
Hope this helps and good luck petal!
Hugs Jazzmine

[Jazzmine]

If you're referring to your figure sweetheart you have nothing to worry about! LoL

[Michelle S]

Maybe we could offer more feedback if we knew a little about your parents. Are they pro- or anti-gay rights for example? Would they ever go to a drag show? Do they watch Oprah or Jerry Springer?

Do you have siblings and if so would it be helpful to talk with any of them first? If you have a girlfriend who you are out to perhaps the two of you could talk to your parents together. What is cross dressing to you? A fun hobby, a deep expression of your inner essence, or somewhere in between? This might effect how you broach the topic.

Here is a document on the Tri Ess site that I have found helpful in talking to my SO:

http://www.tri-ess.org/cd01.html

BTW, parents are often pretty bright (and a bit nosy) so don't be too surprised if they already know!

Good luck!

[DonnaT]

Well, I came out to my mom by accidentally showing her a picture on my camera. I forgot it was there. It took some convincing before she could believe it was me.

She's been great about it. Gives me clothes and jewelry.

YMMV

[Niya W]

KNow you parents. Thats the first step. You know how much they can take. Secondly if you are not going full time or think you might asked your self this, what do I gain by telling them.

[angelfire]

I am also considering coming out to my mom at least. At this point I think she already knows, so I doubt it'll surprise her, but I've never been good at the sit-down serious discussions. I also still live with my parents, so I know where you are coming from.

I've considered leaving a note and letting her ask questions after she has time to digest it, but I still don't know how to approach the situation either.

My parents are both pro-gay rights. Our neighbors were gay, and a some very good friends of the family were, and my parents were totally accepting, so that at least gives me a certain level of indication at how they will react. My mother has told me before she would still accept me if I were gay (This was long before I started CDing), so I know they won't abandon me, I just need to figure the best way to approach this to lessen the shock, and make it easiest, so any advice for me would also be appropriate.

I always mess up words when they matter most.

[CharleneCD]

Yet on the other hand, they are still my family, and I feel bad deceiving them.


This was the approach I took. I discovered my feminine desires a liitle later in life than most and dove in head first. with a supportive wife I was able to try many things, like getting my ears pierced and trying acrylic nails. I also shaved my mustache that I had worn for years. I was uncomfortable making up stories or telling them I had lost a bet to explain these things to my parents. We have always been close and I didnt want them to worry about the changes they were seeing. So that is exactly how I opened up to them. I told them I couldnt live with having to lie to them about what they were seeing and told them about Charlene. It was a bit hard at first for them, but over time they have come to accept. I know they do not want to see her, or really talk about it, but there is no change in our overall relationship.

Ultimately you know them best, so you will need to decide if they can handle the news.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

[emmerzgurl06]

I told my parents a few months ago after I moved back in with them. It's kind of hard to have this lifestyle when youre in the closet and live with your parents. I got really tired of having to stuff all my stuff in a suitcase and carefully retrace my steps to make sure I didnt leave out any "contraband". So after they got home from vacation one day I was in the car with my mom, and just flat out told her. I got the usual storm of questions i.e are you gay? Do you want to be a woman, etc. Turns out while looking for a smaller suitcase for another trip my mom found my whole collection and already knew. Not much has changed really. They love me and care about me. So just feel it out. Be very honest and you'll be able to figure out real fast how they deal with it.

[KandisTX]

From my experiences in the past, I have discovered that your parents love you, unconditionally in many cases. The fact that we are CDers can be a shock to them and in some cases they may not approve of the idea, but if they know about it, odds are it makes things easier on you as you are less stressed because of trying to dress and keep it hidden. You are the only one that knows how your parents will react to news like this. You must make a judgement call as to how and when you tell them. Sometimes it is a better idea to tell Mom first, as she is usually the more understanding of the two being the traditionally nurturing one. Dad on the other hand may be like my father who has the "If I don't talk about it, it doesn't exist" attitude about my dressing. Sure, he knows about it, but it just is not something he is willing to discuss or "acknowledge". I wish you the best of luck.

Kandis:love: