A Better Person?

[Dasein9]

Was walking yesterday and something occurred to me:

Das is a better philosopher than A-- (birth name) was/is. Seriously, Das is bolder, trusts himself more, concentrates better, and generally has his sh*t a lot more together. He's tidier, too.

Then I thought about friends. I think Das is a better friend, too, most of the time. He's not as nervous around people and has more confidence.

In fact, the only virtue A--'s got more of than Das is humility.

Anyone else finding this happening during the coming-out process? Sure, there are new problems, but they seem a great deal more handle-able than ordinary life seemed from the closet.

[Kieron Andrew]

Kieron has far more confidence than the person trying to be female ever did, Kieron is far more approachable

[Cai]

I don't know if I'd say better, but I'm definitely much more confident as Cai. People scare me a heck of a lot less. I'm able to deal with the fact that not everyone will like me or even be okay with me (J---- needed everyone to be her friend), so I'm able to let go of caring what everyone around me thinks.

Plus I care more about my appearance - I want to look nice. I try to put together outfits that match, I take care of my shoes, I don't wear ratty sneakers with everything.


Edit: Well, this conversation was oddly relevant to one I'm having with another online friend. A big part of another forum I'm on is our personal journals, and you can sorta judge popularity by how many replies show up in someone's journal. I've had a lot more replies since I came out there, and was chatting with a friend about that. I kinda brushed it off, just saying that I probably seemed more interesting because I was trans, and people are just drawn to the odd. She replied:

I'll say this as someone who's been your friend for a long time, and I've been reading your journal on both sides of this. You're happier now. Your journal is nicer to read. People want to talk to you because you stay upbeat, no matter what. It's almost like you're a different person.

Interesting to me, because the big thing I stress when I come out to people is how I'm the same, just expressing the person I've always been. And here she goes telling me I seem completely different because I'm so much happier.

[Syr_SwitchyGQ]

I can't say that it has worked that way for me. I'm more paranoid (feel like everyone is staring at me, trying to figure out what I am) - and therefore more self-consious... I also have been more depressed because I wish I could go back to being "normal" (and then guilty for wishing for the easy road) ...but I don't think I could go back to being who I was anymore. I've passed that point of no return where I've lost interest in all the feminine things that used to distract me and the only thing left is the cold, hard truth. The only major upside to the switch is that I finally feel like I've found a missing piece to the puzzle and things make a little more sense. So... maybe when this isn't so new and I've gotten my sh*t together I'll be able to agree with you.

[Dasein9]

I can't say that it has worked that way for me. I'm more paranoid (feel like everyone is staring at me, trying to figure out what I am) - and therefore more self-consious... I also have been more depressed because I wish I could go back to being "normal" (and then guilty for wishing for the easy road) ...but I don't think I could go back to being who I was anymore. I've passed that point of no return where I've lost interest in all the feminine things that used to distract me and the only thing left is the cold, hard truth. The only major upside to the switch is that I finally feel like I've found a missing piece to the puzzle and things make a little more sense. So... maybe when this isn't so new and I've gotten my sh*t together I'll be able to agree with you.

That's what I've felt like most of my life. That said, I do recall there being a rough bit there at the beginning.

Your story isn't mine, but I've been coming out for a bit more than a year now, and it's gotten much better. I hope things improve as much for you as they have for me.

[Tristan]

I think I'm still in the awkward stage of transition for me. I feel more at ease with myself as a male, but I still feel really shy around other people in guy mode, but less self conscious if I'm in female mode I guess. But both ways I tend to be shy around new people or groups, heh. And either way I'm bad at philosophy :P

But I do feel a lot better about myself in male mood, like I can breath and it's ok. Though I'm still very tense about my body and how people are perceiving me, if that makes sense?

[Tobie]

Interesting to think about..

For me, in private, I have much more confidence as Tiergan than I do as Melissa. The female side can be much quieter and shyer. In public though, it's the reverse. Melissa is outgoing, and probably a bit obnoxious sometimes. Tiergan is more observant, still unsure around those more.. close-minded?

[ZenFrost]

He is more confident then she ever was. And he's better looking too. :winkp: (Really, I make a way better guy than I do a girl.) I think that he is more chivalrous than she was, more of a gentleman. And he's friendlier. But most importantly, he's happier.

It's kinda weird talking about myself in the third person, as two separate people, and in multiple tenses. Bit of a grammar nightmare.

[John]

Happier, cirtainly. More confidant, more controled, more able to be honist about myself, cos now I understand what goes on in my brain.

[Kieron Andrew]

cos now I understand what goes on in my brain.

im glad one of us around here does:heehee:

[DanielMacBride]

I am finding that as Daniel I have much more confidence and am way better able to deal with stress and crises. I am calmer, less confrontational (MUCH less), more gentle, and I think my analytical side that is very practical and can solve problems easily has come much more to the fore, and I am much better able to deal with things that might come up, when they come up rather than going into panic mode.

Daniel

[SirTrey]

I am finding that as Daniel I have much more confidence and am way better able to deal with stress and crises. I am calmer, less confrontational (MUCH less), more gentle, and I think my analytical side that is very practical and can solve problems easily has come much more to the fore, and I am much better able to deal with things that might come up, when they come up rather than going into panic mode.

Daniel

Daniel, I'm having exactly the same changes taking place on My end....My sense of direction is also dramatically better....and, I am more protective and caring than I used to be....I am a much nicer guy than I EVER was a woman....and I like Myself much, much more. **Trey**

[ZenFrost]

After reading your responses it's apparent that when we try to be something we're not, we end up as worse people for it. (For the most part, that is.) Very interesting though. Thanks for posting this Das, I hadn't really thought about it before.

[SirTrey]

After reading your responses it's apparent that when we try to be something we're not, we end up as worse people for it. (For the most part, that is.) Very interesting though. Thanks for posting this Das, I hadn't really thought about it before.

I think we DO end up worse people for it....My S/O has told Me many times (and she has known Me as both a woman and as a man) that I am MUCH nicer and a much BETTER person as a man....I think it has a lot to do with inner happiness and being more relaxed when you are free to be who you REALLY are....**Trey**