committment

[Sheila]

how do you as Crossdressers show you committment to your relationship.

What things do you do you show your appreciation of your SO's tolerance or acceptance.

[Joanne f]

I would like to think and hope that i show the same commitment to my relationship as if i were not a cd, i do not think that you should be looking for trade offs (if you do that i want to do this) i think that can only lead to trouble, i also think that tolerance is a sticky thing because that can lead to bad feelings, it is better to find a level where you are both reasonably happy.
I also think that the cder should not expect acceptance by right.



joanne

[KandisTX]

how do you as Crossdressers show you committment to your relationship.

What things do you do you show your appreciation of your SO's tolerance or acceptance.

Everything I possibly can ;) I spend lots of time with my wife and daughter as Dad, They both know and accept my dressing. (Daughter and I have contests to see who can snap the others brastrap). We have a lot of fun together, doing all sorts of things. Also tell them both many, many times during the day how much they mean to me and how much I love them.

Kandis:love:

[Nigella]

To put it simply, just being me, I am still the same person she fell in love with, I have just evolved, the same as she has.

We have a simple rule for our relationship...


... She says and I do :D

but seriously, we both agreed from the outset that this is a partnership, neither of us had a casting vote, if we couldn't agree, then nothing changed.

[sissystephanie]

how do you as Crossdressers show you committment to your relationship.

What things do you do you show your appreciation of your SO's tolerance or acceptance.

It actually is very simple. At all times you show her, by word, deed, and action, that you love and value her as the GG that she is! You are her MAN, first and foremost. Yes, you can, as I was for my late wife, be her girlfriend too. But first and foremost, you are her MAN and you need to let her know that. Just always let her know that she is the most important thing in your life!!

Sissy

More Girl than man sometimes

[Victoria Anne]

I told my wife about my dressing prior to our first real date so it was never an issue. That said I let her know evryday how much I love her and respect her , I cherish evry moment with her . There was a time prior to financial difficulties I would celebrate her birthday evry month with gifts a nice dinner and alone time. Valentines day the 14th right , so 14 gifts and whatever her heart desired , Christmas , the 25th , well starting the first , evryday a gift and 25 on the day. I don't want to sound like I trie to buy her love but rather that I could never do enough for her or give to her all that she deserves . In short if she asked me to take on hell and here's an eye dropper to do it with ... for her I would find a way to be victorious. I love you Mrs.M...GG

[Wickanne GG]

It actually is very simple. At all times you show her, by word, deed, and action, that you love and value her as the GG that she is! You are her MAN, first and foremost. Yes, you can, as I was for my late wife, be her girlfriend too. But first and foremost, you are her MAN and you need to let her know that. Just always let her know that she is the most important thing in your life!!

Sissy

More Girl than man sometimes

WOW! The voice of simple wisdom. I don't think anyone could put it any clearer than that.

It is your attitude that many of us long for in our life.

:love:
Wickanne

[Sheila]

I would like to think and hope that i show the same commitment to my relationship as if i were not a cd, i do not think that you should be looking for trade offs (if you do that i want to do this) i think that can only lead to trouble, i also think that tolerance is a sticky thing because that can lead to bad feelings, it is better to find a level where you are both reasonably happy.
I also think that the cder should not expect acceptance by right.



joanne

Thankyou Joanne

[sissystephanie]

WOW! The voice of simple wisdom. I don't think anyone could put it any clearer than that.

It is your attitude that many of us long for in our life.

:love:
Wickanne

Thank you, Wickanne. That is simple wisdom! If you love her, show it! Being a CD should never,ever come before your love and respect for your wife or SO.

My attitudes were forged many years ago by my dear maternal grandmother, who practically raised my sister and I after our mother died at an early age. She believed in, and lived by, the Golden Rule and taught her own children and us to do the same. Of course, she also dressed me in dresses when I was little, to play in so as not to ruin my boy clothes. She had lots of girl clothes around! So maybe she is responsible for my CD activities. If so, bless you Grandma!

[Veronica 1]

(Daughter and I have contests to see who can snap the others brastrap).
Kandis:love:

LOL, I just came out to my son and daughter in law over the past weekend and that is one of the first things she promised me, "Now you are going to find out what a snapped brastrap feels like." I do not have an SO but I show love and attention to my family weather I CD or not.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I don't really do anything special. I just act like my normal self and do all of the normal things I do to show my appreaction for my wife. Although I guess as far as certain cross dressing specific things I do is. Whatever she needs from my wardrobe I give her.

[Baley]

Myself and my SO are the same size, so she loves having a larger wardrobe. Geuss i am just lucky to have a accepting girl. Just act yourself, worked for me.:2c:

[Joy Carter]

I'm there for her all the time. Even when we are not getting along, I'm there.
Aside from that, I do the spring, fall, pre and post Christmas cleaning. I tidy up the house when guests are coming so that frees her up to work in the kitchen. I scrub the carpets once a year as well as my regular male duties.
This all I do without the maids uniform. LoL

[Melanie R]

This may be simplistic but it works for me. I communicate 24/7 that my wife is number 1 in my life. I give her my unconditional love and attention. I tell her frequently that because of her I am a better man and woman. Melanie is her creation and not just through my own efforts. I give her time with her husband when she needs this time. What I do outside our home as Melanie is a shared decision. We have together set the boundaries, and I live by those boundaries. In the end I find that I have her complete understanding and acceptance to be the best woman I can be as well as man. A minister that was with Melanie and Peggy at a church fundraiser last Saturday night said after hugging both of us, "you two have such a beautiful relationship". And we do. The next morning at our regular church our minister was standing in the foyer of the church after the service greeting some of the 6000+ people streaming out the church. Peggy told him that we were glad he had returned from his annual summer sabatical. He put his arms around both of us and said, "I missed our hugs. You two are very special". The question is would this minister of the largest Baptist church in the world say this if that was Peggy and Melanie? Perhaps we will find out one of these days.

[BarbaraTalbot]

Dee and I attended some group meetings...One person talked about planned resentments. At first the concept seemed silly, then later it seemed profound. We still refer to this at times.

The example he gave was he was home and doing a bit of house cleaning. He spent a great deal of time tidying up the kitchen, doing the dishes, anticipating her pleased expression at the effort. When she came home, she was a bit tired and didn't seem to really notice at all. He felt resentment creep in and found himself sulking a bit.

The point was that doing something nice for the other person if sincerely given is its own reward. Predicating your own happiness on another's display of appreciation is far from a sure thing.

When you do something for someone not to please them but to earn their gratitude for yourself, you are actually doing it for selfish reasons. If you don't get the praise you are seeking one can become resentful.

To answer your question, not that she requires it but I try to remember that compliments, too often withheld in male mode feel just as good to her as her gentle reassurance of Barbara's needy query, "Do I look pretty?". I try to remember to look for things for her also that will make her feel pretty as I maniacally paw the pink tags on dollar days at Goodwill. I could do better. What I do, is usually noticed and appreciated. :)

[Joy Carter]

Dee and I attended some group meetings...One person talked about planned resentments. At first the concept seemed silly, then later it seemed profound. We still refer to this at times.

The example he gave was he was home and doing a bit of house cleaning. He spent a great deal of time tidying up the kitchen, doing the dishes, anticipating her pleased expression at the effort. When she came home, she was a bit tired and didn't seem to really notice at all. He felt resentment creep in and found himself sulking a bit.

The point was that doing something nice for the other person if sincerely given is its own reward. Predicating your own happiness on another's display of appreciation is far from a sure thing.

When you do something for someone not to please them but to earn their gratitude for yourself, you are actually doing it for selfish reasons. If you don't get the praise you are seeking one can become resentful.


Excelent post Barbra ! Much truth !:2c:

[Andi]

It actually is very simple. At all times you show her, by word, deed, and action, that you love and value her as the GG that she is! You are her MAN, first and foremost. Yes, you can, as I was for my late wife, be her girlfriend too. But first and foremost, you are her MAN and you need to let her know that. Just always let her know that she is the most important thing in your life!!

Word, deed and action is good and in my case I'll add.... Give 90% for your SO's needs and only expect 10% in return for your own. Don't be selfish. We've both tried to do this for each other since day one and we've been married 42 years.:happy:

[DawnRodgers]

Unfortunately my wife doesn't approve, doesn't understand, doesn't condone and expects it will go away if she ignores it. There is no tolerance or acceptance. She basically just puts up with my silly "perversion" until I outgrow it..

[faltenrock]

Unfortunately my wife doesn't approve, doesn't understand, doesn't condone and expects it will go away if she ignores it. There is no tolerance or acceptance. She basically just puts up with my silly "perversion" until I outgrow it..

Almost the same for me. My wife knows since 12 years now. She has seen me dressed up for years - not daily!. She tried to accept bu finally she couldn't and didn't want to see me dressed anymore. She knows I do though.

I show her my love and care for her and our sons as much as possible. She hopes, my CD desire will disappear some day. I told her that's not going to happen and that I enjoy it. She knows I'm going out every couple of months and doesn't want to know about it. I don't dress around her anymore since two years. Yes I would like to do so, but I promised I wouldn't.
I put my skirts all into my closet. There are 17 pleated mini skirts hanging. She thinks that's silly, ugly and a waste of money.

That's all - basically

[Dee Talbot]

how do you as Crossdressers show you committment to your relationship.

What things do you do you show your appreciation of your SO's tolerance or acceptance.
I don't see it as acceptance and tolerance on my part. I simply see it as my love of my spouse. She may have no right to expect my participation in her cd'ing. And I certainly don't want her to take my love for granted. But my willingness to have fun with her whilst en femme, is simply an extension of the love I have given her over the years.

I understand that the dynamics of other relationships are different, and there are valid reasons for some spouses to be unhappy with their husbands dressing. I, in no way, mean to imply that all situations are the same as mine. In my marriage, I want certain things. Love, affection, respect, compromise, support. And I have to be willing to give these things if I want them in return. For me, embracing Barb is simply what my marriage should be.

And while I expect nothing in return for my love for my husband (which includes Barbara as she is important to my husband) what I receive in return is love in equal measure. And that is all I want.

Dee

[Zee]

I thank her daily, tell her I love her at least twice a day, take her out twice a month, and most importantly, I try not to interfere with any plans she may have made and forgot to tell me about (or more likely, that she told me and I didn't hear her or I was focused on something else at the time).

I would get her flowers a lot more, but they are so expensive for something that will die in a week... I just can't bring myself to do that very often.

Chocolate on the other hand, well, she gets a lot of that from me.

[Satrana]

I don't do anything special for my wife with regards to thanking her for her acceptance because crossdressing is not a big ticket issue for us, and I think that is the best approach. Once you separate crossdressing off as a special item then you place too much emphasis on something which is only one of many things which constitute a relationship.

I think it is wrong for either the CD or his SO to focus too much on crossdressing. A relationship is so much more than this. IMO a good relationship is based upon a good team, two people who click and can work together and are better off together than apart. Crossdressing is just one piece of that teamwork.

I love my wife as a whole person, I don't itemize my love for her on what she can and cannot do or appreciate and I hope she thinks the same way for me. When you love someone you accept all the good and the bad qualities together.

If I were a GG and had queues of CDs lining up to worship the ground I walk on just because I was accepting of crossdressing, I would say thanks, but no thanks. I would not want to be worshiped because I was defined as an "accepting GG" . I am a whole complete person with my own needs and wants, not a two dimensional caricature whose purpose is to support the cravings of CDs. :2c:

[Holly]

how do you as Crossdressers show you committment to your relationship.

What things do you do you show your appreciation of your SO's tolerance or acceptance.Well, Jess, I'm not quite sure exactly what cross dressing has to do with commitment in a realationship, but as my wife's husband, I show my commitment to her by not ever giving up on her and not allowing her to give up on herself. I believe in her and who she is and what she stands for. I support her as she is and never demand that she change but always encourage her to grow.

[ReineD]

If I were a GG and had queues of CDs lining up to worship the ground I walk on just because I was accepting of crossdressing, I would say thanks, but no thanks. I would not want to be worshiped because I was defined as an "accepting GG" .


Well put! :thumbsup: