life after a unaccepting wife

[vicky lee]

hi all
me and the wife are still separated nearly 12 months now.
its been a time since i have been here and wish to tell you all ive found a new so who is accepting me and my c/ding i told her from the first time we met .
we both have matching bra and panties life is so good for me at the moment
the new so says that i can do anything i like in the house even in front of her and would help me when i need it
as long as i dont go out dressed and give her one hundred per cent loveing
so my question is do i push for the outing or leave things at that for now?

[DonnaT]

No, don't push for the outting unless the need to go out becomes unbearable. Like, to the point of going out behind her back, thus breaking a trust.

And don't make promises you might not be able to keep. You can tell her you'll try not to go out, but if you have to go, you'll discuss it with her first, to see if she wants to go with.

[Cyndie]

Don't push. Enjoy the wonderful relationship that you have. That is so much more than many of us have.

TTFN
Cyndie

[Veronica Fallon]

It sounds like you've got a great thing started :dance:!!
I'd go slow & as easy as you can. I've seen where others here jumped the gun & lost everything. It's always a gamble, just a matter of odds. So weigh what you have against what you want or need & against how bad you want it. And try to find your mutual balance together.

Hugz,

Veronica

[Amanda Shaft]

Don't rush and push! Take things easy and maybe your SO will understand that going out needn't be off limits for you. Trust is easily destroyed so take her with you don't put her in a corner!
Amanda x

[megan163]

Great that you found someone special who accepts the all of you. Just don't push her on the going out issue. Enjoy your dressing at home. Wish I had that kind of freedom. BTW, is she OK with you using this site and posting photos? That would be a big bonus that could take some of the edge off not going out dressed.

[Marcie Sexton]

gotta crawl before you walk, you got acceptance and support, take that and build on it, as time passes I'm sure you'll both be out together as a couple of girls doing the girlie thing...

Good Luck !!!

[Billijo49504]

You push, you lose!!!BJ

[Rachaelb64]

Remember your still walking on egg shells still.

I have myself just been through the same thing, an unaccepting wife only to find myself a loving and accepting SO.

One word I would say to you is 'compromise'. A little compromise will go a long way. Show your new SO the love and tenderness she wants and take a drive in the slow lane and let things follow there own course and above all don't push.

[jsavage]

Don't push it. Have her help you dress at home & pick out outfits. She might come up with the idea to go out. Then it's her idea.

[ReineD]

Have the two of you discussed the reasons for her discomfort with public outings?

Does she object to the two of you going out together or you alone? Does she have a realistic idea of what you do when you go out en-femme? Is she afraid of what "people" might think in general? Does she wish to avoid potential embarrassment or more conflictive interactions?

Or, are her reasons more specific: Does she fear the potential damage to closer relationships or the loss of a job if someone you know should find out? Are there children involved whom she is not ready to tell?

These questions are hard to answer. Although we may be privately supportive, we may not all be ready to champion the cause. It might help in the beginning to attend only "safe" TG events where the risk of repercussions is low. Or if she is merely concerned with specific people finding out, you may wish to travel elsewhere for outings. But, as the others have suggested, only if she feels comfortable with this.

The point is to lovingly open the lines of communication rather than completely suppress desires that may eventually cause resentments and conflict. If you are also new to going out in public, maybe you both can face the challenges together. :hugs:

Good Luck!

[Veronica 1]

As stated, take it slow and respect her wishes. If she is afraid of recognition by people in your home town, book a vacation and then check out her readiness to go shopping with your feminine persona.

[Noel Chimes]

Vickie, don't rush into the next level. Give her time to adjust to seeing and being with you. If she likes to go out, find out if there are any places that are "Girl" friendly. But most importantly,DISCUSS YOUR DESIRES WITH HER. The first time you have to hide something from her and she finds out will be the last time. Supporting SO's are a rare find. Cherish her!!!!:2c:

[Jillm]

Take it sloooooooooooooow. Wait it out, she may come around.

[BarbaraTalbot]

Glad to hear that you have an accepting and supportive SO now.

The last thing you want is an un-accepting SO. As you say your last one was not accepting, I'd think you'd be more than ready to make the compromises you might need to to keep the support you now enjoy.

SLOW is the way. Just the idea of PUSH for more, seems a litle perilous. Its like pick-up sticks. don;t upset the pile, study your options, try sliding one out gently. never push.

Best of luck and happiness!

[Mayliis]

Congratulations, you are lucky. Be careful and everything since this moment please discuss with her. If you have someone who understand and accept who you are then it's much easier when you share your wishes and maybe some day she will be ready to go out with you if you're crossdressed.

Kisses and i wish you luck:)

Mayliis

[Twyla]

You remind me of my daughter. On our way home from shopping she used to cry because, despite the fact that I bought her lots of things, I didn't buy ALL the things she wanted.

Your SO accepted compromisses, now it's your turn to accept some.

Life isn't perfect, we cannot have everything we want. If you can, accept that.
If you can't, analize what makes your SO beeing reluctant and try to make her change her mind. I think the key factors are time, patience and small steps. And lots of communication.

[kittypw GG]

hi all
as long as i dont go out dressed and give her one hundred per cent loveing
so my question is do i push for the outing or leave things at that for now?

Life is so wonderful now? But just not enough for you. Maybe the first wife was not so un-accepting but just tired of your selfishness?

The reason that so many CD's have troubled relationships is that the crossdressing is the only thing that is important and the only focus of the relationship. One sided relationships never last and are very painful.

:hugs: Kitty

[NaomiLynn]

I am wondering myself what would happen. I have not felt complete, for many years. MY SO hates my CD'ing, so I haven't done it for many years. The desire to dress is always there, though. She's been abuse and controlling. If we divorced, I'd be able to dress, but would I be happier ? That unknown , plus the cost of the divorce has kept me from following through.

NaomiLynn

[Veronica 1]

You could try taking separate vacations for a change. It would give you both a break from each other and then you would be able to make a more informed choice. As for the cost, no help there. Not meaning to sound cruel, but that is only my thoughts.

[Bernadina]

You have to decide which is more important. You or your relationship. I'm guessing the relationship right now.

Funny thing about relationships; with the right kind of nurturing, they grow and evolve and new doors open.

I think that given time, education and understanding, and the right opportunities, like a group GNO maybe, she may even make the going out suggestion herself.

[Delila]

Are the outings really that important? If you really feel the need to go out you know there is always halloween. Congrats on the new accepting SO!

[Patricia Danielle]

Yes I agree go slow, if you start getting pushy it could blow up in your face. Most importantly talk, talk, talk. Keep it out in the open but do it on her terms and sounds like things will work out.. I'm extremely happy for ya! Patricia..

[Angie G]

Thats great Vicky I'm glade to hear your happy I'd say don't push the going out thing hun :hugs:
Angie

[Sugar]

vicky lee honey, just cool your jets. You give me the impression that you just don't know how good you got it.

Or maybe you don't really give a hoot about the feelings of the wonderful lady who has accepted you for you.

Good luck

[melissacd]

You have an accepting SO and that is indeed a wonderful thing. She has placed some limits and reasonable limits are normal in any relationship. Working through these issues together is important if you value the relationship and if both parties are loving, open and accepting then over time you will sort through these issues in a way that is satisfactory to both of you. It is important to nail down as soon as possible what the soft limits (ones that are negotiable over time) and hard limits (non-negotiable issues) are because you need to be sure that you are not creating a situation that in the long run is non-tenable.

It is wonderful to have an accepting partner and that is something to cherish, Cross dressers can be very selfish, I guess it is the nature of catching up on all those years of denial. The fact that you are asking this question at all suggests that going out may be of great importance to you and could become a relationship land mine in the future.

I suggest that you talk to her about this, determine if this is a soft limit or a hard limit and understand her objections around going out. See if there is a way that you can work towards that goal over time taking into consideration her concerns. Her concerns are as valid to her as your desire to go out dressed are to you. If going out dressed is a non-negotiable limit then you have to decide whether your desire to go out dressed outweighs your relationship with her. Only you know that answer. At the end of the day you need to be able to live with the constraints of the relationship, now and into the future.

Best of luck.

Huggs
Melissa

[janet1234]

your blessings, be thankful for what you have.

[Emily Ann Brown]

This is a trick question , RIGHT ????


Want your cake and eat it too ????


GEESH, you got more than 80% of us.....give it a rest.



Emily Ann

[charllote34]

Dont rush it and dont push it sounds to me like you have a good thing going there and if i where you i would count my blessings , think she will come round in time just be patiant Vicky lee c x x

[sissystephanie]

gotta crawl before you walk, you got acceptance and support, take that and build on it, as time passes I'm sure you'll both be out together as a couple of girls doing the girlie thing...

Good Luck !!!

Marcie, you are right on!! My wife knew before we were married and her only rule was "not around the kids." When they grew up and moved out, we started going out as two girls. Had a great life, until she passed away!

Sissy

More Girl than man sometimes