Sharing with fellow lifelong singles. Why i dress.

[Alice Torn]

I know, that most of you are either married, or have SO's. I will try to be brief. I have been single, all 53 yrs, have given my heart, to many gg's, since, I was younger, in grade school. My heart has been broken, crushed, run through the wringer, ground to powder, torn out, by rejections, betrayals, deaths. One reason I dress up now and then, I believe, is the realization, that I have not had romance, other than part of one year, no sex though, and, being working poor, it is highly unlikely, I will ever be married. Dressing up as the lady, I would like to see, be with, seems to be a substitute. It is not the ideal- a loving well matched lady, but a coping mechanism, and substitute. It is enjoyable, fun, exciting, addictive, but, with me, at least, partly, a substitute, for the wife, I never got to have. Any sharing, from other old bachelors?

[KarenSusan]

I know, that most of you are either married, or have SO's. I will try to be brief. I have been single, all 53 yrs, have given my heart, to many gg's, since, I was younger, in grade school. My heart has been broken, crushed, run through the wringer, ground to powder, torn out, by rejections, betrayals, deaths. One reason I dress up now and then, I believe, is the realization, that I have not had romance, other than part of one year, no sex though, and, being working poor, it is highly unlikely, I will ever be married. Dressing up as the lady, I would like to see, be with, seems to be a substitute. It is not the ideal- a loving well matched lady, but a coping mechanism, and substitute. It is enjoyable, fun, exciting, addictive, but, with me, at least, partly, a substitute, for the wife, I never got to have. Any sharing, from other old bachelors?

Wow, that's scary, Lucille. Your story could almost be my own. I'm 61.

[Isis]

I send you my love........that is what we all really need. And at the same time love yourself...... You are it.......

[CamillaCD]

Lucille, your story resembles mine. Just passed 50 and still a bachelor. A part of my dressing desire may stem from wanting to have some more romance.

Camilla

[Veronica 1]

I am glad that I am not the only one. I had short relationships that always seemed to end up badly and then I managed to get and stay married for 5 years before that tore the heart out of me in 1993. Ever since it has been one night stands and hookers and that even lost enthusiasim after a bit. Now it is just me, my clothes and an ever increasingly happy attitude. Whatever floats our boats, I guess.

[tvbeckytv]

I'm not so sure.
I have no doubt at all that lonely singletons can find much comfort in their crossdressing ways, but that is not likely why you crossdress. It more likely you have deep guilt feelings associated with your crossdressing that you feel the need to justify it to yourself.
This is very common with people ive known over the years, and cant think of any case where the arrival of a partner had any long term effect on their cross dressing desires.

[crunchysoda]

I just wanted to give you all a :hugs:

and some :love:

[Samantha B L]

Lucille,I don't think you crossdress because you've been unlucky in love. You do it for the same reasons that are inside all of the rest of us in the forum who do it,whether they are psychological or hormonal or nuerological factors at work. And I don't mean to tell you your business but that's what I think. As for me I've had a lot of female freinds. But I've only had a few dates. Sex has been scanty and far between in my life. There were mainly three women that I felt comfortable with over the years. One of them became like a very close freind and mentor years ago and I came out to her about my dressing. We were very close for about 25 years and actually I'd known her since 1969 and I thought she thought I was a pain in the ass. I found out different and she was my best GG freind. I guess you could say it was a close attachment but there wasn't enough money between us to rent a decent house or apartment together. She died 3 years ago. She was moving into a new house and I was going to have a guest bedroom with makeup vanity and wall length mirrors! Life is a bit imperfect for all of us,but maybe it's better if it isn't too "average". The Best To You,Hugs,Kisses,Samantha

[BarbaraTalbot]

And I don't want to in anyway make light of your pain or to minimize your angst.

I felt as you did, kind of the odd man out, the friend the buddy. I felt awkward. I was a virgin for near all intents and purposes on my wedding night at 27. although my faith encourages chastity, and at a few times the nexus of temptation and the rare opportunity almost happened, I always felt my virginity was not a sign of my piousness, but rather my undesirability.

I can't tell from your post for sure whether you have entirely given up, but I hold out hope for you. You are a sweet person and someone would be lucky, etc etc is little help, I know having heard that myself, though admittedly not nearly as long.

:hugs:

[Alice Torn]

Thanks for the replies. One said, there is a guilt, about cding, and, I admit, there is that. There are a number of issues, and reasons for being lifetime single, loner to some extent, though, i do go to church, and to some singles dances. I have not attracted a lady, yet, though. Society, and churches, still look down, on old bachelors, though, sadly, and even lower, on cd's. It seems, a lot of shy, nice guys, never get a chance, to date much, or marry, and when, we do try, and work at it, the rejection, continues, like "damned if you do, and damned, if you don't". Most all my friends, are old bachelors, though i know a lot of married people. I made this post, because it seems, like even on here, the vast majority are married, or have SO. Those who have mates, that allow the cding, are fortunate, and few, it sounds, but being liftime bachelor, is not easy, either.

[Joy Carter]

I'm not saying anything about your situation. But I know a few women who feel the same about not being able to find a guy.

[Ann D Bluebird]

A big :hello:
Count me in with the lifelong singletons.....thus far anyhow (and I have my suspicions about the future too....). I have come to feel that my "involuntary celibacy" may be linked in with my own trandsgender issues, such as they are. It seems to me maybe I never gained the skills at intimate relationships with the girls I longed for because underneath it all I wanted to be with them to be more like them. And so no wonder I made so many girl friends without them wanting to be my SO girl friend. One such friend described me once as an "ersatz woman"....and I was :happy: with that!

My cross-dressing is taking that identification of myself one step forward....and I also enjoy the swish of a skirt, the shaved body etc for their own sake too!:heehee: As for passing visually for a woman for real, I doubt that I could.
hugs: to all my co-singletons out there!!
and :love: to the rest of you for being supportive too!

Jude

[Ruth]

This is interesting. I agree with Samantha though that your CDing is in you anyway and is not directly a cause of, or a result of, your single status.
I'm just going to say, corny though it is, that you haven't met the right woman.

[Chrissy8888]

I am in your boat. I do not dress because I am lonely or it validates my self worth but because it is part of who I am. I am always looking for somebody. I do not think about cross dressing in doing so. This will sound bad but I truly think that some people are just meant to be single all of there lives. People who have a significant other may wish at times they were single again and then look at us (whether they will admit it or not) become grateful they are not single.

For me being single is very painful. I often think to myself I am a nice person with a lot for offer so why doesn’t anybody desire me. Like most of you, I don’t hold out any hope for ever finding that special somebody and have resolved myself to being alone the rest of my life.

[Veronica 1]

If I may add to my previous post, Yes, I have been alone for a long time and no, I do not have many friends. That has been the way of my life since birth, I am a loner and very comfortable in that. That fact, I believe, is what caused the troubles in my relationships. I left home because I got tired of having to tell Mommy where I was and when I was going to get home. I am going somewhere and I will be back when I get back. Unfortunately this attitude does not work with caring others but I am who I am. If I had been born 100 years earlier I would probably be sitting on the top of some mountain with a Hawken rifle and a pile of Grizzly bear hides. On the plus side, I get to dress at home as much as I want without having to worry about who might come knocking on the door, as all who do come here I have told. This is not a problem to me but I can understand that it might affect others so if you are one of the others all I can say is keep the faith, there is someone out there for you. Do not give up the hunt, you will be successful.

[KarenSusan]

I often think to myself I am a nice person with a lot for offer so why doesn’t anybody desire me. Like most of you, I don’t hold out any hope for ever finding that special somebody and have resolved myself to being alone the rest of my life.

I feel exactly the same way, Chrissy. At some point I realized that I was never going to find that someone. Strangely, life became easier when there was no hope.

[Butterfly Bill]

I'm too crazy to live with anyone else. There are a lot of odd habits that I have (above and beyond my taste in attire) that I couldn't realistically expect anyone to be able to put up with. And my idea of hell would be for some woman to move into my house with a kid from a previous marriage who has to have the DVD player or the TV going all the time.

[Alice Torn]

Chrissy, and Karen Susan, We are on the same page, and, I come from a family, where all my siblings, are odd, and are single, in their 50's, also. I have dated over 45 women, in my life, as a friend, or acquaintance, but, as one said, none, except one, would have even considered me, a husband possibility. I don't see any hope, for it, as I am working poor, too, especially in Bill Gates country, western Wa. I think, that even if Providence provided a miracle lady, I would still want to cd once in a while, maybe not as much.

[Rita Knight]

Hi Lucille,
My story is similar to yours. I am 54 years old. I was married for 7 1/2 years and it ended in a very bitter divorce 15 years ago. I did not dress at that time. I tried the singles scene then and still hate it. For me, dressing I think is a form of sexual expression. However, I don't I can trust other people enough to go to bed with them. Fear of disease is not the primary fear. It is being used and hurt.

Marriage may not be for me, but I wish all the happiness to those who are.

[PaulaJaneThomas]

I'm not so sure.
I have no doubt at all that lonely singletons can find much comfort in their crossdressing ways, but that is not likely why you crossdress. It more likely you have deep guilt feelings associated with your crossdressing that you feel the need to justify it to yourself.
This is very common with people ive known over the years, and cant think of any case where the arrival of a partner had any long term effect on their cross dressing desires.

Becky I think you're spot on there.

[Cindi Johnson]

Lucille, I kinda know what you are feeling, as I've been without a SO for over ten years now.

I know this will upset many who read it, but here goes: maybe it's best not to be up front about your crossdressing with a prospective spouse, at least until after the mairrage. I know my wife would likely not have married me, had she known before we wed. But we married, had a child, a good life until cancer took her at a young age, and ultimately (I think) she was happy she married me. Sometimes maybe honesty is not always the best approach, at least during a courtship.

Good luck,

Cindi Johnson

[jennifer41356]

I have had a few GF's and almost got married, but when I realized I had strong fem tendencies and wanted to explore it more, I felt it would not be fair to me or a woman. I want to be able to be Jennifer whenever I want, I want to wear whatever i want. Its my life and it would be unfair to but a woman thru that. Life is too short to have to ask or make an agreement with someone on when I can be a girl, so I chose to go it alone. I have friends so its been a fun ride, wouldnt trade it for anything..it s my only short at experiencing as close as I can to be a woman

Jennifer:cheer::gorgeous:

[Alice Torn]

Jennifer, I am starting to be more like you are, in this. If my fun, as Lucille, keeps up, I don't think I have much to offer a woman. I also have suffered from male organ shame, all my life, feeling that the male sex drive is predatory, and a lot of women think it is. The male role, is agony, and I get relief, in the rare times I dress, as Lucille. But, not all about being a guy, is hell. There are times, I enjoy, being a rugged male. It is just the constant failure, in relationships, the super high standards, I cannot meet, that makes me just want to stay single, and be Lucille more. That may be hard, soon, as I may have to take care of my mom, with Alzheiners, and my negative, angry father. I may be done in by what I may have to do, and, I suffer from severe depression, already. I may be too depressed, and have no where to dress, if I have to go take care of my parents. I wish they would pay for a nurse, instead. I am not a nurse, and doing my mom's personal care, will be utterly a downer, maybe turning me off completely toward women! Thanks for letting me rant, ramble on.