Why?

[GypsyKaren]

If you ever want to find out who your real friends are, all you have to do is tell them that you're a transsexual and that you're going to live your life as a woman from now on, and if you really want to make it interesting, then also tell them that you're going to have GRS. Let me first give you a little piece of advice, stand clear of the exits because you don't want to get run over in the stampede as just about everyone flees for their lives.

Yesterday my son got married, and out of politeness he invited his step-mom and her family. He was always nothing to her, he now considers Kat to be his mom. Anyway, I walked up to my ex brother-in-law and said hello, and he wouldn't even look at me, I guess I'm nothing to him now. Never mind that I was always courteous to him and the rest of that clan, now I don't exist, and for what? All because I look different now...I hope I never offended him in the past by wearing the wrong color, that would have been thoughtless and rude on my part.

Friends? Lost them all except for two...yeah, so friggin what that you were always there for me, whatever your name is now, you're a freak and I have a short memory, been a pleasure, do me a favor and lose my phone number if you please.

Does this bother me? Not the least, because now I have more true friends than they will ever hope to have, many of which are here. What I am though is disappointed, that people could be so shallow and full of hate, all because of what? Because I'm different is all, what a biggie there. NEWS FLASH TO ALL OF YOU IDIOTS: Guess what? Everyone on the face of the earth is different! I don't expect everyone to be like me, so why do they expect me to be like them? So sorry, but you're a bigot, not interested, now it's my turn to head for the exits.

I'm not perfect, not even close, but I'm a good person with a big heart, and it really frosts me that so many refuse to see that anymore, I'm simply dismissed as a freak. NEWS FLASH TO ALL OF IGNORANT BIGOTS: I don't need you, I don't want you, you're doing me a favor by showing your true selves so that I can get away from you before I get dirty, and you can all go to hell as far as I'm concerned, because you're nothing to me too...I win, you lose, game over, now beat it because I have a life and you have nothing, deal with that.

Sorry for the rant, just was in the mood I guess. I'm really not bitter, I'm happy as a clam you know, because I have loved ones who are genuine, and I include all of you in that group, and I'll take that any day and be richer for it...you take care.

Karen Starlene

[Teresa Amina]

People are stupid. More than that, they are afraid. We challenge their entire concept of reality, no wonder they freak out and act stupid.

[Veris]

I'm sure everyone here would agree, we'll always be here for ya Karen! (I may not post much yet, but I can lurk up a storm!) ^_^

And I agree with you entirely. If your 'friends' turn tail and run when you tell them, then they weren't real friends to begin with. I told my ex, a very long time friend, not long ago, and she was very supportive, and she said the exact same thing to me when I brought it up to her that I haven't told 2 of my friends. (2 friends that we're both pretty close with)

So! The best way to 'out' an idiot or ignorant bigot, is to tell them who you really are!

Let's start a crusade! Outing them in public! ... or maybe not, but it was a fun thought :)

*hugs*

[SirTrey]

If you ever want to find out who your real friends are, all you have to do is tell them that you're a transsexual and that you're going to live your life as a woman from now on, and if you really want to make it interesting, then also tell them that you're going to have GRS. Let me first give you a little piece of advice, stand clear of the exits because you don't want to get run over in the stampede as just about everyone flees for their lives.

Yesterday my son got married, and out of politeness he invited his step-mom and her family. He was always nothing to her, he now considers Kat to be his mom. Anyway, I walked up to my ex brother-in-law and said hello, and he wouldn't even look at me, I guess I'm nothing to him now. Never mind that I was always courteous to him and the rest of that clan, now I don't exist, and for what? All because I look different now...I hope I never offended him in the past by wearing the wrong color, that would have been thoughtless and rude on my part.

Friends? Lost them all except for two...yeah, so friggin what that you were always there for me, whatever your name is now, you're a freak and I have a short memory, been a pleasure, do me a favor and lose my phone number if you please.

Does this bother me? Not the least, because now I have more true friends than they will ever hope to have, many of which are here. What I am though is disappointed, that people could be so shallow and full of hate, all because of what? Because I'm different is all, what a biggie there. NEWS FLASH TO ALL OF YOU IDIOTS: Guess what? Everyone on the face of the earth is different! I don't expect everyone to be like me, so why do they expect me to be like them? So sorry, but you're a bigot, not interested, now it's my turn to head for the exits.

I'm not perfect, not even close, but I'm a good person with a big heart, and it really frosts me that so many refuse to see that anymore, I'm simply dismissed as a freak. NEWS FLASH TO ALL OF IGNORANT BIGOTS: I don't need you, I don't want you, you're doing me a favor by showing your true selves so that I can get away from you before I get dirty, and you can all go to hell as far as I'm concerned, because you're nothing to me too...I win, you lose, game over, now beat it because I have a life and you have nothing, deal with that.

Sorry for the rant, just was in the mood I guess. I'm really not bitter, I'm happy as a clam you know, because I have loved ones who are genuine, and I include all of you in that group, and I'll take that any day and be richer for it...you take care.

Karen Starlene


:hugs: and :thumbsup: Hey Karen....You are completely ENTITLED to that mood....and everything you said here is right on the money....people don't get it....they judge that which they know NOTHING about....but they are, of course, entitled to THEIR lives, and certainly don't want YOU judging THEM because they are "normal"....I always have such issues with the word "normal"....What IS normal? Is it normal to be tall or to be short? Is it normal to be gay or straight? To like oatmeal or hate it? Republican or Democrat? You have such a great attitude....are talented and intelligent....you are a lovely person....and I would like to count MYSELF among your friends....You will never change bigoted idiots....but you have made the most important changes, those that really matter....that being doing what makes YOU happy....People are amazing....At the end of your life, you are the only one who will look back on it and be happy with what you made of it or NOT....The most judgemental person in the world isn't thinking about YOU or what you did with YOUR life....They will be thinking only of theirs....How sad that so many people live their lives to please others who will never even appreciate that they did that....Good for YOU that YOU are smart enough to realize that and have chosen to live your life YOUR way....You will be much happier for it, ultimately....**Trey**

[Cara Allen]

Karen,

I can tell you're angry, and it is understandable.

Didn't you have some idea that this would happen? You should have. Society is just not ready. What you are doing is still cutting edge, even in 2007. Gender roles are very, very much a part of how people identify with you. They don't know how to relate to you, now. The things your male friends shared with you were because you were part of that club, and that club does not include females. You very suddenly show up as something entirely different. In retrospect, it might have been different to have that conversation, male to male, over a long period of time. To my mind, that is what the transition period is for. Preparation would allow them to get at least used to the idea. It would also allow them to gracefully head for the exit, and allow you to know who is with you, and who is not. Before you started wearing a frock, you'd know who was ready, and who was not going to ever be ready.

A part of being us is that we have allways known. We have not been right with ourselves since the beginning. These others have been totally OK with who they are gender-speaking, and what sex they are is something that they have not invested any time thinking about, at all.

There is nothing else in society that would have be equivalent to what you are presenting to them. You could tell them that you were converting to Islam, and I doubt that it would have had the same heavy impact. You could tell them you were getting divorced. They all probably love your wife, and some would part company with you. But since there is a 50% divorce rate, many have accepted this as the way of things. How many transsexuals are there in the United States... 100-200,000? Most of them "head for the door," as soon as they transition. Most who do dissapear can afford things like facial surgery, etc. and will never be heard from, again. They are not there to fight the cause and you cannot blame them. It is a life draining fight, and people just want to be accepted and "fit in." This is a stealth fight with little battles being fought in homes and neighborhooods all around the country.

Know that the next time they see something on TV concerning transgenderism, they will watch. When they see an article in the newspaper, they will read it. You have brought the battle into their lives. They will consider the issue from a personal perspective now, and some of those that have dissed you may reconsider. All of them will at least know that this happens to real people, to people that you know and trust.

Give yourself credit for what you have accomplished for all the other transgendereds in the world.

Also remember that most people can count "real" friends on one hand. Others are just people that you like, but those types come and go through your life. The latter would probably have phased out in time anyway. Cherish the ones that accept you, forgive the ones that do not. Hate will eat you up, make you reclusive, prevent your inner growth.

Be happy that this stage is behind you. Get ready for the next step, and the next step, and the next.

Even years from now, long after this is transition is far behind you, you will be dealing with whole new discriminations, like inequality in pay, job discrimination, heck, walking into the auto repair shop will be a whole new experience.

You have chosen a very, very hard path. This is something that everyone of us must remember. Be grateful that your life allowed this for you, the chance to make yourself right. Be ready for the experience of a life time. To see exactly what is going on in society for the females of our species. It ain't easy. It takes a tough woman to make her way through the layers of bulls**t.

One of the negatives that we as "special people" have that becomes a positive is that all of our lives, we have been separate somehow. We were different in a way that always separated us, kept us apart from the rest of society. Use that now. Remember that you have one very strong personal trait. All of those years of independence, of self-support can be called on now. If you made it this far, you have that. Be strong, love.

[Calliope]

Yup, a nasty snub. I usually have too lucky a go of it but once in a while I get the zap and it's that 'surprise hurt' that digs in hard. Anger, righteousness, sorrow, then indifference - keep moving. Curious country we got, it's (considered) OK to have the freedom to choose religion (however unscientific, solipsistic or conspicuous) but, what?, not the freedom to choose gender (however unscientific, solipsistic or conspicuous)? Since, 'being female,' we're not 'supposed' to show our anger (which is really hurt) by hitting back (verbally or otherwise), that 'ladylike' circumscription provides a little reminder what we're sacrificed ... to become 'better' people. On the other hand, girls should kick ass. Sigh.
:bonk:

[Sandra]

Karen these people where never true friends if they were, then they would be standing by you now and still be you're friends.

Peole like this make me so sick they cannot nor do they want to accept what they probably know nothing about but think they know every thing there is to know.

[AmberTG]

Oh, I don't know, Calliope, my ex-wife was definitely a "kick ass and take names" kind of girl! She didn't take s**t from anyone! It did affect her when people were rude or mean, but she saved that for her private time. I could learn a thing or two from that!

Karen, I know how you feel, it kinda pisses you off when people you've known for a long time freak out and run for the door.
I haven't had that experience, simply because I've always been a bit of a loner, go figure, huh? I've always been the "black sheep" of the family also, but strangely enough, my ex mother-in-law has been quite accepting of the real me. Did I mention that she's only 9 years older then me?:heehee:
Yes, I married a younger woman! That didn't work out too good, for various reasons.
Anyway, I know the friends you find now will be better friends then your old guy friends, it's really nice to have friends to share things with, instead of just friends to do things with, if you know what I mean.

[GypsyKaren]

You know what's truly amazing? Everyone in the bride's family love me to death and have been nothing but kind to me. These are people who not only didn't know a thing about what kind of person I am inside, but also had never met a TS before and knew absolutley nothing about us, yet they were still able to open their eyes and their hearts and see mine. They get it, and you would kinda hope that others who knew you for many years would be able to do the same, but I guess not. Oh well, their loss, not mine, to bad, so sad.

Karen Starlene

[Joy Carter]

All the wise words have been pretty much said here Karen. My only advice is to just close the door and forget about them. :hugs:

[Maggie Kay]

Karen,
I totally agree with you. The reaction that people will exhibit is almost akin to panic. All the stuff about the state of society and our puritanical bent etc doesn't really cut it for me when it comes to friends and family. They know us and we are part of their lives. That they so willingly shun and exclude must mean that they never valued us to begin with. Would they do the same if you got a malady that is uncomfortable for them? I'll bet they would because the are SHALLOW people who have poor characters. They are the low life kind of people who would turn on a friend or family member in need. Being rejected is always hideously painful and I am so sad that you have had to endure this needless suffering. I want to share your burden and wish with all my heart that you will feel better soon.

[Sharon]

Well, you were probably already in the ****house with your former in-laws simply because you're the evil -ex now. You being TS just gave them an excuse to treat you like trash. It's their loss, Karen, although being treated like you were is still painful.


I'm not perfect, not even close, but I'm a good person with a big heart, and it really frosts me that so many refuse to see that anymore, I'm simply dismissed as a freak. NEWS FLASH TO ALL OF IGNORANT BIGOTS: I don't need you, I don't want you, you're doing me a favor by showing your true selves so that I can get away from you before I get dirty, and you can all go to hell as far as I'm concerned, because you're nothing to me too...I win, you lose, game over, now beat it because I have a life and you have nothing, deal with that.

But -- c'mon Karen -- how do you really feel? :p

Like you, and as you know, I have lost many former "friends" and family because of what I have become in their eyes. I don't have the "go to hell" attiitude with them, but I just feel sorry that they have chosen to forget why we once meant so much to one another, simply because they now have decided to view me as some sort of freak or deviant.


but I'm a good person with a big heart

And this is what matters. These ex-friends have lost someone very special. I almost feel pity for them.

[Siobhan Marie]

Karen, you rant away honey, it helps. Believe me it does. I can see from reading that, that you are very upset. I know you have a big heart, we all do and we love you for it. The ex-friends who don't want to know you? Well that's their loss not yours.

If it's of any comfort to you at all, prior to coming out I didn't have anyone I could truly call a friend and now I've got friends both on here and at work. I feel truly blessed for having the friends that I now have. I am only sorry that it took my coming out to find them. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

:hugs: Siobhán x

[kerrianna]

Well, like you said... this is where you really find out about people. Some dissapoint you because they are weaker than you thought, their fears and ignorance scare them so much they can't overcome it enough to even be civil. What, they think you're contagious? :rolleyes:

Bottom line - they don't get it, it scares them, and they are either too shallow or frightened to get beyond that or else you weren't so important to them that they'd make the effort to. Some may in the future you know. People can change - although they have to want to. In the meantime it is best to disconnect from them.

And what is great is some people surprise the hell out of you, show you what they are truly like and you discover your REAL friends in life.

I think you're moving into the place you need to be in your life and you're drawing in the people you need to be around and cutting the deadwood out is not a loss after all, it helps give you room to grow.

It just sucks to find out who's deadwood sometimes. But I like your attitude. You certainly are a feisty gal. :hugs::love:

[janelle]

Starting down that road too dear. & I too say the hell with them.
It is my belief that it is not me because I know exactly who & what I am, it is them because they are afraid that they may have a side to themselves they do not want to find. I almost feel sorry for them as if it happened to be like us they could have a wonderful life.
I am always here if you wish to chat. Take care sweetie.
Love, Janelle

[Priss]

Hi Karen.

I doubt there's much I can say to ease the pain of this. Know however that you are not alone... You can always come here and vent to us. The good news is that most of the friends you make as Karen, will probably never have a problem with this.

If we hang out at these sites long enough, we all hear the horror stories. When they say be prepaired to lose everything, it's just so hard to believe it. Once we come out of that closet and decide to do something about all this, that's when it starts, a piece of our old life at a time... No matter how much we know about all of it before hand, we don't expect it to happen to us. I guess that's what makes it so devastating when it does. We thought we knew those people, but how easily they just cast us aside.

The important thing I believe is that we keep a door open for these people. Yeah, they hurt us badly when they turn their backs on us, but everybody deserves a second chance and maybe even a third chance. I find myself inclined to let them make the effort to repair the relationship however. Given enough time, some people will come around. So far I've found my open door to be seldom knocked on though.

[GypsyKaren]

Here's a real good one that still gives me a chuckle...the guy who was my 2nd best friend in the world, who is bi and has no problems with having sex with men (which was never a concern to me), or cheating on his wife, dropped me like a man hole cover...go figure.

Anyways, I'm not mad at the treatment because it does separate the suds from the beer, plus I'm a big girl now and have dealt with far worse in my life. It's just that I despise people who are closed minded, bigots, haters, or ignorant by choice, I have no use for them, and it really bothers me to no end that such things are still so relevant in society today.I had really hoped that more had grown away from such nonsense, was I ever disappointed.

Karen Starlene

[Cherry Lynn]

Here's a real good one that still gives me a chuckle...the guy who was my 2nd best friend in the world, who is bi and has no problems with having sex with men (which was never a concern to me), or cheating on his wife, dropped me like a man hole cover...go figure.


Karen Starlene

Hi Karen, sorry you were treated as such. It never ceases to amaze me how some people like your 2nd best friend who live an alternative lifestyle tend to judge others if their lifestyle does not conform to what they think is "normal". Take care dear and I wish the best for you.

[BarbaraTalbot]

People are stupid.

My kids know this eternal truth by the acronym, P.A.S. rule. We use it all the time. The best thing about the median section of humankind is what fine cautionary examples they are!



You know what's truly amazing? Everyone in the bride's family love me to death and have been nothing but kind to me. These are people who not only didn't know a thing about what kind of person I am inside, but also had never met a TS before and knew absolutley nothing about us, yet they were still able to open their eyes and their hearts and see mine. They get it...., Karen Starlene

People abhor change. These great people got to see you as you, and understandably liked what they say.They were unencumbered by the need to allow change in another person. People are dynamic, not static.


.... dropped me like a man hole cover...

This gave me a sophmoric giggle!

Chin up, woman, you are better than your treatment in the world. As you know.

[melissaK]

Well now. What is there still to be said?

You have a good soul. Maybe keep the doors open to any who might offer to come back into your world, especially your son. After all, it takes a lot of time for acceptance of a gender change to happen, even to those of us who feel it within us every single waking day of our life.

extra hugs,
'lissa

[GypsyKaren]

Maybe keep the doors open to any who might offer to come back into your world, especially your son.

You misunderstand, my son has absolutely no problems with me at all, as a matter of fact he's been totally awesome about it. As for the rest, I've somehow managed to survive without them, and I don't want or need them back.

Karen Starlene

[Marla S]

Be careful not to win the lottery jackpot.
They all, and more, will come back.

[melissaK]

You misunderstand, my son has absolutely no problems with me at all, as a matter of fact he's been totally awesome about it. As for the rest, I've somehow managed to survive without them, and I don't want or need them back.

Karen Starlene Yes. Sorry. Meant your brother-in-law. Posting in the middle of the night does seem to increase errors . . .

[dancinginthedark]

[...]
Know that the next time they see something on TV concerning transgenderism, they will watch. When they see an article in the newspaper, they will read it. You have brought the battle into their lives. They will consider the issue from a personal perspective now, and some of those that have dissed you may reconsider. All of them will at least know that this happens to real people, to people that you know and trust.[...]

Cara says it much better than I.

Sis I know you didn't start out life thinking, "Hey, I'm gonna change this old world and how it feels about things!" But that is what you have done. It's alot to wrap your mind around, but hun you'll never really know all the lives you have touched and yup changed. And I like to think for the better. Those who shunned you and turned their backs on you--well, I wonder just how many will later regret that and come to see you and others that society see as different in a whole new light. You gave a concept they never really considered something it needed, A FACE.

And I don't think you were just mad about this Sis. Anger is an emotion we often show the world when we hurt so damn much. Better to be pissed off and write the idiots off than to cry has often been my motto too. :o :hugs: I'm glad to know you are moving on and letting it go. You've grown in more ways than many folks have ever dreamed of. I'm so proud of you.

:love:

hugs,
Mae

[KrazyKat]

Personally, this is something that helps me grow, when you think people are your "friends" and drop you because of what is "different" that they are not strong enough to tolerate because they are scared of what people think!! :(

I really get angry when people pretend to be all supportive of an "alternate" lifestyle, but are masking their true feelings, and when they are in a bad place or feeling vulnerable or something, they choose to strike out and show you how the really feel!!:mad:

This is like, I support you, I understand, I care about you:love:

and then

You're a freak, you don't know anything about me and my pain, how dare you compare yourself to me and my kind!!:Angry3:

That's a deeper kind of hurt and difficult to witness happening to someone you love and support!!

Are people just mean and idiots to make us stronger!!??:hugs:

[Cara Allen]

You're a freak, you don't know anything about me and my pain, how dare you compare yourself to me and my kind!!:Angry3:

That's a deeper kind of hurt and difficult to witness happening to someone you love and support!!

Are people just mean and idiots to make us stronger!!??:hugs:

I think so... Having been the recipient of that "me and my pain" thing lately, I can attest that it hurts to hear it. Thanks for vocalizing, Kat.

PS You are one HOT dude! I saw your profile.... (kisses)

[MJ]

Karen
i feel your pain, as that happened to me , my family live no more than 40 minutes away .. and in my 3 years they never call or ever visit , or have anything to do with me ..
i have made new friends who accept me for who i am ..
but to yourself be true .. you have Kat and soon a new you :D and your friends here

[GypsyKaren]

Thanks for vocalizing, Kat.

PS You are one HOT dude! I saw your profile.... (kisses)

My Kat is not a hot dude, she's a hot babe of the hottest magnitude. :heehee:

Karen Starlene

[KrazyKat]

Be careful not to win the lottery jackpot.
They all, and more, will come back.

WOW, Marla, isn't this so sad and true!! I've heard it can be like the movie, "Night Of The Living Dead" !!