Looks like it is time...

[angelfire]

Alright, so it looks as though I don't have much of a choice now, I pretty much have to tell my mother about my crossdressing, and likely tonight, whether I like it or not.

I recently (well, a month ago) ordered a pair of shoes online before my parents left on vacation, and expected them to arrive before they got back, and well, that didn't happen. So today it finally arrives. Now, it said it would be discreet, but it says "used shoes". So I was at work when it came in, and my mom signed for it I guess. Then she tells me I have it, and says "Why did you buy used shoes?" and I play dumb and say "Uhhh...I didn't." my dad says "Maybe it just says that so there is no customs." so go with that and say "Could be some books I ordered". My mom says it definitely felt like shoes.

So i come down to my room and look at the package. My mom wants me to open it to see what they look like. I say no. She instantly thinks something is wrong, mainly, that I ordered something illegal. I assure her otherwise, but she says something isn't right and still wants to see it. I say it is my package, and I will open it when I feel like it. She says I'll have to show her later.

So now I'm stuck between a rock & a hard place. I wasn't ready to tell her yet, because I've still been searching as to how to go about it, but if I don't, I have a feeling she will search my room for contraband or something, and find more than she bargained for. Either that, or she will continue to bother me until I show her. Now, I could show her a couple books, and say I just got them, and hope she hasn't seen them lying around and figure it out, but I really don't want to perpetuate this lie.

So, it looks like I have to come clean and tell her, and stop lying. Any advice would be much appreciate. Wish me luck, I'll need it.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Slowly, no little white lies, and be ready for some tough questions.


Emily Ann

[Veronica Fallon]

Wow Angel, tough spot indeed!
I'm not the best to offer advice in this case as I've only outed myself to GF's so far in my life as a crossdresser. But I can tell you what I rely on when I'm in a situation & don't know exactly how to move through it. I try to shut off my mind & allow my heart to come forth & present an idea. When it works, it always turns out to have been the best way.

I doubt this makes much sense, so I hope someone else offers you more tangible advice. Oh, & the very best of luck to you dear!!

Peace, Luv, & Rabbit Feet,

Veronica

P.S.- Please let us know how it turns out for you, OK??

[PaulaJaneThomas]

It sounds like it's time to take the bull by the horns. It'll probably be quite a shock to them. Just remember to stay calm, open and honest.

[Lisa Golightly]

Just show them some second hand shoes... Unless you want to tell them of course...

[Nancy A]

Just say they sent the wrong shoes, and show her. Or you can tell her the truth.

[christina marie]

you know mom better than most anybody. sounds like you already know what you have to do. chances are, if she's that inquisitive, she probably already knows. go slow and tell the truth. not the easiest path, but always the safest! my mom was totally cool about it when i came out to her, and not the slightest bit surprised. certainly not the reaction i expected. i know this is a tough one, and i really hope everything turns out well for you. good luck!

[RobertaFermina]

Having a litte tension between you and your mother can be OK.
She has other reasons to love you than how obedient you are.
As time passes and you are not doing whatever she fears you are with whatever she imagines is in that package. she should come around to letting the issue go.
As a man, there will be a time to cut the apron strings...even as a woman.

So why give in ?

Show her an empty shoe box and say the dog ate it with your best deadpan.
Assure her that you love her and wouldn't be doing anything that would harm you or disrespect her home. That should be enough to reassure her, once she comes down to earth again.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Elsbeth]

Well, honesty is probably the best policy. But.....

Haloween is just around the corner. Perhaps they are for a Haloween costume you are thinking of putting together.

Witch? Glam Rock Star?

Hope it all turns out well.

El

[Glenda58]

Show Mom the shoe NO lying about it. Then tell Mom you want to dress up. You are her child she will love no matter what you do. Ask her if you should tell Dad let her work with you. I know I have been there. If you lie you will trap yourself one-day then all heck will break out.

[angelfire]

Show Mom the shoe NO lying about it. Then tell Mom you want to dress up. You are her child she will love no matter what you do. Ask her if you should tell Dad let her work with you. I know I have been there. If you lie you will trap yourself one-day then all heck will break out.

Well, it has just been a matter of time. I did intend to come out to her anyway, I just hadn't worked out how to go about it. No time like the present I guess. I don't want to tell my dad yet, so I am waiting for him to go to bed so I could talk to her more privately, and then maybe have her help me break it to him. I still don't really know how I'm going to do it, but I pride myself on being honest, and for too long I have been lying about it.

I know she will be accepting, but I know her first recommendation will be "there are drugs that can help cure it." or "We can get you therapy", neither of which I have any desire to do. This is who I am, and I know there is no 'cure', so I'll just have to live my life as I am, and she will just have to accept it.

[Darla in Pa.]

Bite the bullet and come clean, Chances are she knows allready, as a parent myself, of two boys 25 & 19 I know when they are lieing and I'm sure my father did to, So good luck and go with your gut feeling Been there

[Carin]

I told my 20YO son (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=66645) last week. Telling one's son is definately different that telling your mother I know. However, a similar approach might be a good place to start. You could take two minutes to briefly explain Gender Identity - the gender spectrum, then tell her you are in there somewhere.

She is your mother. She will take charge of the conversation from there.

Whatever way you do it - Good Luck.

[angelfire]

Okay, so I just did it. I told my mom. And since I know everyone wants to know how it went, I guess I'll share.

She came downstairs again and asked about the box, and again, wanted me to open it infront of her. I said no, and she asked if I had a shoe fetish. I told her to come downstairs because I had something to tell her. We went downstairs, and then since I couldn't think straight, I just basically blurted out that I'm a crossdresser.

At first, she just kind of stared at me for a good minute without saying anything. She has been under alot of stress lately, and I didn't want to add to it, but she was giving me little choice. She asked me if I was gay, and I said no. She then said "I think your father needs to hear this." so he came down and we all talked. She asked if I have been out as a woman, and I said no.

Asked how long I knew, and I said "For a few years.", which upset her, because she has always said I could talk about anything with her. I explained that I wasn't comfortable with myself until recently, and had to think about how to approach the subject.

She asked if anyone else knows, and I said no, except for friends online who are also CDers.

She asked if I have ever been out, and I said no. Then asked if I wanted to go out, and I said "Well, not right now, but maybe eventually." She said her main concern was me getting hurt or killed for being out in public like that. She also said if I want to go out dressed, I must be doing it to attract men. I said "No, I just want to be me." So she came to the conclusion that I am bi, which I guess I am bi-curious. Never been with a guy, but wouldn't be a against it.

She asked if I have female clothes, to which I answered I did. She said "I've never seen them", so I guess my stash was in a better spot than I thought.

My mom gets exchange students from other countries, so she was worried about me walking around the house like that, and asked that I didn't. I told her I respect her job, and would never endanger it or make anyone uncomfortable.

She is having company from out of town over in about a months and a half, and was afraid I might walk out in drag infront of them. My dad added in, "Well, he hasn't done it before, so I doubt he do it then.", and like I said before, I wouldn't make anyone uncomfortable.

They asked how my friends would react, and I said "Quite honestly, some would be cool with it, and some would probably cease being my friend. I don't intend on telling anyone else yet."

She told me to make sure I wash my clothes, and if I need them washed, to let her know so I can have some privacy to do it.

They both said no matter what they love me and accept me, because I have to be who I really am. But she said I shouldn't tell anyone else, and I told her "I know.", as she is afraid it could be dangerous. Just a mother worrying I guess.

So, I'm still alive, its gunna take some time for them to digest it, so I'm gunna take things slow.

I would also like to thank all the girls on this board. You have all helped me progress so much faster than I would have without you, and given such good advice. I am comfortable with who I am today because of everyone here. Without you all, I'd be lost. :hugs:

Thanks for everything, and especially the support.

[janet1234]

Tell her, explain carefully your feelings. Your parents can take it more easily than a spouse, a child, or a gf. They are not going to divorce you, I doubt they will cast you out. But, you know your parents, we don't, good luck.

[MJ]

i am glad it went well for you , i am sure your mum will have more questions for you just be honest and you should be fine

[arani5879]

I am glad things went well. My mom is one I certainly dont have the courage to tell just yet.

[celtic.blue.eyes]

Wow, that must have been quite an ordeal. Your folks sound pretty cool. But you can be sure they will worry a lot for some time to come. So before you go to bed tonight, tell you mom you have something else to tell her.... not to worry, and that you love her. It will go a long way!

[sterling12]

Okay, so I just did it. I told my mom. And since I know everyone wants to know how it went, I guess I'll share.

She came downstairs again and asked about the box, and again, wanted me to open it infront of her. I said no, and she asked if I had a shoe fetish. I told her to come downstairs because I had something to tell her. We went downstairs, and then since I couldn't think straight, I just basically blurted out that I'm a crossdresser.

At first, she just kind of stared at me for a good minute without saying anything. She has been under alot of stress lately, and I didn't want to add to it, but she was giving me little choice. She asked me if I was gay, and I said no. She then said "I think your father needs to hear this." so he came down and we all talked. She asked if I have been out as a woman, and I said no.

Asked how long I knew, and I said "For a few years.", which upset her, because she has always said I could talk about anything with her. I explained that I wasn't comfortable with myself until recently, and had to think about how to approach the subject.

She asked if anyone else knows, and I said no, except for friends online who are also CDers.

She asked if I have ever been out, and I said no. Then asked if I wanted to go out, and I said "Well, not right now, but maybe eventually." She said her main concern was me getting hurt or killed for being out in public like that. She also said if I want to go out dressed, I must be doing it to attract men. I said "No, I just want to be me." So she came to the conclusion that I am bi, which I guess I am bi-curious. Never been with a guy, but wouldn't be a against it.

She asked if I have female clothes, to which I answered I did. She said "I've never seen them", so I guess my stash was in a better spot than I thought.

My mom gets exchange students from other countries, so she was worried about me walking around the house like that, and asked that I didn't. I told her I respect her job, and would never endanger it or make anyone uncomfortable.

She is having company from out of town over in about a months and a half, and was afraid I might walk out in drag infront of them. My dad added in, "Well, he hasn't done it before, so I doubt he do it then.", and like I said before, I wouldn't make anyone uncomfortable.

They asked how my friends would react, and I said "Quite honestly, some would be cool with it, and some would probably cease being my friend. I don't intend on telling anyone else yet."

She told me to make sure I wash my clothes, and if I need them washed, to let her know so I can have some privacy to do it.

They both said no matter what they love me and accept me, because I have to be who I really am. But she said I shouldn't tell anyone else, and I told her "I know.", as she is afraid it could be dangerous. Just a mother worrying I guess.

So, I'm still alive, its gunna take some time for them to digest it, so I'm gunna take things slow.

I would also like to thank all the girls on this board. You have all helped me progress so much faster than I would have without you, and given such good advice. I am comfortable with who I am today because of everyone here. Without you all, I'd be lost. :hugs:

Thanks for everything, and especially the support.

Well, the Cat's out of The Bag! It may not seem like it, but I imagine in a few days you will feel quite a bit better about this. Joanie has had to keep secrets all of her life, and it's pretty miserable. I so wish my mother and I could have talked things out, but now she's gone.

Your Mom had a lot of usual and practical questions. Your parents will probably never be overly supportive, but they don't sound like they are super antagonistic either. You seem to have the right ideas. Respect their wishes that you be discreet, honor their home, and be a good son/daughter.

Considering some of the Horror Stories that we have heard.....it certainly could have been so much worse! Good luck Hun....you did the right thing.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Mary Morgan]

Congratulations. You have to feel good about telling them and about their reaction to you. I think all will be well for you and that this make your path much easierto travel. Good for you.

[CharleneCD]

I am glad things turned out well. either way though, you did the right thing. Having lies and mistrust with your parents is not a good thing. The best thing of all is if they grow in acceptance you may find some spetial fem gifts under the tree some year. Well maybe not under the tree......

[Sugar]

Thanks for sharing how it turned out. That's one heavy load that you're rid of.

Now, do the shoes fit?

[Staci]

You always have to do what is right for you and the situation no matter what the topic. It sounds like you handled this well and your parents certainly deserve some kudos for listening and responding as they did. They certainly love their son. You are a lucky girl.

[DeeInGeorgia]

I have to say Congratulations girl!

Dee

[Jazzmine]

Congratulations! You're parents are pretty cool! And you're very brave.
The reward is that you now can be accepted by your parents as your true self - and that's a true gift!
Once you have shown them you are still you but more than they anticipated, I think your relationship will get stronger.
Well done!
Hugs Jazzmine
PS Get that stash out of hiding and make a place for it in your wardrobe - you never know, your mom might help you choose your next dress!

[Miss Petra]

Now Angelfire dont you just feel better that you longer have that secret to hide from your parents. Coming out is the hardest but the best thing we can do for ourselves, but there can be some serious ramifications.

I am so happy it went well for you.:D

Petra

[angelfire]

Thanks again everyone. And yes, the shoes fit. They would be my first pair of heels, so it'll take some practice. I think one of the other great things, is now I don't have to worry about them questioning my packages, so I don't have to worry so much about discreetness. So I can order wigs and forms online when I'm ready, not not have to hide and worry about them finding out.

And for now, I'll leave my stash in semi-hiding. Nothing in the closest, in case I do have friends over who are nosey. Best to leave it at least somewhat discreet, at least for now.

[Mollyanne]

Hi Anglefire, I'm really glad that things turned out well for you. I'm sure you were as surprised as your folks were when the truth came out all at once. Its much better to be honest and "up front" in the very beginning then to have the truth linger behind a lie. When you do decide to tell your friends you WILL discover who your friends really are!!!! Just go slow for now, don't become to impatient with your situation and enjoy your newfound femininity, it is most satisfying and enjoyable!!!!


:love: Mollyanne

[Veronica Fallon]

A big congratulations to you Jessica!! :thumbup::yahoo:
You must be feeling so relieved to be rid of all that secrecy & fear! Tell your parents that all of us here are very proud of your honesty & courage, & we're proud of them for instilling both qualities in you, & for being so loving & open-minded about this new "layer" of you!

Now... just watch out for that insidious "pink fog"!! :p

Peace, Luv, & Freedom,

Veronica

[DonnaT]

Congratulations Jessica.

You know, it sounds to me like your dad took it better than your mom.

[Sweet Cindy]

Glad to hear it went so well, Jessica - thanks for sharing your story. Congratulations!

So, what's the next purchase?

Cindy

[Rachel Schaedel]

Congrats Girl!

I am sure we are all just as relieved for you. I know it was super hard and very emotional. The best thing you did was not to lie about it. Now it will be a whole lot easier to have your parents on board. Take it slow and ask for help from mom when the going gets tough. She has probably been through it already. We're all here for you and I bet some of us wish we had had the same situation work as well for us when we were younger.

Good luck dear,

Hugs,

Rachel

[Mitch23]

thank you for sharing that - i feel very honoured to be your friend

mitch

[christina marie]

way 2 go Jessica! i was really hoping things would turn out well for you. the truth will always set you free! go slow on those new heels hon, we dont want to start a new chapter in life with a sprained ankle!
smoochies, christina

[CamillaCD]

I am glad it turned out well. You seem to have made the necessary agreements to make it easier for your parents to accept the real you. Just find out how much they want to be involved and respect their wishes and you will have a great time.

[Michelle04240]

It's always nice to hear a situation like that go well. Congrats, and good luck in the future.

[angelfire]

I have to say it once again, thanks to everyone here.

I found it weird how shocked my mom was. I thought she already knew or had a hunch, but she said she had no idea. My dad didn't either, and actually didn't even know what 'crossdresser' meant. He didn't really have any questions.

I've worn the heels a few times in the past day. My first pair, and the are 3 inches, but I don't find them that bad. I'm sure extended periods would be bad though.

Next purchase? Well, I was happy with the way it went, so I went shopping today. Even tried stuff on (only done it twice before, and only with jeans. This time, tried on a top and a skirt, and 2 pairs of jeans.) Having the support of my parents has definitely boosted my confidence.