Would being labeled as gay be that bad?

[battybattybats]

O.K. So many people still think CDs are all gay.

Is that so bad?
Sure it's easy to be upset at being thought to be something you're not but, if you could be accepted as a CD, if you could go out in public dressed without concern for violence or discrimination but strangers assumed you were gay, would that be so bad?

Eventually close friends would learn you weren't gay. Your family would learn you weren't gay and eventually everyone you knew would learn it.

If you could be out and accepted but people thought at first that you were gay would it be worth it?

Is it just that we don't want to be misconstrued, is it that we don't want to bear the burden of anit-gay prejudice on top of anti-TG prejudice, is it that we fear our chances with women would be massively reduced or lost totally (isn't that already a worry at the moment?) or is there some degree of remnant homophobia that leads us to be so strident in our heterosexuality?

[noname]

I'm sure there have been people that have seen me and thought, another flaming homo. I don't care, I'm secure in myself and know I'm not gay. They may think I am, but does it really matter what they think. Besides, I know they are wrong.

[Brianna Lovely]

Despite the claims of "Gay Rights", I think that most Gay people are hated by the average "straight" person. Thus the fear of CDers being labeled as Gay.

On a side note, it seems to me, that most Gay people think Cders are "straight, married, republican, right-wing Bible thumpers, who can't be trusted".

As for personal experience, I was attending a Gay event and had a man, who I've known for four years, come up to me and whisper, "Your outfit looks very nice. By the way, I thought you were Gay. I didn't know you were one of
those people.' (CDs) And he's never talked to me again.

[Jillm]

From everything I read and know, gay people have more rights and acceptance than cders. Some people may not like people that are gay but I think they still accept them. I also think it is easier to discriminate against a cder than it is a gay person. The company I work for, found out an employee was gay. The management staff (I am a manager) was told we were not aloud to displace him, they told us he is a permanent employee, short of committing a crime at work, and then they will need to talk to the legal department before they take any action. I guarantee that if they found out I was a cder they would find some kind of reason to fire me, late to work, to long of lunch, no longer productive in my position or some bs like that. I think being labeled gay in today’s society is better accepted than being labeled a cder, but I’m still proud to be labeled a cder. Just my 2 cents.
Jill

[Kristen Kelly]

I am not out at work but I know many think I am gay or Bi, (guess its's the long hair and earrings) we have had 2 openly gay women working in the office and I feel that is more accepted than a CD would be, by the comments I do recieve at times.

[Veronica Fallon]

Well, I'm bi so it doesn't matter a helluva lot if people think I'm gay. I think what bothers me most about people's judgments towards crossdressers is that they consider us to be much less than either men or women. I hate that they see us as [B]"defective" & "sick".

If they only knew that we are statistically among the highest I.Q.'s around, & are stronger than them in many ways because of being crossdressers in an intolerant society. If only they knew what all we had to offer such a weak, fearful society!

Hugz,

Veronica

[Suzy Harrison]

To be honest the gay crowd is okay (in Aus anyway).

I went to a gay nightclub (as Suzy) with a friend some years ago in Melbourne. I found them all very friendly, very accepting, non judgemental and very good humoured. In fact the atmosphere in the club was much better and relaxed than a 'normal' club. I found them all very likeable even though I wasn't interested in being picked up by any of them.

In Australia most people are very tolerant of gays and also other minorities.

The general feeling here is everyone is entitled to 'a fair go'

[MarinaTwelve200]

I have nothing against gays, but I have enough other (unrelated) problems without having to deal with having to take on the additional social burdens associated with being considered something I am NOT.

Also, to quietly accept and not challenge that you may be mistakenly considered gay, in MY opinion, only aggrivates and supports the CD=Gay stereotype.

Besides, if you think about, it would you want to be represented in the public eye by a person who wasn"t even in your group? I can see why this would disturb gays---- a "crazy, outragous" CD could be an embarrasment to gays if the public concidered the CD as one of them.

[Suzie Green]

I have 2 gay male friends and 4 lesbian friends and none of them think any differently of me than they think of other people, gay or straight. Maybe I just happened to pick cool friends, but the gay, straight, or CD labels never come up nor are they even insinuated in conversation. We're all just "people" and because of that, I feel pretty fortunate to call them "best friends." To answer the original question though, if someone thought I was gay, that would be OK with me, since I'm comfortable in knowing that I am a happily married straight person, and other people's perceptions don't matter much. So if it helped people accept me as a CD, sure, I don't care what people think. I'm comfortable in my own skin. :2c:

[Kate Simmons]

Whatever floats their boat Batty. Makes no never mind to me. A lot of people need a label to paste on everyone, so let them knock themselves out I say. I know who and what I am and so do most of my friends. Some folks simply cannot deal with the concept of a guy wearing a dress or presenting en femme without needing some kind of definate conclusion. It makes their world easier I guess and doesn't require much thought or , perish forbid, actually getting to know you as a person. Labels are a dime a dozen, people are unique and their value as such goes way beyond any classification. In a pure sense gay means happy anyway and most of us are happy when we can be ourselves, our persuasion notwithstanding. Works for me.:happy:

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

I am a strong advocate of gay rights up to and including gay marriage. But classifying t girls as gays does nothing for either gay rights or tg rights. Misunderstanding a cause does not lend clarity to issues surrounding it.

[Vicky_Scot]

O.K. So many people still think CDs are all gay.

Is that so bad?


Yes it is because I am not gay.

And in my experience the majority of the gay community tolerate us but do not accept us.

We are only tagged onto the end of the gay scene because those that label us "society" do not know where to put us.

People also think we are wierdo's, perverts or childmolesters........are you still asking is that so bad?

[Genevera]

The most homophobic people I know are CD's (at least here in Utah, part of the reason I lost my respect for triple letter sororities) (never paint with a broad brush). This is already a homophobic area and CD's don't want to be associated with or mistaken for gays. (Although they will frequent Gay Bars so they can go out dressed (Go Figure)

It was the Drag queens who stood at Stonewall, yet the Gay community has an uneasy tolerence for Drag Queens and Crossdressers. Even though the Royal Court is instrumental in Gay Charities, and Drag Shows are popular fund raisers there is a rift between the Queens and the Masculine or Male Gays. Although they share the same club areas, bathrooms and there is no overt hostility, they tend to socially stay somewhat aloof of each other. That is not to say there is no comraderie between them, but it is not a universal comraderie.

[loki_uk]

People who don't know me do assume I'm gay if they see me dressed, and as long as they don't get violent or can't take no for an answer it doesnt bother me

[Ashly]

....as long as people leave me alone. There is nothing offensive for me if someone think I am gay.

[LeeAnn_cd]

I don't care what people think I know the truth and thats all that counts. As long as there is no problems let them think what they want.

[angelfire]

My main concern would be lowering my chances with women in general.

What I found interesting last weekend, was I was with a few friends and got started talking about a gay bar one of the GGs frequents. One of the gay guys who was with us was like "Ew, I'm gay and I don't even like that bar. Too many drag queens." and the GG said "Awww, but I love watching drag queens. And there is this one who is actually straight, and married with kids, and they all come out to her shows."

They seemed to shocked that there could be a drag queen who was straight. I kind of stayed out of the conversation, as I was a little drunk and didn't want to accidentally out myself.

But like others have said, Gays are generally better accepted than TGs. Alot of my friends are cool with gay people, but they see a TG and they go wide eyed and say something like "Man, some people are messed up."

[Linda C]

Some are - some are not - just like the non-dressing population. To me dressing makes me feel closer to women not men. I am not gay but I do support gay rights - "not just because of this little rant">>> I can't stand all of those macho dick head dudes that are out there and I will do anything to piss them off!!:devil:

[MsJanessa]

no---It doens't bother Me a bit!

[sterling12]

So, if you appear to be feminine at work and they assume your gay....is this a good thing?

I'm in management too, and I've heard the same thing, as stated earlier: "Leave that employee alone, he's gay and we don't want a lawsuit." Talk about job security!

And, many here don't think we need laws on the books that protect Gender Variant People....certainly not true if your a "worker bee." See how well it works for The Gay Community.

To answer your question, wouldn't it be a great world if we didn't indulge in "tagging" people with pseudo identities. Rather than being thought of as Gay or Straight, I would like to just be Joanie. Bet you would like to just be Sally, or Deidre, or Becky, or David......

Peace and Love, Joanie

[flatlander_48]

Speaking from the perspective of a bisexual:

You have to remember that the door is open as the phrase is Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgendered, However, it seems than MANY crossdressers don't view themselves as transgendered. The thought process seems to be folks think of themselves as genetic heterosexual males who just happen to like women's clothes. While I respect that and would not challenge it, I do wonder about it because it is easy to feel no alignment with LGBT folks. I suspect it would be better for all concerned if crossdressers did consider themselves part of the community. As long as various factions of the community are separated, it is much more difficult to move forward and gain acceptance and respect.

[annekathleen]

I thought this topic usually brings out the paranoia of some members.
Obviously we are ALL crossdressers, to some degee,
Some of us are "out of the closet" some of us are still hiding in there.
Some of us have significant others who know of our crossdressing,
( some are accepting, some are tolerant )
Some of us have significant others who have no clue about our dressing.
And yes, some of us, might be straight, might be bi, or might be gay.
Let's just accept each other,

[Stephenie S]

I think it's our own rabid homophobia that makes us so afraid or unwilling to be labeled as gay. I have experienced a great deal of homophobia in the CD community as a whole. So many say, "Oh, I'm not gay, but I really want to experience love with another man while dressed". OK, if that's not homosexual behavior, what is?

Stephenie

[Mary Morgan]

I don't really care what anyone labels me. Truth is, I never did care for myself, I cared because of the impact people's thoughts might have on my family. I suppose it is necessary to define terms if we are going to consider other people's opinions. For example, I am married, absolutely love women, don't particularly feel anything for men. As a transgender and a crossdresser, I suppose loving women makes me gay, or lesbian if you prefer. The point is, we all use terms to mean different things and so communication becomes more difficult. If you are saying that it is easier if you love another man and be accepted in society, that may be so simply because of the exposure that gays have had and the battles they have fought and won. When we have had the courage to fight those same battles, we'll be better able to answer your question.

[Toyah]

Errrrr yes coz I am not
To be honest it doesnt bother me what anyone wants to do in bed as long as they dont include me in it (take note them that have tried ) to be honest I think I am celabate and to be honest it is not worth the effort to be any different

[Wendy me]

no not at all if you were.... just as if you were you would not want to be called straight would you???........

[Xandra]

People seem to like labels; consequently, a cross dresser - who to the uninformed may be difficult to define as either gay or straight - just has to fit somewhere. A lot of people may feel that if you are a man who likes to dress as a woman, then you must be gay. It’s a label, and like all labels there is often accompanying baggage.

Personally, it doesn’t bother me as I seem to fall into various categories so if someone thinks I am gay then all power to ‘em!

[AmberTG]

If someone chooses to see me as gay, be it an aquaintance or stranger, that's their problem, not mine. I've been called gay many times in the past. I prefer the company of women, but then I prefer the company of women socially also. I have gay aquaintances and I have straight aquaintances, to me, they're all just people. The only people I worry about are the serious homophobes who could become violent toward me, I stay out of places that people like that tend to go. I've had enough experience with that in the past, even when I was married with young kids.
I've found that some of the most rabid homophobes are "good Christian" fundamental Baptists, my ex father-in-law being one of those. A lot of the people in his church seem to have the same attitude toward gay and trans people. They are taught that brand of poison from a young age.
What I've discovered about homophobia in America is that it's largely silent, much like racial bigotry. It's there like an iceberg, you only see what's on the surface, not the huge mass that's hidden under the water of political correctness.
Will this ever change? I don't know!

[trannie T]

There is nothing wrong with being gay.
There is nothing wrong with being a crossdresser.
I prefer not to be considered as gay because I am not gay, but a heterosexual crossdresser.

[LilSissyStevie]

No.

I've already been down that road. When I was a lot younger I was considered quite good looking by most females but I was so shy and unconfident I never pursued them even when they were giving me an obvious green light. I also usually rebuffed the advances of the more aggressive girls because I was so afraid of being a disappointment to them. It didn't take long for it to get around that I must be gay since any "normal" guy would love to have my situation. I never denied it.

When I lived in Baltimore back in the '70s most of my friends and acquaintances were gay or TS. It didn't bother me that the straights thought I was one of the gays. It took the pressure off me so that I didn't have to deal with my paralyzing fear of women. It was a lot easier to turn down the gay guys that hit on me since I really wasn't interested.

I eventually got over my extreme self-centeredness which is why I don't worry too much about what people think of me. I'm not trying to change anybody's attitude. If I spend the rest of my life working on my own attitudes, I will still run out of time before the job is done. I don't have time to change the world.

[Joy Carter]

I don't care what you think. Just don't touch me!

[BarbaraTalbot]

...and that one has absolutely as much to do with each other as eye color and liking peanut butter; I would have to say it isn't bad..it makes no difference what people think about orientation.

People assume. They are often silly in what they base their assumptions on.

When Dee and I got engaged several of her friends who also knew me since we all worked together exclaimed, "But isn't he gay?!".

Near as I can tell, they assumed I was gay, because girls were often friendly in a non-flirty way with me (not by my preference mind you), I was skinny, and wore ties when they were not required.

There was a HUGE actually open gay community in this large corporate space. Human resources and 50% (or more) of those promoted were openly gay. None of my gay friends even ever suggested the most remote possibility that I was even bi, much less gay. A gay friend explained, no gay man wears black wingtips with everything. (I now cleverly wear brown tasseled loafers with everything, I haven't run this sartorial choice by a "Carson" yet.) Dee explained that also: black and white checked pants, while super-keen by themselves did NOT go with a striped oxford.

[Satrana]

or is there some degree of remnant homophobia that leads us to be so strident in our heterosexuality?

Yes. Homophobia is a key component of a boy's conditioning. Sometimes it is taught directly, sometimes subtly, but by the time boys mature into men we all understand the necessity of sending out strong signals that we are heterosexual through and through.

Even if consciously you have nothing against gays, subconsciously you are glad to be heterosexual (assuming you are). I believe this is why so many CDs reject the man in a skirt look for themselves, it just makes them uncomfortable that they would be perceived as being gay. By emulating women, we escape this problem by conforming to normal heterosexual expectations.

[TxKimberly]

I am constantly surprised at how many of us are almost militant about not being thought of as gay. You would think that of all people, WE would be a little less quick to point fingers or throw stones. I myself suffer from this a bit I suppose, as it is the reason I told my older brother. After a visit home my mother told me that he asked her if I was gay. I prefered he know the truth and so I spoke to him and explained what I was, all because I didn't want him to think I may be gay.
These days I suppose my ego is a bit stronger than that and I really am not too concerned with what someone may think.

[Angie G]

I work with a lesbain nicest girl on earth in MHO gay is not a bad thing one could be worse so I don't think it would be that bad :hugs:
Angie

[arani5879]

Funny thing is that for some reason alot of people upon first meeting me think I am gay and they dont know I crossdress, those that know me know I am not and alot of them know I do crossdress so yeah. The world is a funny place well atleast utah is weird and backwards.

[Ruth]

The question makes me uncomfortable. I suppose the simple answer is no, being labeled as gay would not be that bad. I am not homophobic and I honestly don't see that a person's sexual orientation is an issue in normal social interaction. But there is also the factor that I know I'm a heterosexual man in the conventional sense of wanting sexual and emotional relations with women, not men. So being labeled as gay would feel like a case of mistaken identity. But then again, I like to present as a woman, and still feel attracted to women when en femme, so am I gay whilst dressed? I really don't know.
If so many people weren't obsessed with labels, it wouldn't matter either way.

[Melissa Pink]

It's a shame we have to label ourselves. I have always been pretty bisexual. As I've commented on previous posts I am more secure in my sexuality now than before my feminine side emerged. We all ought to just relax and enjoy our sexuality as it comes. No pun intended :heehee:

[Chrissy8888]

No it would not be that bad. Look I am who I am!!! In all honesty I do have bi-curious feelings. I have not really made serious attempts to fulfill them. That is who I am. So call me what you want. I don’t really care. When I first started getting deeper into cross dressing about 15 years ago I would have flipped at the prospect of somebody calling me gay. However the further I got into cross dressing and becoming what I consider more transgendered the more I just said, this is who I am. I really don’t care anymore. I don’t sit around telling people I dress, however if somebody asks, and a few have, I don’t deny it. People can tack on all the labels they want. I am who I am, ME!!!

[Rosaliy Lynne]

I am constantly surprised at how many of us are almost militant about not being thought of as gay. You would think that of all people, WE would be a little less quick to point fingers or throw stones. I myself suffer from this a bit I suppose, as it is the reason I told my older brother. After a visit home my mother told me that he asked her if I was gay. I prefered he know the truth and so I spoke to him and explained what I was, all because I didn't want him to think I may be gay.
These days I suppose my ego is a bit stronger than that and I really am not too concerned with what someone may think.


No it would not be that bad. Look I am who I am!!! In all honesty I do have bi-curious feelings. I have not really made serious attempts to fulfill them. That is who I am. So call me what you want. I don’t really care. When I first started getting deeper into cross dressing about 15 years ago I would have flipped at the prospect of somebody calling me gay. However the further I got into cross dressing and becoming what I consider more transgendered the more I just said, this is who I am. I really don’t care anymore. I don’t sit around telling people I dress, however if somebody asks, and a few have, I don’t deny it. People can tack on all the labels they want. I am who I am, ME!!!

I never really liked labels per se. Most labels make me feel that I am something less than what I am. Step ... person, gay ... person, some other ... person. Hell I am a 'person'. I have also learned to accept that I am not entirely as straight as I originally assumed I was. I prefer to interact, especially sexually, with women whether or not I am dressed. On the other hand, that does not preclude other possibilities. I would have to admit, as others have, to being bi, personal preferences not withstanding.

[crusadergirl]

Its not good that ppl still think cders are gay, b/c that means they don't know anything about us. But it gets old hearing ppl say we are gay. It almost makes me want to stop cding. Which is something i plan to give up in a couple of years.

[DawnRodgers]

I am definitely not gay when I am Dawn. I am totally heterosexual and only want to be with a man.

[Marianna Julianna]

There's nothing wrong with being 'gay' (I prefer the proper term of homosexual myself) but I don't want to be labelled as so just because I dress as a woman, I dislike sloppy thinking like 'oh you dress as a woman because you're gay' if anyone ever said that to me I would ask them to explain their reasoning, and be glad to refute it.

[KendallM2F86]

I'm not too big on labels, but i'd like to think of myself as a young woman who likes to keep her options open :)

[Satrana]

I'm still made uncomfortable by the "man in a dress" phenomena. Since you are gay then you are not the best person to know how a straight man would think about this. Your discomfort obviously derives from other feelings.


1) Blatant mixtures of gender expression trigger cognitive dissonance in most people.
It is true that a mixed gender look can look dis-quietening.... except of course many woman already do this and it is not a bid deal at all. Women have progressively increased the degree of masculinity until some have reached the stage where they look almost like boys. In any case this is irrelevant to the CDer himself since he sees himself in various stages of dress. I am talking about a CDer looking in the mirror and not being satisfied with his appearance without any thought of going outside.


2) Many tv/tg/ts people have internalized transphobia, so appearing obviously transgendered can make us feel uncomfortable internally. Except few CDs can look in the mirror and see a woman, they still see themselves. The very act of putting on any feminine clothes may trigger transphobia, the issue is why would it disappear when a wig and breast forms are added to the look?


3) Many transgendered people are very emotionally committed to the gender binary. And the gender binary is built around heterosexuality. In people's minds the two things go hand in hand.


This is IMHO, and I'll admit I know a lot more TS people than people who crossdress. But I suspect the psychological factors are similar. I don't see how. If you believe yourself to be a woman then you are going to view these matters with a different perspective. Obviously a man in a skirt is not going to work for you. The question is why so many CDs react badly to the look even within the privacy of their own home so ignoring social factors.

[Chantelle CD]

Sure it's easy to be upset at being thought to be something you're not but, if you could be accepted as a CD, if you could go out in public dressed without concern for violence or discrimination but strangers assumed you were gay, would that be so bad?

Well batty, my sister just the other day witnessed a gay bashing, just down the street from my place, the man grabed him in a head lock and bloodied his face, for no good reason at all, Grrr i tell ya its a good thing i wasnt there i tell ya!!

Truth is, it doesnt matter how you express yourself, there is always someone, that just wont like the way you look or act.

I know a lot of gay people, there the best non judgmental people i know, and are a real breath of fresh air to be around. I do know what you mean about CD's being labeled as one. Had a real eye opener just the other day when i learned a new term i didnt know of called a "sissy cuckold" How these wives belittle them, and ummmm force feminization!!! These woman see any man in a dress as sissys!! Well, im not gay, and wouldn't bother me a bit if i was, its just not im my makeup, but a sissy i am not!!! There are some that are into that as well, i guess, must be, but i think that label is more damaging to the hetro CD, than being labeled gay, it implies humiliation. There is just to meny forms of expression, obsession. People just dont understand it, because its not in there face enough.

[Rikkicn]

I live and work in the gay community here in San Francisco. This is new to me because up until 5 years ago I would have identified as a straight man and lived and worked in a straight world.
During those 5 years ago I have transitioned and live as a woman. I don't identify as transsexual because those narratives don't match mine. I have crossdressed my whole life and just recently slipped into the female gender.
I'm beginning to beleive that there are many more gay men that are TG than we thought. The gay culture has gone butch over the last several years and to be a femme gay man is looked down upon by many and so the femme nature has been surpressed.
I rarely meet a drag queen, and I meet many, who doesn't want to be a woman. there are lots of incorrect assumptions about gender and sexuality in both cd and gay communities. We are more alike than we are different.
The Tg identity is newer to the qay community and I find more and more men tell me that that describes them too. I think we'll see more of this in future years.
There are certain parts of the glbt community that is strongly pro tg and they constantly fight for our rights and acceptance in society at large as well as in the gay and lesbian community. Some of them see as heroines becasue of the huge change we make in our lives and the courage it takes. We are seen as examples of what it means to live your life by your own rules and make up your own story. Many wish they had our strength and courage

[Jamie001]

What is wrong with being a sissy? I don't mine when someone calls me a sissy because that is what I really am. I also don't mind being labeled a Jane0Girl, Sissy, or Nancy Boy since I am rather girly and tend to think like a girl.



Well batty, my sister just the other day witnessed a gay bashing, just down the street from my place, the man grabed him in a head lock and bloodied his face, for no good reason at all, Grrr i tell ya its a good thing i wasnt there i tell ya!!

Truth is, it doesn't matter how you express yourself, there is always someone, that just wont like the way you look or act.

I know a lot of gay people, there the best non judgmental people i know, and are a real breath of fresh air to be around. I do know what you mean about CD's being labeled as one. Had a real eye opener just the other day when i learned a new term i didnt know of called a "sissy cuckold" How these wives belittle them, and ummmm force feminization!!! These woman see any man in a dress as sissys!! Well, im not gay, and wouldn't bother me a bit if i was, its just not im my makeup, but a sissy i am not!!! There are some that are into that as well, i guess, must be, but i think that label is more damaging to the hetro CD, than being labeled gay, it implies humiliation. There is just to meny forms of expression, obsession. People just dont understand it, because its not in there face enough.

[Chantelle CD]

What is wrong with being a sissy? I don't mine when someone calls me a sissy because that is what I really am. I also don't mind being labeled a Jane0Girl, Sissy, or Nancy Boy since I am rather girly and tend to think like a girl.

There is probably 100 different ways you can label oneself a sissy, i was referring to the cuck's label of it, if thats your cup of tea, then thats fine, i did say, there are those that like that sort of thing, myself i don't like the energy involved with humiliation. When it comes to Chantelle, she is just to special a person to be humiliated, or looked at in that light, or lac of light should i say.

[Daintre]

What people think of us is based on their values and experiences growing up. Prejudice and intolerance are learned behaviors.
I am reminded of a song by The Pirates of the Mississippi called Feed Jake

Here is a portion..

Now if you get an ear pierced
Some will call you gay
But if you drive a pick up
They say No, he must be straight

I think this just shows how different people think.

[Dee Model]

The level of interest this thread has generated is indicative of the fact that society as a whole is still depressingly hung up on what every else does in bed...

Don't get me wrong, I find the subject of interest but I really couldn't care less if someone is gay, straight, bi, all, or none of the above. Apart from anything else, it ain't none of my business and it certainly would not affect how I treat them.

For what its worth, unsurprisingly, I have found straight people most intolerant. But that's their problem.

People like first of all put themselves in a box. Then they proceed to put every one else in a box too. They like to label, index, quantify and account for. They like to treat people not as unique multi-textured personalities with thoughts, feelings, emotions etc. but as either one definitive thing or another.

I couldn't care less what people think of me. If they wanna think I'm gay, that's fine: if it makes them feel better to do that so be it. I am not about to put my self in a box here.

The only time we should put someone in a box is when they're dead.

P.S. I'd liketo be buried in a little black dress, please!

[RobertaFermina]

My Homophobia has been a fear that I would like Gay Life and then would be persecuted for it. Or that I would be persecuted for my acceptance of Gay Persons or Perspectives.

So I'm not directly afraid of or hateful of Gays or Gayness, I'm afraid of my own Society's Homophobia, and knee-jerk Homophobics that sanction or assault anything that is Gay or Gay-Accepting.

Sadly, this only reinforces Society's Homophobia....so YES, I'm guilty. I'm a Functional Homophobic, though not a fearful or hateful of people just because they are Gay.

The good news is, I know it, and I feel it when it comes up, and to the best of my ability, I keep it from interfering with my relationships.


Besides, while I'm not Gay yet, I'm willing to be openly Gay if I discover that it is what I am and I have repressed it. Seriously! A year ago I did not know I was a CrossDresser!


:rose: Search Me ? :rose:

[eleventhdr]

but as for myself i really have no real desires to ever be a gay male as i just do love female's way to much i do think that i could love a transexxual one who has chnaged from male to female or an interesexed person one who has both male and female sex organs but if and when i was ever really chnaged to female then i think it would be very different for me as i do love women so much that if and when i were to become one that i would still love them enough to want to be with them sexual indeed lesbian but only as a women would i do this not as a guy.

OH well!

Suzy Ann!

[SylvieGurl155]

If I've learned anything in the past 22 years of my life,its that people, no mater what "clique", sect or anything, are going to be different. everyone will have thier own biasis, thoughts, ideas and whatevers! Alot of people make generalizations based on past experiences, and thats fine, but don't close yourself off from new ideas, thoughts or anything. So, yeah... ADD kicked in and i lost what i was going to type.... but you get the point right? LEARN from stuff, Be who you are, and Enjoy life. yep ~.~

(if i confused you, dont worry i confused myself too. )

[Albtraum]

There will never be across the board validation, for gays or any minority group. The day you can be who you are without discrimination is what's really important. Just IMHO:2c:

[Cara Allen]

It shouldn't matter, but...

First of all, we are not gay. If we were to roll ourselves into the gay community, we would be doing us and them a disservice. We will not be accepted until people understand who we are.

Secondly, why compromise? I happen to think it's important that we have a division. If we promote gay-ness about ourselves, it is not accurate. Most of us are not, and we need to be clear about our situation for personal growth. You can't grow with misinformation.

[Nicki B]

I have always thought that allowing my female side to the fore, and being attracted to women, doesn't really qualify me anymore as 'straight'... :roflmao:


The most homophobic people I know are CD's (at least here in Utah, part of the reason I lost my respect for triple letter sororities) (never paint with a broad brush). This is already a homophobic area and CD's don't want to be associated with or mistaken for gays. (Although they will frequent Gay Bars so they can go out dressed (Go Figure)

Genevera, I'm really glad I don't live where you do... :hiding:


First of all, we are not gay.

Some of us DO classify ourselves that way?



It almost makes me want to stop cding. Which is something i plan to give up in a couple of years.

Riiiight.....

[docrobbysherry]

I have nothing against gays, but I have enough other (unrelated) problems without having to deal with having to take on the additional social burdens associated with being considered something I am NOT.

Also, to quietly accept and not challenge that you may be mistakenly considered gay, in MY opinion, only aggrivates and supports the CD=Gay stereotype.

Besides, if you think about, it would you want to be represented in the public eye by a person who wasn"t even in your group? I can see why this would disturb gays---- a "crazy, outragous" CD could be an embarrasment to gays if the public concidered the CD as one of them.


Once again, u have said what I'm thinking, only better, and with fewer words.

I would like to add: If u r single with no kids, and u can control your social circle, be who ever u r.
However, if u have kids in school, soccer, band, etc. be CAREFUL!
The family social scene has no place for either a gay and/or CD single dad. The ones hurt r the innocent children. I'm not doing that to mine. They have enough problems without being segregated and teased because of me. The other parents don't care one iota about the differences between gay or CD. They only think, " Pervert". And, " Keep our kids away from him and his kids".
RS

[Vaerise]

Most "straight" people find it convenient or easier to put labels on others who are different... some of them try really hard to understand, some don't even try... its not surprising to see a lot of misconception regarding our community..

Chester (Straight): So you are gay?
Paul (Gay): Yes
Chester: Does that mean you are going to chop off your dick and become a woman?
Paul: no, and I don't wear dresses either..

Dave (Straight): What you are telling me is that you want to be a woman..
Me: Yes..
Dave: You smoking pot man? You like guys don't you?
Me: No and yes..
Dave: So you are gay then?
Me: no.. not exactly..
Dave: Well make up your mind, you say you like man but you aren't gay
Me: I'm not gay! I'm transexual like those you see in thailand!
Dave: Well they are gay.
Me: nvm..

[Cara Allen]

Some of us DO classify ourselves that way?
Riiiight.....

And if you are gay, then that is cool. The point I am trying to make (I think I sounded homophobic, and I didn't mean to be,) is that they are two different things. By rolling everything together, we gain no understanding for who WE are from society. While some of us MAY be gay, many are not (a fact that constantly surprises many people.) The transgender issue, for clarity, is not partner preference, but gender preference. These are two distinctly different things. One can be transgendered and be gay, or be transgendered, and not gay. The focus may be gay, or it may be transgendered. You may have dual allegiances, and that is fine. But to reduce everything to gay/not gay is to eliminate and ignore transgender problems, needs, issues. You can be a readhead, and have green eyes, but to say that you are redhead will not imply anything about your eye color.

[Carol123]

wouldnt bother me at all

[marykay1957]

we are all gay straight bi or cders or black whtie assin so why should we allways put a labble on it just be

[charllote34]

Not to me because im not and if i were it wouldnt matter ! I feel genuine anguish for anybody thats persecuted because of there gender and i include all u my friends in that whats the song the higher you build your barriers the stronger i become!! :hugs:

[kimmy p]

O.K. So many people still think CDs are all gay.

Is that so bad?
Sure it's easy to be upset at being thought to be something you're not but, if you could be accepted as a CD, if you could go out in public dressed without concern for violence or discrimination but strangers assumed you were gay, would that be so bad?

Eventually close friends would learn you weren't gay. Your family would learn you weren't gay and eventually everyone you knew would learn it.

If you could be out and accepted but people thought at first that you were gay would it be worth it?

Is it just that we don't want to be misconstrued, is it that we don't want to bear the burden of anit-gay prejudice on top of anti-TG prejudice, is it that we fear our chances with women would be massively reduced or lost totally (isn't that already a worry at the moment?) or is there some degree of remnant homophobia that leads us to be so strident in our heterosexuality?


I don't want anyone to think I'm gay. I have gay friends and I fully support gay rights, but the thought of kissing another man is repellent to me. To each there own, but I'd prefer to be a male lesbian. :heehee:

Kimmy

[AmandaLatex]

I think even in our community, it scares people to think they might not be 100% straight. Face it folks we are different. I think some may fear they might have an attraction to the same sex when dressed and it scares them. It does me to be honest. I think thats why so many times we have to argue for a "safe " label so we feel protected. I wish it wasn't this way.

Hugs, Amanda by the way the hugs are for gay or straight. i am a non discriminatory hugger:p

[Bobbie cd]

Nope, doesn't particularly bother me. I am sure that a lot of people at work and out in the general public look at me with the long hair and earrings and just automatically figure that I am flaming gay. So what? I find that I just can't be bothered to care about their meaningless opinions.

I had a guy approach me in the grocery store today and try to "chat me up" as it were. I didn't take offense from it, but neither did I encourage him. I was polite and then went on about my business. I am who I am and I am becoming more and more comfortable with my own self-image. When you get to that point, other people's narrow minded views become increasingly irrelevant.

[Billijo49504]

I really don't care what they call me, aslong as it not late for dinnner. But my wife would get upset if someone considered me gay...BJ

[JoAnnDallas]

I am sure that some of the women customers at my Nail Salon think I am Gay and I really don't care. Durn the summer, I would wear my ladies Hanes T-shirt and matching shorts, Green/Pink open toe sandels with my polished toes showing, Long acrylic nails with Lite Pink Polish to the Nail Salon. In fact I bet the average person would take one look at how I was dressed and the first thought in their head would be "GAY".

[Jamie001]

Most folks have this "brain-dead" mindset regarding TG folks that was created and cultivated by Hollywood stereotypes. We must work to change this by showing them that most TG folk are hetero, married, and could be your lawyer, doctor, clergy-person, etc...



I am sure that some of the women customers at my Nail Salon think I am Gay and I really don't care. Durn the summer, I would wear my ladies Hanes T-shirt and matching shorts, Green/Pink open toe sandels with my polished toes showing, Long acrylic nails with Lite Pink Polish to the Nail Salon. In fact I bet the average person would take one look at how I was dressed and the first thought in their head would be "GAY".

[Lovely Rita]

O.K. So many people still think CDs are all gay.

Is that so bad?
Sure it's easy to be upset at being thought to be something you're not but, if you could be accepted as a CD, if you could go out in public dressed without concern for violence or discrimination but strangers assumed you were gay, would that be so bad?

Eventually close friends would learn you weren't gay. Your family would learn you weren't gay and eventually everyone you knew would learn it.

If you could be out and accepted but people thought at first that you were gay would it be worth it?

Is it just that we don't want to be misconstrued, is it that we don't want to bear the burden of anit-gay prejudice on top of anti-TG prejudice, is it that we fear our chances with women would be massively reduced or lost totally (isn't that already a worry at the moment?) or is there some degree of remnant homophobia that leads us to be so strident in our heterosexuality?


Considering that I am not gay. I do not look to be labeled as gay. As I mentioned before the label thing is not popular with me anyway and so being mislabeled is not something I am interested in either.

I do not consider myself homophobic in anyway shape or form. Being labeled gay is not bad but in my case it would be erroneous.

[lolitacd]

what is important is what is inside...plus what you do or dont is always your business...

[Ruth]

...unfortunately when you socialise with other people they can make your habits their business. I am a male hetero CDer and if I were labelled as gay and the label stuck, I could find myself in a lot of undesirable consequences.
The problem is that we can be effeminate without being gay, and some people just can't get their heads round that.

[Beth-GDB]

If people labelled me as gay because I CD, would it bother me?

Yes, but not as much as it would have in the past.

I developed in interest in feminine attire around the time I finished primary/elementory school. I spent most of my adolescent years questioning myself on why I was interested. "I must be gay if I want to look like a girl, mustn't I?". Every time I asked myself that question, I always came back to the same conclusion, "I'm not attracted to guys. I don't have any desire to hold hands with a guy, kiss a guy or date a guy. I am attracted to girls". I was very confused over the incongruance of wantling to appear like a girl and still be attracted to girls. I used to joke to myself that maybe I was a lesbian trapped inside a male body.

Growing up in a small conservative farming community where diversity was something found in other places didn't help. Compounded by the usual teenage angst over not wanting to be too different to the other boys my age, and completing my last few years of highschool at an all boys Catholic boarding school (talk about testosterone poisoning), I did develop something of a phobia of being labelled "gay". What other people did among themselves was their business, I never had a problem with that. What other people might say about me was something I had a problem with, although I'm a lot less defensive about that now (it will still irritate me, but I'm relaxed enough to just let it slide). Even so, I still guard my privacy from my relatives and co-workers.

It's not so much which specific label other people may apply to me that bothers me, it's when it's the wrong label, regardless of what that label is.

[michellebesweet]

Although I am not against any gays, male or female, I am not gay. I do not want people to think I am gay just because I CD. I am straight, and love my SO. I have many gay freinds, and most know I CD and have never crossed that line with them.

[Christine Andrews]

Would being labeled gay be that bad?

Yes it would, whilst I try not to care what other people think of me the idea of being lebeled something I am not evokes a strong mix of fear and anger. Fear that the label will stick and I will be branded something I am not by a society which doesn't care about anything except maintaining a facade of normality no matter the cost and would treat me accordingly and anger that people are lumping me in somewhere I don't belong and judging me on a false perception and accusing me accordingly.

Also, how do homosexuals feel about this? Whilst I cannot speak from any experience, whilst there may be a bond of being a minority, I'm sure that homosexuals aren't too fond of being labeled crossdressers because the labeling works both ways and is unfair to both parties.

I am a hetro-sexual male who iss very conflicted by crossdressing and trying to accept it. I dress to feel feminine and because I love (and to an extent envy) women and the thought of me being with a man in any capacity disgusts me to my core. I don't want to be labeled at all - but that is just a dream, we are all labeled whether we like or not and if I am going to be labeled, I don't want to be falsely labeled in a way which would damage my life and cause more pain upon my loved ones because labels are not only destructive to us - but our loved ones. I may struggle to accept who I am, but deep down I know what I am not, so I don't want that label.

I have nothing against homosexuals at all, I respect their bravery and strength to be honest and live as they choose and I believe that they should have the right to live as they wish so long as they are not harming anyone else in order to do so - which is also how I also feel about crossdressing.

So yes, accepting a false label is wrong because if this is accepted where could it go next and where could it end?

[Jamie001]

i believe that one of the issues that we as Crossdressers need to get past is the fear of being labeled "Gay". My advice is: "If you know that you are straight, then don't worry if folks think that you are Gay". Be secure in your sexuality. The truth of the matter is that Crossdressers are stuck with the stereotype that Hollywood creates and perpetuates (that all corssdressers are gay) and the we can either hide in the closet or get out there and show the world that we are proud to be crossdressers. I vote for the latter as that will advance our collective cause of acceptance. Hiding in the closet will not advance our cause. Also, whenever the media or Hollywood portrays crossdressers as "Gay", we need to complain and not purchase from the sponsors that sponsor the TV Programs that promote stereotypical images of crossdressers.

:2c: Jamie

[Nicki B]

Is being gay 'bad', then?

[Veryvicky]

Gay... its a label used even if its not a sexual discription though. Ever see someone discribe something that is "gay" ? Like for instance, seeing a car painted in a way they dont like or understand why its painted like it is... "thats gay" or a discription of a guy who likes seeing love stories...well "thats gay". Its overused and more and more its used when someone doesnt understand something or just wants to be mean about discribing something. The thing I do not understand is why so many think that someone who dresses as a woman is gay. Most gay men arent looking for someone who looks like a woman or are they ? Most gay men that I have met dont want anything to do with women or those who dress as a woman...they want a manly man. Now, as of a FtoM, are they lesbians ? No matter what their sexual preference is it seems to most people do not have a label for them other then perhaps "thats gay". The world and especially the U.S. has a "gay label" fixation for things that arent the way that they think should be that way. Most gay men and lesbian women know who they are and accept their sexual preference even though the gay label is stuck on things that arent related to sexual preference.

Is it gay if...

A crossdresser who dresses as a woman and wants to have a sexual relationship with a man who doesnt want to have anything to do with their male part ?
or
A post-op transsexual woman who dates, has sex with and then marries a man ?
or
A GG who stays with her crossdressing or transsexual husband or boyfriend ?
or
A gay man who dates, has sex with and even marries a woman ?

To most who arent out about their own sexual preference or who are just an idiot would say....yup..."thats gay !" Those are all examples of possibly loving and accepting relationships, doesnt have anything to do with being gay because its just a word, a label that is easy to stick onto things.

Do I mind if someone calls me gay...well if thats as bad as it gets, who cares ! Its more of an insult really that someone would call me gay because its usually coming from someone who isnt secure in their own sexuality or just happens to be a total moron who has nothing better to do except try and make someone feel bad. As for me I am Bi with a stronger preference for men but I do not consider myself as gay. Feeling a strong self acceptance as being a woman and not dating gay men to me tells me that I am straight. Now if I am with a GG or CD/TV/TS, it is most definitly more of a lesbian thing to me. Now maybe my label maker is broken or maybe I dont know how to use it properly but can I make a label for everyone to use...like "I am a person too" :gorgeous:

[jaina]

Is being gay 'bad', then?

There seems to be an overwheming idea here that it is. The are many " I'm not homophobic", "I have nothing against", "I personally nave no problem" clauses in many of the posts that also contain anti-gay items and thoughts as a way to side-step and justify the bigoted ideas.

I beleive Battybatbats original question has been answered here with a resounding "yes". Being thought of as gay would be that bad for many here.

Your question is much more to the point, and will get many posts saying its not "bad", but with qualifiers. The general idea here seems to be that it is bad.

[Nicki B]

..many of the posts that also contain anti-gay items and thoughts as a way to side-step and justify the bigoted ideas.

Sadly - as a newcomer - that's exactly how they appear?

[azalea]

I'm bisexual, but back when I was struggling with that, every time I would put on a pair of panties or something, I would constantly have to tell myself, "I'm not gay, I'm not gay, I'm not gay." It would be a very mixed experience - the joy of crossdressing combined with the fear of being gay. There's a societal association between the two. I'm not afraid of being gay anymore, though.

[Joanne f]

You cannot stop ignorant people putting labels on things that they know nothing about because their brains cannot handle to much information so it doe`s not bother me, but i odd thing is i find it more offensive being called a tranny than i do being called gay.
The thing is that if you are gay then every one knows where they stand with you but if you are a Cd you could be gay, bi, or straight so for the ease of their brains not to work to hard i guess they just go for gay.
My daughter in fun is always saying to me "your gay" so i just answer,no i am not but my boyfriend is :tongueout.

joanne

[Beth-GDB]

There seems to be an overwheming idea here that it is. The are many " I'm not homophobic", "I have nothing against", "I personally nave no problem" clauses in many of the posts that also contain anti-gay items and thoughts as a way to side-step and justify the bigoted ideas.

I beleive Battybatbats original question has been answered here with a resounding "yes". Being thought of as gay would be that bad for many here.

Your question is much more to the point, and will get many posts saying its not "bad", but with qualifiers. The general idea here seems to be that it is bad.

As one of the people who's used "qualifiers" in this and other threads, we're all human, we all have our own fears and flaws. I'd like to be able to say that I don't care at all about what other people might think or say about me, either to my face or behind my back, but I do care. I can say that I'm less defensive of being "labelled" than I used to be, but that sense of protecting my personal image in other people's minds is still there.

That's the way I am. If that makes me a bigot in other people's minds then so be it, I'm a bigot. I can't stop people from pinning their labels on me, but I would prefer that they used the right labels for the right reasons rather than the wrong labels for the wrong reasons.

How many people can truely say that they have absolutely no concern about what other people might think or say about them?

[Sugar01]

I date men, and every now and then you'll run into one that says he wants it known that he's not gay or into guys just because he's going out with me. Obviously there is some denial going on there. As if my wearing women's clothes and putting on make-up no longer makes me a man.

[Sharon]

The people I know and care about are aware of which labels are appropriate for me and which ones aren't. I couldn't care less what other people think.

[highheelqueen]

my frist time out in full fem was called a fag just keep my head high breast up and my heels clicking you can't run back to the closet because of name calling

[valery]

O.K. So many people still think CDs are all gay.

Is that so bad?
Sure it's easy to be upset at being thought to be something you're not but, if you could be accepted as a CD, if you could go out in public dressed without concern for violence or discrimination but strangers assumed you were gay, would that be so bad?


1.) I would say "no, it would not be so bad for me" as I don't care what other people think, if you would ask me if I can stand it and like you said "go out in public dressed without concern for violence or discrimination".

2.) If I have to give an answer with my social and cultural attitudes I have clearly to say "yes, it would be very bad and I don't want and wouldn't like to accept this".

The reason is, that I can't agree with this ignorant and easy way many people use to avoid examination of crossdressers or other gender-classes etc., so everything is gay and they don't even know about the gay-community. So usually everybody is afraid of the unknown (we have that in our genes, o.k.) but as we're civilized and not living on the trees any more, we should be able to deal with those things, because this function is not usefull for many things in our world today. So as gay people are more common to the people, they take this existing picture to avoid thinking about us, easy way, o.k., still better than fighting against us. But think about, that a lot of people who are hostile to gay people also use it to express that they're hostile against everything that is not what they call "normal". No animal will judge you for what you are, only for what you do and the reason why we have so big problems is written in the past and still used today to win the vote or to rule the world. There will allways be a "black sheep" in this world, politics or people need to blame or make themself feel stronger or better. The gay people had that before and now it's our turn to fight for our rights and to stand it, for what we are. It will take a very long time as we're so colourful and different even in our community (crossdressers, mtf, ftm, transgender, gay crosdressers etc. etc.). We're a bit too much for this fearful world, but ladys we're damn a lot of people. And I love this place here because I though I was the alien and found out that I have brothers and sisters all over the world in all social classes, nice and lovely open minded people. This world is ruled by fear, ignorance and so on and that's not acceptable for me. We shoud know better and I wanna be accepted for what I am and even more for what I do, otherwise I'm not existing, I would just be a fake, nothingness. It's not about the name that is given to you, it's about truth, acceptance, tolerance and understanding of other people and things, other religions, other concepts etc. And as no one will ever be able to verify that his concept, his sex, his god, his civilization etc. is the right and best one, I think it can't be a question about majority and a few people, or the public, media etc. to decide what someone is called.
If you would ask gay people, what they would think about being called a crossdresser this could be interesting. I have some gay friends I will ask them and give a report here.
So we should have the same rights and we should not accept to be pushed into a box that is not ours. I will never give up fighting and working on that with my heart my art and my music.

love you girls, been away for some time, but back now

[Stephanie Anne]

Well I am neither gay nor straight. I prefer woman becasue I feel more comfortable around them. I have never met a man that would make me want to sleep with him but I do find certain men very attractive (Johnny Depp yum!).

I consider myself straight in my current life but that could change for any reason and at any time.

I think it is a shame that people lump us together with the gay community. We are really our own community with our own unique needs.

One day maybe this will just no longer be an issue like pants are no longer na issue on women.

I only think it is bad becasue so many of us are not gay, have no attraction to the samesex nor do we wnat to become the opposite sex. This kind of branding just makes it harder for us to be accepted as people.

[Bobbie Jo]

I'm not gay,and I don't like being called gay. I'm really trying to explain to people, that I concider my best friends, why I like to dress in womans clothes.I'm having a very hard time because it really is so bad to be called something your not.The way your think,that it ain't so bad,is going tell all crossdressers are to be gay. You must be gay if you feel that way.I DON'T.

[Nicki B]

As one of the people who's used "qualifiers" in this and other threads, we're all human, we all have our own fears and flaws. I'd like to be able to say that I don't care at all about what other people might think or say about me, either to my face or behind my back, but I do care.

There is still an overwhelming implication, from so many people's posts, that being 'gay', of itself, is bad.. :strugglin

I wonder how many of you mix with the gay community? You might understand then how much we do share.


I'm not gay,and I don't like being called gay. I'm really trying to explain to people, that I concider my best friends, why I like to dress in womans clothes.I'm having a very hard time because it really is so bad to be called something your not.The way your think,that it ain't so bad,is going tell all crossdressers are to be gay. You must be gay if you feel that way.I DON'T.

I always find it incredibly difficult to say to people - I empathise with, dress like and try to imitate a genetic woman - but I'm attracted to women - so that makes me 'straight'????? :hmmm:

[sweetpea]

we are all gay straight bi or cders or black whtie assin so why should we allways put a labble on it just be

It is not just a label it is a way you feel and act. Being gay, bi, TS is in no way the same as being straight.

[annieelmira]

As a gay guy, I can only say that I know there is a lot of misunderstanding of CDers in the GLBT community. It's really weird, but we don't blink an eye at a gay male or female doing drag, but we cannot fathom why a str8 man or woman would want to look like the opposite sex.

The gay community as a whole is pretty rigid... our PR department wants everyone to think we are so very accepting (because *gasp* how can we ask for acceptance if we ourselves do not accept), but in reality, I know far more racial and gender bigots that are GLBT than I do str8 ones.

Personally, I could care less what people wear. There are a heck of lot more important things to worry about than some lacy undies... hence my bewilderment when people are nasty to you ladies and gents (or for that matter, worry about ANYTHING that doesn't hurt another person). I cannot say that I myself totally understand the "desire" to wear women's clothing (as opposed to my "chosing" to do so for shows), but I'll be darned if I let MY ignorance keep me from getting to know someone potentially very cool. On the other hand, at least I, unlike some in the GLBT community acknowledge my confusion and try to understand that which mystifies!

OK, I'll hand over the soapbox now...

[katieblush]

Well this attitude has supprised me,you can be called gay for any reason these days its a power word to crush you, i am bi why not have the best of both worlds?
We each walk a diffrent path in life and its a journey to find your true self to be at peace with yourself,and during that trip we are supposed to show compassion for those who are facing the same fears, are we now to devide into different sub groups.

During the local Gay rights march lots of pink banners flags etc,do you think the colour pink may have a link to why people call some CDs gay,maybe nothing but just a thought.

[annieelmira]

During the local Gay rights march lots of pink banners flags etc,do you think the colour pink may have a link to why people call some CDs gay,maybe nothing but just a thought.

I feel that people tend to confuse cross-dressing with being transgendered, which is a part of the gay community, because there's a generalized confusion about the differences (however subtle or overt they can be) between Cross-dressing, transvestism, transsexualism, Drag, etc. This is not even withstanding the automatic assumption of some yahoos that if you are gay you must want to be a girl.

Also, going to a gay bar en femme is one of the truly safe places a Cder can be herself and not even have an eye blinked in her direction, so uninformed people just automatically assume that if you are a cross-dresser, you are gay.

I'm with a lot of you about the whole label thing... it's just plain silly to have to label yourself in any manner, but alas, our culture has this compulsive need to put everything into its "place". According to dictionary.com, I am a cross-dresser, a transvestite, a drag queen and a homosexual. Even better, according to the same site, I'm a part-time transsexual! Wow... now I know why my therapist's eyes light up when I walk through the door! LOL

[Julogden]

You have to remember that the door is open as the phrase is Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgendered, However, it seems than MANY crossdressers don't view themselves as transgendered. The thought process seems to be folks think of themselves as genetic heterosexual males who just happen to like women's clothes. While I respect that and would not challenge it, I do wonder about it because it is easy to feel no alignment with LGBT folks. I suspect it would be better for all concerned if crossdressers did consider themselves part of the community. As long as various factions of the community are separated, it is much more difficult to move forward and gain acceptance and respect.
Amen!! It's the old "United we stand, divided we fall". Unfortunately there are people in all the LGBT varieties who feel the need to divide.

Carol

[annieelmira]

Amen!! It's the old "United we stand, divided we fall". Unfortunately there are people in all the LGBT varieties who feel the need to divide.

Carol

Even more unfortunatele is the divide within the GLBT community itself.. Gays vs. Lesbians, no one l"liking" Bi's or Trans... GRRRR!!!! So much drama when we are all on the same team... no wonder we run into so many obstacles when it comes to equal rights.