Lady

[bi_weird]

Okay so this question has two parts, one for the boys and one for the girls.
Last night I was returning to this party with a male friend and we were walking to the door to the stairwell when he says "ladies first" and opens the door for me. I laugh and tell him that I'm not a lady. He argues with me, saying that he's sure I am indeed a lady, despite me repeatedly saying that I'm not. I dropped it, being more interested in returning to the party than arguing feminism and gender issues with a tipsy guy I hardly know.

So my questions.
For the boys: when you are or have in the past appeared female, how have you reacted to lady? Do you get the same problem where people won't let you define yourself as a lady? Do you find it as annoying to be called that? For me, it's really frustrating. I can be seen as a female, but I'm not THAT kind of female. Not that it's a problem, it's just not who I am. How have you reacted to this particular term, and how does that change your usage of it to women around you.

For the girls: do you like being called a lady? Are there any of you that resent it? What does it mean to you to be called a lady?

[Cai]

I don't usually get "lady", but at home I get "ma'am". I don't mind so much, because people are really just trying to be polite. However, I don't usually appreciate having doors held for me, in the way that you described. If I'm carrying stuff and someone ahead holds the door so I don't have to kick it, that's fine. But I don't like it when men walking ahead of me stop and hold the door until I go completely through.

I have my own way of dealing with it though. Usually this happens at stores or malls, where there are two sets of doors to walk through. So if some guy holds the first door for me like that and winds up behind me, I'll hold the other one for him. :tongueout

I dislike the implication that I'm not capable of opening doors for myself.

[sara_also]

I would just acept it as a compliment and enjoy the moment..

[AllieSF]

It is interesting how we complain here about the lack of recognition and being treated nicely, then we complain when someone is being courteous to us. I think we should be happy someone cares and is nice, and let all of our internal dislikings slide and just go with the flow. There are bigger things to worry about IMHO.

[Devon James]

I have the same frustration you have, when people call me lady or say "ladies first" I get annoyed or sometimes angry. I mostly don't say anything to avoid discussions.
Now that people I know understand what I'm like I have a different situation. Most men I know don't do that anymore and act like I'm one of them and when I'm with a lady (a real one I mean) I mostly say to her "ladies first" which makes her smile and go first. But strangers make mistakes...

[wanttobejoe]

I have my own way of dealing with it though. Usually this happens at stores or malls, where there are two sets of doors to walk through. So if some guy holds the first door for me like that and winds up behind me, I'll hold the other one for him. :tongueout


I do this too. It can become quite funny if you have a long hallway with lots of doors (a hotel for instance) and you end up alternating doors. :D

[Marla S]

For the girls: do you like being called a lady? Are there any of you that resent it? What does it mean to you to be called a lady?
To be honest I am bemused either way. I am more used to the Sir though.
As someone who doesn't even try to get a "Lady" or "Ma'am", the 2.5 times I got them were a bit surprising. But after the first "shock" I enjoyed it and took it as a compliment. At least I confuse people a bit, that's not the worst that can happen.:D

[crunchysoda]

It doesnt bother me (being called a lady, though I rarely am called that:heehee: ). I dont consider it derogatory. My bf almost always opens the car door for me and I really like it. In resturants I do it for him just as much as he does for me, it just depends on who is in what position in the que at the time.

I think in the context you experienced, it's hard to rationalize w/the average Joe what you mean. I get what you are saying but the avg public really doesnt.
Not to say that in the right context they cant learn something but just saying, ya know? ugh.

I imagine it *must* be very frustrating. So many of us want to have things be "simple" and "what you see is what you get" kinda deal, but human beings are so much more complicated and diverse than that (duh).

:hugs:
PS OT
Honestly I know Im an outsider here (this cd forum in generaland I am always afraid of saying something that will be offensive, even though I truly dont mean to be. That in itself sucks.

[JamesAlan]

I was raised to be a "lady", yick. Though, I tend to hold doors open for people all the time. More than once I've had a woman look at her husband and say, "At least he has some chivalry, guess it's not dead yet". Though, I'm not, nor have been living as a guy yet. But I liked getting the compliment. I don't mind having doors opened for me, though I do it more often than it's done for me.

[ZenFrost]

I get annoyed when friends do that. If a total stranger does it I get a bit miffed that I didn't pass but I let it go. But when it's a friend who does it I really don't like it, especially when I have to tell them not to and they don't get it. Like when I repeatedly tell someone to stop using my female name and they refuse. That makes me particularly unhappy.

[bi_weird]

Yeah I don't mind too much when a stranger says it to me...it's the fact that they always argue when I correct them. I'll laugh and be like "oh man you don't know me. I'm not a lady." And basically everyone seems to think that I can't possibly know that myself, that they know me better and that I am a lady. That's the part that annoys me. I understand that most people are going to read me as someone to be called a lady upon meeting. It's the implication that I'm not capable of telling if I'm a lady or not. The thing is, I have GG friends who also resent the term, so it can't be a completely uncommon experience to be told not to call someone a lady.

[wannabie]

I don't know what it is to resent about being called a lady. Personally, I would be flattered.

My Question is do you resent it if someone calls you Gentleman when your not enfemme? if so I think you have a self esteem issue.

my:2c:

[ArleneRaquel]

When I am enfemme :thumbsup: I have always been thrilled to be called lady. This has come from delivery men, sales associates. I love it[/B] :happy: :love: & :hugs: Beyonce Welch - An African American Lady

[Stacy GG]

I rarely get called lady, but doing delivery work I don't really expect it from my co-workers. every once in while I've gotten "young lady" but never lady. ahh well, elly says I dress like a hippie..maybe that's why no one says I'm a lady ..something to ponder. :meditate:

[Abraxas]

I haven't gotten 'lady-ed' in a long time. But yeah, it does annoy the hell out of me. Because, even if I'm read as female, it's like... I'm wearing biker boots, guys jeans, and, more often than not, a blazer. I've got short, spikey hair, and I walk with a fair bit of swagger. I smoke, drink, swear, and spit. I'm NOT a lady. Just cos you're female doesn't mean you're a lady.
How do I react to it, though...? Eh. I really don't say much of anything. I'm just really shy. So I'd probably just do my usual grunt of 'thanks' or whatever, and be on my way.

[DanielMacBride]

I hardly EVER get called a lady LOL....and the only person who has opened doors for me recently was Sammi (gotta love that whole reverse roles dynamic that sometimes happens with mtf/ftm trans relationships :heehee: )

I'm usually the one opening the door and holding it (I make sure I get there first), and I don't know, it must be my energy because I NEVER get called lady ;) If I did, I think I'd be like "uh, exCUSE me, do I LOOK like a damn lady?" LOL...I mean, come on! ;)

Daniel