Son

[Kris]

First I have to say that I am totally trashed. We, my best friend, and I and my oldest son went to an Against Me concert tonight............ He (Adam) was our DD.

We tried to get him to go to a local gay bar.. (where cd's hang out) and he refused. I happened to slip into the conversation that I had a "thing" for cd'ers. OMG! He flipped out. According to him, we are all sick. I am sick for liking you all, (including Eddy Izard) And you are all sick because you want to dress in women clothing. (go figure) This is the child that wears womens clothing each Halloween.

Now, I have made some poor choices where men are concerned but he is convinced that now I am going to let some child molester into my life, and the lives of my children. I tried to explain to him somethings but of course, he doesn't believe a word I say...........


I dont know why I post this, other than to say my heart hurts. I guess I now get a taste of what you all face each and every day and I am truly sorry.
Maybe I am just drunk, (pictures will follow tomorrow) but I love you guys......... some people care just such losers, INCLUDING MY son, sometimes. I still adore him and he will just have to wait and see .. .... that because someone cd's.. doesnt' mean they are a freak!

Kris :hugs: and :love:

[eleventhdr]

Just how old is this boy thta would be the very frist question just perhap's And then!?

Suzy Ann!

[Kris]

Just how old is this boy thta would be the very frist question just perhap's And then!?

Suzy Ann!

He is 21, and always dresses for Halloween and I honestly thought he was a CD himself.

Gosh was I wrong....... you should have heard the things he called me tonight.... my heart aches.

Kris:hugs:

[Deborah Jane]

Perhaps he,s in self denial Kris, a lot of us have done that!! Sorry he,s giving you a hard time though.:hugs:

[Kris]

Perhaps he,s in self denial Kris, a lot of us have done that!! Sorry he,s giving you a hard time though.:hugs:

You mean to tell me that you, being a cd'er would rake someone over the coals for liking someone who cd's?

My heart just aches here. He said some hateful things to me, and then of course judged everyone who cd's. I am thinking that he did this because he is sure he isn't. I even said to him that I thought for sure he was too, because of his desire to dress on Halloween, then I got the lecture about how everyone does stupid stuff on that day.

I know that he has every reason to not trust my judgment in men, as his step father beat him senseless, but DANG......... so much has changed. I guess he just can't see it but it doesn't stop my feelings from being crushed.

Kris :hugs: & :love:

[Deborah Jane]

Kris, please don,t take this wrong way..But when i was younger i would have done or said anything to prove to myself i wasn,t a c/der. I walked out on my parents!! I even joined the army to prove how tough i was!! Self denial works like that!! I,m sorry Kris, if i,m out of order tell me to butt out!!!!

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Kris

You are such a dear friend, and I hate to see my friends hurt. I have some things to say about this, but I think I'll keep it private by PM.

Karen Starlene

[Kris]

Kris, please don,t take this wrong way..But when i was younger i would have done or said anything to prove to myself i wasn,t a c/der. I walked out on my parents!! I even joined the army to prove how tough i was!! Self denial works like that!! I,m sorry Kris, if i,m out of order tell me to butt out!!!!

Deborah,

I don't think you are out of order. I just do not think that my son is that way. Like I said, he dresses each Halloween, that's why I had my ideas that he was a cd'er. His sisters used him as a guinea pig for years for dress up and make up. He loved it.

He is not really the macho type at all. I mean .. I would go to gas stations with him and his friends when they were in high school and they would flirt with the guys at the gas station to see who could get a man's phone number the fastest...I don't know many tough guys that do that!

I think the worst part is that he saved up all his anger all night long, when we were having fun... (so I thought) until we took my friend home, took more drunk pictures, and it was he and I in the car alone and then I felt totally broad sided. I just kept saying, WOW....... I can NOT believe you are saying this to me Adam.... He said such hateful things... I didn't expect that at ALL. My 18 year old son said, "Cool mom, whatever makes you happy!" AND Nick is the kid who is usually the judgmental one.

This will get better, I hope.

Kris:hugs:

[Emily Ann Brown]

WOW OH WOW !!!!!!!!!!!!

I really don't know what to say sis except I hurt for you. Adam has a serious problem....go figure kids....you raise them right then they rip your heart out.


Emily Ann

[Deborah Jane]

I apologise Kris...I must have missinterprated what you said...Sorry!!

[Kris]

I apologise Kris...I must have missinterprated what you said...Sorry!!

Oh my goodness love - so not necessary!

I understood what you were saying and if he wasn't as goofy as he is .. I would have agreed... but he isn't a macho guy at all. He is usually just him. .. LOL When my girlfriend sends me the pictures of last night I will be posting them in the picture gallery place.. and you all will get to see my biggest guy..

:hugs: Kris

PS he was mad at me the whole time...... but I don't think you can tell in the pictures, heck I was there and didn't know he was so upset until after we left Cindy's house.

[Daintre]

Hi Kris, sometime our kids...lets face it...they are young adults now, really surprise us. I find it sad that he held all this in all night and then erupted. I read your posts a lot and I sure wish we lived closer, You seem to be so alive and caring...looks like you also like a bit of fun. As you say, you still adore your son, warts and all, and that Kris is a great thing to say.

[JoAnnDallas]

Did you happen to mention that you wanted to go to gay bar to see CDer's or a drag show. Mabey he thought you wanted to go to the gay bar to see other men. Homophobic and being a CDer is not the same thing. I know a couple of CDers that are very homophobic.

[Kris]

Hi Kris, sometime our kids...lets face it...they are young adults now, really surprise us. I find it sad that he held all this in all night and then erupted. I read your posts a lot and I sure wish we lived closer, You seem to be so alive and caring...looks like you also like a bit of fun. As you say, you still adore your son, warts and all, and that Kris is a great thing to say.

Thanks! :D I do adore him. I think he is a great man. I am painfully aware of the ways that my choices have effected him and I think that is why I am so apt to cut him slack about this. He has two small siblings that I think he is worried about getting hurt like he was.

I am still very hurt by the things that he said to me last night. I was in such shock. It's amazing to me how people who love each other say such hurtful things. Even when he was being so mean to me, all I could do was sit there in shock. I never would DREAM of saying hurtful things to him. I know in his heart that he loves me, even if he doesn't think so now... :tongueout so nanny nanny boo boo on him. :heehee:

I am hoping that with time and consideration he will see that things aren't so bad... and that his brother and sister are still safe. He has seen me literally "throw down" over Nick (my 18 year old son) at one time - very extenuating circumstances - but still he reminds me occasionally of that incident.

I guess what was twice as bad was he was saying that he would rather have me with his dad... who beat him and I. What on earth could make him want to see that for his mom or his little brother and sister?

I hope he grows up fast...... at this point. I am going to just give him time. LOL Last time he saw a discussion between me and a crossdresser, (saw a picture) and thought I was gay and went off about that. LOL It took him a few days to call me - but he acted like that never happened. I hope this is the same however, I don't think I am going to let this one slide. I think we need to keep open lines of communication open so that I can show him that all is well and his fears are unwarranted.

Also maybe it was poor timing to bring it up but I had no choice as my friend Cindy said something to me about men in dresses and I laughed... and then he wanted to know what we were talking about...... (Ooops!) I can't even tell my friend about him getting so upset because the rest of the night she kept saying, " Oh I am SO sorry, I thought he knew!" Usually Adam and I are very close and tell each other all kinds of things .. even things that we don't readily admit to others.

Anyway, thanks everyone. We will make it through this and all will be happy again....... I hope anyway.

:love: & :hugs: Kris

[MJ]

aww i am sorry to hear this Kris , but hey welcome to our world , i know i get use to the name calling. not too much now days. but yes it hurts our kids can say and do things that hurt us .. but we still love them

[nikki_t]

Wow Kris, I feel the hurt with you. :hugs:

We have a (GG) friend who always seemed so accepting of others as she has lots of gay friends. Then one day, shortly after the new hairspray movie came out, she went off the rails about John Travolta in the movie saying that he always wanted to do that and he was "f***ing f**got" and so on. I was sitting there thinking to myself "Gee, glad I didn't come out to you then!". No doubt, if she ever does get wind of my dressing, like 2 or 3 years down the line or something, she'll be the one wondering why I never told her.

People can be surprising sometimes.

[Jamie001]

If she had made that type of comment, I would have told her right then and there about my CDing in attempt to correct her. I could not have that type of biggoted person as a friend because a friend with that kind of attitude is not worth having. I would always have a chip on my shoulder regarding that person and would not want to spend time with her. It is best to distance yourself from those kind of folks.


Wow Kris, I feel the hurt with you. :hugs:

We have a (GG) friend who always seemed so accepting of others as she has lots of gay friends. Then one day, shortly after the new hairspray movie came out, she went off the rails about John Travolta in the movie saying that he always wanted to do that and he was "f***ing f**got" and so on. I was sitting there thinking to myself "Gee, glad I didn't come out to you then!". No doubt, if she ever does get wind of my dressing, like 2 or 3 years down the line or something, she'll be the one wondering why I never told her.

People can be surprising sometimes.

[Carin's Wife GG]

from another mom!


Louise.

[MJ]

[QUOTE]This is the child that wears womens clothing each Halloween.


he is convinced that now I am going to let some child molester into my life, and the lives of my children.


So when he is all dressed up for Halloween .. say to him why do you want to dress up like a child molester ????

i wonder what he will say :rolleyes:

[JamieTG]

I tend to agree with Deborah Jane in that this reaction may be a self denial thing. In a similar comparison using gays, many times the loudest homophobes (Ted Haggart for instance) are gay themselves. They feel guilty and disgusted by what they are so they lash out. I hope the situation improves Kris.
Jamie

[Kris]

Did you happen to mention that you wanted to go to gay bar to see CDer's or a drag show. Mabey he thought you wanted to go to the gay bar to see other men. Homophobic and being a CDer is not the same thing. I know a couple of CDers that are very homophobic.

JoAnn,
I am totally confused by this question. Did he think that I wanted HIM to see other men? Or me? He knew full well I wanted to go there to see cd'ers. LOL I had already told him that was my preference.. or... LOL Did you think I am a CD too?

Adam is not homophobic.. he believes in gay marriage and has a few gay friends. I think this has more to do with it being his mom, and maybe protecting his younger siblings. At least that is what I am hoping.. anyway.

:hugs: Kris

[Kris]

Wow Kris, I feel the hurt with you. :hugs:

We have a (GG) friend who always seemed so accepting of others as she has lots of gay friends. Then one day, shortly after the new hairspray movie came out, she went off the rails about John Travolta in the movie saying that he always wanted to do that and he was "f***ing f**got" and so on. I was sitting there thinking to myself "Gee, glad I didn't come out to you then!". No doubt, if she ever does get wind of my dressing, like 2 or 3 years down the line or something, she'll be the one wondering why I never told her.

People can be surprising sometimes.


WOW! Well, I am hoping I know him better than that! I would be tempted to wash his mouth out with soap! LOL Even at 21... there are certain things that are not allowed in my house, racial comments, (even if you are that race) and homophobic crap (even if you are gay).

I wish you luck... and no, I wouldn't want to come out to anyone with that attitude at ALL!

:hugs: Kris

[crunchysoda]

Hey Kris,

I am sorry you had to experience that from your son. I also think it *could* be denial, that maybe his anger is more about him than you?

It is also ignorance, everyone acts as if that is such a horrible thing when in reality that can be "fixed" w/education and of course w/an open mind.

He was probably also overwhelmed w/his feelings then your feelings. Also it sounds like he hasnt had the easiest time growing up and is going to be dealing w/that or "not dealing" w/that.

21 is still very young and he has so much to learn.

I am sorry he hurt you. I have a lil boy you know, and I dont even want to think about the roller coaster Ill be on in the next couple of decades.
He must be hurting as well, that's what keeps running through my mind.

:hugs:

[Kris]

[QUOTE=Kris;1019555]


So when he is all dressed up for Halloween .. say to him why do you want to dress up like a child molester ????

i wonder what he will say :rolleyes:

I should have thought of that, but I was so plastered. I did say a few times, and I did get rather sarcastic... that I couldn't believe this was coming from my son who wears womens clothing every Halloween!

I somehow doubt that he will ever dress like a woman again for Halloween after last night! LOL If he does, I bet he hides it from me.

I talked about how HOT Eddie Izzard was in 1998. I was pregnant with Norman. I can't BELIEVE he brought that up. Gosh, I said that I was in love with Cuba Gooding Jr. and Lennox Lewis.. I wonder if he is going to bring them up at sometime too! The point of this statement is that I had no clue that he even remembered Eddie Izzard.

I was drunk and dialing too.. and it REALLY bothered him that I was calling a CD'er. He went on and on about how this person HAS to be lying to me. Now, he is online all the time, does that mean that he is lying to everyone that he talks to?

Urgh! I am trying to make sense out of a nonsense situation. If he can't get over this, then I will see him when he does.. even if that means forever.

I talked to Nick (my 18 yr old) and he said after laughing hysterically... that Adam doesn't hate me. That he was bothered that I was drunk and he made a huge deal out of it just to mess with me. I also asked Nick if I was over the top last night ( I remember everything and it seemed fine to me - but you know how when you are drunk acting a fool looks normal) and he said not at all. I just came in the house and wanted to cuddle... which is not unusual for me so ??

Anyway, he is full of nonsense. I will wait it out and keep you posted. I put a picture of us on my profile. I tried to put one in my signature and it didn't work.

:hugs: Kris

[nikki_t]

If she had made that type of comment, I would have told her right then and there about my CDing in attempt to correct her. I could not have that type of biggoted person as a friend because a friend with that kind of attitude is not worth having. I would always have a chip on my shoulder regarding that person and would not want to spend time with her. It is best to distance yourself from those kind of folks.

I know what you're saying Jamie but here's how I look at: first, I wasn't ready to "out" myself at that moment. Second, I would be choosing to break off not only my friendship with her but also my friendship with her boyfriend whom I like a lot *and* I would also have been choosing to break off my wife's friendship with both of them on my wife's behalf - which she wouldn't be pleased about either. Finally, I wasn't sure if she just hated John Travolta anyway because she *loves* Eddie Izzard BTW. So I gave her the benefit of the doubt.
Also, if I do decide to "out" myself to my friends, she will not be one who I tell. Then, if she finds out at some later stage from someone else and then asks me why I didn't tell her, I can get on my high horse and explain why.

[Kris]

I just wanted to let you all know, since I came here for support that I saw my son this morning for the first time since last weekend.

His car broke down and he called me at 8 this morning to go help him.

Of course the minute that I had him alone, I brought up the subject of crossdressing....... and why he freaked out and was so mean to me. He has done a 180 degree turn around.

I have to admit that I talked to one person who explained to me that I gave him no room to warm up to the idea, I just blurted it out because Cindy started it but... still I could have been more compassionate with him. I was drunk though so I am not going to beat myself up about it. Anyway.......

He gave me a huge hug this morning and told me that he loves me, and that the cding stuff threw him for a loop, but he doesn't care about that now.. He said that if someone makes me happy wearing anything, who is he to judge them.

He then said the problem that he has is that I am meeting people online.. and they could tell me anything and I am gullible and would believe them. His words were, "Mom, you are my momma and I love you and don't want you or the kids to get hurt."

:love: I love my son.. I knew he would turn around.

:hugs: Kris

[Angie G]

Why do some have strong feeling of someyhing they know nothing about.
Sorry your son hurt you I hope he wakes up soon. :hugs:
Angie

[Kris]

Why do some have strong feeling of someyhing they know nothing about.
Sorry your son hurt you I hope he wakes up soon. :hugs:
Angie

Angie,

I think that most people are afraid of things that are different. Most people are like cattle - they freak out over something just because the other cows are freaking out! LOL Maybe they think you will rub off on them and suddenly their children will be like you.. LMAO.. who knows?

And I will have to go back and reread what I wrote but my son DID wake up.. he is very accepting now. He is still worried about us, as he would be with anyone that I meet, but the cross dressing doesn't even come into the equation with him any more. It's a time to celebrate! :cheer: I am a proud momma right now.

:hugs: Kris