Some Advice for the Inexperienced

[jsoto81]

alright heres a little back story before I ask the question. And I'm sorry this might be a long post.

At the beginning of August I went out with a friend for her bacholor party (she was the bride in pants), there were only three of us and the other person was a girl that my friend, Kami, knows from vet school. I had emailed her before just to chat cause Kami said it would be a good idea. So I did and Sahra, the friend of Kami, emailed me back and asked if wanted to got to the party. I did and all went well, we started talking about what kind of people we were into and I had inadvertently blurted out that Sahra was. Well we didn't stick on the topic long before we moved on.

I saw her again at the wedding and Sahra seemed to find reasons to touch me. Little pushes, pinches, she even made sure to keep her leg touching mine. Now I had no idea what kind of person she was, I just thought she was friendly (she likes to hug and tell her friends she appreciates them and loves them) so i thought she was just being friendly. Then when the wedding was over she asked if I'd give her a ride home, lets just say I jumped at the chance but not to obviously. When we got to her house I thought i was just going to drop her off, but she instead invited me in. I stayed for two hours, and she kind of wouldn't let me leave. When I did finally leave I had confessed that Kami said I shouldn't fall in love with her and she inturn told me that at the wedding Kami told her "don't hook up with Ben". I was a little shocked. When I finally walked out the door I walked right to the car, and to my amazement she was disappointed that I didn't give her a hug. So went back and did.

A few weeks later we went to the beach with her dog and had a great time, we did the whole "I'm-not-sure-if-you-like-me-so-I'm-going-to-pick-you-up-and-toss-you-into-the-water", or push you and pinch you, put mud in your hair (can you believe i'm 26 and she's 28). You know the grade school thing boys do to girls. Well the beach turned into dinner and then dinner turned into a movie at her house. Half way through the movie she proped her legs up on me and started tickling my arm. Now, I'm completely oblivious to what this means cause I haven't flurted with a girl in .... god almost 4 years. Long story short, we kissed (she made the first move and that's so hot) and our date for the evening turned into a 24 hour date (I won't get into details).

Now for the question. I really like this girl and would love for it to turn into something more. She said she isn't looking for a realtionship right now cause of school and it wouldn't be fair to whom ever she was with, which I understand. But I want to know what everyone thinks. Should I just keep it casual until she's done with school or should i tell her how i feel after a few dates?

Thanks everyone, god dating's so hard and I'm a little rusty. And I'm completely obvious to girls.

[ZenFrost]

I'm not gonna lie here, girls confuse the heck out of me. My best advice would be to play it by ear. Test out the waters first, start with a few dates but don't let it get too serious until you think she'll be open to something more.

[Dasein9]

Sounds to me as though there's a conflict between what she wants and what she knows is sensible. Dude, she wants you. Even I would've picked up on those signals, and that's saying a lot. But she knows school's important, which it is.

Part of this, you can help with. Part of it, you can't. The wisdom is, as always, figuring out which part is which.

And, you need to know what YOU want. Do you want a relationship? If so, keep in mind that if you get it, you may become the scapegoat for any way her schoolwork may fall short. If you don't get it, then your needs won't be satisfied.

If, however, you want something casual-with-potential, and if that is NOT settling, then there may be good reason to repeat the encounter from time to time, and then watch both your reactions and see if it stays casual or not.

Of course, I've had no successful adult relationships, so you should probably take what I say with a grain of salt.

[jsoto81]

And, you need to know what YOU want. Do you want a relationship? If so, keep in mind that if you get it, you may become the scapegoat for any way her schoolwork may fall short. If you don't get it, then your needs won't be satisfied.


Hey thanks everyone. I am ready for a relationship, even though my ex and I broke up a little less than a year ago she'd left the relationship long before that and just didn't inform me. I know school work should be to hard for Sahra cause I don't live in the same city she does, so hopefully it wouldn't come to her homework falling behind. I remember how important it is and won't let her slack off on account of me.

But for now I'll play it by ear like suggested and see where it goes from here.