Suicidal thoughts

[Kris]

I want everyone who can speak on this subject to tell me.....

How real suicidal thoughts are from someone who is transgender...?
How seriously can I take a promise that they will not hurt themselves?
Will they lie to me?
What would YOU do if a friend confided in you about this?
Someone that you know only on the website......

Kris

[Holly]

Kris, see my PM to you.

[Vaerise]

How real suicidal thoughts are from someone who is transgender...?

It all depends on the outlook of the individual, the things that they are personally going through and their emotional threshold... the kind of support or the amount of support they are getting or need, So it varies..
I can only speak from personal experience, I have suicidal thoughts or attempted suicide more than 10 times, sometimes it is very difficult to maintain an optimistic view. If the individual feels that they are really really pushed to the edge and there are no longer any more solution then the likelihood of suicide is very real and possible.


How seriously can I take a promise that they will not hurt themselves?

I can't say for sure.. but sometimes it might depends on how much you mean to them. How much support that he/she receives from people around him/her, friends & family. I feel that if they promise that they won't hurt themselves its likely that they wont, as long as people around them are positive and supportive.


Will they lie to me?

Not likely, they would not.. INTENTIONALLY lie, if you mean anything to them.


What would YOU do if a friend confided in you about this?
Someone that you know only on the website......


I would seek to understand, listen to them. Doing research, so I know what they are going through and be able to offer the right type of support and not say the wrong things. And maybe be there physically for them...
As for online... it is a little harder to tell, since you can't figure out emotions via text, unless of course you chatting via webcam too..

Maybe give the person a phone call or something check if they are alright, listen to them. Maybe once a day until they stabilize...

Other than that I can't think of anything else...

I'm sorry that I'm not of much help, but hope you can overcome the ordeal that you might be going through...

[AmberTG]

Well, I know that my suicidal thoughts were pretty real to me! It scared me more then a few times that I would actually seriously contemplate taking one of my pistols and shoot myself with it. That's one of the things that finally prompted me to seek help.

[crunchysoda]

I cant speak for someone that is TG, but I had a bf that use to "threaten" me w/statements about him killing himself. It was a sad and sick way of manipulating me to get me to do or feel the way he wanted.

It took a long while and too many mind games for me to realize what he was actually doing. Me questioning my own sanity and thought process, really did a number on me

My mother attempted suicide when I was a child and well Ive got my own theories about that as well, sigh.

It's really hard to say as you just *never* know. It is better to be safe than sorry, but at some point you have to think about how much responsibility you can take on for this person.

The person needs and deserves help regardless if he/she is serious about committing suicide. You can not *save* anyone, you can offer help, and at the same time there's only so much you can do. Even call 911 if you have a conversation/interaction, ect. w/them that leads you to believe that they are going through w/it.

I am sorry for you and your friend, I hope they get the help they need.

[Satin_Lover_13]

What happens if you have them but it does not scare me anymore? Don't run, hold, hug and love that person. I have them during my lonely darkest days.

For the past 3 to 4 months i write my poems regardless how dark they are it gets my thoughts out.

Love your friend. If they ask for help do even more. :hugs::love:

[GypsyKaren]

A transgendered person is just a person like anyone else, so take what is said the same way you would for anyone else.

Karen Starlene

[eleventhdr]

you do not have to be transgenerd to have these thoughts.

I am under therepy and they are alsways trying to think that they can drum this out of you when they can not if and when ypou are this way you will be this way for life it is so much like being cd but kind of worse as it means escaping your own relaity permanently somehow!

Suzy Ann!

[Cara Allen]

you do not have to be transgenerd to have these thoughts.

I am under therepy and they are alsways trying to think that they can drum this out of you when they can not if and when you are this way you will be this way for life it is so much like being cd but kind of worse as it means escaping your own relaity permanently somehow!

Suzy Ann!

Suzy,

Get a new therapist, hon. You are paying good money to teach a therapist about your condition. (S)he is supposed to be teaching YOU about how to get your life right. Not only is this wrong monetarily, it is also a drain on you emotionally. I have been there, and done that, and you come out the other end in two years with them saying, "Gee, sorry. Can't help you!"

You first question to a new therapist should be, "Hoiw much do you know about Transgenderism?" I just ended therapy with a psychiatrist after the second session, because he knew nothing about this, and in fact could not even say "Gender Dysphoria."

Don't hesitate to end this. You are, first and foremost, a Customer. Don't let them take advantage of you, because you need help. The fact that (S)he will not automatically refer you to a therapist knowledgeable about our issues tells you something, but sometimes these guys think they are all powerful, and forget they are just offering a service.

Get thee to a gender clinic!

[Kieron Andrew]

How real suicidal thoughts are from someone who is transgender...?as real as ANYONE that has suicidial thoughts, its a dark place to be in any circumstances


How seriously can I take a promise that they will not hurt themselves?There will be absolutely no guarentee of this, im a cutter and ive in the past said 'oh i wont cut', an hour later....bingo, this IMO is the same deal because there is no or very little rational thinking going on at the moments of darkness


Will they lie to me?Deceive you from the truth that they may try suicide?, quite possibly



What would YOU do if a friend confided in you about this?
Someone that you know only on the website......
Id encourage them to seek medical advice, by that i mean doctor, therapist etc....or if there is a local helpline/group to them offer to help search out the details, and if they live close enough offer to go with them

[stacie]

www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

[Kris]

A transgendered person is just a person like anyone else, so take what is said the same way you would for anyone else.

Karen Starlene

I believe that someone, ANYONE with these thoughts are to be taken very seriously. I know this person isn't trying to manipulate me.
I guess I wasn't clear on my questions - this person talked about how her body issues had caused her so much grief and how some tgirls don't make it. I was wondering if the statistics are higher?? Like I am native and we have a lower tolerance for alcohol... nothing judging or anything of the sort.
I am sorry if I didn't come across clearly - I did it right after and was slightly worried - it did come as a shock.
Kris

[Kieron Andrew]

I was wondering if the statistics are higher??

yup Trans suicides are a high ratio

[Kris]

as real as ANYONE that has suicidial thoughts, its a dark place to be in any circumstances

There will be absolutely no guarentee of this, im a cutter and ive in the past said 'oh i wont cut', an hour later....bingo, this IMO is the same deal because there is no or very little rational thinking going on at the moments of darkness

Deceive you from the truth that they may try suicide?, quite possibly


Id encourage them to seek medical advice, by that i mean doctor, therapist etc....or if there is a local helpline/group to them offer to help search out the details, and if they live close enough offer to go with them

Keiron,

I guess I needed to think more before I posted here. I had worked at womens crisis lines before and I know the basics of what to do. She is going to see her therapist today and I made her promise that she would be extremely open - and tell the therapist her plan. If she was closer I would go with her if it would help.
I want to know about specific things that are different.. like trying to have an understanding - anything that I need to say that is especially supportive. Once again, not singling anyone out - I am a survivor of domestic violence and I KNOW the first thing that we need to hear it, it is NOT our fault.... and try to point that out. I know someone who is TG is the same as the rest of the world, but she made it sound like the likelyhood of it happening was higher...

I also have to differ from your opinion about cutting. It is a VERY rational thought process to cut...... and you are using every coping skill you can think of to make it through what you are doing. No, it doesn't SEEM rational to the rest of the world but most of the world doesn't understand. Please give yourself credit. It may not be the BEST coping skill and it is good to find others to have another option in the darkest of moments, but please don't knock what has helped you come this far.

:hugs: Kris

[dancinginthedark]

Google Answers: suicide rates in the transgender / transsexual ... (http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=530575)



From talking with my friends here I am inclined to believe the rates may be much higher.

I found a link with a bit of information but not the full story..

and Kris I agree that cutting can be seen as a coping mechanism...I don't cut because I am trying to kill myself. I cut so I won't.

I have to think that is true no matter what my gender or if I am TG or not. Desperate is desperate. :(

dancin

[AmberTG]

I have to say that it was a shock to me when my therapist told me that a large percentage of people never even have suicidal thoughts, I thought it was normal to think about it from time to time. A real sign of clinical depression. What really helped me, more than anything else, to cope with these thoughts was the anti-depressant that they put me on. It's not a large dose, but it was enough to correct my brain chemistry enough to give me the ability to cope with life, and get on with my life.

[MJ]

How real suicidal thoughts are from someone who is transgender...?

there are very real , There Fear , Shame , Guilt , years of denial and hiding for one self there pain is real and there Fear of being found out when they feel there is no hope no love no joy . no family no friends no work ... would you want to live like that !! ? i would say 45% rate


How seriously can I take a promise that they will not hurt themselves?

thats a hard question it depends on there state of mind.. when there ready nothing can stop them , and for the most part you can't see it coming until you hear the news
i lost two friends this way , i don't think i could have done anything to prevent it


Will they lie to me?

no because if they talk about it then is more likely they won't , it's when they stop talking i would get concerned


what would YOU do if a friend confided in you about this?, Someone that you know only on the website......

just be there friend , talk with them . show them respect and friendship , there is nothing else you can do ...

Those of us who have depression and or suicidal thoughts have a very hard time dealing our realty the best we can hope for is an average day if things get real bad it could be the trigger that ends there sad lives
and after a few weeks they are forgotten and life get back to normal

in there minds nobody love or respects me .. so nobody will miss me when i am gone and no more pressure from life

IT is so very hard to explain what it feels like to be trans so untrans people can understand

[Bridget Fitzgerald]

Its very real.

[Stephenie S]

The current medical protocol REQUIRES that we take all threats of suicide seriously. This means that if a patient mentions ANY suicidal ideations, they are immediately placed on suicide precautions and a psych consult is ordered.

This is standard medical practice today. One person I am aquainted with merely mentioned suicide to her therapist and before she knew it she found herself in the psych ward of the local hospital.

So my advice would be to treat all suicide threats seriously.

Stephenie

[melissaK]

My :2c: is probably little help, but a year ago I needed an ear and guidance in my darkest moments, and reaching out for help was a Herculean task for me. Your involvement and supportive efforts, even via an email from afar, seem like the right thing to me.

A difficult thread for me. I have some part of me that ventures into those dark places, and a year ago I was there too often. I hurt so bad emotionally. Reading that the suicide rate among transgendered is higher than the general population scared me. I thought everyone thought about it, guess not, eh? Amber.

My personality fractured badly over this realization a year ago, and that makes my explaining all this kind of nonsensical to many, but in short a part of me got real real scared and dragged that dark disparing part of me into counselling and I set about changing myself. Just reading this thread is unsettling. Still healing I suppose.

Hugs,
'lissa

[Kris]

My personality fractured badly over this realization a year ago, and that makes my explaining all this kind of nonsensical to many, but in short a part of me got real real scared and dragged that dark disparing part of me into counselling and I set about changing myself. Just reading this thread is unsettling. Still healing I suppose.

Hugs,
'lissa

I just wanted to let everyone know...... for one, I am in social work.. but wanted a trans persons opinion. I kind of have a "feel" for these things.. and have had extensive training. I have worked on a crisis line before. My point was and I am sorry if I wasn't clear...... I wanted a T persons perspective. I KNOW they are like everyone else, but wasn't sure about the suicide rate... Also.... I wanted help on specific issues.. IE.. DV survivors need to be told they are not at fault.

And MelissaK ~ I am sorry this unsettled you but I want you to know that things are MUCH better with this woman and she is getting the help that she needs. She has made commitments to me and other people that I believe that she will follow through with.. So, I am GLAD she reached out and I was able to give her advise that she swore she would follow...... and she did. :D All is much better.

Once again, I am sorry about you being triggered by this. Next time I will ask in PM's to avoid this in the future. Well, lets hope it doesn't happen again..... but in case...

:hugs: and :love:'s

Kris

[Daintre]

I can only speak from my own experiences:

How real suicidal thoughts are from someone who is transgender...?

All threats of suicide should be taken very seriously.

How seriously can I take a promise that they will not hurt themselves?

When I was in the ER after attempting suicide (they pumped my stomach), that question was asked, I had every intension of doing it again, but my answer was that I would promise not to.

Will they lie to me?

I would never lie to a friend or a family member who I thought cared about me. If it meant the difference of a Doctor commiting me for observation or me going home, well, I chose going home.

What would YOU do if a friend confided in you about this?

Talk, and keep talking while trying to get help to the person. I worked a distress line and I dealt with a suicide call. Communication was the key in the suicide not happening, the next day, a message was relayed to me thanking me for listening.

[Sarahgurl371]

Kris I think that every one else here has pretty much stated correctly that the issues or thoughts of "why I should do this" are the same as most of the general population. Loss of friends and family, nobody loves me, no future, etc. I have seen this many times in a past career.

I think the obvious issue from a TG/TS perpsective is obviously the GID is the cause of the "no one loves me" or "I have no future" thoughts. In other words, if I was born "normal", either way really, I would be happy and want to live. But because I have all these thoughts about gender, and am unable to deal with them and find some peace with it, I am considering suicide as the only way out.

I think, and know from experience, a person who is intent on comitting suicide, will lie and do everything necessary to accomplish it. Therefore, I would say that any person who confides suicidal thoughts, or attempts should receive prompt medical attention. Ture, just talking about the issue and the underlying causes may help, but in the end I guess I think that the person should receive some counseling.

[Kimberley]

Been there so here it is from my POV as a survivor.

First, suicidal ideation is not a joke and needs to be taken seriously. People who joke about it arent joking.

Second. Suicidal preparation usually is obvious but subtle. Look for little signs of the person "giving up" by giving away very personal things including their thoughts and memories.

Third. Suicide is not a cowardly act. It takes a lot of strength to follow through.

Fourth. It happens when the person has no coping skills left in their basket. The basket is empty. They see no hope and no future only feel a deep despair and a lot of pain with living. It is imperative that the person contemplating suicide sees this. In and of itself it provides a bit of hope.

Fifth. There are hotlines that can and will help. If it is possible, stay with that person and help them through the next 24 to 48 hours when they are still vulnerable. Every hour lived puts a little bit back in the basket.

Lastly. Professional help, and as fast as you can get it.

It saved my life.
:hugs:
Kimberley

[MJ]

Been there so here it is from my POV as a survivor.

First, suicidal ideation is not a joke and needs to be taken seriously. People who joke about it arent joking.

Second. Suicidal preparation usually is obvious but subtle. Look for little signs of the person "giving up" by giving away very personal things including their thoughts and memories.

Third. Suicide is not a cowardly act. It takes a lot of strength to follow through.


Fourth. It happens when the person has no coping skills left in their basket. The basket is empty. They see no hope and no future only feel a deep despair and a lot of pain with living. It is imperative that the person contemplating suicide sees this. In and of itself it provides a bit of hope.

Fifth. There are hotlines that can and will help. If it is possible, stay with that person and help them through the next 24 to 48 hours when they are still vulnerable. Every hour lived puts a little bit back in the basket.

Lastly. Professional help, and as fast as you can get it.

It saved my life.
:hugs:
Kimberley

Hope thats the key , you get up everyday doing the same thing like being in a hamster wheel no matter how fast you run you always end up in the same place or every hour lived is another hour of hell i guess it depends on your point of view ..


Look for little signs of the person "giving up" by giving away very personal things including their thoughts and memories.

or there are those who you don't see we trade a lie in order to live another lie .. were does it end were is the truth we trade reality for another realty and it no better than the first so we try to cope it's not easy it's not fair

[Katie Ashe]

My :2c:
How real suicidal thoughts are from someone who is transgender...? Very real, and some do follow through. Right or Wrong, it is there answer to there problems when all else fails.
How seriously can I take a promise that they will not hurt themselves?
As seriously as the day there having. If it is going to happen, it can't be prevented, or most likely will.
Will they lie to me? Yes they will, only so you don't worry or feel gulity.
What would YOU do if a friend confided in you about this? Same as people here have done for me, just listen with open arms and understanding. It maybe enough for them to live one more day.
Someone that you know only on the website......You may be their last hope, as everyone know, suicide is the last resort, If you care enough, which you do, just be there for them, this curse sucks and is to some is worse than cancer. Cancer will kill you eventually, Gender issues are life long torture, why do you think 90% never come out, cause they see what others go through. Well I think I said too much as is. :titanic:

[melissaK]

I faound an interesting paper on depression, and suicide as an extension of depression. The general idea is depression is an evolutionary adaptation to obtain help from those with whom one is in conflict. Its authored by Ed Hagen and Paul Watson. It is a new theory and has some critics. It makes no mention of transsexuals or gender issues, but we have difficult personal issues to solve and we are prone to depression. But mostly, I felt a lot better after reading it, so I am passing on the link.

http://biology.unm.edu/Biology/pwatson/public_html/HWT.pdf

hte main page with other links is: http://biology.unm.edu/Biology/pwatson/public_html/dp1.htm

Hugs,
'lissa

[Rita B]

I believe that someone, ANYONE with these thoughts are to be taken very seriously. I know this person isn't trying to manipulate me.
I guess I wasn't clear on my questions - this person talked about how her body issues had caused her so much grief and how some tgirls don't make it. I was wondering if the statistics are higher?? Like I am native and we have a lower tolerance for alcohol... nothing judging or anything of the sort.
I am sorry if I didn't come across clearly - I did it right after and was slightly worried - it did come as a shock.
Kris Though I myself did not qualify for SRS due to physical reasons and because of a failed attempted suicide, I have had many transexual friends. One thing that I have noticed is that transexuals who have successfully gone through transition and have had SRS tend to assimilate more in the general population and accept their new gender roles. It does not have anything to do with the transgender community. It's just that having gone through the trauma they have reached a new level and just want to live their life that way. . . . and yes, we should always take someone who talks about suicide seriously. Healthy people just don't act and talk that way. I know. . .