A GG needing help

[mscreative9]

I have been searching in hoping to talk to some cross dressers for awhile and i'm hoping that I may be able to get some type of answers to help me, more to what I should be expecting out of my husband.
I have been married now for 4 years only to find out that he is a cross-dresser - it never bothered me he wanted to wear lacey underwear, but he has come to a stage of bra's dresses and wigs. One thing is to try and support someone you love, but enough is enough when your marriage made of excuses to why you cant sleep and make love to your wife. I have read up material which states - there is no cure, which I would never want to change anybody but more to try and understand someone that tries to hang on to a wife and 2 boys, yet want to be a female.
I may be seemed abit selfish but i really do need some help. If you would like to write to me personally, i'd love to hear from you. jcmconstruction@yahoo.com

Thanks
Denise

[Julie]

Denise, I have moved this from the thread you posted it in down in the F/M section as it's more relevent to the M/F section. I'm sure you'll get plenty of advice.

There is also a GG section here where you could join by PMing Tamara GG, there will certainly be much support to be gained there with other GG's who'll understand your situation.

JJ

[azncd]

there's a couple of issues to think about... first off, is it that he just wants to dress, or actually become a woman? if it's that he just wants to dress, it's possible that there's gonna be a bit of an adjustment period after coming out to you.
another thing to consider would be is there a place where you both can compromise? can it be that there are specific times where he's allowed to dress, and others where it might be agreed upon that it might not be the best time?
also, he needs to understand that it's gonna take some time for you to adjust as well. ask him to put himself in your position, and i think he'll come to realize that he's very lucky to have someone supportive enough to reach out and look for help.
good luck

[Kimberly]

Relationships are about two people - and from the way you've put it, your husband seems a little selfish, not you. He must think of what it must be like for you, and so talk about what you both want, (although it is evident what he wants.) Compromise is the key - so no worries. You've just got to work things out :)

[ToniB]

mscreative99
As a CDer myself, who has been (happily) married for 35 years to a wife who "doesn't want to know" about my CD activities, I see your husband as a lucky fellah to have a wife who not only wants to try and understand, but is happy to go along with it. Others will tell you that the key is communication, communication, communication.

CDing is like a continuous line, stretching from those who get satisfaction from wearing silky panties under their male clothes, right up to those who really want to become female, and have the operation to achieve that. We are all at different points along that line. I'm truly heterosexual and monogamous, I really enjoy my sexual relationship with my wife, and I've never had another sexual partner, and I don't want to change that. I would enjoy wearing lingerie while we make love, if my wife would agree, because it thrills me. Occasionally, I'd love to wear full make-up, wig and (tastefully) sexy clothing, and go out in public, as long as I could be sure no-one I know would ever find out, but that's as far as it goes. I also enjoy my maleness when "the urge" doesn't take me. If my wife was more supportive at the times I wish to dress, I'd be more than happy to continue to be her "man" at all other times. I'm still the same person she married, but there is one side to me that she didn't know about at the time.

You really need to know what your husband (honestly) wants to be and to do, and a frank conversation is the only way to find out. Take some time out for that, lots of time, and then you will know whether it is something you can tolerate or not. By all means, set him your limits. You may need lots of time to come to terms with each step on the way. If he has half an ounce of love for you, he will accept that. As your relationship develops, you may find it possible to extend these limits, but do not rush things, you may get out of your depth very quickly, and it will not do either of you any good. I'd be in seventh heaven to be going down this path with my own wife, but sadly, it's not to be. But I still put her first before my CD wants.

I hope my words have been helpful to you both.

ToniB

[AnnaMaria]

MsCreative,

I read your post and I felt that Ijust had to respond. I am a cd myself who is married to a woman who sounds to be much like you. When I first told my wife she had a lot of questions and still does from time to time. I feel that it is my responsibility to answer her questions as best I can because I am her husband and to me that is my first responsibility. I always make sure that my family comes first.

When I first told her I was scared out of my witts but I knew that I had to do it because if I didn't I would be lying to her and that was something that I just couldn't do. For us, the thing that has helped the most is communication. We talk often about everything. Not just cding, but everything. And I have noticed that since we have started to talk more and more we get closer and closer in our personal relationship.

And yes we have set boundries for my dressing. I don't dress when there are others in the house which is no big deal for me because I work second shift and she works first and our children are gone during the day as well so I don't have to worry about trying to explain it to them at this point.

I don't dress in front of her because she doesn't believe that she is ready for it just yet but we have been taking steps toward the day when I will dress in front of her. For instance she just last week saw me for the first time in makeup for the first time.

If you really want to learn more about transgenders in general you should really try to get Helen Boyd's book "My Husband Betty" I am sure that it will give you some insight into our lives. Though keep in mind Helen does recomend that partners not read past chapter four until later in your relationship because of the fact that she deals with matters in those chapters that could cause some concern for those who are still scared by the idea of being with a cd. It is also a great book for the cd as well because it will allow the cd to see what is going on in your heart and mind as well. I know for sure that her book has been a big help to our relationship and has helped my wife to better understand what it all means. Though please understand that you will never fully understand the why because you are not a cd in truth we ourselves don't fully understand it so how can we explain it fully to someone else.

I hope I havn't said anything that will scare you in any way or make you reconsider the idea of wanting to support your husband because in truth your love and support are what makes it possible for us to live with who we are. I know that if it wasn't for my wife being as supportive as she is I would probably have already started seeing a doctor for depression or something like that because I am a very emotional person and without her help I could never deal with all the emotions that sometimes seem to overwhelm me.

If you would like to chat further just drop me an email. I am always willing to try to help as much as I can whenever I can. I am online for atleast a couple hours every morning. My email is: annamaria_25@hotmail.com

huggs
anna

[Wenda]

You are not selfish. Depending upon personalities, this can open a range of reactions going from disgust all the way to stimulation. The fact that you are looking for opinions is a very good sign. Share this discussion with your hubby. The other girls have already said it well, so no point in me re-stating it. best wishes. wenda.

[Tamara Croft]

Hiya Denise

Welcome to the forum. I've sent you a PM to join GG Forum. Hope to see you in there to talk further about your problems :)

Tamara x