Calliope
10-06-2007, 09:57 AM
Is It Utopia Yet?
That's the witty title of Twin Oaks' founder Kat Kinkade's second communitarian memoir (1994), in which the founder of America's longest-lasting (40 years), most successful intentional community (formerly commune) debunks her earlier, Walden Two-inspired euphoria for the benefit of idealistic youngsters seeking out secular, egalitarian heaven-on-earth. Visitors are greeted (at Aurora, the guest bunk) with a faq "fingerbook" entitled Not Utopia Yet. So, there.
I first visited in 1998, back when I was a ideologically-driven, B.F. Skinner-championing, card-carrying member of the Communist Party (USA). I was also (presenting as) a male. I loved the place, a pragmatic blend of New Age liberalism and 19th century rural socialism. I was cool with the exacting labor quota (40-some hours a week, performing a variety of income-producing & domestic tasks, in exchange for food, shelter & community). When asked what sort of work I preferred, I suggested cooking and cleaning. Fond of me, too, Twin Oaks readily accepted me for membership.
Alas, my life in the mainstream had other plans for me, so I had to decline the invitation. Sorrowful years on, I consoled myself with the knowledge that quasiutopia would wait. Indeed, Twin Oaks flourished over the years, and, eventually, momentous life events decreed I would give it another shot. (Walking from Menlo Park [California] to neighboring Palo Alto, I saw a funky homespun sign: Twin Oaks. Cosmic?)
As it turned out, I (a recently divorced housewife) had a lot more experience at cooking and cleaning to offer. So, just last month, I returned to Twin Oaks, travelling 4,000 miles (from San Francisco to Charlottesville, Virgina) via Greyhound bus, intending resolutely to join as a member. I was immensely relieved to see how little the place (farm village) had changed. To my relief, many of the same folks were there.
I had changed. This time around I was a lot less ideologically driven (and had let my CPUSA dues expire), preferring a more intuitive approach to life. This shift reflects the larger change in me: I was now living as a (nonop) transgendered woman. Although I possess a California State ID which decrees meF, after a year intensively enfemme (makeup, body shaving, dresses, padding) - without any success finding work - I decided to forgo passing and just let the MtFt? bisexual bottom organic tranny real me shine through.
But that was groovy, as Twin Oaks' website said:
As a feminist culture, at Twin Oaks we tend to disregard traditional gender roles and behavior. Women and men choose their roles in the community based on their interests, strengths, and passions, not on anyone else's preconceived notions. Women and men operate chainsaws and drive tractors, and men and women cook and care for children. We all wear clothing we find comfortable - pants for working in, skirts for coolness or festivity, heedless of mainstream ideas of 'acceptable' fashion choices. Our commitment to fostering a supportive and joyful environment for all people - women, men, lesbians, gays, and children - is an integral part of Twin Oaks Community.
Well, maybe - or maybe not.
Things were going along swimmingly for me until laundry night. Seems someone decided to yank my pinkpinkpink clothes outta the commune dryer (visitors asked to do their after dinner), toss them in a basket upside down (not visible) with my name tag set on top - with another basket of laundry (someone else's) placed on top, rightsideup. A little Go To Hell sculpture. Obvious it was, a least one person at Twin Oaks did not like me in the least. As it turned out, several of my clothes, plopped on a dirty floor, received permanent stains. When I mentioned this unhappy development to the community at large, everyone expressed shock and solicitude.
Anyway, from there, things were again marvelous. I got on well with the other visitors. I got on well with community members.
In particular, many of the women there were exceedingly kind to me. Madge, in particular, took me under her wing in the kitchen and offered me several opportunities to work with her, a real pleasure. Aubee, a stone butch goddess, gave me a (pink) Women's Conference T-shirt (as an unspoken token of her appreciation for my decision to not ask to attend the Women's Conference). Jess took a poignant moment to tell me she hoped I would soon be living there. Byrd, Rosie, Lotus Vortex, Elsa - they were all so friendly to this ugly duckling! Motivated by girl power, I was having no trouble keeping up with the labor quota.
There was one little spot of concern, though. His name is Bucket - a big, bearded dude whose calling card was the fact EastWind (Twin Oaks' sister community in the Ozarks) kicked him out. Oh, yeah, his other calling card: Bucket was one of the three individuals in charge of accepting or denying prospective membership at Twin Oaks. Although the other two people on the Community Membership Team (CMT) were women, who conspicuously liked me, Bucket made me nervous. Why? Well, he was always calling me "he" even when the other 80 members called me "she."
But primarily, it was his "joking" comments to me - such as "You better kiss my ass 'cause I'm on the CMT" and "Of course, the power dynamic between us will be different at your membership interview."
And, indeed, that spooked me. He noticed - and approached me to "clear the air." I told him I thought his comments were inappropriate. He "didn't recall" making those comments but insisted, had he, they would have only been "jokes" to "diffuse any nervousness." Then he assured me that, as a member of the Membership Team, he was voting for my inclusion at Twin Oaks. I took him at his word. Since the other two CMT members, Hawina and Kristen, emphatically told me they supported my inclusion, I went back to my happy mindset. After all, I believed in Twin Oaks.
Then, I got the word. Twin Oaks decided against accepting me for membership. Hawina professed to be stunned. Although 27 people voted - in the most glowing terms (such as "Yay pink power!") - to accept me, there were 6 against: 2 reject and 4 'visit again.' Comments such as "seems attention-seeking" and "hints of body image issues" (from the two 'voting' reject) clearly infer an antitrans bias in deciding against my membership. Yes, it's true the majority of Twin Oakers were supportive of my pinkness - but it's also true the antipink people got to "win out" and hang me up, requiring me to visit again for another 3-week visitor period ... when I can ill afford to do so and (4,000 miles past a bad divorce) this gal really needs some stability in her life.
"Not Utopia Yet" - indeed.
I'm heading back next week to visit again. It's not like I have a lot of options. TG, no 'real work' experience in 10 years, almost 50. Grr, f***in' economy, f***in' society, life is tough for trannies (even in 'utopia'). Wish me luck; more later.
That's the witty title of Twin Oaks' founder Kat Kinkade's second communitarian memoir (1994), in which the founder of America's longest-lasting (40 years), most successful intentional community (formerly commune) debunks her earlier, Walden Two-inspired euphoria for the benefit of idealistic youngsters seeking out secular, egalitarian heaven-on-earth. Visitors are greeted (at Aurora, the guest bunk) with a faq "fingerbook" entitled Not Utopia Yet. So, there.
I first visited in 1998, back when I was a ideologically-driven, B.F. Skinner-championing, card-carrying member of the Communist Party (USA). I was also (presenting as) a male. I loved the place, a pragmatic blend of New Age liberalism and 19th century rural socialism. I was cool with the exacting labor quota (40-some hours a week, performing a variety of income-producing & domestic tasks, in exchange for food, shelter & community). When asked what sort of work I preferred, I suggested cooking and cleaning. Fond of me, too, Twin Oaks readily accepted me for membership.
Alas, my life in the mainstream had other plans for me, so I had to decline the invitation. Sorrowful years on, I consoled myself with the knowledge that quasiutopia would wait. Indeed, Twin Oaks flourished over the years, and, eventually, momentous life events decreed I would give it another shot. (Walking from Menlo Park [California] to neighboring Palo Alto, I saw a funky homespun sign: Twin Oaks. Cosmic?)
As it turned out, I (a recently divorced housewife) had a lot more experience at cooking and cleaning to offer. So, just last month, I returned to Twin Oaks, travelling 4,000 miles (from San Francisco to Charlottesville, Virgina) via Greyhound bus, intending resolutely to join as a member. I was immensely relieved to see how little the place (farm village) had changed. To my relief, many of the same folks were there.
I had changed. This time around I was a lot less ideologically driven (and had let my CPUSA dues expire), preferring a more intuitive approach to life. This shift reflects the larger change in me: I was now living as a (nonop) transgendered woman. Although I possess a California State ID which decrees meF, after a year intensively enfemme (makeup, body shaving, dresses, padding) - without any success finding work - I decided to forgo passing and just let the MtFt? bisexual bottom organic tranny real me shine through.
But that was groovy, as Twin Oaks' website said:
As a feminist culture, at Twin Oaks we tend to disregard traditional gender roles and behavior. Women and men choose their roles in the community based on their interests, strengths, and passions, not on anyone else's preconceived notions. Women and men operate chainsaws and drive tractors, and men and women cook and care for children. We all wear clothing we find comfortable - pants for working in, skirts for coolness or festivity, heedless of mainstream ideas of 'acceptable' fashion choices. Our commitment to fostering a supportive and joyful environment for all people - women, men, lesbians, gays, and children - is an integral part of Twin Oaks Community.
Well, maybe - or maybe not.
Things were going along swimmingly for me until laundry night. Seems someone decided to yank my pinkpinkpink clothes outta the commune dryer (visitors asked to do their after dinner), toss them in a basket upside down (not visible) with my name tag set on top - with another basket of laundry (someone else's) placed on top, rightsideup. A little Go To Hell sculpture. Obvious it was, a least one person at Twin Oaks did not like me in the least. As it turned out, several of my clothes, plopped on a dirty floor, received permanent stains. When I mentioned this unhappy development to the community at large, everyone expressed shock and solicitude.
Anyway, from there, things were again marvelous. I got on well with the other visitors. I got on well with community members.
In particular, many of the women there were exceedingly kind to me. Madge, in particular, took me under her wing in the kitchen and offered me several opportunities to work with her, a real pleasure. Aubee, a stone butch goddess, gave me a (pink) Women's Conference T-shirt (as an unspoken token of her appreciation for my decision to not ask to attend the Women's Conference). Jess took a poignant moment to tell me she hoped I would soon be living there. Byrd, Rosie, Lotus Vortex, Elsa - they were all so friendly to this ugly duckling! Motivated by girl power, I was having no trouble keeping up with the labor quota.
There was one little spot of concern, though. His name is Bucket - a big, bearded dude whose calling card was the fact EastWind (Twin Oaks' sister community in the Ozarks) kicked him out. Oh, yeah, his other calling card: Bucket was one of the three individuals in charge of accepting or denying prospective membership at Twin Oaks. Although the other two people on the Community Membership Team (CMT) were women, who conspicuously liked me, Bucket made me nervous. Why? Well, he was always calling me "he" even when the other 80 members called me "she."
But primarily, it was his "joking" comments to me - such as "You better kiss my ass 'cause I'm on the CMT" and "Of course, the power dynamic between us will be different at your membership interview."
And, indeed, that spooked me. He noticed - and approached me to "clear the air." I told him I thought his comments were inappropriate. He "didn't recall" making those comments but insisted, had he, they would have only been "jokes" to "diffuse any nervousness." Then he assured me that, as a member of the Membership Team, he was voting for my inclusion at Twin Oaks. I took him at his word. Since the other two CMT members, Hawina and Kristen, emphatically told me they supported my inclusion, I went back to my happy mindset. After all, I believed in Twin Oaks.
Then, I got the word. Twin Oaks decided against accepting me for membership. Hawina professed to be stunned. Although 27 people voted - in the most glowing terms (such as "Yay pink power!") - to accept me, there were 6 against: 2 reject and 4 'visit again.' Comments such as "seems attention-seeking" and "hints of body image issues" (from the two 'voting' reject) clearly infer an antitrans bias in deciding against my membership. Yes, it's true the majority of Twin Oakers were supportive of my pinkness - but it's also true the antipink people got to "win out" and hang me up, requiring me to visit again for another 3-week visitor period ... when I can ill afford to do so and (4,000 miles past a bad divorce) this gal really needs some stability in her life.
"Not Utopia Yet" - indeed.
I'm heading back next week to visit again. It's not like I have a lot of options. TG, no 'real work' experience in 10 years, almost 50. Grr, f***in' economy, f***in' society, life is tough for trannies (even in 'utopia'). Wish me luck; more later.