Why?

[Midnight_Minx]

(not sure if this has been addressed before - if it has, please feel free to delete)

I have noticed through a lot of the posts, that there seems to be a hatred for the "other side". Is this the case with a lot of CD'ers? Is it due to a dislike or hatred of their born gender (either of themselves or their gender as a whole)? Do there exist many CD'ers that have an acceptance that they embody part male and part female, and that both can happily co-exist inside the one body?

Luv

~Viv~

[Tristen Cox]

Being I am TS, I do loathe my drab side. It just never feels right inside when I look at my outward appearance unless I'm made up and dressed. However I know this is only a view from my end of the spectrum and many crossdressers have no problem balancing both sides at the same time. Others find it perplexing or confusing. It does seem to be a mixed basket as it were. Such is life. (good thread)

[azncd]

i don't know, perhaps it's because i'm cd, but there are times i love my guy side... i like walking around, being one of the boys, watching football... etc. etc. but there are times i like to get a dolled up...

[Dian]

I believe this is one of those questions that falls in the catagory of it depends on the desires that person is fulfilling. For me, I spent many years trying to ignore and hide my feminine side. When I finally accepted that I can be both masculine and feminine, depending on my needs at the time, my life got SOOO much better. I wish I had accepted my CDing earlier. My life would have been so much brighter. You just can't beat a great dress and heels to make your better :)

Of course, in Jungian psychology, the goal of life is to embrace both the feminine and masculine and aspire to become an enlightened and fulfilled person. So, all of us have a great head start on this over the folks who are stuck in drab land!

[christine55]

You're absolutely right, Viv. Although I have considered transitioning in the past I know that I never will. To hate my guy side, or guys in general is for me and anyone else who is not planning to become a woman horribly self destructive. I don't much care for piggish men but most men are not piggish.
I am not probably not the happiest guy in the world but to hate my male side only makes it worse.
Hugs, Christine

[Sweet Susan]

There is no way I hate being a guy. Being a man is infinetly better than being a woman. Men have hangups, but nothing like women. I find it fun to dress up, and I love the idea seeing myself womanized, but I would never want to actually be a woman. Of the two genders, tgs notwithstanding, men are great. Women are great, as well, but I mean, really. Think about it. The more I'm around real women, the more I'm glad I'm not really one of them. Talk about basket cases.................... I'm sure I'll hear about it, but I really don't care. If it weren't for men we wouldn't have......uh, well, we wouldn't have Chuck Berry riffs, we wouldn't have had the opportunity to see Mickey Mantle play baseball..........

I really don't think I'm co-existing as a man and a woman. I'm just a guy that likes to wear dresses, play electric guitar, read classic literature, study politics, and look at gorgeous, sexy, beautful women, and wish that I could look as good as they do. And that's about it.

[timme]

Yes your right Viv we sometime get caught up on this hatered for being they way we sisters are playing both genders.I don't hate being a CD at all I love that part of me just as much as being all man in my male more which I'm in the most!I think most CD'S seem to feel guility they are who they are men dressed up as a girl.It a feeling of guilt because they are doing something that society feels as tabo.I really don't think that's the case really.I think most people see it as something different,& something sexual!My mummy always told me be yourself no matter who you are If you want to dress up then have fun and do it.Be yourself at all times or you will learn to hate yourself for who you are and always will be a CROSS DRESSR!
HUGS
TIMME

[Kimberly]

Do there exist many CD'ers that have an acceptance that they embody part male and part female, and that both can happily co-exist inside the one body?
Yeah, I do... but I prefer Kimberly. :) I have too much going on in my drab life anyway, to do anything other than live that out.

And I've slowly grown accustomed to my masculine side, (from a very young age, I was telling everyone I wanted to be a girl...) and over the years I've come to enjoy both aspects of my life. The male me, and the female me.

Now where did I leave that nail polish?? :p

[DonnaT]

I don't hate being a male at all. I just like dressing fem. Heck, I wonder if "like" is the right word. How about, I "need" to dress fem and am comfortable with that part of me.

And don't ask why I need to dress, because I don't know. Just an itch that needs scratching, constantly. :D

[Richelle]

Vivian

I do not loath the "Other Side". I just enjoy wearing dresses and all the other items that GGs get to wear all the time. I have no problem spending most of the time in drab mode. Going out enfemme is just one of many activities I do to have fun. :D

Richelle





I have noticed through a lot of the posts, that there seems to be a hatred for the "other side". Is this the case with a lot of CD'ers? Is it due to a dislike or hatred of their born gender (either of themselves or their gender as a whole)? Do there exist many CD'ers that have an acceptance that they embody part male and part female, and that both can happily co-exist inside the one body?

Luv

~Viv~

[katrinafltg]

I don't hate my male side at all. However I feel I have more fun as a woman. And sexually I much prefer to be the object of desire. To be a man is not be able to display the beauty of your body. Except perhaps as an olympic swimmer or what not but who goes out wearing only a speedo?

I've never had the chance to live enfemme for an extended period of time. Who knows? Maybe if I did I wouldn't find it so liberating. Its kinda like if you went to the amusement park everyday. At first it would be great but then after a while you'd find yourself yawning on the roller coaster.

I need my time as a woman. For now i'm somewhere in the middle. We'll see what happens. Reminds me of a joke I heard

What's the difference between a transexual and transvestite?
three years

[Dominique Melt]

I suppose Dian, Sweet Susan and Richelle have made my point for me. I must say that I have had the fantasy/desire to be woman as far back as I can remember, but always managed to accept and appreciate my male body. Would I go the distance? Y'know, if I had the money and the chance to start in a brand new place, I think I would. Were I to actually change my sex I think I'd still want to be with GGs and swing from time to time. I have come to terms and am quite happy to know I am bi -- it was an emotional obstacel for too long. Now, put some of you girls and some GGs in the same room, I would probably go for both, knowing who's who. I do love women more than I love men. But what do I know?

[mand]

I totally hate being born male, but I have made my life as a man, so I try to balance my feelings between what I want and what my family expect of me.
It is not easy and at times I have to have time alone and just have a dam good cry, I so wish I had been born female.

I balance it out by being seen as feminine as possible and living a female role, but maintaining the male persona for my family when it is required.

You know I don't know if this will make sense to anyone, I'm living this life and I struggle to come to terms with it all.

Do I hate my male side? ............. Lets just say I have no choice but to get along with it.

love mand xxx

[Julie York]

The male me is the real one. The 'other side' is some demented hedonist female who has no dress sense but won't go away. It's like having my very own female stalker.

[Ashley in Virginia]

I personally don't know which side I like. I kinda hate them both. But I am a fickle person. I would like an answer as to why I do this, but the more I think about it, what would it matter?

If it was a genetic thing, there would be no changing it at all, and if it was because of some environmental thing from my childhood, would it be worth all of the years of therapy it would take to get rid of it?

I just hope to one day find balance and then happiness.

[Aloha_Dana]

From Mand's tear jerker to Susan's well worded post, wow.

I am very male. Love being male. I'm competitive, swear and drink beer on the sofa while watching March Madness while wearing panties and taking extra care to fold all the femme girly things from the wash.

Katrina said that she likes to be the object of desire. That is exactly how I feel when I dress.

Then I wish I had breasts, no beard, nice long legs and luscious lips.

But then I couldn't surf as radically as I do now.

Flip, flop.

Dana

[AmandaRose]

I have to say that I do not hate that I was born male. Being a husband and father has been terrific. There is just a part of me that so loves being soft and feminine. I have a wonderful wife and three great kids, two of which are girls and I really enjoy being able to relate to the things they deal with, even if they have no idea that I understand.

So it seems that I embrace both the male and female and try and balance them. The male wins most of the time since Amanda Rose can't seem to find the key 'out of the closet'. I think my wife hid it somewhere! LOL

Amanda Rose

[mand]

This is almost the same for me. As for my family, it is only for my mom and dad that my male side comes out.
I used to cry about my situation, now I can't cry about anything. I have become hardened to my life.
I hate my male side, and I do not get along with it.
Amelie


Amelie, I have just read what you have said here and also a post on roses, on a thread about being honest on passibility, I must admit I admire you're writting and you're style.

I also know exactly what you mean, in the fact of becoming hardened, I am the same. Altough I do cry but it is selfish tears just for myself.

love mand xxx

[Priscilla1018]

Hi Vivian,

I thought for the longest time that my male and female sides were in balance;now I'm not so sure.My male side is too strong and that may be a good thing. I am very comfortable in drab,my beard is back and always will be,my hair is growing out and I look forward to feeling it fly in the breeze again.Priscilla still is a part of me and in time may become more important to me again.

Love and Hugs,
Priscilla

[Virginia]

In difference to Julie York's post (really cute)! I think we can agree that women can not physically match (most) of us so they have to fall back on their feminine wiles and we (males) have to admit they are damned good at it - right? Now picture this, (assuming we have a true crossdresser) that our feminine personna/ego/self - whatever is simply allowing our masculine self to think it is in charge/has the upper hand/is in control, etc. Not necessarily scary, but interesting. My position is simply, I am Virginia, she is me and we will hold hands, love each other and continue on our "Magical Mystery Tour!"
Virginia

[RachelDenise]

Sometimes it is difficult to separate the male and female. The outward appearance does have some rule over the inner being. I find myself at various times wishing to be female, and at other times wanting to be male. Throw in sex and it all gets messed up beyond recognition at times. I can appreciate those women who have made irreversible changes in their life to match their inner self. They show enormous courage and often are on a path by themselves. Kudos to them. Those of us who remain uncertain about which way to go, time may eventually give us a direction. Those of you who have figured it out, please share the secret!!!

[Stephanie]

Although I think that it would be interesting to FULLY experience what it would be like to be a woman for a day (I would love to experience sex as a woman), I'm pretty happy being a guy myself and would never want to physically change my sex. As a part-time/occasional crossdresser, I feel like I get the best of both worlds:I get to assume a different "persona" and enjoy wearing womens clothing, which, let's face it, is far more interesting, colorful, creative, and COMFORTABLE than traditional mens clothing, and I still keep all of my "equipment," don't have to make any permanent (physical) changes, I can go back to being a "guy" whenever I want to, and I don't have to worry about the more unpleasant aspects of womanhood such as periods, mood swings, periods, pregnancy, menopause, etc. Basically, crossdressing for me is like having all of the "glitz" of being a woman without all of "headaches" of being a (genetic) woman. However, our interest and indulgence in "femininity" should hopefully help those of us with women in our lives by encouraging us to be more understanding and supportive of them as they deal with their "headaches." Such understanding and support might help encourage them to be more accepting of our interest in the "glitz" as well.

[Katiegirl]

I do not hate my male side as it is part of me, but my preference would be to live as a woman.

For various reasons for many years I was unable to express my female side which caused me considerable stress at times, but now that I live alone I can express it whenever I want, which is now every day after work except when family or friends are around.

I think have found now a balance in my life, though there are times when I can sink into deep depression and every day life gets so very hard to bear. I have no desire whatsoever to have sex with a man and prefer the company of women both physically and mentally. I however do not think I will ever live with a GG again

:)

Mind of a Woman,Body of a Man, Life is a Bitch

[ChristineRenee]

Well I don't hate my male side...it's just that my female side, Chrissie, is much more predominate and in control. My male side has his purpose and functions, and I do believe that Chrissie has allowed him to evolve over the years as well. He is there to be Chrissie's protector and satisfy expectations of what a man is supposed to be according to societal expectations of our gender role.


Love,
Chrissie:)

[Cissy Suzie]

This is a very interesting thread. I am more than a little Native American, I don't know the exact percentage but almost all my grandparents were part Indian.

There used to be a third gender. At least in Native American cultures, and if it exists in that culture why not in every culture ?

I do really think we may all belong to that gender. If so, apparently we are actually very special beings who are plugged into a higher spiritual plane than our drab brothers and sisters. Hee Hee it almost makes us like the Elvish race in the Tolkein novels, doesn't it? :rolleyes:

This link is just sort of an introductory to how things are for gay or transgendered kids in Native American culture today.

Seems to apply almost equally to us as well.

http://www.imdiversity.com/villages/native/dialogue_opinion_letters/pns_gay_twospirits_0305.asp

[rachel_jean]

I don't hate my male side either, it is actually quite useful at times.

Also happy to be a father and a husband, but, I do enjoy and need to let my femme side out at times. Keeping her bottled up too long really can make him bitchy.

As others have said, I do believe we (can) have the best of both worlds.

And finally..., someone has to take out the trash otherwise we'd all be living in indoor garbage dumps :)

Rachel Jean

[Helana]

Hating part of yourself is hardly a healthy thing and will only lead to mental problems. We are what we are and we have to learn to accept that and be happy. The alternative of hating part of oneself and being unhappy for the rest of my life is not something I wish to contemplate.

We all know there are advantages and disadvantages to being either male or female. We are fortuntate to be able to sit on the fence and pick the bits we like best. But if we cannot fuse the best bits of each gender into our whole personality then, for me personally, that defeats the whole beauty of being transgendered.

Do you see yourself as simply being a man in a frock or are you something more than the sum of the parts?

[Nikki A.]

I don't hate either side of me. I enjoy being a dad and a husband. Is it wrong that I would like to be my wife's girl friend also at times. I just wish that I could express the fem side openly and with out fear of repercussion either personally or professionally.

[Mia001]

Hi Vivian,

I've noticed and wondered about the male / female thing too. When I'm dressed I'm definately still "me". I don't have a femme name. I'm still Mark when dressed and quite happy to be so.

For me I hink the whole crossdresser thing has to do more with the feminine side of being a man. I really enjoy car racing, video games, Live roleplaying (dressing up as warriors and running around hitting people with rubber swords. Actually that sounds really dodgy) and other "guy things". It's just that, sometimes, I like to dress up in women's clothes too. It's a lot of fun for me.

I think if I had to answer to why I crossdress then I'd have to say I do it because I really enjoy it. I don't see any great need to become someone else when dressed. I don't think I'm releasing a secondfemale person. I'm just expressing or, maybe indulging, the feminine side of myself. I like me very much so why not treat myself once in a while.

Okay, I'm rambling now so I'll finish up. I hope some of this, at least, has made some sense to you.

Take care,

Mark.

[Helana]

For me I hink the whole crossdresser thing has to do more with the feminine side of being a man........ I don't see any great need to become someone else when dressed. I don't think I'm releasing a secondfemale person. I'm just expressing or, maybe indulging, the feminine side of myself.

Thats the type of sentiment I dont see much of here. I think too many get caught up in the fantasy of being a woman or being passable as a woman which for the vast majority of us is unrealistic and does not address how our transgendered nature affects us and our relationships.

The whole concept of being "passable" or "becoming a woman" is not a particularly healthy idea as it essentially means we are out to con people into believing we are something we are not. It is a form of lying which undermines our desire for social acceptance.

Understanding that we (excepting transsexuals) are men who indulge in a form of role-playing to unlock a fun-loving feminine side of ourselves is a better frame of reference, as it means we do not end up hating any aspect of our masculine selves and we do not envision ourselves deceiving others about what we really are.

[Mia001]

Helena,

Thanks for feeding back on my comments. I think you expressed a bit better, some of what I was trying to say.

Mark.

[ToniB]

Marko,
I can identifty with many of your thoughts. I did the feminity test on another thread and got -220, the biggest negative score of anyone who'd posted. It still said I was a feminine male (maybe there's a bit of female in everyone who's motivated to do the test!), and I believe that. I love a lot of blokey things too, motor racing (in the driving or navigating seats on the rare occations I get the chance), watching rugby (at 60, I'm well past playing), running, golf, badminton, car maintennance, ogling women! fiddling with anything mechanical, guitar, etc. But I also have this urge to dress, because of the sexual excitement I feel, and I think it's primarily a "male" type excitement for me, and usually followed by masturbation. My wife does not want to know, so all my dressing is "in the closet" except for a 4 hour Changeaway I indulged myself in at Transformation Manchester last year. I wanted to experience the full treatment, with heels, stockings, corset, wig and full make-up, and it was an incredible experience to see my female face for the first time.

I have no wish to became female, but given the opportunity, I would love to get dolled up and go out into the world as a passable, smart, sexy woman from time to time, but I wouldn't want anyone but my wife to know about it. It would have to be our secret, and I expect the adrenaline rush would be as high as any I've had driving a car on the track. On the odd occations I've made love to my wife wearing some of her lingerie, it has been a fantastic turn on for me, so maybe I'm more of a fetishist.

I hope a sharing of feelings like this is helpful to you, but I sure appreciated it from others when I first joined here, a massive 2 months ago! I felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders!

Good luck,
ToniB

[Mia001]

Hi Toni,

Thanks for your reply to my post. A lot of what you said was very familiar to me to me. I got -175 on the test and reckon my score would have been a bit lower except some of the questions were based on visual stuff and my eyesight isn't that great.

From what you said we seem to get the same kind of excitement from dressing except that I'm not so bothered about going out or passing really. I did go to a Crossdresser support group the other week and really enjoyed it though.

How did you enjoy your visit to Transformation? I visited the shop in Newcastle before when I went down to visit a friend and it was really good. It was a very relaxed atmosphere and I was able to try a couple of things on. I didn't do a changeaway or anything but bought a couple of bits and pieces. It was a shame when the Newcastle shop closed. I wish they'd open one up here.

Anyways, thanks for your comments,

Mark.

[ToniB]

Marko,
Since my wife is "anti", I took the opportunity to go to Transformation while she was away for 2 days, Christmas shopping in Bristol with a friend. It may have been my once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to look completely female. Yes, the atmaophere was very friendly, and the two girls I had were very supportive. There wasn't much choice of outfit for me, I wanted a knee length skirt tight enough to restrict my stride, and tight satin blouse, which wasn't available, but I reveled in the tightness of the corset, C-cup silicone breastforms, the 4" stilettos, wig and full make-up. I left a photo in the picture sticky about 2 or 3 weeks ago, item 739 on page 30 (link below). Not bad for a 60 year old!

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4649&page=30&pp=25

Others in here have said Transformation is a rip-off; it may have been expensive, but it was worth it just to see what I could achieve! I've now decided to have a last attempt to get my wife to accept my "hobby" more, then if I succeed, I'll have a go at the wig and make-up myself sometime!

DO you have an SO, and is she supportive, indifferent, or hostile to your activities? In spite of mine's hostility, I still would put her in first place above anything else, which is why I'll probably remain in the closet for the rest of my life. I'm still happy, but I could be a lot happier!

Good luck to you

[Sweet Susan]

Some of the best responses ever in this forum can be found in this thread. Excellent stuff, my friends, excellent.

[SilkenPrincess]

I totally hate being born male, but I have made my life as a man, so I try to balance my feelings between what I want and what my family expect of me.
It is not easy and at times I have to have time alone and just have a dam good cry, I so wish I had been born female.

I balance it out by being seen as feminine as possible and living a female role, but maintaining the male persona for my family when it is required.

You know I don't know if this will make sense to anyone, I'm living this life and I struggle to come to terms with it all.

Do I hate my male side? ............. Lets just say I have no choice but to get along with it.

love mand xxx

Mand, you have painted my picture as well on this canvas. I honestly don't understand being transgendered and liking both sides, as many have written. From a very young boy I have known that something was not right about me. I, like you, have learned to "get along" in this world as a man, but it is not me that most people see, it is the mask that I had to adopt to survive. It is only here, on this forum, that Stephanie is allowed to express herself. For me, what I wear has little to do with who I am. I am woman. To interact and express myself as a woman, however, is not acceptable in my world. Here, I can be me. To say I hate my male side to me is a misstatement. I don't have a male side, just a male body. That which is perceived by others as male is only there to protect me from their ridicule and rejection. Am I mixed up? You bet. Or maybe, everyone else is.
Love,
SilkenPrincess

[Mia001]

Hi Toni,

Sounds like you had a great time at Transformation. I did think it was quite expensive though. Because I'm quite small I can usually get anything I want from High Street shops so there's quite a difference between the prices. I don't really think they're rtying to rip people off. Like any specialist shop they have a limited customer so their prices have to be higher to cover their costs.

I'm single at the moment so no girlfriend. :( It does mean I can dress when I like though. :)

Good luck to you too.

Mark.

[AngelBelow]

i think i can manage prettay well with both of my, hrm, personas.

i dont hate my other side. in fact, ever since i was young, i wanted to be everything. i got in touch with my feminine side at a very young age and tried to stow it away.

failed. lol. i dont feel ashamed of it-- i can live as the cute girl who quietly plays the piano to the guy who is a pretty famous musician satisfying his fans, rolemodeling a perfect band front*man* leader. and trust me, i am not bragging . . . a "skilled" musician who has thousands of fans emailing him everyday, and yet i risks goin to da cute side XD ,mwhahaha

i'm glad i can be what i want to be. hey - whatever you decide to be, its all you, not anybody else. too many people in dis world live under slang and dictionary terms.. they take'm toooooooo seriously!!! it's like "oh, he's a crossdresser. he's friggin gay!!!"

we are what we define ourselves to be. not by stupid individuals with closed-minds and dictionary books.

like, us innocent girls arent hurting anybody by doing this, right ?? ^_^*puts on innocence* so there should be no problem ^_^. hopefully you retrieve an answer through all your pondering.

love, love, and love,

~.~*~.*~.AMH.~*.~*~.~

[mand]

Mand, you have painted my picture as well on this canvas. I honestly don't understand being transgendered and liking both sides, as many have written. From a very young boy I have known that something was not right about me. I, like you, have learned to "get along" in this world as a man, but it is not me that most people see, it is the mask that I had to adopt to survive. It is only here, on this forum, that Stephanie is allowed to express herself. For me, what I wear has little to do with who I am. I am woman. To interact and express myself as a woman, however, is not acceptable in my world. Here, I can be me. To say I hate my male side to me is a misstatement. I don't have a male side, just a male body. That which is perceived by others as male is only there to protect me from their ridicule and rejection. Am I mixed up? You bet. Or maybe, everyone else is.
Love,
SilkenPrincess


Hello SilkenPrincess, I understand and agree with you 100%, what you describe I know so well.

love and best wishes mand xxx

[carolynhcd]

Of course, everyone necessarily experiences their own lives uniquely, and therefore differently. From my perspective, I must say that Helana's posts on this thread seem the most like my own thoughts on this matter. My heart goes out to girls like Amelie and Mand who have cried so many bitter tears that their hearts have hardened, as they seem to feel. I am reminded of something in one of Kurt Vonnegut's novels. He remarked on how our bodies are all composed of the same things, various elements and compounds amounting to the dust of the earth mixed with water. He noted that this made us mud, but what was different about the mud that makes up our bodies and the rest of the mud that makes up the earth is that, for some reason, we were given the chance to sit up for a while and look around, before we resolved back into ordinary mud again. He put this chance down to luck. Others may look for more supernatural causes, but the idea of Lucky Mud always has resonated with me and has shaped my perspective on existence. Perhaps it is the thought that blind luck is all that separates us from inanimate nature that makes it easier for me not to takes things too seriously. I do believe that hate is a very destructive force to have in one's life and indicates a consciousness not attuned to reality. When this, our corporeal existence, is all over, what will remain? That question is for each of us to answer, but the answer each arrives at should colour the life that precedes our dissolution. To the extent that we live the unexamined life, we are strangers to ourselves and must perforce impersonate someone we are not. If we do not know ourselves and understand the ground of our being, then we are all crossdressers, picking whatever rag comes to hand and wrapping ourselves in it to attempt to fabricate a persona. The very word "persona" is of vital interest in this regard. We are talking on this thread about our male and female sides. Some here regard them as different beings. We use the word "person" in its many permutations to describe female impersonation, wanting to be a good person, refraining from making personal accusations, etc. But the word at the root of all of this, "persona," comes from the Latin and describes the masks used in Greek theatre. These masks hid the face of the actors, and gave them a more universal quality. Since the entire face was covered by the mask, a hole was made over the mouth for the actor's voice to come through, that he might be widely heard by the broad audience. The word "persona" is the Latin name for this hole in the mask, from "per," (through) and "sonat," (to sound). When we bandy about words we do not fully understand but think we know, we can do real harm. When spoken to others, they do much to create the tenor of relationships. When mused upon silently, they create the world of our thoughts and thus the narration of our lives that we constantly tell ourselves.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that I believe that we always need to take a step or two back from the turmoil of our internal and external lives and try to see a bigger picture, to get a better perspective. Come on class, what does perspective mean? To see through. We need to step back from the hooey and illusion of this world and see a bigger picture, full of wonder. Think of the world as a vast muddy plain. At times, inexplicably, some mud rises up for a while and looks around, blinking in wonder at the sudden epiphany of consciousness, gazing with uncomprehending eyes at the other lucky mud that also has arisen, startled by perception.

Whether we trowel on the pancake, for those of us not blessed with youth and beauty, or put on our drab for friends and family, both sides are still really masks, personas, behind which the real actor's face remains unseen, even, and most importantly, by ourselves.

[mand]

Hello Carolyn, first let me say I wish I could write a post like you do love, you have a real talent.

Please don't think that I have become too hardened by my TG/TS feelings, I can be at times unsympathetic to people as sometimes I just feel hard done too. Basically I feel cheated and robbed of a birth right to be female, but honestly I do try to not be bitter about it and if I can I will do my upmost to help others.
Sometimes I find that just letting the tears flow is enough to bring me to my senses and be thankfull that I am healthy and have a loving and supporting family.
I think that all transgendered people no matter to what degree they are in the TG spectrum sometimes have sad times about their situation.
no one ever said being TG was easy :) , but we have to carry on.

Please if anyone thinks I'm just going on a bit here, just ignore me ;)

lots of love mand xxx

[Wendy me]

my "him" side and my wendy side well for shure thay clash. that is what has been going on for so long now clashing and crashing..........
a ever to real part of whoe thing of what we do .louthing and hateurd back and forth. when wendy "he" is put away .and the same goes when "he" is out wendy is put away..untill just a while ago through thearpy we have been working on them two getting along ...you know playing nice together.

this i thought was working real well. see wendy dosent vent or deal veary good with stress or that sort.she is more of a crash and burn type.a while ago it seamed that this all too fimilar thing was happening once again .her little world closeing in but in some strange way
there was a feeling that we were together.........like you know we were getting along....just felt like amassiong we could be together.

recently "he" and i do bleave it was "him" got this idear to purge.......oh not just like throw out her clouthes , on a roll do this right
get rid of all traces of wendy .it almost happened "he" almost won . yes i can see hateing "him".........louthing "him" it this point
trusting "him" well "he" is a guy........................

[Katie Ashe]

I'm happy as a man mostly. I'm 5'5" 185lbs with perfect fem feet, a clean good face and complexion. blond hair, green eyes, oval face. 100% guy, but feel like a lesbian in a mans body :p love to doll up all the time, but have no desire to be a male lover. My problem is I put on 45 lbs because of some very stressful events in my life. So I'm no longer a an actracive 145lbs CD. I have exepted whom I am early in life. Finally came out the closet to my wife after years of debate, last month. We are still together, and My stress level of seceracy is gone now. Looking to go out in drab, but money problems make that hard, still need a flipping wig :rolleyes: Like I said being a man has is Advantages, but I have always found my placed a women in life. I'm kinda rambling... I'll Stop now... :cool:

Katie

[emily21]

I've often wondered would I have loved being a girl but always come to the same conclusion that I love dressing as a girl but also have loved being a boy too.
I would not want to lose those memories of the great times I had as a young boy.
I was as rough and tough as any of my friends and got into all kinds of trouble but I was also the boy who sneaked into his sister's clothes when he could and loved those stolen moments. In other words I love both the male and female sides of my life and would not change a thing.

emily

[Katie Boundary]

I've often wondered would I have loved being a girl but always come to the same conclusion that I love dressing as a girl but also have loved being a boy too.
I would not want to lose those memories of the great times I had as a young boy.
I was as rough and tough as any of my friends and got into all kinds of trouble [...] I love both the male and female sides of my life and would not change a thing.

emily

This strikes a chord with me. Being a young boy was great :D. But I would also have liked to have had pretty dresses and ribbons in my hair and been allowed to do girly things (actually, I did have some dolls for a while, but they "disappeared"). :(

I think this is why I don't want to be sexy - I just want to be nice. I want to experience in some way the girlhood I never had. Probably also why I've got the cutesy avatar as well.

[Zoey]

I can really identify with what SilkenPrincess wrote. From a young age, I felt that something was wrong with me. I felt very sad about being a boy. I don't know if I have a male side. Even when I do things that are regarded as being masculine, I still feel like I'm female inside. The closest thing to a male side that I have is more like a mask to hide myself from others. Its like a suit of armor that's so heavy that I often can't even move. I used to have a strong hatred of myself and males in general, but that has been going away since I have started to accept myself. Its really only been very recently that I have even started cd'ing and have started to seriously think about these things. I'm still trying to sort things out.

[Serena]

I don't hate my masculine side, I just like being dressed as a woman all the time, but sometimes I just need to start acting like I was made. I may be a CD, but God made me a man, so I accept that, and just like to pretend I'm a woamn.