What am i ?

[jay]

My first post sorry my grammars not brilliant never has been.

I’ve just read Matthews post and I relate a lot to him in the way he feels and thinks.

When I was about 5 I used to masturbate a lot fantasizing about a machine that you go through and they convert you in to a pretty girl as you go through they put fem clothes on you and your hair grows long it was a dream because that’s the way I felt. I started dressing about 7 it was once in a blue moon then when I hit that puberty stage was increased in girls the way the looked walked did they have there ears pierced I was curios I wanted my pierced what was it like I saw older women if only I could look like that when I grow up or be that person.

This developed into a regular pattern of cross dressing in my mums clothes I felt human sexy pretty all the things I didn’t as a boy I even pierced my ears this continued till I got a girl friend things dropped of, then one day the urge to dress came back and them mum found the clothes I had been wearing she said im sick and need help looking back I which I had said something then.

I found my wife when I was 17 she said I acted like a girl I told her I was a cross dresser this she accepted, even buying me clothes and high heels till this day I have always dressed as much as I can I enjoy it the feeling is nice I fell right and comfortable sexy.

Just going back abit when I was 21 I had a bout of depression something I still suffer with now I was on tablets and saw a counselor I told her about my cross dressing and the way it made feel when dressed she said then I ought to possible pressure the direction I wanted to go in this brings me to this day.

I’ve been off sick with neck problems so I have dressed every day some of our very close friends know I dress up I think they had an idea in the way I carry myself and not to mention pierced ears but no earrings that’s girly not manly.

Our relation ship between me and my wife is not brilliant thinking of moving out in an argument I told her I feel more of a women sometimes particularly in the spring when all the pretty clothes come out and I see my self looking more at women and thinking if only I could look as good as her and it usually goes away but not at the moment its strong as hell and its not nice I feel like a rabbit in headlights waiting to be mowed down by a car, she said she did not want to loose me but could not stand me being a women round the house when she’s around which I accept.

So how do I feel well I would like to come out have long hair but im scared I have a good job that I don’t want loose I have thought about moving out and going part time as a women to hone my dressing to a more passable stage.

Srs well I don’t want to really loose the chance of orgasm all though some do and some don’t the thought of having sex with a man well it doesn’t bother me if the genitals were right im not attracted sexually to men at the moment but the curiosity is there.



Julie

[AmberTG]

Well Julie, you sound much like a lot of us here. Confusion is simply part of being transgender. At least you have an accepting wife, to some extent, that's a blessing, believe me!
You should be able to grow your hair a little longer without any trouble, look at other people where you're employed and go from there. some shorter hairstyles, such as maybe 3 inches long, can be really cute on girls with some gel to make it stand up, and without gel, looks quite respectable in guy mode.
Instead of moving out, talk to your wife about having some "alone time" to dress and explore that side of you. If she accepts the cross dressing, you should be able to come to a compromise where she gets to see her man, but you also get to be your inner self for a certain amount of time on a regular basis. I'd guess she'd be willing to do that.
Welcome to the forum, I'm glad you finally decided to write a post!

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Julie

First, let me welcome you to the family, especially our little corner. As far as your question, I'm going to turn it around and toss it right back at you...instead of asking what you are, ask yourself who you are, then perhaps things will seem clearer to you.

Karen Starlene

[melissaK]

Keep reading all the posts here on all the threads. Don't be afraid to use the search feature and look-up old threads on something that interests you. You will see your concerns discussed in some thread sooner or later.

More than anything you will see you are not alone. Then, give yourself some time to absorb all the new ideas about how to be better at being who you are. . . . which is something you do get to decide for yourself, and something you can change and grow with as well.

Unresolved emotions from gender issues are a problem from many of us. Quite a few of us deal with depression. For me, getting better at self acceptance has helped reduce my depression.

The sticky permanent threads you see on the site have lots of good reference links that are worth taking time to follow.

Hugs,
'lissa

[Vaerise]

Welcome Julie

I hope you find out what you are through reading some post and having introspection about yourself. I think only you know or can decide what you want to be.

I do find it odd that you are able to masterbate at the age of 5..I would think that it isnt develop yet when we are that young...

[eleventhdr]

Where is this gender change machine i would like to buy one of those myself and then use it on a regular basis changing sex whenever i wish to which would be most of the time!

Suzy Ann!

[Vivian Best]

Where is this gender change machine i would like to buy one of those myself and then use it on a regular basis changing sex whenever i wish to which would be most of the time!

Suzy Ann!

I'm with you, I'd buy one of those suckers in a New York minute!

[Calliope]

Julie, probably the first thing that's gonna happen for you is deciding, alone or in partnership with your spouse, whether you are going further with or without your spouse, or not. Right now, it seems like a joint decision; that could change, or not. Best wishes.