It's Ok to dress, with rules what would you do?

[robyn]

a thread was put up about your SO pushing your fem side. Maybe my situatuion is unique. I have posted some of my days. My wife allows my dressing. Except she has rules. Dress anytime I am home. My office is in my home. She tells me what I will wear. Flat and slacks are out. Heels, stockings and makeup are a must. I must act as a women would. No bending the rules.
I enjoy it, so far. Do I want it everyday with these conditions? She says all or nothing. She does get involved in my dressing and teaching me to act as a women. Many of you are married. What would you do if this situation was presented to you?
Robyn

[Marianne]

Personally? I would have welcomed it.

[Samantha Jane]

Bring it on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!

I would die for rules like that and think I was in heaven.

Alas, I can only dream of that type of senario, as I'm still in the closet.

Charlotte xx

[Tamara Croft]

Think you might find this interesting :D

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=5052

Tamara x

[Richelle]

What would you do if this situation was presented to you?
Robyn


I would love it. :D My wife is the opposite. Wants nothing to do with cross-dressing. :( It would be great if she just gave a little support.

Richelle

[sarah]

Give me the opurtunity and i would be in heaven to some its just a fantasy .dont miss the best things in life..xx

[Stephanie Brooks]

My immediate reaction is I'd take the rules! I'd be able to dress!

My next reaction is, no, I wouldn't take those rules. Why would I let someone tell me what I can and cannot do? It's control, and it's something I previously surrendered. I won't do it again.

I do what I want. If she's got a problem with that, then it's up to her to tell me. Then we work it out. Clearly I can't just do anything. I'm not out to violate my marriage, whether by the letter or the intent. Still, my marriage contract wasn't such that I gave control of me to my wife, nor did I accept control of my wife.

[ToniB]

I'd be in seventh heaven Robyn, because all those rules are what I want to do anyway, and I feel there is a sub side to me anyway.

If there are any rules (now, or in the future) you don't like, then that is the time to look for a compromise that lets you get as much of what you want out of your life without upsetting your wife. Married life is a partnership, and if you want to keep your wife, you must take her feelings into consideration and not just do whatever you want to do. Hopefully, when she sees CDing as not a threat to her, she'll accept more.

Good luck to you, I'm as jealous as hell!

ToniB

[Sharon]

It initially sounds fantastic, all these rules about having to be fem and all, but I'm afraid that I would have to rebel. I don't want rules as to how I dress or how I am to behave. If I want to wear flats one day instead of heels, then no one, not even a wife, is going to tell me otherwise.
Sorry Robyn, your fantasy life is not one I would enjoy beyond a single day or less.

[StephanieCD]

Some of us fantasize about rules like that. But they're good for you only if you feel they're good. Me? I'd jump for joy every time she wasn't looking. You?

[Stephanie]

I'm still in the closet about it with my wife (hope to be "out" of it soon) but they seem like pretty fair rules to me. I'd probably take them but then again I'd probably take any "rules" that allowed me to indulge myself occasionally. Although I feel that, as adults, we should ideally be able to do whatever we want (now that we are adults!), however I feel that being in a relationship/marriage with another person requires some compromises and, as far as my own situation is concerned, I feel that by not telling my wife about my interest in cd-ing prior to marriage (we have been married 1+ years now) and I now have two young stepchildren, I feel that it is appropriate to accept at least some reasonable limitations on my cd-ing as part of being fair to my wife and our marriage. Frankly, I don't plan on being "out" to a lot of people and plan on only doing it occasionally and in private, so my needs are relatively few. I think that my wife will be supportive (or at least tolerant) of my cd-ing once I finally tell her about it but I think that she would want some limitations on it and I don't mind being limited in some ways as long as I can enjoy it at least occasionally.

[Virginia]

Stephanie,
All I can say is Good Luck! You sound rather, shall I say, lackadaisical about coming out to your wife of what? one year!? This is your second marriage and you have inherited two step-children?
All I can say is I hope you are right that she will be "open-minded."
Can you do us the great favor of trying to keep us posted on how this develops for you, what you say to her, how she reacts, etc? One thing I will say - DO NOT spring this on her while you are dressed!!!!!!
Good luck!
Virginia

[Holly]

Were these rules mutually agreed upon or was this a mandate from only one of the marriage partners? As you have already noticed by now, the same set of rules won't work for everyone. You will have to be the one to determine if they are appropriate for your situation. But please let us know how it goes!

[Stephanie]

To clarify a few things, I'm not on my second marriage (first) although it is my wife's second marriage and the only reason that I haven't talked to my wife about my cd-ing is that until a couple of months ago I had been on an extended (3-4 years) hiatus from cd-ing (during the entire time that I was dating my wife) but, probably like most people on the forum, I attempted, albeit unsuccessfully, to get rid of this desire ("purge") for awhile but it has recently become important again. Thanks for your advice and I'll let everybody know how it turns out. I don't currently have any "femme" clothes right now (anymore) and I don't plan to start buying anything until after I "come out" to my wife about this. My only release the past two months has been slipping on some of my wife's clothing privately for a few minutes at a time. It has been really frustrating trying to figure out a way to bring this up with my wife. It just doesn't ever seem like the "right time" to bring it up for one reason or another. I'd love to hear your thoughts about a good way to bring it up. Thanks!

[Jadeanne]

Hi all,

I don't think that dressing with those kind of rules would really work in my situation.

My wife allows me to dress around the house whether she's there or not, lets me borrow most of her clothes that will fit me (not shoes but almost everything else), but won't to dictate my clothing choices.

The closest we come to any role playing is occasionally when I dress up as a maid (in my current avatar outfit) and I bring madame tea and snacks.

Jadeanne

[DonnaT]

No Robyn, I couldn't live with an all or nothing rule. For one, I am not submissive to anyone. For another, we are equal partners in the relationship.

Now, do you ask because you don't want to be made to confrom to your wife's idea of how a woman should dress, or because you like it?

Another thought, Is your wife trying to overload you on dressing to a point where you decide you no longer want to dress at all?

Now, I am a TG fiction writer, and this comes from what I've written. Is she going to take it to the point that she want's you to start acting more like a woman, including dating men?

[Halo]

I couldn't live with that rule - might be fun to be forced to dress occasionally, but only in a playful way.

@Stephanie1
A good way to get the ball rolling would be to introduce it as fetish of what she wears. Play plenty of compliments of her undies and nylons (and whatever else you desire as a CD). Encourage her to wear stuff to bed. Then gently bring it round to as she takes stuff off, you playfully put it on. It should be possible for you to start out as with a desire/interest/fetish for what she wears, and then as you explore that together, you "discover" that you have a desire to wear stuff, too. Good luck with it :)

[Rikki]

That sounds like a dream come true, but I don't think that it would work. Myself, I don't like to be told what to wear or when to wear it. I have been told all my life to wear pants and shirts. My wife helps me pick out clothes and shoes, but she doesn't put limits on anything. Anyway, it sounds good at first,but the limits are too harsh. Just my thoughts.


Rikki

[stefanie]

it certainly doesn't sound like all the gender freedom I would like to aspire to but its a start. Better than many of us who may not have that freedom at all. Maybe it is just a beginning of things to come...whatever that might be

good luck and have fun

[JanineSoCal]

your wife has said you must abide by?

Hell no, I think it would be great for a while, but lose its appeal. The most femme of ggs don't dress that way all the time, and all of us (strike the "all", no absolute statements), most of us, I believe, like to throw on a comfy shirt and shorts on Sunday morning, once in a while. I just read Sharon's post here about being a rebel, and that was my thought too...I am a rebel and could enjoy those rules for a while but would eventually rebel with vigor.

Something tells me you are enjoying this now, but beginning to feel disdain for the stern conditions placed upon you. Any way of appealing to her for a less conditional acceptance of your crossdressing?

Like the others, I would love updates on the situation.

XO,

Janine

[derminator]

OMG - you are so lucky.... but hten the grass always seems greener than the other side.

I just wish my wife would acknowledge my other side!

Regards,
Derminator

[Priscilla1018]

My immediate reaction is I'd take the rules! I'd be able to dress!

My next reaction is, no, I wouldn't take those rules. Why would I let someone tell me what I can and cannot do? It's control, and it's something I previously surrendered. I won't do it again.

I do what I want. If she's got a problem with that, then it's up to her to tell me. Then we work it out. Clearly I can't just do anything. I'm not out to violate my marriage, whether by the letter or the intent. Still, my marriage contract wasn't such that I gave control of me to my wife, nor did I accept control of my wife.

I totaly agree with Stephanie, it is about control.I would no more try to control everything about my wife nor would she be allowed to control me.Our marriage is a partnership,we are equal.
The only rule in our house is for the many animals we have,everyone must get along.

Love and Hugs,
Priscilla

[Melissa A.]

I agree with Holly. Different rules apply to everyone. There are submissive cds who would like your arrangement. I guess the most important thing is your wife's motivation. There is nothing wrong, as her partner, with wanting to know what she gets out of it. If she tells you, and it's ok with you, well, I can think of alot of worse situations.

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[robyn]

Thanks to all who replied. There was pro, con, and comments. All were important. I have to agree with all. It's hard to define rule hear. Is it RULE or rule? My wife has no desires about this so can I expect her to understand it when I, who have the desire, does not understand it. She went with it. She set boundaries it's what she saw might be the way to do it. She has worked with me. Nothing has been negative. She has supported what we are doing and complimented my apprearance. Also saw to that I stayed fem while dressed. No it won't last this way. It's nice now and I'm sure we will continue for a while. Even the best becomes old. We do have many other things in our life. I think we now have more cofidence in each other. Even to the point were she now dresses early each day with heels, stockings, makeup, a very nice dress or skirt, etc. It's her way of saying were doing this together. I do not think she has any agenda. I hope it has opened the door were I can dress in the future without causing friction and with bondaries we can both live with. My respect and love to all who wrote. You are all wonderful.

Robyn

[Tiffy]

for me it would work. I would drop to my knees and kiss her feet and any where else she might like. And do as she asked all the time.

April

[Aloha_Dana]

Robyn, just as you are asking us these questions, why not ask her? JanineSoCal sees that there might be some disdain growning in you. I read that too. Obviously you are concerned about it. Bring up your concerns w/you wife. We'd all hate to see a great thing go sour. Ask her why she set the rules. Why are they important to her?

Going through this excersize should present the opportunity to strike, alter or add new rules. Any of which, both of you should agree to them. It's all about communication.

chatty, chatty, chatty,

Dana

[robyn]

At least she is giving it a try. We cannot kkep up the frequancy that it is now.At this point I can only guess what her thoughts were. Did she think I was going to see men? Go to CD bars? Bondage, dom, sub. I am sure a lot of thoughts are there. It's now within the house. It will tapor off. Then she will see it's safe.
Questions will be resolved. I hope then the dressing will continue at a pace we are both comforatable with. For now even with the rules. She has been supportive, warm, caring and we are both enjoying all parts of it. It is extremly nice to dress. Be able to move around without retriction. Be complimented. Have someone come an hug and kiss you. Take it further, just once so far. Have her tell you she enjoyed it and would try it that again sometime in the future. I am sure with the confidence now bewteen us it will work out to comforatble level.
Again I thank you and all who were kind enough to commment and show their interest. It is very nice to know people like you are out there.

Love Robyn

[DonnaT]

Well Robyn, sounds like the perfect situation, and that she wasn't trying to be controlling, but instead was just trying to help in a big way.

That's great to hear.

Is she a member here yet?

[Sweet Susan]

It actually sounds good to a point. I agree with those who wonder what it would be like to have to wear something you didn't want to wear that day. It sounds as though your wife might have a dominant streak in her. That could be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how consistent she is. Not many things worse than an inconsistent dominating woman. I guess it all depends on how you accept it. Personally, I would probably enjoy it some of the time, and wish it would go away the other part of the time. Fickle? Of course!

[robyn]

Right now I am living for the moment. I am hoping for the best. That being that I can dress at home. Within reason and it's comfortable for both of us.
I worst being that she says she has gone to the extreme to try it and decides she cannot deal with it.

Robyn