You know that they know.. Dealing with Sales associates

[Megan70]

I have been going out dressed for over 40 years. I go to shops, malls, concerts, and restaurants both with and with out my wife. I am passable in looks and my voice is O.K. as long as I don't have to carry on a long conversation with a sales associate, then that and deportment and gestures lack something.

My question that I throw out to the forum is when you go up to the counter and talk to a sales associate about buying some female product whether it be lingerie, stockings or especially dept. store hi-end cosmetics, are you upfront with them right away and introduce yourself as a crossdresser that needs assistance, especially if you can see it in therir face as a snicker, or polite surprised smile,??? or do you not say anything and transact your business? This puts them at ease as well as yourself that she doesn't have to play dumb, and you can relax and not be a female impersonator.
You know that THEY know but don't want to embarass you and say anything. !!!????:heehee:

I've done it both ways, and the first time I went to a Clinque' counter and said " look I'll be upfront with you right off , I'm a crossdresser and I need to buy a product". To which she replied " I don't really care?" And that was that.
How do you girls handle it when you know you've been read and need to speak to that person.
A curious dame in upstste NY.:rolleyes:

:happy:
Megan70

[jaina]

There is absolutly no need to say "I'm a crossdresser" they are there to do a job, I am there to conduct business.

[KateSpade83]

I try my best to pass so I can shop and be treated like a woman. I went to the St John Boutique and outted myself to the wardrobe clerk and she said I looked so fine and passable, but as to trying on clothes before I buy - she said she has to talk to the manager.

I can't have a long conversation in femme voice either.

The only times they know I'm a crossdresser is when I buy clothes in guy mode. So don't let them know when you're in femme or they won't let you use the fitting room!

[Jenny England]

To which she replied " I don't really care?"

I dont know why but i found that quite funny, shame everyone else cant have that attitude towards our dressing hehe.

[Phoebe Reece]

It always depends on the situation. If the SA is friendly and not busy with other customers I will often strike up a conversation. I rarely just come out and say I am a crossdresser as I figure they know already. I might ask, "Do you get many crossdressers shopping here?" And usually there's an answer of, "Oh, yeah there are a number of guys who get things for themselves." I look on such encounters as an opportunity to do a little education - one person at a time. Even if I don't get into a real conversation with the SA, I try to at least conduct myself as a lady and leave them with a positive impression of crossdressers.

[sissystephanie]

I had an appointment with a professional Bra fitter at a local Nordstrom's today. The appointment was made on the phone, and I did not tell the person who made the appoinment it was for me, just that it was for Stephanie(me)!:heehee: When Clara, the fitter, came out I told her that I was Stephanie and asked if that was a problem. She looked me in the eye, and said, "do you wear a bra?" I said yes and she replied, "then there certainly is no problem!" Between Bras, panties, and some pads she collected over $150.00 from me, so she certainly was happy and so was I. Oh yes, she verified the 40 B that the lady from VS had already told me I was. A natural 40 B at that!:love:

Sissy/Stephanie

More Girl than man sometimes

[renee k]

I rarely come out to SA's. Just today I was out shopping enfemme. And exchanged a pair of heels at Nine West. The SA was super helpful. I even bought a pair of boots. After the transaction was completed she asked if was registered in their points program and before I could say anything, she said " Oh there you are". Which is in my male name, as was the online purchase. The whole experience was great. She treated me like any other customer making sure I was satisfied with my purchase.

Huggs, Renee

[Rachel Morley]

I'm a total chicken as my wife buys almost all of my femme purchases for me. Ok, I'm standing right next to her dressed en femme but she does most if not all of the talking. :o

[Jenna1561]

I rarely out myself to SA's. I shop enfemme all the time, but honestly, I don't know how many SA's know I'm a crossdresser, how many believe I'm a GG, and how many don't care. I like to believe that most see me as a woman, but I'd be kidding myself if I truly believed that happened all the time.

I was at an Old Navy today and was treated like any other woman customer with the SA's calling me ma'am and miss. Of course, when I paid by credit card with my male name - the SA at the register asked to see my I.D. - I showed them my male D.L. and I noticed the slightest hesitation when she looked at my I.D., but she recovered well and continued to treat me as a woman.

After that at a market I chatted with 2 clerks about my sweater, which they both said was cute and that the color (burnt orange) suited me well. I don't think either knew I wasn't a GG.


Jenna

[Michelle S]

I was at the Macy's in Cape Girardeau MO last week. Both the sales assistants who worked with me were very nice. If they read me, they did nothing to indicate this. After giving them my CC they referred to me as Mrs. S.! How cool is that? I went to http://www.macys.com/tellus where you can give feedback about your shopping experience. I let them know I was transgendered and how very pleased I was will the two sales assistants by name. It will be interesting to see what happens next time I go there.

[faltenrock]

Most of the times when shopping for myself, mostly on trips, I go en femme. To me there is no need to talk about that issue. I'm sure the SA read me as a CD - so what? They're alwayes nice and very helpful and have never made a deal of it yet. I'm open, because I'm dressed.
I once asked a young waitress in a cafe (I was the only customer at the time) if she was bothered due to my outfit with a blazer, black pleated mini skirt and high heels. She replied that there was no problem and that there are many men who CD - that was it for her.

[My Lady Marsea]

I have never on purpose outed myself, but after a few words or two sentences my voice I think pretty much tells it all. :DToday at the food store one SA was getting another to help me at the lottery counter (my TOTAL salvation if I ever win LOL) and started to refer to me as "him" but caught herself and contined the rest of her conversation with the other SA as "her". Made me feel really good. :happy:Also at another store today where I knew the owner before I went 7/24 I happened to park right next to her as she was returning from a lunch run and we both got out of the car but I just smiled and said nothing as we entered the store. A few minutes later I went to the counter to ask for help. We conversed a couple of minutes and then I asked if she remembered me.:o THEN she looked harder and said my guy name with a ? at the end. I said yep,and she said "I saw you when I parked but gave it no thought except that there was a women who looks like she knows what she's looking for" Like to cracked me AND her up. Turned out she was cool with it and even asked a few personal questions. So just in one typical day I've delt with two differt aspects and only once or twice since full timing had a not so good experience, but they really did not bother me too much. Remember for every bad experience there ae a hundred good ones coming up LOL.:hugs:

[Michelle (Oz)]

I assume that you talking about when shopping en femme.

I am at a point now that I am happy to engage in conversation with SAs (and others) with a male voice knowing that I am not passable. It seems to me an honest way of dealing with people. Interestingly, reactions are typically very good and lead to more open and friendly service. I am also remembered for future visits with SAs knowing that I am a genuine customer. While clearly a crossdressing male, I still expect to be treated as a female and use female fitting rooms. This hasn't been been a problem to date.

This pattern is typical of the service industry including hotels, restaurants and airlines.

Michelle (Oz)

[Brianna Lovely]

Although I'm out enfemme every day, I really don't try to disguise my voice, just speak a little softer.

I think everyone I encounter, knows I'm a male, but don't say anything.

I don't go around telling people that I'm a CDer, unless they ask, which only a Gay man has asked me why I dress fem.

Anyway, I now do all my shopping in semi or full fem, and I've had some wonderful experiences. I think the best was going to a bridal shop, having the manager assign a personal assistant to me, and trying on gowns and shoes, walking around the store and getting feedback from the SAs.

[Megan70]

Thanks for your imput girls, keep them coming. I was always paranoid that the SA's wheels were turning in her head and thinking "who is he/she trying to kid?"" I know he's a guy", although no one ever said it to me.
I love shopping and doing errands enfemme.
I just assume it would put everyone at ease with frank honesty upfront.
One of my CD girlfriends always told me, its their problem. Right?

Megan70 :happy:

[Karren H]

I have the right to buy what I want where I want and I really don't care what the SA's think.... I've had a few ask if they purchases were for me and I'm straight forward with them but since most of my shopping is real close to home and work (like accross the street... lol), I'd rather not broadcast it to anyone within hearing distance...

[Phyliss]

The times I've gone out shopping while "dressed" I've stayed within my "safe zone" meaning I go to stores that have already seen me in there buying clothes while in "drab" Only a few times have I ventured into other stores. If I do make a purchase, I remain as quite as possible. Just smile a whole bunch and let it go at that. Always pay cash in these situations.
Now, if the question was "Do "they" know the clothes are for me" I really don't care. I've gotten way beyond the "Looking for something for my wife..." thing. I don't go ahead and say "I'm a crossdresser and want to buy...." I just look at the clothes and if I like what I see I ask to try it on or simply buy it, if I know my size. Haven't really had any problems this way.
I guess the only "problem" I've ever had is if I happen to be in the store at a busy time and the Mgr is a bit concerned about too many customers and what "they" might think. I can respect and understand that and ask about a return policy.

[faltenrock]

I went to a large department store en femme a few years ago. wearing a grey blazer, black high heels and a black pleated mini skirt. As I was looking though the womens department, I saw a black pelated mini skirt hanging there. I went closer and found out, it was a suit ensemble, with some light stripes on it. The young (around 28 years) SA came up to me and asked if she could help. I took the blazer and the skirt to the dressing room.
While I was inside, changing the clothes, she waited outside. I came out and she said, it looked terrific on me - I couldn't believe it. The skirt was really great, unfortunately the blazer was to small. The SA took me arund the store to look for another blazer and a blouse.
That was a great experience, I didn't buy the skirt, because the jacket didn't fit. I wished these things could happen more often.

[Gisele]

I have never had any problems when dealing with SA's. Everyone of them treat me like any other woman. Most of the time Jenn goes with me out and she does most of the talking. That is her specialty yack yack yack...etc....:devil: Now that girl can talk and talk.

There was one time I was called sir and that was at a drive thru order sign. When I paid him at the 1st window I drove up to the 2nd one and most of the guys were waiting on me. I don't know if they were checking out the freak or the hot girl in the truck!? (I had on a tight sweater with my perky nipples on) They wernt laughing so who knows.

[GypsyKaren]

The only thing they care about is 'cash or credit?' and 'when's my next break?', I wouldn't worry about anything else.

KarenStarlene

[gretchenD]

I never had a problem with a sales associate.I go ask them for help once in a while and they help me out.

[Tamera]

When shoppin' there is no need to explain yourself, whether in Male Mode or FEM.
Now if someone who needs a little education on the TG world askes you why you are dressed then educate them don't SHUN them off. Be honest with your answers as they are with their questions.
Hugs,
Tamera

[goofus]

I'm a total chicken as my wife buys almost all of my femme purchases for me. Ok, I'm standing right next to her dressed en femme but she does most if not all of the talking. :o

That's some wife you've got :happy:

[tricia_uktv]

I don't like all that will they, won't they spot me stuff - just assume they will. So I do tell the SA when I walk in (either drab or dressed) and I also tell them what I want to buy. That way I can relax and most times you get absolutely excellent service from them. Far better than sneeking around the shop touching things and then worrying about whether you can try them on. Normally I am allowed to try things on as well. You also get to know the shops where you will get good service so can go back to them

[Samantha Thomson]

i usaly just buy what i am there for weither in guy clothes or girlie but it seems the sales ladys i deal w like it more when im dressed girlie some do ask question like do i have a man or so im cool w that but love buying make-up as a women lol




samantha

[bridget thronton]

I usually tell the SA what I am looking for (regardless of how I am dressed)

[jennifer41356]

I would never say that either, its none of their business really, they are there to provide a service. If you are going to try on clothes, you act like a lady in the dressing rooms, that is all you need to do to gain respect , they will treat you like a lady , if you act like one, i have always had pleasant experiences with sales people....I even had a few who would remember me, whether it was because they could tell i wasnt a "real" girl or not, didnt really bother me:drink::love:

[SherriePall]

When enfemme, I act femme and don't say a word about the male me. I like to see if I can carry it off.

[zann]

As with most I go about my bussiness with no preamble. Almos always there is no hesitation on the SA part. I aoften wonder if they know. I shop in NYC an am remembered year to year by some, so the must, but they are always helpful. If your intention is to live as a women, even if yust for that moment then there is no point in saying that you are not. Ann

[SusanMarie]

I treat every SA with respect and consideration...I expect the same in return.
I usually get what I expect. If not, then my money talks as I go out the door. Period. Exclamation Point!

[Adrienne Heels]

I do most of my shopping en femme in Nine West, the Limited, Lord & Taylor, where they know me by my guy name as I shop in drab there as well. I never have a problem in any of those shops because I have been up front and honest with the SAs from the beginning.

[Evelyn Smith]

Buying foundation, I've sought advice from SAs, generally telling them that I want to hide my five o'clock shadow. Never had a problem, but some assistants are better than others.

As for clothes, I've only shopped in drab. Sometimes I just buy stuff that I reckon will fit, other times I've selected a couple of items (skirts and blouses), then asked if I could try them on in the changing rooms. I've only had one bad reaction, and that was when I tried to buy a bridal gown in a thrift store in San Diego.

Smaller stores tend to try to be accommodating, in my experience, but with limited numbers of changing rooms, they will either offer to let me try stuff on after-hours, or make sure that I can get an an exchange or refund if the purchase isn't suitable.

Other places have let me use a room in the back of the shop to try stuff on - not ideal without a mirror, but better than facing a queue for the changing rooms!

My best shopping experience was in Glasgow, trying on a gothy gown. I couldn't get the zip up, and had to ask the assistant to help me! She was great, and wanted me to take some pics of me in the gown for her to see.

Evelyn

[cdbarbara]

If the sales person knows rou're a man then she knows. If she does'nt then she does'nt. How can you lose. One way you're a very nice,, cute ,well dressed crossdresser. (for me thats all I can wish to atain) The other way You're a woman.Well ok then. I just want to be the nicest looking guy in the store. A good sales person will treat everyone well. A bad one is Just bad. Why worry be happy. You are there, doing what you want,dressed as you please,life is good here! Barb

[Melissa Davis]

I have not gone shopping en femme yet, but when I do, I'll play the part and I won't care if I get read or not. I used to be in retail not that long ago and I can tell you that I would be professional with everyone. I think most clerks today realize that they will look bad if they discriminate against anyone.

[shauna 9]

I never had a problem with a sales associate.I go ask them for help once in a while and they help me out

[Chris Corbett]

In my limited experience shopping en femme (I certainly can't pass) I find female clerks very friendy with a big smile and a nice chat while male clerks give me no reaction at all.

[TxKimberly]

I do not specifically say I am a crossdresser as I see no need to do so. I pick what I want and I take it them to pay for it. I'm not interested in making excuses and they're not interested in hearing them. If I were to be asked (and I never have) I wouldn't hesitate to tell them the truth though.

[LindaTS]

Hi Megan,
I'm also from upstate NY. I shop in the Utica area all the time and have never intentionally outed myself. I just get whatever I'm looking for and go pay for it. A lot of the SA's want to talk and I don't have a problem with it. Ocassionally one will read me but it's never been a probem for either of us.

[Cindi Ann Kelly]

I have never admitted to an SA that I was a crossdresser,
they just knew, and they were always very helpfull.

cindi ann

[Twyla]

I never go out en femme.
When I go shopping for women's clothes, I really don't care what they think. They are SA. If I want to buy something they must sell it. That's it.

Do not asume that they aren't curious about your lifestyle. Before beeing sales assistants, they are hymans. Humans are always curious about sexual issues. It only increases their curiosity if those issues are non-standard like CD. But they are at their workplace, they have clear duties and one of them is: "sell anything you can to anybody who wants them." If they would make you feel embarassed for what you are buying, they would jeopardize their job.

[kay2]

There is absolutly no need to say "I'm a crossdresser" they are there to do a job, I am there to conduct business.

Absolutely! Sometimes I shop in full drab, and sometimes I'm wearing a skirt mj's and have pink nails (I don't do forms/wigs/make-up). I buy what I want, exchange a nice hello, perhaps a pleasantry about the weather, and off I go. Do you describe your hemorrhoids to the cashier at the drugstore when you buy Preparation-H?

[Stephenie S]

Well, what a lot of good posts! I have been on this forum for over a year, and when I first came, 99% of the shopping posts concerned how to "hide" the fact that you were shopping for yourself.

In contrast, 99% of these posts in this thread are reports of how unecessary this silly act really is. SA don't care, as almost everyone seems to have realized. This is an absolute fact. Shop where you want, when you want, dressed however you want. Bring money, and the SA is your new best friend every time. They are interested in only one thing and that is to sell you stuff.

This is real progress and we can be proud of our little community here. A big hug for everybody.

Auntie Stephenie

[Pamela75s]

Today I had to run in for some more makeup at the MAC counter and the sales associate that helped me the first time was there again. She remembered me, as well as what makeup I needed and asked how I liked it so far. I informed her I was very happy with it and was learning as I go, to how to apply make up, she said it takes time. Next stop was for a new wig at a shop where I had gotten my first one. Again the same friendly service while in drab and they knowing it was for me. Next stop was for some new cloths. I go to the local Dress Barn where all the associates know that what I am buying is for me. I start finding a few outfits and they come up and ask if I would like to have them start setting up a changing room. I thank them and say that would be great. The associates make coments on how they like the outfits and if there is anything else I would need. After trying them on, I only find one outfit that was not quite right. The rest I do end up getting. They thank me after checking out and ask me to come back, I said I will be happy too. So I would say that they do know and don't mind, and I don't mind letting them know that I am shopping for myself. To me it seems like everyone is more comfortable knowing up front and more willing to help.
Pamela

[noname]

I just go about as normal. Most of the time I make small talk with the cashier. That being upbeat and smiles. It's amazing how well that works. You can watch the person go from tense to a bit more relaxed. It's almost as if talking about ordinary stuff breaks down barriers as they realize, hey this guys a person just like me.

As for snickers and smiles, that would be coming from the immature and non polite portion of society.

[Sheri 4242]

My question . . . is when you go up to the counter and talk to a sales associate . . . are you upfront with them . . . or do you not say anything and transact your business?

Megan, you pretty much answer your own question -- at least for yourself and the way you like to conduct business, where you live, etc. As Karen points out, most of the time the SA is only interested in asking if this will be a "cash or credit" sale.

[Mitch23]

I assume that you talking about when shopping en femme.

I am at a point now that I am happy to engage in conversation with SAs (and others) with a male voice knowing that I am not passable. It seems to me an honest way of dealing with people. Interestingly, reactions are typically very good and lead to more open and friendly service. I am also remembered for future visits with SAs knowing that I am a genuine customer. While clearly a crossdressing male, I still expect to be treated as a female and use female fitting rooms. This hasn't been been a problem to date.

This pattern is typical of the service industry including hotels, restaurants and airlines.

Michelle (Oz)
I agree with you Michelle - that is exactly my position too!

Mitch

[Deborah Jane]

I never seem to get a problem with S.A.s. I shop in drab, and if they say anything i tell them it,s for me. Last week i bought a sequinned mini dress which the s.a. thought may not fit me and asked if i wanted to try it on 1st. I said yes please and she made a fitting room available [btw..it fitted ok]. I really don,t think they are that bothered by us as long as we have money to spend!!