Femmidate

[Syr_SwitchyGQ]

GGs and MtFs welcome/encouraged to respond to this one too. :happy:

So I have a friend who recently came out to me as MtF TG (actually, she's probably TS, but is thinking non-op right now) and as the "out" person of the two of us, I've been kind of a moral support as of late. Which is fine. However, recently I made a promise to her and I'm keeping it of course, but I'm not sure how I feel about it.

She hasn't really had a chance to dress since arriving on campus because she lives in a double with a roommate who would totally not understand, at all. As opposed to my roommate, who actually said she might be sad if I ended up as a girly girl. :D Anyway... long story short, she needed some space where she could be herself and present (for the first time ever) to someone as her real self. ...and, being the gentleman, I volunteered. My roomie's out for the weekend, and I have all of my femme clothes with me... all of this was fine, until she expressed to me that she wasn't sure how comfortable she'd be dressing as femme in front of anyone else, as she'd never done this before. :rolleyes: so... I volunteered to make it a "femmidate" and we'd both dress en femme. :eek: Was this a bad idea???

[Kate Simmons]

I'd say it depends on how you feel Hon. You are trying to help your friend and make her feel coimfortable. For her it's probably about identity but for you it's like putting on a "suit", nothing more or less. It depends on your comfort level.:happy:

[Tristan]

I think it's really cool you've offered to do it as to help her feel comfortable. Maybe start with her first though, and maybe the pink fog will kick in and she'll forget you are suppose to dress too? Or if it gets too uncomfortable/miserable for you explain to that to her, that you want to help her feel safe and dress etc, but it's hard because of your own gender issues.

[Cai]

Maybe only go as far as you feel comfortable? Like even if she wants to wear a dress, heels, and makeup, you could only go as far as a feminine pair of jeans and a top.

I'd definitely explain to your friend if you become uncomfortable. She's asking a lot of you to be supportive of her, and I bet she'd be willing to return the favor if you needed it.

[Nicki B]

I don't see why you have to dress as a girl... :strugglin

Surely it's more a trans-date? :hiding:

PS - expect the transformation to take a few hours, particularly if she's not practiced.. As Das & Trey will witness, it takes us girls a LOT longer to defuzz, make up, do hair and choose the perfect outfit than it does for you guys?

You might want to give her the room, then come back at an agreed time (at least 2hrs later!)?

[Suzy Harrison]

I would think she would jump at the chance. But I think you'll find that she might prefer to dress in private and only show you the 'finished article'... A lot of gurls (me included) feel a bit vunerable only half dressed.

[SirTrey]

I volunteered to make it a "femmidate" and we'd both dress en femme. Was this a bad idea???

Only you can answer that question....Each of us is unique in the things that we, as trans guys, can or cannot handle....and only you know just how uncomfortable that would be for you and how you would feel about it both during and after....I think you are a very good friend to offer to help this person, and I think it shows a lot of character that you are willing to do what you think will make her feel comfortable....As you know, all of the guys here are somewhat different in the way that they handle this in their own lives....Some gender bend and can freely float between the two, some resort to dressing "en femme" when they feel they need to because of their life situation (such as around certain family members or for work, etc.)....and some just never,ever do it....and that is an individual choice that we all make for ourselves and no one has the right to judge that....because no one lives OUR lives or has to suffer the consequences of WHATEVER we do.....So I say all of this to simply say, it's only a mistake if YOU think it's one....and if you don't think so, it's not.....Dressing "en femme" does not make you a girl....We all, as trans guys, did it when we were kids because we had to...and we were still guys....So if you do it, just look at it as "dressing up" (sort of like a Halloween party or something) if that makes you more comfortable with it....because, in your case, that's what it would be....Crossdressing. Whatever you do, remember, YOU are your own judge....No one else. Hope that helps....**Trey** :hugs:

[Kieron Andrew]

GGs and MtFs welcome/encouraged to respond to this one too. :happy:

So I have a friend who recently came out to me as MtF TG (actually, she's probably TS, but is thinking non-op right now) and as the "out" person of the two of us, I've been kind of a moral support as of late. Which is fine. However, recently I made a promise to her and I'm keeping it of course, but I'm not sure how I feel about it.

She hasn't really had a chance to dress since arriving on campus because she lives in a double with a roommate who would totally not understand, at all. As opposed to my roommate, who actually said she might be sad if I ended up as a girly girl. :D Anyway... long story short, she needed some space where she could be herself and present (for the first time ever) to someone as her real self. ...and, being the gentleman, I volunteered. My roomie's out for the weekend, and I have all of my femme clothes with me... all of this was fine, until she expressed to me that she wasn't sure how comfortable she'd be dressing as femme in front of anyone else, as she'd never done this before. :rolleyes: so... I volunteered to make it a "femmidate" and we'd both dress en femme. :eek: Was this a bad idea???

only you can tell whether this was a bad idea or not, if you are comfortable 'doing the girl thing' with her then go for it, if you feel you really dont think you will be all that comfortable then you need to somehow retract the offer or change it, but retracting an offer could do more harm then good with this persons trust towards you.....i know if it was me there is no way on this earth i could do the femme thing for anyone!

[ZenFrost]

I know I'm basically repeating what everyone else has said but I'll say it anyway. It's only a bad idea if you feel uncomfortable about it. If you can bear to be 'one of the girls' for a couple hours, I'm sure she'd welcome the support.

[Nicki B]

If you can bear to be 'one of the girls' for a couple hours, I'm sure she'd welcome the support.

I wonder - she might understand better where you're coming from? Personally I don't think it's a good idea, but it's your decision?

[Syr_SwitchyGQ]

Ok here's the thing... she's actually way excited about having sort of a "girl's party" where she gets to be a total girly girl and paint nails and do hair, etc. It won't kill me (I lived through flags, remember?) even though it may be a little uncomfortable or costume-feeling. I'm just worried that since she kind of looks at it as two guys becoming girls that it's going to be bad when I'm much more natural than she is... since I have the correct anatomy and she doesn't.... just a random worry.


Surely it's more a trans-date? :hiding:

Not so much.... I'm definitely more like her doofy (but overprotective and caring) brother than anything else. :heehee:

[Syr_SwitchyGQ]

Ok... so last weekend was a bit on the zooey side... mainly because Cade decided to drop in from Thursday through Sunday... but that's a whole other story...

As to my Friday-night femmidate...

Well, before we did anything, I called her to let her know that Cade and I were headed off to Goodwill for a last-minute clothing run before the Halloween party the next day (keep in mind Goodwill is a good four-mile walk from my dorm room... one way) and she ended up coming with us. We had fun finding ties and dumb t-shirts and then we stopped by the Big K next door so she could get some of her own female undergarments (I love her dearly, but that would've been more awkward than was really necessary.) After we hiked back, we cranked the music and got to work dolling her up. Out came the heels, knee socks, makeup and mini-skirts.... (I did check with her to make sure that she was ok having Cade there first, and she was fine with him.)

In the end, all three of us ended up in full girl mode before throwing a mini dance party in my room. I ended up teaching both of them how to use eyeliner properly, and dance in heels as well. :D We all had fun, and she seemed very, very happy to have had a chance to have the sort of girls' party she never had as a kid. We even said that we might set up another like it sometime in the near future. I think she left feeling good, and Cade and I felt really happy about the evening not just because we got to make ourselves look ridiculous, but because for the first time, we got to see her actually look free and smile a real smile.

It was pretty awesome... and I didn't mind being en femme because I ended up turning it into a gender**** by adding my black bomber jacket and wearing tight pants... Cade and I then decided to take a stroll through the downtown (without changing out of our previous attire) at midnight. ...and of course, here's the pics:

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Both of us en femme.

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Cade as a femme.

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Me in my gender**** outfit. :D

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All of these are of Cade and I because our friend didn't want pictures of her, and she definitely didn't want them available on the Internet. So... sadly you don't get to see her and you'll just have to trust me that she looked gorgeous!

Edit: P.S. - I forgot the really funny part about us walking downtown, which is that we got called crossdressers by a group of (drunk) college guys... Cade was like, "So what!?" But the fact that they thought we were crossdressers in girl mode made us both happy. :D

[kerrianna]

Wow, what cool friends you are! :hugs:
Your friend is a lucky girl. Too bad we don't get to see pics of her. :happy:


Oh yeah, you both do look like mtf cders's. :heehee:
Cool outfit! Love the bomber jacket.

[Tristan]

Wow totally didn't recognize cade in that pic. You both are very sweet for doing that for your friend heh and yeah I'd vote for crossdressing too, not that you don't both look great but I think cuz I know you both as men. :)

[ZenFrost]

Awesome! I'm glad it wasn't too stressful. And it's cool you got called crossdressers en femme. :smilep:

[Emily Ann Brown]

I personally want to give you both tons of hugs for showing what big hearts ya have in extending a hand to a sister. I think you have shown so much class by your willingness to help another person in our family.

Emily Ann