Will you out yourself before marriage?

[Vaerise]

If you are a CD or TS/TG. And you gotten to know a wonderful girl and you been dating together for quite some time. She really is interested in you and wants to tie the knot.

Now we know that there might be potential consequences by outing to her. Whether before you are married or 16 years after your married.

Will you let her know what you are/what you do before agreeing to marriage? And why?

[DonnaT]

I didn't. But that was 32 yrs ago. Had I known then what I know now, I would have, definitely. Back then it wasn't even on my mind while I was dating her. It didn't come up until a couple of months after the wedding.

[Oddlee]

There are so many ways to answer this. The first is that out of respect there should be nothing hidden from someone you are asking to share the rest of your life with. If you really want complete assimilation of two lives, how could there be such a secret.

In my own case, I am not willing to hide my cross-dressing from anyone I want to become intimate with; it is not a part of me that will go away, after all.

I had dated a woman 3 times, and could tell there was a definite connection, so on our last encounter I told her I was a CD. She did not run screaming from the room, but a couple days later emailed me a goodbye letter. She appreciated me telling her, but could not accept my behavior. She said it was a side of my life she could not share, and did not want a relationship which was only partially shared.

I am glad I told her when I did. The longer we were together, the closer we got - it would have been much more painful for both of us (and it was painful enough as it was) to have gone through the separation after two months, let alone 10 years...

Lee

[vivianann]

I would definately tell her before we got engaged, the reason for telling, 1 because I want to be honest with her and not have any secrets, 2 I do not want to be married to a woman that will not allow me to dress enfemme.

[faltenrock]

I would have told if I had known better. But back then, there was no internet, I thought, if engaged with the woman I love - the wish to dress might just disappear and not come back. I hoped, if I'ld buy nice clothes, stockings and underwear for her to wear, it would do it for me. But the fact is, she doesn't and didn't like to wear skirts for me, nor did she want to wear pantyhose, lingerie or stockings for me. But that's not an excuse - it is defintely better to talk prior to marrige. Today she blames me at least every time when dressing is a short verbal subject, that I had known and didn't tell her before.

[Sheri 4242]

IMHO, this is a "no question about, no-brainer" issue!!! You absolutely should tell her!!!

I told my "then wife-to-be" when I saw we were getting "marriage-serious" -- it was a natural point in our relationship to tell her since "engagement" followed by wedding bells were seemingly in our future. I wanted to be able to live the rest of my life with a spouse who could fully accept this side of me!!! So, to tell her when I did was one of the best decisions I have ever made!!! Fundamental honesty is essential to trust, and both are part of what makes for a vibrant and healthy marriage!!!

[Marla S]

Def. yes.

Having the sword of Damocles hanging over a relationship that should be based on trust and friendship can't be a good start. And is not fair when one of the partners doesn't even know that something is going on.
Like some statements are able to endanger trust, not telling has at least the same potential.

Not telling has only one advantage. Once the knot is tied the partner is "caught in a trap" and is coerced to deal with TG.
This is a very questionable strategy though.

The disadvantage is that telling at the beginning will dramatically lower your chance to find a partner.

[Carla Maria]

It would be best to tell her before marriage. Who needs the grief that could come later on. My wife knew before and she has become more supportive as the years pass.

[Raychel]

Knowing what I know now. I would say that it depends on the woman. I feel that I did it as best as I could. Thinking back on it I am not sure that my wife was mature enough to keep it a secret when we first met. I told her about 3 years ago and all is great now. Sure I wish that I had been out in the open for those 15 years, But that is life.

[JoAnnDallas]

Back when I got married, I did not, but I think most of us that got married 20+ years ago did the same thing. Today it is different. If I was getting married today, I would tell her before the wedding.

[Kerrie Sifton]

I, like faltenrock, thought that if i purchased lovely things for my spouse that it would deter me from wanting to dress up. Because I was less than open about my desires and fantasies, i have been living in the closet since. Lately she has been more open to wear the lingerie, but I still enjoy dressing up and putting on the look.
Today I would say, be forthcoming in the beginning, if this aspect of your life is important to you. If you want to keep it hidden, well there may be a time when you leave a blouse out or something, and the issue becomes open.
Then it may not be as easy to discuss.

All the best
Kerrie

[Lisa Renee]

I think being open in a relationshipe is very important. It is better to tell your SO before you are deeply in a relationship, that way they can make the decison weather or not they want to continue the relationship. Besides having everything open between you both, I believe is very important.

[Laurengrl01]

Fundamental honesty is essential to trust, and both are part of what makes for a vibrant and healthy marriage!!!
Well stated Sheri. Absolutely! I have been completely open (in my marriage relationship) in every aspect, EXCEPT this... this has caused tremendous guilt and shame. I have breached that trust and she deserves better. Like many, I too, felt that the urge would subside, but over the years, it has increased. I've recently decided that I must come up with a plan to break it to her. The stakes are very high now (one of many reasons to do it B4 the relationship gets too far along), but it's difficult to continue to live like that.
- Lauren

[sissystephanie]

IMHO, this is a "no question about, no-brainer" issue!!! You absolutely should tell her!!!

I told my "then wife-to-be" when I saw we were getting "marriage-serious" -- it was a natural point in our relationship to tell her since "engagement" followed by wedding bells were seemingly in our future. I wanted to be able to live the rest of my life with a spouse who could fully accept this side of me!!! So, to tell her when I did was one of the best decisions I have ever made!!! Fundamental honesty is essential to trust, and both are part of what makes for a vibrant and healthy marriage!!!

I heartedly second what Sheri has said. Especially her last sentence! If you are not honest at the very beginning of your relationship and from then on, how can you have a truly healthy marriage? I told mine before we were even engaged, and we had a wonderful 49 1/2 years together. And CD'ing was a part of our lives. Although we never did tell our kids.

Sissy/Stephanie

More Girl than man sometimes

[Marianna Julianna]

I did, I was determined that no matter what I would tell the woman I loved that I was Trans before we go married, (before we got engaged even) because I couldn't face having to hide it. As it happened the woman I loved had a young daughter and I ended up having to hide it for years anyway from her, but at least my wife knew. As they say these days, a no brainer, anyone who is really CD has it deeply ingrained in them, I always think we're born to it but can only speak for myself, you can not escape it.

[crusadergirl]

I'm not to sure if i would tell her b/c i'm not telling anyone else my secret as of now. Its like being a superhero they don't tell the ppl they care about so they won't be in danger. Unless its needed and i have to tell are something bad would happen to her, the anwser is no. If they can't tell i dress that way then i don't know whats going on here.

[Lisa Golightly]

Every girl I've gone with has known... For most that's been the appeal for them.

[morgan51]

I am so thankful I was honest with my wife BEFORE we were committed to eachother I find that honety carries thru to all aspects of our relationship good luck. Morgan

[Deborah Jane]

I didn,t last time and look where that left me:(..So if i get a second chance, then yes..Without a doubt!!

[christid66]

I didn't and will regret it for as long as I live.
I want and need to do it soon but it gets more difficult the longer it goes on, and the harder my wife will take it

[Jennifer in CO]

If you are a CD or TS/TG. And you gotten to know a wonderful girl and you been dating together for quite some time. She really is interested in you and wants to tie the knot.

Now we know that there might be potential consequences by outing to her. Whether before you are married or 16 years after your married.

Will you let her know what you are/what you do before agreeing to marriage? And why?

I did I did!!

It is funny - She said as long as I didn't want to BE a girl she had no problem with me looking like one. The funny part is 5 years later I began a 4 year stint living as one. She said that she still saw me as the "man I was within" and besides...I still had my equipment.

Anyway....her response to when I told her other than the spoken comment? She bought me a matching bra/panty set in hot pink.

Jenn

[slamddoger]

she has the right to know so she can maake the chose to say or live

[Katie Ellen]

I didn't tell the first wife. I kept my secret for ten years. Who knows, it may have made a difference.

I told my current wife before we married. That was 15 years ago. It's the best thing that I've ever done. I now know she's not going to "discover" something that will cause her change her feelings for me.

I think there's a lot of GG's that can accept you for who you really are. Why settle for anything less?

[CarrieAnneEvers]

If you are a CD or TS/TG. And you gotten to know a wonderful girl and you been dating together for quite some time. She really is interested in you and wants to tie the knot.

Now we know that there might be potential consequences by outing to her. Whether before you are married or 16 years after your married.

Will you let her know what you are/what you do before agreeing to marriage? And why?

OF COURSE!

[Timberley]

Yes, I did tell her first. We had been seeing each other for over five years, and I thought it was about time. When I told her, she wasn't overly surprised, but said she still loved me. The following year, I asked her to marry me, and she agreed. She doesn't participate, and gets uncomfortable if I decide to shop while out. But we are still together, and I don't think it will be a breaking point for us. Actually, I don't know what would be.

[Rachel Morley]

My wife knew before we got married but our situation is a little bit different because we met on a crossdressing forum (not this one). If we hadn't have met on a CD forum, would I have told her? Of course! Marriage has to be built on love and trust. If it's going to last there has to be truth and honesty in every facet of the relationship.

[shauna 9]

I think being open in a relationshipe is very important. It is better to tell your SO before you are deeply in a relationship,

[bridget thronton]

My wife knew that I liked certain items of female attire before we were married. But neither one of us suspected how strong my need to dress would become. When I knew that I had to start dressing daily we talked about it and came to agreements about how it might happen until the kids moved off to college.