Plan ruined!

[dds]

Hi all. I hope it is OK to share my story. I am here alone, dressed up, and wishing to talk ...
I am in my 40s and last year developed a much stronger urge to dress up and go out. I am a gay man in a long-term relationship. I had always dressed at home privately and suddenly felt this new need to not be so private anymore. This was very difficult for me and I shared it with my partner of 12 years and his reaction was less than enthusiastic. Although I know I have to work these feelings out for myself, it set me back and I have been trying to squash these feelings since then. He has since apologized and has tried to be more supportive, but I am still having a difficult time of it.
Well, to make a long story short, after a year of thinking about it, I thought I would finally try to work up the nerve to go to a local CD meeting this week (tomorrow actually). But I needed to get past the hurdle of telling my SO. I thought I'd build my way up to it. So, during this past week, when he came home, he discovered me wearing lingerie and heels. This is not too surprising to him -- he knows I like it. Last night I didn't wear anything special and he actually said, "What? No outfit?" when he came through the door. I thought I'd work up the nerve to be completely dressed tonight -- dress, makeup, wig, jewelry, etc. I think he'd be OK with it since it is around Halloween time and I have dressed for Halloween costume parties before. Once he sort of warmed to the idea, I thought I'd tell him that this is what I'd like to wear tomorrow for the meeting. I was hoping this all would go smoothly (I felt pretty confident it would), he'd be supportive, and I'd work up the nerve to actually go to the meeting tomorrow.
Anyway, he called from work and he has to stay overnight, so he's not coming home. I had a feeling this might happen because this is a particularly busy time for him right now -- but it's ruined my little plan.
So ... I'm home alone wearing an outfit I'd love to go out in. I hope I can try to work up the nerve for tomorrow and actually attend the meeting, but who knows? I'm realizing that it is not really his initial tepid reaction that has set me back, it's more my own conflicted feelings about accepting the CD side of myself. I need some sort of OK to make me feel I can actually do it.
Thanks for listening. I hope I haven't gone on and on and embarrassed myself! I don't really have a friend to share this with, so am hoping there are some supportive souls out there!

[Karren H]

No one embarases them selves here... lol Go for it... getting out in public is a blast.... and once you go you'll never want to stay home enfemme ever again!! I know!!!

And funny thing about SO's... of any type.. They rarely react well to crossdressing... My wife sure didn't... SIGH.....

Karren

[dds]

Thanks Karren! I really appreciate your reply. As a gay man, I know I am in the minority on this site, but I think my experience is very much like the straight married men out there. It can be a little lonely sometimes. It means alot to me to know people understand where I am coming from. Thanks again!

[BarbaraTalbot]

Really interesting to hear your story. It matches so many people here. As Karren said, a lot of SO's have trouble adjusting to changes in the gender they are used to you presenting.

Conflicted feelings about CD'ing is something we all relate to.

Acceptance of yourself first is the biggest hurdle.

Lots of great support here. Good to have you here.

[AllieSF]

DDS,

In any relatiionship good, open, honest and constant communication is the key ingredient for success. By you keeping it all inside you are causing yourself some distress and not being open with you partner. It is not always easy to tell the truth. However, by telling your partner how you feel you can be honest with him and yourself. You also get to share your burden somewhat with him and give him the opportunity to participate more in another part of your life. I am not necessairly advocating a quick download of all those things you may have not been able to tell him, but rather suggesting that you tell as much as you can and then keep up the conversation over time to get it all out. It may not help immediately for your meeting night out. However, there are other meeting nights in the future. Good luck.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm realizing that it is not really his initial tepid reaction that has set me back, it's more my own conflicted feelings about accepting the CD side of myself. I need some sort of OK to make me feel I can actually do it.
Thanks for listening. I hope I haven't gone on and on and embarrassed myself! I don't really have a friend to share this with, so am hoping there are some supportive souls out there!

Just remember, we r all friends here. Friends can disagree and remain friends. And we r all anonymous. U r certainly as welcome here as any of us r. Your story is touching.

I may find a woman attractive at one time and unattractive another. My ex put on a lot of weight and became unattractive to me. I became very disinterested in sex with her. The same is true for some of my "Sherry" incarnations. I can look in the mirror and see a hot Sherry or a not very hot Sherry. The not hot Sherry goes away forever. The same may be true for your SO. He may find u less attractive as a CD. But, it's a lot like my ex's weight. It wasn't going to go away. Your dressing will not go away either. He must get used to it, if u 2 r to remain together. I hope whatever happens, it will be the best for u both.
RS

myspace.com/robertsherry

[sterling12]

What you may end up with, is a similar situation to what heterosexual couples have when the Spouse finds out the other crossdresses.

In other words, he may freak out! You said his response was "tepid." Next time, we might get a parroting of the same line so often heard from The Wives, "I want the guy I loved when this relationship started!"

I'm not trying to discourage you, just a little warning about what might happen. If the CD pull is strong, and I suspect it is, your probably not going to stop. Go enjoy the Meeting, enjoy the fresh air, enjoy being with like-minded people. Then, think a little about how your going to handle the situation, if you get "resistance." If I read you properly, I think you may already be wondering about how to deal with it.

I have heard of this problem before with other gay couples, just amazing how it mimics the same hassles that bedevil other couples. But, a couple is a couple, why should we really be surprized?

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Lisa Golightly]

Awwwwww I feel for you. The courage to break through that invisible membrane that covers the open doorway is always within you. It's just a question of when... If you are saying to yourself 'not quite yet' then I'd go with your feeings. It's always best to be in the right mood to go for it.

It sounds like you want to seek the approval, or at least the taccit acceptance of your partner before making the jump, and that is a worthy thing. There is no rush.

Lisa x

[Charolette time]

Hi all. I hope it is OK to share my story. I am here alone, dressed up, and wishing to talk ...
I am in my 40s and last year developed a much stronger urge to dress up and go out. I am a gay man in a long-term relationship. I had always dressed at home privately and suddenly felt this new need to not be so private anymore. This was very difficult for me and I shared it with my partner of 12 years and his reaction was less than enthusiastic. Although I know I have to work these feelings out for myself, it set me back and I have been trying to squash these feelings since then. He has since apologized and has tried to be more supportive, but I am still having a difficult time of it.
Well, to make a long story short, after a year of thinking about it, I thought I would finally try to work up the nerve to go to a local CD meeting this week (tomorrow actually). But I needed to get past the hurdle of telling my SO. I thought I'd build my way up to it. So, during this past week, when he came home, he discovered me wearing lingerie and heels. This is not too surprising to him -- he knows I like it. Last night I didn't wear anything special and he actually said, "What? No outfit?" when he came through the door. I thought I'd work up the nerve to be completely dressed tonight -- dress, makeup, wig, jewelry, etc. I think he'd be OK with it since it is around Halloween time and I have dressed for Halloween costume parties before. Once he sort of warmed to the idea, I thought I'd tell him that this is what I'd like to wear tomorrow for the meeting. I was hoping this all would go smoothly (I felt pretty confident it would), he'd be supportive, and I'd work up the nerve to actually go to the meeting tomorrow.
Anyway, he called from work and he has to stay overnight, so he's not coming home. I had a feeling this might happen because this is a particularly busy time for him right now -- but it's ruined my little plan.
So ... I'm home alone wearing an outfit I'd love to go out in. I hope I can try to work up the nerve for tomorrow and actually attend the meeting, but who knows? I'm realizing that it is not really his initial tepid reaction that has set me back, it's more my own conflicted feelings about accepting the CD side of myself. I need some sort of OK to make me feel I can actually do it.
Thanks for listening. I hope I haven't gone on and on and embarrassed myself! I don't really have a friend to share this with, so am hoping there are some supportive souls out there!

I do not know your situation, but maybe the fact that you are both together in a gay relation he does not feel comfortable being with what persumes to be a female, I hope that all goes well and you go enjoy the meeting as said by the girls here, good vibes are coming:hugs:Charolette

[MsJanessa]

Its always a suprise to me when a T-girl is not accepted by the gay world--it shouldn't be ----some of the gay people I know are really really butch and don't want to have anything to do with any of us more femme types

[tommi]

dd I hope things work out for you,It drives me crazy to hear stories like yours
If we don't accept one another it seems no one else will. Good luck :hugs:

[AmandaM]

No embarassment! Don't worry. No one really knows who you are here. :)

[Bonnie D]

As in any relationship and as previously said, communication is very important. You will have to discuss it with your partner and work out compromises.

I lived in the closet all my life, TS, CD and gay, and got married and had children. I finally came out to her and we are now separated. If I didn't want to live the rest of my life gay then I am sure we could have work out compromises. My next relationship will be with a man and I will be totally up front with him from the beginning. Like you said though most gays are not interested in men who dress in women's clothes, they can be effeminate and act like women but as soon as a skirt or dress goes on then they go off. :gg:

The reason I mentioned my situation is because that is an option, if he can't accept you for who you are realizing you truly are then you will have to leave the relationship and find someone who will accept you. This is definitely not the ideal choice.

I hope all goes well and we are here to listen and help if possible.

Bonnie

[Lucypink]

Get the nerve and go to the Meeting, for shure you will get a good support and a fun time. After this take your time decide your next step. Life is short.... Live it!!

[Nicki B]

Its always a suprise to me when a T-girl is not accepted by the gay world--it shouldn't be ----some of the gay people I know are really really butch and don't want to have anything to do with any of us more femme types

Just like most genetic hetero women, they're attracted to men, not women? :strugglin


...if he can't accept you for who you are realizing you truly are then you will have to leave the relationship and find someone who will accept you. This is definitely not the ideal choice.

That feels like rather a big jump to an extreme solution? Many heterosexual couples manage to find a compromise they can live with?

Only dds knows how far a journey they have to go, once they start allowing the closet door to move? And it may take a while to find the full answer? But many of us sit on a spectrum quite happily, as in-betweenies?