The hardest question to answer is why

[Hidden Tell]

I've told my boyfriend about my gender issues, that there are certain ways I'd prefer not to be touched, etc. It's been a while and it would seem he's finally ready to talk with me about it. The problem being, his questions are most often of the 'why' variety. As in, 'why do you wanna be a boy?' and 'why cant you just dress like a guy occassionally?'. I'm really quite sure how to answer him. Anyone have any advice they could offer? I would certainly appreciate it.

[ZenFrost]

For me at least it isn't a matter of choice. I don't want to be a boy, I am one, just in the wrong body. I would ask him why can't he just dress like a guy occasionally. But I'm not you and I don't know much about your situation so what you do is up to you, I can only speak from my own position.

[Cai]

You're the only one who can answer that question.

For myself, though, I've stopped trying to know why. It just is, and that's good enough for me. I know that doesn't help you answer your boyfriend, but it's the only answer I've got.

[Abraxas]

I agree; it's not about the why. Even if it were, it'd be a lot of very scientific explanations involving chromosomes and areas of the brain and what happened to you in utero and all that-- scientists don't have all the answers, why should you?
If people have a hard time understanding it, I just say to them (say it's a guy), what if, all your life everyone was telling you you had to be a girl, wear girls' clothes, and never tell anyone you were actually a boy? How would you feel? Well, that's how I feel. Make it accessible to them, phrase it in terms they can understand. Sometimes there's no reason, sometimes, things just are.

[Tristan]

I agree that why is a very hard question to answer. It's also to me not a matter of why, I was born this way. I've tried to cope with it, I've tried to shut it down like it didn't exist, and I've tried to live as tomboy of an existence as I could, but it all wasn't enough. I am male trapped in this body and I won't be happy living in any life that is "hers".

[Anthony Jake]

For me at least it isn't a matter of choice. I don't want to be a boy, I am one, just in the wrong body. I would ask him why can't he just dress like a guy occasionally. But I'm not you and I don't know much about your situation so what you do is up to you, I can only speak from my own position.

I think thats a good way to sorta pose a questionable answer to him.. why does he dress like a guy all the time, evidentally he'd say because i am one.. id tell him that thats how you feel, that your a guy..
I know i've not been presenting as a guy as long as some of you but i can totally understand that this isnt a lifestyle choice or something we do because we can.. we all do it because we have to, because in order for us to exist and feel as though we are doing it as us, thats the way things are.. no questions just the simple thing that that is the way things are.

[John]

I've maniged to avaid that question for the most part, but the first guy that askes why I want to be a guy is going to be asked if he'd like being castrated, having baloons glued to his chest, and being called a girl for ninteen years. I figure that'd sort thing out.

As said before, the reason why most of us don't just 'dress up as boys ocasionally' is because we are boys.

Oh, welcome to the forum, btw :D

[ZenFrost]

I've maniged to avaid that question for the most part, but the first guy that askes why I want to be a guy is going to be asked if he'd like being castrated, having baloons glued to his chest, and being called a girl for ninteen years. I figure that'd sort thing out.

I'd totally do that. :laugh: Really puts things in perspective when you word it like that.

[MJ]

[QUOTE]I've maniged to avaid that question for the most part, but the first guy that askes why I want to be a guy is going to be asked if he'd like being castrated, having baloons glued to his chest, and being called a girl for ninteen years. I figure that'd sort thing out.



you know i think they still wont understand us .. we are who we are , you just get it ..or you don't

oh and John i would love to ask you the question .. but i am allergic to violence it brings me out in cuts and bruises :heehee:

[Emily Ann Brown]

How about the answer my mom always gave me to the question "WHY?"

"BECAUSE !!!"


Emily Ann

[Nicki B]

I agree that why is a very hard question to answer.

I don't think it's hard. I think it's impossible for you, for all of us, to answer. You might as well ask, why are my eyes/hair the colour they are, why am I left/right handed?

The only answer is because you are made that way. (DNA? But why?)

So very many of us waste vast amounts of mental energy worrying about the 'why' - as if that can change anything? :strugglin

Try and save your energy for accepting who you are?

[gennee]

We may not understand why, but we are!!

Gennee

:happy:

[Hidden Tell]

Thank you all, so much.
You are all very right, it's more a matter of accepting than really knowing isn't it? I'm just getting there myself, so I guess I can't expect him not to question it...
Still, next time he asks one of those questions I might have to borrow that line about castration. Just to see his expression if nothing else. :D

[Nicki B]

I'm just getting there myself, so I guess I can't expect him not to question it...

Of course he will. So make yourself strong, to be able to deal with that.

You have nothing to be ashamed of, nor to apologise for? :)

[Felix]

I was asked the very same question only last week by a friend. She is a lovely woman and has been there for me even in my abscence defending my corner :happy: She asked me why do I want to look so much like a man when intrinsically or spiritually as I see it I am a lesbian? She was like If ya a lesbian don't ya like women and their attributes? I was like yeah :thumbsup: She thought other lesbians would not be attracted to me because I am so masculine. I do worry about this :straightface: I tried to explain that there are many forms of lesbian I am of the butch variety and I am discovering my masculinities subverting gender and being more fluid. She was like I just don't get it!! Why do ya have to go so far as to pack?! I tried to explain that was part of it my masculinities but she didn't understand. Although I am very fluid I do feel very masculine in my physique and in part of my brain but my spirit is female. I still think about taking hormones to make my masculinities stronger but I haven't decided yet. Some people will just never get it hun what we go through just be patient that's all ya can do xx Felix :hugs::hugs: