Getting nowhere with the wife

[JennaDesire]

I am sitting here typing this and wondering how the hell I am going to make this situation work for me and my wife. Every time I try to talk to her I get the same response...."Have you found a doctor yet?" I tell her no and I do not think that I will. I try to tell her that there is nothing wrong with me and she completely shuts me out. It is getting to the point where I am starting to get a little mad at her. All she tells me is that she is digusted and can't believe that this is happening to her. She seems to be sinking into depression. All of this is starting to make me fell a little guilty. How come I do not want to stop?

[Paula Wilder]

How about you both go to couple's therapy? If you get the right counselor, a disinterested third party might be helpful in getting her to understand your situation a bit better and that you still love her and all. My family doesn't know and I admire your guts for trying to communicate about it. I've stayed in the closet on this because I'm pretty sure it wouldn't go over too well - but maybe someday....

Hang in there,

Paula

[sterling12]

What Paula said, x 2! Also, please realize that sometimes you can't win her over. Each person is different. I have many friends where the wife is intolerant. It doesn't stop them from doing CD, it just forces them into a shadow world of lies and deceptions.

Sometimes life just ain't fair, and your stuck with the hand you got dealt.

However, you still have a chance. BOTH OF YOU, do counseling, see if a compromise can be accomplished. Try to get her into a support group where there is a lot of emphasis on helping the wives to cope. The Counselor, if he or she deals with many CD's will probably have a connection for you.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Suzy Harrison]

I think if I were you, I'd make a doctors appointment and insist that she comes along too.

The doctor will tell the pair of you that there isn't a 'cure' and you're not nuts. Basically it's not a terrible thing. After all, would she prefer you to be a wife basher, drug addict, criminal, total looser... the list goes on...

No, you decided to open and honest... So the least she can do is listen to what the doctor is going to tell her. I'm sure it will be okay once she hears an independant view..

:hugs: Suzy

[Sharon]

As the others write above, I think it's time for the both of you to see a qualified therapist together. With the way your wife is reacting, I would have to say that either you haven't been able to say the right words in explaining your needs, or that she just doesn't believe you that this isn't really that big a deal when weighed against all of life's other concerns.

Meanwhile, don't get mad with her, just try to be the best husband you can be. Let her see that despite this flaw(in her eyes), that you are otherwise the same person that first attracted her to you.

Good luck!

[Joy Carter]

Choose wisely a therapist Jenna. You will get no where, with one who knows nothing of girls like us.

[paulaN]

Make the app. tell your wife the doc. wants her their too.
You said.How come I do not want to stop?
Because it is way to much a part of you.

[Shelly Preston]

I think if I were you, I'd make a doctors appointment and insist that she comes along too.

The doctor will tell the pair of you that there isn't a 'cure' and you're not nuts. Basically it's not a terrible thing. After all, would she prefer you to be a wife basher, drug addict, criminal, total looser... the list goes on...

No, you decided to open and honest... So the least she can do is listen to what the doctor is going to tell her. I'm sure it will be okay once she hears an independant view..

:hugs: Suzy



I agree with Suzy but as otheres have said it may take more to get things sorted so a therapist may be need and if the doctor can reccommned one even better
I know it will be difficult telling your doctor but its seems like the only way

good luck

[jaina]

I am sitting here typing this and wondering how the hell I am going to make this situation work for me and my wife. Every time I try to talk to her I get the same response...."Have you found a doctor yet?" I tell her no and I do not think that I will. I try to tell her that there is nothing wrong with me and she completely shuts me out. It is getting to the point where I am starting to get a little mad at her. All she tells me is that she is digusted and can't believe that this is happening to her. She seems to be sinking into depression. All of this is starting to make me fell a little guilty. How come I do not want to stop?

Being disgusted with it is a very strong position. It may take a lot of therepy for her get over her prejudice, if she can or wants to at all.

[sweetnsultry77]

Our marriage counsler said, why should people judge you differently just because your wardrobe is different from theirs. I have never heard of any SO accepting their CDing husbands at first. It is a real slap in the face to them till they sit down and discuss it or read up on it. there is hope, it may take time! If she doesnt accept it in time is she worth staying with? It will make your life hell! take it slow and give her time. Get some books on the subject and leave them out for her to find. she might find she likes the other side of you better, like mine did! Good luck!!! We are here for you and her if she has questions.

[Ðarissa]

I wish you all the luck in the world Jenna. :hugs: I really hope you take the suggestions posted here and get some help and I hope the two of you will come through this ok. :hugs:

[JennaDesire]

Unfortunately, because of the level of my wifes reaction, I think that it is impossible that we get through this ok. The only thing that is keeping us together right now is our children. I do not see this problem going away because she is not the type of person that can accept something like this, nor does she want to understand.

[Angie G]

Paula is right hun get help if you want to keep you wife :hugs:
Angie

[gennee]

I agree with Sharon and Joy. Seek out a qualified therapist, someone who knows about us. It is a shock when a spouse finds out that we crossdress but it takes some time for the dust to settle.

Gennee

:happy:

[Di]

I do not mean this in a mean way.....but she isn't getting anywhere with you either....by that I mean by not seeking out a qualified therapist...since she asks you everytime you try to talk to her...have you found a doctor yet. My suggestion is...find someone to talk to....have her join you after a few sessions...and the therapist can help her understand it is not going away. There are all types of acceptance...ones like me that love all of it ...to s.o's that would rather have the don't ask don't tell approach......where you would have time to be feel dressing and she doesn't see it or join in. Hope the two of you can work something out....Best Wishes.

[Dee Talbot]

One of the biggest things I have taken from therapy is that we can't change others, just ourselves. It's unfortunate that your wife feels that insisting on your seeking professional help for your "problem" is a solution. I can also see where she may be getting defensive and resentful because she feels that you aren't trying to make the change she feels is necessary. I am not placing any blame on your shoulders for that. I am just speaking from the perspective of a wife who, through lack of understanding and knowledge, pushed her husband to seek counseling..."or else". (not a CD related issue....just to clarify)

I agree with everyone who posted that meeting with a couples counselor is an excellent idea. I would imagine that your wife feels much as I did when trying to force my SO into therapy ...."it's his problem, I certainly don't need any help." It was only after we did some couples counseling that I realized my own areas where I needed to grow.

I'm not saying that your wife necessarily has any issues that she needs professional help with. But, speaking to an unbiased third party about her feelings and having the potential to learn about and understand crossdressing can only benefit her IMHO.

I hope you both are able to work through this.

Dee

[docrobbysherry]

I think if I were you, I'd make a doctors appointment and insist that she comes along too.

The doctor will tell the pair of you that there isn't a 'cure' and you're not nuts. Basically it's not a terrible thing. After all, would she prefer you to be a wife basher, drug addict, criminal, total looser... the list goes on...

No, you decided to open and honest... So the least she can do is listen to what the doctor is going to tell her. I'm sure it will be okay once she hears an independant view..

:hugs: Suzy

Going to a doctor about CDing could make things worse. I went to one years ago, and told me what I was doing was, " Wrong and bad". He suggested a therapist.


As the others write above, I think it's time for the both of you to see a qualified therapist together. With the way your wife is reacting, I would have to say that either you haven't been able to say the right words in explaining your needs, or that she just doesn't believe you that this isn't really that big a deal when weighed against all of life's other concerns
Good luck!


I went to licensed therapist. She told me CDing is , " Nothing to be concerned about". I believe u should go to a therapist, even if your wife won't. U will get some honest perpective on CDing and some directions to go with your wife. After u do that, maybe u can get her to go with u in the future.
RS

[Satrana]

Does not sound like anything you say or do yourself will get through her defenses so you do need to find a good therapist who understands the issues and go together. Even then she may just conclude you picked a sympathetic therapist and ignore the advice. If she is very entrenched then she may never come around to a sensible arrangement in which case you have a difficult set of choices to make. Prejudice is a difficult thing to overcome as the hatred blinds the person to their own shortcomings and shifts all the blame onto you. Sometimes only the shock of separation (or prospect of) will puncture a hole through her armor. Good luck! :hugs:

[CroftonMaryland]

All she tells me is that she is digusted and can't believe that this is happening to her.


Same problem here.. Wife refuses to talk about it, rejected talking to a therapist. Said "it is your problem, not mine."

Oh well.. what can I say.. If it wasn't for a son with special needs, I would be history...