Being Gay or Not

[JoAnnDallas]

battybattybats's lastest posting got me thinking. When I go into my nail salon, I usually have my Hanes T-shirt, Hanes Shorts, and Green/Pink sandels with no socks on. I have always wondered if other customer thought I was gay.
So I ask you all, you walk into a nail salon. There is a man sitting in a pedicure chair, wearing shorts and a t-shirt, shaved legs, getting Bright Red Polish on his toes, and Long Pink acrylic nails. What would your first impression be, GAY or not?

[BarbaraTalbot]

certain parts of town I'd think Gay..

Certain parts of town I'd think metro-sexual

Certain parts I'd be baffled, but would wonder if he crossdressed.

Have you ever noticed in nearly every movie Bernie Mac isin he is getting a manicure?

I love the scene in Bad Santa when he is telling the girl, "No, go for that pink pearl there...I'm man enough for that."

[Kate Simmons]

Knowing myself JoAnn, I probably just wear a wry grin and say to myself "cool".:happy:

[Marla S]

Good question ... had to think about it ... and came to the conclusion, using the hints you gave, it would depend on the length of the acrylic nails.
Short to moderate --> CD
Long ---> Drag Queen

[jenniferj]

JoAnn,

Certainly you are sending a bunch of mixed signals - I think most unaware straight folks would assume that you're gay. I doubt that a gay guy would - you wouldn't be sending out the signals that he'd be looking for (unless you ARE gay, but haven't realized it yet :) ) Just as most straight men can tell (or THINK they can tell) when a woman is interested regardless of how she is dressed, most cruising gay guys are looking for more basic signals of interest.

We as a group are much more aware of the complexity of gender identification and sexual orientation; I would probably run down the list of possible explanations and settle near the right answer. But I would probably also be more aware of the little remnants of someone's crossdressing in guy mode - "civilians" would miss a whole lot of them. As I've written elsewhere, I occasionally look for such things in a crowd of people, with little success.

Let me state emphatically lest I be misunderstood - I am not suggesting that there is anything wrong with being gay! Nor do I think it's a simple yes-no situation.

The real question is: What does it matter if a stranger thinks you're gay? By presenting yourself in a positive manner you may be helping their cause a bit. :)

-jj

[Emily Ann Brown]

I would think "If I passed a cocktail napkin with the letter T scribbled on it would it come back with a smiley face?"

Emily Ann

[sterling12]

"The Public," has always associated effeminate and Gay as being one and the same thing. In your hypothetical, although you didn't say you "acted or spoke effeminately," for most folks just the act of looking that way is enough.

This is why SOME of the more "Butch" members of The Gay Community have nothing to do with the more effeminate. They don't like the Gay/Effeminate Image. That's probably part of the reason why we may get "the cold shoulder," when we are in Gay Clubs.

Maybe we should try and do the same. If the public doesn't understand that there isn't necessarily any connection, maybe we need to be trying to change the perceptions?

Peace and Love, Joanie

[MarinaTwelve200]

I really wouldnt know what to think---ive been studying CD and identity issues so long that, to me, a person being a CD or sort of 'femmy" is not necessarily a sign of being "Gay". Indeed WHY would a person who is into MEN and things associated with men want to look and act like a woman?

I KNOW that SOME gays CD---but not for sexuality based reasons, and such people are likely to to be hetro as well as gay.

I MIGHT guess a TRANSSEXUAL is the only thing that makes sense in this respect. They ARE attracted to men and have a woman's self image. "Technically" gay in respect to biosex, but really "a different animal".

But TSs are rare and a Hetro CD would be more common. But its more common that a TS would appear in public (I think)----Really I would have NO opinion as to the sexuality of such a person in question, as I am AWARE of so many possibilities.---and still ignorant of others. If I knew EVERYTHING I wouldnt be here.

[trannie T]

I would think it was a guy having his nails done.

[Deborah Jane]

I would think it was a guy having his nails done.

Yup..Probably what i,d think too!!

[MJ]

i would think way cool .. then hmm i wonder

[charlie]

battybattybats's lastest posting got me thinking. When I go into my nail salon, I usually have my Hanes T-shirt, Hanes Shorts, and Green/Pink sandels with no socks on. I have always wondered if other customer thought I was gay.
So I ask you all, you walk into a nail salon. There is a man sitting in a pedicure chair, wearing shorts and a t-shirt, shaved legs, getting Bright Red Polish on his toes, and Long Pink acrylic nails. What would your first impression be, GAY or not?
Knee jerk reaction would be yes, but I would know he had balls!

[Jamie001]

My wife works with a lot of gay men and none of them would ever get polish on their nails. Therefore, I would think that it is not a "gay-thing". The effeminate stereotype gay image seems to be a Hollywood concoction that the general public has bought-into for years.

[crunchysoda]

Before I found out about my bf, I admit I would think *very* gay.
Now I know better but before I didnt.
:2c:

[Vaerise]

I really wouldnt know what to think---ive been studying CD and identity issues so long that, to me, a person being a CD or sort of 'femmy" is not necessarily a sign of being "Gay". Indeed WHY would a person who is into MEN and things associated with men want to look and act like a woman?

I KNOW that SOME gays CD---but not for sexuality based reasons, and such people are likely to to be hetro as well as gay.

I MIGHT guess a TRANSSEXUAL is the only thing that makes sense in this respect. They ARE attracted to men and have a woman's self image. "Technically" gay in respect to biosex, but really "a different animal".

But TSs are rare and a Hetro CD would be more common. But its more common that a TS would appear in public (I think)----Really I would have NO opinion as to the sexuality of such a person in question, as I am AWARE of so many possibilities.---and still ignorant of others. If I knew EVERYTHING I wouldnt be here.

You always manage to say what I wanted to with clarity and eloquence :)

[Rachel Morley]

Regular, "non TG educated" people, would probably think you were gay. I'm sure that's what they think of me when they see me in my (girly) boy mode. As others have said, in the regular world of John and Jane Doe effeminate behavior translates into being gay, which wouldn't be a problem at all if it weren't for homophobia :sad:

[JoAnnDallas]

Thank you all for your responses. I would look at other customers while I was in the nail salon and would notice various reactions. Some would look at me, smile, and then go back to their own little world. Some would comment on how nice my toes and/or hands/nails looked, some would strike conversations like they would another GG. Every so often I would see a GG get wide eyed when she would notice my toes or hands. Like this last Saturday, my normal tech is on holiday, so I had a different tech, Alice. All the techs know me and my wife so that is not a problem. After Alice had finished with my manicure/fill/nail polish, she had me go and sit at the drying station before she did my eyebrows. I sat down beside this very stylish GG and she kept giving these side glances. I said "Hello" and she meekly said "Hello", but I could tell she was uncomfy sitting beside me.
So I got thinking, here I sit with a Hanes PINK T-shirt, WHITE Hanes short shorts, PINK/GREEN opend toe sandels with Bright RED toes, and Long Acyric nails polished Light PINK. Do I come over as Gay or just werido.

[Jamie001]

JoAnn,

I think that the answer is that "you come across as being yourself" which is something that most folks are incapable of.

:hugs: Jamie


Thank you all for your responses. I would look at other customers while I was in the nail salon and would notice various reactions. Some would look at me, smile, and then go back to their own little world. Some would comment on how nice my toes and/or hands/nails looked, some would strike conversations like they would another GG. Every so often I would see a GG get wide eyed when she would notice my toes or hands. Like this last Saturday, my normal tech is on holiday, so I had a different tech, Alice. All the techs know me and my wife so that is not a problem. After Alice had finished with my manicure/fill/nail polish, she had me go and sit at the drying station before she did my eyebrows. I sat down beside this very stylish GG and she kept giving these side glances. I said "Hello" and she meekly said "Hello", but I could tell she was uncomfy sitting beside me.
So I got thinking, here I sit with a Hanes PINK T-shirt, WHITE Hanes short shorts, PINK/GREEN opend toe sandels with Bright RED toes, and Long Acyric nails polished Light PINK. Do I come over as Gay or just werido.

[sterling12]

To that woman, you probably came across as an unknown! What people perceive as "unknown," often frightens them. In her mind, maybe she thought you were going to grab her, and whisk her off to Transvestiland. (LOL)

I think if your out and about, although it can be a pain, we should be doing "outreach," whenever possible. If you handle it right, strike up a conversation, which usually leads to questions, you have a chance to make one more "non-enemy." With luck, that person will get in a conversation with someone else: "Wow, guess what Alice?" "I met this guy down at the nail salon who is living and acting like a woman!" "She was a really nice person, and we had a nice chat."

Do You see my point? Your original "outreach," could have a cascading effect. Multiply that by literally millions of us, and we have a chance to change public opinion. "Little victories often lead to winning a War." Maybe with time, we won't have to deal with outdated perceptions that equate appearing female with being gay.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[JoAnnDallas]

Joanie.....I was going to try and have a conversation with her, but right after I said "Hello", slipped her hand thru her purse strap, grabed her keys and left. I could tell she was not finished drying buy how careful she was to pick up her purse and keys. Most GG's I meet at the Salon will normal hold a conversation with me. I had one GG customer flat out and asked me if I was a CDer. I said YES. She looked at me for a moment and then continued to chat as we sat in our pedicure chairs.

[Jamie001]

It is interesting that a customer would assume that you are a crossdresser simply because you are getting your nails done. I assume that 20 years ago, a male wearing earrings in both ears would have been considered to be a cross-dresser. Anything that is deviant from the so called "normal" drab male behavior is considered as crossdressing or being gay. It is really interesting that nothing would be said to a woman in the nail salon that was wearing male attire. I saw one of these women in church on Sunday. She was with her children and was wearing a baseball cap, man's large watch, masculine shoes and very short hair. No one treated her any differently. Now on the other hand, if I was to wear a skirt to church, they would probably convene an impromptu exorcism to cast-out the devil. Interesting, isn't it? :2c:


Joanie.....I was going to try and have a conversation with her, but right after I said "Hello", slipped her hand thru her purse strap, grabed her keys and left. I could tell she was not finished drying buy how careful she was to pick up her purse and keys. Most GG's I meet at the Salon will normal hold a conversation with me. I had one GG customer flat out and asked me if I was a CDer. I said YES. She looked at me for a moment and then continued to chat as we sat in our pedicure chairs.

[Brianna Lovely]

This may sound silly, but I wouldn't think anything of a "man" getting his nails done. This just seems like another form of putting a lable on someone.

In my own experience, I've gone to a salon in my semi-fem mode (skirt, fem top, purse) and had my nails done. Then, gone to the same salon in full-fem mode. My nail tech tells me that all the ladies keep asking her if I'm a man or a woman, but she won't tell them, giggle, keep them guessing.

On earrings, someone asked me about that. I said, "Hmm, left = Gay, right = straight, or is it right = Gay and left = straight? Maybe I'm confused! Nah, I just like earrings."

[charllote34]

This whole thing of women wearing mens clothes is slightly differant . If you look back the eygyptian men and women both wore eye make up . Roman men wore togas and tunics, and our scottish brothers wore kilts ( and still do )
In the globe theatre around William shakespears time they were no actresses so men played the ladies parts and in pantomine every year do we not swap roles there as well ? In two or three hunders years time from now think you will find the things men and women wear will be the same .These things have a tendancy to come full circle.

[Shelly Preston]

I think the two words that sring to mind first is


Very Brave

Followed by the lucky Sod :D

Once upon I time I would have said gay

[Hali]

This dayz people seem not to be sure wat to call guys with painted nails and lipsticks because of waching programmes like Dr Phill, Oprah e.t.c, so the most curious will hav to come forward and ask you .. directly.. cos pple are gradually made to believe that not all girly men are gay.... infact most of them or majority are straight.