Anybody here or been here..good or Bad?

[Sarah Plumber]

Well here's a little update on my situation:
Althought the good lady new about me and what I've been up to for years, a few months ago we had a real heavy time and I pretty much came out to her completely and came clean with the truth which we had both been avoiding all that time.

So here we are. We are now pretty close and there is plenty of cuddles and hugs going around, which is real good but things are stagnent or rather non-existant in the bedroom department. As a bloke I'm obviously enthusiastic and keep trying to "encourage" her participation in all thing "normal". I try to be subtle and gentle about it but I still get nowhere. I'm forcing things apparently....

She has never seen me dressed to any degree but obviously she has this picture in her head of what I must look like and get up to. I believe she has got this "Silence of the Lambs" charactor or "Drag Queen" image in her head and this is what she see's whenever I get near her. I can't blame her for being repulsed by me if it is.

I don't have to tell you all that both are far from the truth. I just want to wear and look right in girls clothes. Even if I do lean towards the sissy look.

Dealing with this and my SO is like running into a brick wall every time. I'm hoping that in time the idea will sink in and she will get used to the idea enough that I can actualy get her to see the truth rather than the sterotype she sees. But then at least we do talk about it fairly often and we arn't trying to kill each other over it anymore. Although it can get a bit heated sometimes.

Has anybody else been at this point? Does it get better? Am I in a position that others have been in? I never forget those little steps but at times my patience runs very thin.

[Sally24]

The bedroom part can work that way regarless of the image she has in her head. My wife gets to a place where she can only see "Sally" and she's not attracted to women. That tends to cancel any bedroom fun for a day or two until she has S****** in her image again. It works a little different for all the ladies so don't know in your particular case what would work better. Good Luck!

[Angie G]

Maybe some professional help is in line here hun to get your wife in a better place :hugs:
Angie

[Jenny Beth]

Given that you are talking you are making progress even if it doesn't seem so. We've never had heated discussions so I can't advise you there but one thing that worked in our chats was adding a little humour. We have to be able to laugh at ourselves when things get tense.

[RylieCD]

Sarah, My wife and I are about at the same point too. She has not seen me dressed nor wants to. She and I are still trying to understand what all this mean so we do discuss it and are on this site together. We also have our good days and bad where it seems like we finally have a handle on at least understanding and then the next day it seems like we took five steps back. But at least the will to understand is there, the love for eachother is strong.

Good luck

[docrobbysherry]

Well here's a little update on my situation:

So here we are. We are now pretty close and there is plenty of cuddles and hugs going around, which is real good but things are stagnent or rather non-existant in the bedroom department. As a bloke I'm obviously enthusiastic and keep trying to "encourage" her participation in all thing "normal". I try to be subtle and gentle about it but I still get nowhere. I'm forcing things apparently....

trying to kill each other over it anymore. Although it can get a bit heated sometimes.

Has anybody else been at this point? Does it get better? Am I in a position that others have been in? I never forget those little steps but at times my patience runs very thin.

Sounds like me and my ex. But that was after 10 years together! If things in the bedroom aren't working now, it doesn't sound like u have a future together. It usually DOESN'T get better! Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
RS

myspace.com/robertsherry

[jaina]

Well here's a little update on my situation:
Althought the good lady new about me and what I've been up to for years, a few months ago we had a real heavy time and I pretty much came out to her completely and came clean with the truth which we had both been avoiding all that time.



If it hasn't got better over years its not going to now.

[breanna53]

Hi Sarah,
I can't complain about our sex life, but there has been oter issues \. One thing that has helped was a book we bought. My husband wears my clothes, by Peggy Rudd. It has been around awhile but helped my SO understand some of what is going on. I also read the book, and it has helped me understand what she feels and wonders. alot of what was in the book can be found in different forums from what others write here. we found the book by ordering it from Borders. I have seen it online also.
She has to come to teerms with the whole thing and needs to understand your needs. You also have to understand what shes thinking and hopefully you will be able to work thru things as we have. Its still a work in progress. Good Luck

[occdresser]

my wife questioned me also whipping out questions like are you gay, and she also brought up the character in the silence of the lambs-in fact of the 6-7 thousand crossdressers on this forum I'll bet there are only a couple people here that can relate to that character:evil:

[Dayna]

Hey Sarah,

Sounds like you and I are in the very same situation. My wife and I have been married for almost 20yrs, and she has known about Dayna for nearly all of them (no, I did not tell her beforehand... big regret, but I cannot turn back time).

In 20yrs she has seen me in various stages of dress, but never 'tip-to-toe'; I doubt she knows what my wigs look like. She happened across some photos of me that I had left on the computer--intentionally--but she was not comfortable talking about them.

I think we have reached a point where we are as close to 'sharing' as we will ever be. I can tell her about the things I discuss here on these forums... she knows this is my 'outlet' here. I can tell her about my shopping trips and my photo shoots, but although she will listen to me politely she does not encourage or offer any advice. We shop together (for her) and I point out things that I like, but she rarely responds. Her support is limited to, "I know who you are and I know that crossdressing is a part of your life, but I am never going to be comfortable with it, I am never going to initiate conversations, and I am never going to say the things you want to hear or feel the way you want me to feel."

Sure, I wish we could go out together as girlfriends, and I would kill to have her give me a makeover, but that just is not going to happen. I have told her that the one thing I really want is someone that I can talk to face-to-face, someone who will give me the support and encouragement I crave. I do not have any close friends who I would confide in, nor do I belong to any support groups... Going out to spend the evening with a group of T-girls would not go over very big with her. Fortunately, though, she is not grossed out by me, either, and she has never given me an ultimatum.

What I have found is that, like two magnets with the same polarity, if I try to push too hard I get pushed away. I have to be cognizant of her moods--somedays she listens, somedays she puts up the shields.

That's my story. Not an ideal situation for me, but I called the tune. And as much as Dayna is a part of me, she takes a backseat to my wife.

Good luck, keep talking, but know your limits.

[Kris]

Sarah,

I say, she just found out about it a couple of months ago, right?

Give her some time to adjust.. you can't spring something like this on someone and have it not take a while to adjust in their minds, and even think about the questions they want/need to ask.

I also have to say that I think its normal for people to go to the "Silence of the Lambs" stuff because where else have people been exposed, unless they are familiar with the scene? I know all my friends say that each time I say I am having company... "This is going to be Buffalo Bill ya know!" I just laugh, they are uneducated and it's to be expected. In time they settle down and once they met a few cd'ers, their opinions have changed.

Good luck love, but please take things slower than 2 weeks...... give her some time. This is a HUGE deal.

Kris