My wife wants to out me

[DeniseNJ]

She finally called me transgenered tonight , and didn't want to see me dressed. says it discust her. all I wanted is for her opinion on my new skirt and heels but she wanted no parts Then all of a sudden she wanted to take pics of me. I think she wants to show her family and friends what she has to deal with.. It's funny I'm not even scared . It gets to a point when you get tired of the threats . just do it why don't you. I told her I felt this way all my life, she was shocked we don't comunicate much . so if she tells people how should I respond??

[sissystephanie]

I would suggest that you and your wife talk to a Gender Therapist, and soon. If she does "Out" you, it will probably be the end of your marriage. You may also lose friends.

How long has she known about your dressing, and has she ever said anything like those comments before? Have you ever had a frank discussion with her about your desires, and how they will, or will not, affect her. Don't forget, she is your wife and should come before anything else in your life. That includes crossdressing. If you can't accept that, then both of you have a very large problem.

Sissy/Stephanie

More Girl than man sometimes

[Joni Beauman]

What you do probably depends on who is told. Honesty is always an option, if push comes to shove. I certainly would avoid getting photographed en femme if you want to keep your options a little broader. And perhaps not pushing this over a spouse's tolerance levels seems to be conducive to greater harmony. I suppose our behavior in this regard, for those of us with relatively unaccepting spouses, will always be a measure of how much we want to maintain our marriage. That may be your principal choice. Joni

[NaomiLynn]

Hi Denise !


I understand how you feel. Wives can be malicious over things we see as trivial. If she does take pictures, she might want to save them in case she seeks divorce. As far as showing others, she might be too embarrassed to do so, or to seek sympathy. If others do find out, I think you should acknowledge it, but not go public, yourself. You've accepted the way you are. You need not apologize for it. If others have a problem with it, IT's THEIR PROBLEM. If they're friends, true friends stay, fake friends leave. Good Luck!

Naomi

[trannie T]

If being outed does not scare you she can't hurt you. I admire your attitude. I hope things work out for the two of you.

[sterling12]

We just had a big thread/discussion about whether or not women are superior? Taking pictures to shame/frighten/out you, tsk-tsk! This is an example that kind of proves what I said: "Some people can be superior in some areas, but it has nothing to do with your gender."

If anyone does something like this for the purpose of harming another, that is contemptible. Doesn't matter whether it's a man or a woman, it's mean and petty, and it accomplishes nothing! If her intentions are not honorable, (And, I can't imagine how this could be for your benefit,) she ultimately does real harm to herself.

Better make sure she doesn't post them on The Internet, that would be the ultimate Dirty Trick!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Kate Simmons]

Sounds like you have a lot to think about Denise. I once felt like you do. It's best to really talk about things with her if possible. I missed the boat on that one. As a result, we went two separate ways and neither one of us is happy. The sad part is that we both still love each other but CDing drove a wedge between us. When you get to be my age, it's tough being alone, very tough indeed and at the end of the day all you have is a bunch of clothes that cannot share feelings with you.. You are the one who knows your own feelings though and only the two of you can determine just how valuable your relationship is.

[Vaerise]

I can't understand why someone would do something so mean. They may not have to like you cross-dressing but going to such an extent is really unnecessary. If you get outed, she'll have to face certain the consequences as well, unless she meant to push all the blame to you in a malicious sort of way and make herself look like a victim.

Sorrie to hear that this is happening to you, hopefully your wife comes around.

[Twyla]

I don't think she wants to show the pictures to "people", generally speaking. Most likely she wants to have evidences in case of a divorce, or else, she wants to show them to a specific person (maybe her mother, maybe her bestfriend).

Even if she would show the pictures to other people, you don't need to worry about what to respond, because those people will not ask you anything, they will fake that they know nothing. You will also fake that you are unaware about what they know and that's it.

Try to imagine that you hear that one of your coworker is gay. What would you do ? Question him ? Tell him harsh words ? Yell to him ? Definitely no. It would be embarassing both for you and him. In front of him, you will simply behave as if you don't have any knowledge about that.

Even if you find somebody dumb enough to question you, ask him: "And what's YOUR problem with that ? Am I wearing your clothes ?"

[Sherilyn]

It seems that I've heard most accepting wives find it embarassing to have others find out about their husbands crossdressing. They accept it but want to keep it a secret. They do not want to deal with a backlash from their friends. Why would she want to expose you unless she has other issues that have not been brought up? How was she toward you before you told her you were a CD? If she wants to do this to you it doesn't sound like she is very loving or understanding. Maybe she is angry about somehing else. I am perplexed. Hope things work out.

Sherilyn

[Di]

No one EVER has the right to tell unless BOTH decide............since you know how she feels about it....doesn't want to see you dressed you should not have put it in her face so to speak..............you need to try to talk when things calm down and figure out something that you both can live with. Best Wishes

[Katie Moore]

[QUOTE=sissystephanie;1057145]I would suggest that you and your wife talk to a Gender Therapist, and soon. If she does "Out" you, it will probably be the end of your marriage. You may also lose friends.

How long has she known about your dressing, and has she ever said anything like those comments before? Have you ever had a frank discussion with her about your desires, and how they will, or will not, affect her. Don't forget, she is your wife and should come before anything else in your life. That includes crossdressing. If you can't accept that, then both of you have a very large problem.




I agree. Conseling is in order asap.

[stacie]

I would be a little worried, She may want to get a divorce and trust me it is not going to be fun. Since I told my wife I was going to transition and it goes a lot further then just being a crossdresser and I have gender dysphoria. She told me she didn't want to be married to me anymore. So take it slow.

[Ðarissa]

I hope you and your wife can clear this up without her trying to 'out' you. I can't imagine how much that would suck. Like the other girls say, that's pretty damned low for anybody to want to do to somebody else, even if they're mad. We all say stupid stuff at the spur of the moment though, so maybe she wouldn't really out you? I wish you the best of luck and hope you can get some counseling. :hugs:

[DeniseNJ]

first she knew about my xdresing for years over 20yrs. She drinks too much and when she does I guess I use my xdressing as revenge. She can be very embarrassing in public, not to mentionvery mean. Now this morning she says she will erace the pics, if she knew about the 60 or so pics I have on this computer or this site now that would be crazy..It is a digital camara , after my wife passed out I could very well erace the pics but I didn't. Yea she said that she didn't think that this marrage would last , and trust me there's more to our discontent than my xdressing. I don't do it everyday but this time of year I tend to dress more .Thanks for the responses I hope all works out!!

[Di]

first she knew about my xdresing for years over 20yrs. She drinks too much and when she does I guess I use my xdressing as revenge. She can be very embarrassing in public, not to mentionvery mean. Now this morning she says she will erace the pics, if she knew about the 60 or so pics I have on this computer or this site now that would be crazy..It is a digital camara , after my wife passed out I could very well erace the pics but I didn't. Yea she said that she didn't think that this marrage would last , and trust me there's more to our discontent than my xdressing. I don't do it everyday but this time of year I tend to dress more .Thanks for the responses I hope all works out!!

Sorry .....hope you both can work on things:hugs:hope it works out for you too!

[Kris]

first she knew about my xdresing for years over 20yrs. She drinks too much and when she does I guess I use my xdressing as revenge. She can be very embarrassing in public, not to mentionvery mean. Now this morning she says she will erace the pics, if she knew about the 60 or so pics I have on this computer or this site now that would be crazy..It is a digital camara , after my wife passed out I could very well erace the pics but I didn't. Yea she said that she didn't think that this marrage would last , and trust me there's more to our discontent than my xdressing. I don't do it everyday but this time of year I tend to dress more .Thanks for the responses I hope all works out!!

I hope it works out for both of your sakes. I would do the best I could to start covering my bases though. I would start getting rid of pictures and anything else she can use to hurt you with just in case. Gosh it has to be miserable to be in a marriage that you can not trust in it. I hope I never go through this. I don't know how you do it.

:hugs: Kris

[DeniseNJ]

There are lots of questions, IS THERE LOVE ?? maybe not, but you still can care without loving, She makes it hard to love her with her anger towards life's trials and tribulations. My wife is a very dependent apon help, at times I feel sorry for her and I do for her that a wife does for her man. If things don't go exactally as she plans , I get the brunt of her displeasure. It's not like my wife just found out but she is very depressed and for some reason my dressing makes her sick in the stomach, as she put it. I don't prance around the house everyday in girl mode. Yes I am very unhappy and that stems from her action in our marriage even when dressing isn't present, she has her faults .. I wanted out of this marriage years ago, all my friends tell me why are you torturing yourself but being complacent and a new home that I built keeps me in this marriage. No I don't want a full transition altho in my fantacies it is a dream . I have a {Don't take this the wrong way girls BUT} normal life that doesn't include dressing. All that would be turned up side down if I decided to come out of the closet fully. Yes last week going out as Denise was such a rush and I was ready to go out last night BUT that would have caused major issues. In my wifes mind I look hidious , to me I don't ,my skirt didn't match the top but That's all I could muster up at the time, call the fashion police:eek: Some say consuling but my wife is so stubborn and if told she is wrong or try to understand she will just leave and not want any parts of it.. Hey! I am not crying on anyones shoulder and I do appreciate the kind words of advise and support. I told my wife last night . {Do you think I choose this, It is a part of who I am and if it hurts you ,I am sorry} I don't know what the future will bring but it does feel good to talk to someone that understands. If feels so good to just be me in here even just for a while. Here is the pic she took last night, she could of atleast got in my heels they were so cute. I since eraced the pics on the camara

[Ðarissa]

I've never been married but if I wasn't happy and couldn't make my wife happy then it would be time to say bye bye. That would be a very hard thing to do though and obviously we always have hope that things will get better.

Even if you didn't CD, it seems that things wouldn't be all that well between you and your wife. :(

[Melinda G]

first she knew about my xdresing for years over 20yrs. She drinks too much and when she does I guess I use my xdressing as revenge. She can be very embarrassing in public, not to mentionvery mean. Now this morning she says she will erace the pics, if she knew about the 60 or so pics I have on this computer or this site now that would be crazy..It is a digital camara , after my wife passed out I could very well erace the pics but I didn't. Yea she said that she didn't think that this marrage would last , and trust me there's more to our discontent than my xdressing. I don't do it everyday but this time of year I tend to dress more .Thanks for the responses I hope all works out!!

Don't shoot me. I'm just the messenger! The marriage isn't going to make it! The next time she passes out, delete the photos, and don't ever dress around her again! Start a savings account and prepare for the coming divorce. No offense dear, but that picture you just posted would put everything in her favor, in a divorce court, despite her drinking, which might be hard to prove. Protect yourself!!!
Dr Phil has left the building.

[Jamie001]

The friends that you may loose are not real friends in the first place. This is one positive aspect of being outed.


I would suggest that you and your wife talk to a Gender Therapist, and soon. If she does "Out" you, it will probably be the end of your marriage. You may also lose friends.

How long has she known about your dressing, and has she ever said anything like those comments before? Have you ever had a frank discussion with her about your desires, and how they will, or will not, affect her. Don't forget, she is your wife and should come before anything else in your life. That includes crossdressing. If you can't accept that, then both of you have a very large problem.

Sissy/Stephanie

More Girl than man sometimes

[megan163]

It's hard to find any hint of a salvageable relationship here, much less a loving a marriage. I agree with Melinda and the others who think it's over. Prepare for your exit financially and emotionally. And don't let the pink fog cloud your judgment about dressing around her - best not to, as your wife could try to embarrass you with it and use it in court to her favor. Sorry, I'm just not reading any love lost in your comments - nothing even about a "once good relationship." Good luck.

[paulaN]

Denise your going to have to take a long hard look at your life. I think you should make a few changes. Sorry, but that's the way I feel. In any case this is a great place to talk with people who may share the some of the same problems.
Their are times that I lean towards those same feelings that you are going through. but with what you have said I feel so damn lucky. Your in a rut and a half. good luck

[Sherilyn]

Denise,

It is hard for a loved one to understand what you are going through as a CD but some people just do not have the compassion or humanity to understand and usually never will. The way you describe your wife it sounds like she has a lot more issues than just the complaint about your crossdressing. If she outs you, so what. You are who you are. The world is not going to stop revolving. Sure you will face some ridicule from narrow minded people but most people will try to understand unlike your wife. It will all blow over probably quicker than you think. It is a shame to see any marraige breakup but it happens all time and not from problems about crossdressing but other issues. I don't intend to tell you what to ultimately do but you need retain your own sanity. Personally councling might help you two but that is a discision you must make and of course if she values your relationship she will have to consent to it.

Do not fret! Just remember Denise, you are not alone and there is nothing you can't handle.

Sherilyn

[Pamela75s]

I have to agree with everyone here. It would be best to do away with any pictures what so ever. I had gone through a divorce, where my ex had more problems than I can say. If she would have had any pictures she would have diffantly used them in court. For that type of person will never admit they did anything wrong, or have a problem, and they have to show that it is always someone elses problem. I had gone through it for 16 years until my kids were grown and gone, for I had full custudy. Good luck if you are able to work it out. If not do start making plans for yourself.
Pamela

[vivianann]

Sorry you are going through hell in your marriage, I have been in that situation my self, and believe me, it is very depressing. I did not push the crossdressing issue at all, my ex wife never saw me crossdressed period. there were no pictures, and I quit crossdressing completely for her and she knew that I was no longer crossdressing. How ever she did use crossdressing as a reason in divorce court, she was pissed off when the court officials told her and I "so what there is no harm in that" sure made my day. I did admit to the court that I had crossdressed in the pass but I had not done it in the pass 4 years. The judge told her she needs to not be so vindictive.
She then outed me to her side of the family, and to my surprise they did not have a problem with crossdressing, the men and women asked me about it and I told them the truth, ( I was embarassed ) they were very nice to me and I am still close friends with those peaple, they still treat me like family.
They did take my side in the divorce, and none of them would testify against me in court. All I have to say is I survived it all and came out stronger because of it and I have since started crossdreesing again, and some of her family has even seen me enfemme, they were very welcoming of me enfemme.
I do not know how your situation will end up, if she outs you, but if they dont understand you dont need them.

[janet1234]

with Melinda, prepare yourself for marriage termination, sad but probably necessary.

[Joy Carter]

"It's a fine line between love and hate."

We are ment to be happy. Make a break for it Hun.:hugs:

[Carroll]

OK, my :2c:
Denise, first things first; document everything she says and does. It my come in useful. Second, if she starts showing these pictures people she will lose face with them, not you. Most people will realize that she is being down right mean about it and that she is trying to blackmail (maybe) you. You might get someback lash but, again, the people will most likely support you because of what she is doing. One more thing you might want to do. Get some easy-to-read info on our little world so if asked, you can give to correct info so there is no question about who you are.

Like I said, this is my :2c: worth
Carroll

[Patti Girl]

Don't forget, she is your wife and should come before anything else in your life. That includes crossdressing. If you can't accept that, then both of you have a very large problem.

Stephanie,

While I agree that making a marriage work is very important, BOTH parties have to be happy. For some people, they can't be happy in certain environments.

I tried for 34 years to conform to my ex wife's needs. I was wrong to try that long. (It had nothing to do with crossdressing, btw.) I'm happier now and I hope she is too.

Patti

[DeniseNJ]

Things are more peaceful now, back to the so called normal. We went to Ac yesterday ... It seems as ling as Denise doesn't rear her ugly head life goes on. I don't want to be a deceptive person and I told her that this is who I am. I guess Denise will have to choose wisely when wanting to be her. she isn't saying anything about the shaved legs and chest and I will keep on doing that. the polished toes grally gets her ticked off , But they look so cute , I love to polish them and keep it on for a few days. Se did make me quote[ Take that crap off}yesterday. So for Now I am in LIMBO she knows it I leave her her life will be horrible, I do alot for her. so thanks for all the support and worldly advise {Time will tell } will I be happier with out her YES You girls that have the supportive SO , you don't know how lucky you are :thumbsup: Hey going racing this week , I'll take my frustrations out on the TREE :p Later Denise

[Patti Girl]

Denise,

Life is always full of compromises. Each of us has to balance what is important, and what we can compromise on. Some things are essential to our well being and others we can moderate.

Yes, at least some of us with supportive spouses know how fortunate we are. Like I said, I stuck it out 34 years in a less than ideal marriage. Now, I have a good wife.

Best wishes,

Patti

[charllote34]

its such a shame that we worry so much about what we will lose just because of the stiching on our back and the colour on our faces

[occdresser]

over one thousand seven hundred people viewed this post and there are only 31 responses. well I will respond then. Outing you would be disrespectful, immature, childish, rude, and stupid on her part. I personally guarantee a run to the courthouse for divorce papers if my wife did that, and yes it is that easy.:Angry3:

[Patti Girl]

its such a shame that we worry so much about what we will lose just because of the stiching on our back and the colour on our faces

Charllote,

It not the stitching and the color, it's what is represents to someone, especially someone looking for a way to cause trouble.

Patti

[AmandaM]

This is the time to get your house in order. If you remove pix, etc. and put them in storage or something, you won't be so vulnerable. Do it while she's not thinking about it.

[DeniseNJ]

It was the calm before the storm. Her diner wasn't ready when she woke up on the couch last night and that started world war IV. The usual remarks like {when are we gonna "Fin} eat// 9:00} "F" this "F" what were you on line talking to you Fag friends, I don't think she has been to this site Nor does she know about me going out last Thursday.. It was 5:45 and I promised to start cooking the steaks on the grill @ 5:30 .But I had to cook off the grill. That lead to the name calling and opening up the windows so that the neighbor can here her. Take all you Queer stuff out of here, so here I go to all the stash points and collect my things and put them in a large plastic storage tub. Man when it gets nasty it gets nasty. So I leave , no where to go and I head down to AC , I had to leave a $600 deposit :mad: ...Coming home I call and woke my 82 Yr old Aunt who has always been there for me and we sat down late into the night and I explained why I never left this marriage , The threats of her telling all my friends, about my strong feelings to feel feminine and that I am still the same nephew she always knew. She took it well, I told he everything and to what extent I dress. I believe she was a little stunned , cause she would have never guessed but she did see me and has a picture of me from Halloween about 6 years ago dressed and said I looked great as a girl.. I have been getting great support for all you nice people in here, some nice PM's I know I'm not alone. I am planning for the worst, slept on the floor last night at my Aunts and I own a $300K home, go figure. Tonight I am going to sit down with a friend of 25 years and tell him everything, he helped me out 7 years ago when I left my wife and put me up. Not looking for any handouts just understanding. I rather have him hear it from me, Yes he saw me dressed for Halloween back then to, his then wife was a Nail tech and had put nails on me and lent me her breast enhansers so It won't be a total shock I hope :eek: Wish me luck. My stomach is in a knot abouts now. I feel so depressed you just can't imagine.. Sorry for keeping this going BUT this experience that I am having might help someone else someday. BYE Denise

[MsJanessa]

Don't shoot me. I'm just the messenger! The marriage isn't going to make it! The next time she passes out, delete the photos, and don't ever dress around her again! Start a savings account and prepare for the coming divorce. No offense dear, but that picture you just posted would put everything in her favor, in a divorce court, despite her drinking, which might be hard to prove. Protect yourself!!!
Dr Phil has left the building.

Actually when one spouse tries to throw mud around a courtroom, like going on about the other spouses crossdressing, particularly after putting up with it for 20 years, the judge is not impressed. Probably the photos would not even be allowed into evidence.

[lindauk]

my wife outed me to my mum but was just in every day chat did not meen to do it mum just said she had an idea i cross dress as she found some things in my room when i was at home over 27 years ago (me and wife been maried 25yrs this yr):blushing: now on birthdays and xmas mum always get me some thing fem .On the other side of life my best friend found out and has not talked to me in 4 years

[Jamie001]

That means that he was never really your "best friend". He was simply an acquaintence.


my wife outed me to my mum but was just in every day chat did not meen to do it mum just said she had an idea i cross dress as she found some things in my room when i was at home over 27 years ago (me and wife been maried 25yrs this yr):blushing: now on birthdays and xmas mum always get me some thing fem .On the other side of life my best friend found out and has not talked to me in 4 years

[marny]

My wife bought me a new bra today. Guess she ie starting to be OK with it. Takes time Hon!

[Tammy298]

Marriage is about compromise (I.E. give and take). If either party is always giving and the other taking, then there's a problem. I know that's an over-simplification, but a lot of relationships could be helped by a little give and take.

Now my Ex was all for compromise, if only I wasn't so wrong all the time she might have actually be willing to give a little! Now you might appreciate why she's now my "Ex". It just shouldn't have taken me so many years to figure it out.

Anyway, the sexual part of the relationship was actually pretty good and wasn't a major factor in our splitting up. Her non-acceptance to anything related to CD'ing was typical of the rest of the relationship. CD'ing was an interest of mine that she didn't agree, therefor to her, it must be wrong and she wanted no part of it. The interesting thing is that she had some kinks of her own. Now I didn't have problem with her and doing my best to please her and her fantasies, but on more than one occasion after acting out her fantasies I tried to bring up the possibility of trying on some of her lingerie only to hear a "No, Never!

It was very one sided. She never understood it, not even after several attempts with counselling.

Fortunately, I'm now married to a VERY understanding woman, who I think finds me more attractive in panties, bra and stockings! I won't even mention what a corset, heels or a little leather added to the outfit does to her! :D

[zena45]

Sounds like you have a lot to think about Denise. I once felt like you do. It's best to really talk about things with her if possible. I missed the boat on that one. As a result, we went two separate ways and neither one of us is happy. The sad part is that we both still love each other but CDing drove a wedge between us. When you get to be my age, it's tough being alone, very tough indeed and at the end of the day all you have is a bunch of clothes that cannot share feelings with you.. You are the one who knows your own feelings though and only the two of you can determine just how valuable your relationship is.

hi i am 62 years young i came out to my wife a long time ago we went our seperate ways i also have a daughter who does not accept me as well as some friends who could not accept me my point is even thougth i am lonely i never regreeted my dicsicion to be myself i like/love myself and im happier now than before peace and love zena45