The Benefit of My SO knowing about my crossdressing

[Lovely Rita]

Firstly, I premise this thead by saying. When it comes to SOs and what works or does not work, is not like one size fits all pantyhose.

My fortunate experience may not be the same for you, so I will never advise anyone to tell their SO. No one ever should. That is irresponsible.

I will say though, that when my SO found out, wish I could have told you that I was the brave one who was forthcomging, but I can't, she found out when she saw our credit card statement and saw that I was buying wigs and hi heels.

Sorry for the tangent, but since she found out and got over the initial shock and feeling of betrayal she really came around full circle. She has been the most supportive person in my life. We go shopping together for everything, she is very very comfortable with Rita. I am sure of it for reasons that I will not go into right now.

I now think about things the way they are and can kick myself for not letting her know. Not that I did because she found out on her own, but if I had it to do over I would have told her years ago.

Today, I have a wardrobe that has become a dream come true and we borrow from each other.

I share this only because it may help someone out there.

Again no one should ever advise anyone to take a step with their life that could prove disasterous because only the person taking that step will face the consequences alone.:love:

[Cynthia_0101]

I told my wife three months into dating. It seemed like we really had made a connection that people hardly ever make anymore, That was 13 years ago.

I had kept if bottled up inside for so long I had to finally tell some one. It all worked out in the end, but that might not work for everyone.

I agree with you totally Rita

[Dana Carlton]

.I share this only because it may help someone out there.

That, Rita, is exactly what this forum is about!

Sure, I love to look at the pictures, the cute outfits, play the trivia and games, talk about panties, etc. But the bottom line is that I use these forums for help. So many girls and guys post threads (such as this one, and many others that you have posted), that really do inspire and help those who are looking for guideance.

So I say BRAVO! to you and everyone here who share their experiences, make-up techniques, feminine tips, etc! This is a wonderful group, and I, for one, am glad I found it.

[Lovely Rita]

I told my wife three months into dating. It seemed like we really had made a connection that people hardly ever make anymore, That was 13 years ago.

I had kept if bottled up inside for so long I had to finally tell some one. It all worked out in the end, but that might not work for everyone.

I agree with you totally Rita

Thanks Cynthia, we are on the same page and I commend you for how you handled it.:love:


That, Rita, is exactly what this forum is about!

Sure, I love to look at the pictures, the cute outfits, play the trivia and games, talk about panties, etc. But the bottom line is that I use these forums for help. So many girls and guys post threads (such as this one, and many others that you have posted), that really do inspire and help those who are looking for guideance.

So I say BRAVO! to you and everyone here who share their experiences, make-up techniques, feminine tips, etc! This is a wonderful group, and I, for one, am glad I found it.

Dana, ditto, we should all be here to support and love one another:love:

[Angie G]

Rita you are 100% :thumbsup: on this thread hun :hugs:
Angie

[christid66]

no one should ever advise anyone to take a step with their life that could prove disasterous because only the person taking that step will face the consequences alone.:love:
Completely agree....I've been married for 21 years but have been ...and still am in the closet. I've also had a difficult 2 weeks with my wife (I will post a separate thread about it).
Since joining this board, I've been trying to pluck up the courage to tell her and even worked out when i was going to do it. We are going to a Halloween party as Posh Spice & Becks (David Beckham). She was mentioning what dresses she could wear and I mentioned that it could be a giggle if I went as Posh. Let's just say that she didn't like the idea at all......so I guess I won't be telling her for a while!

[Tracy_Victoria]

Your very, very Lucky Rita, and your so right about telling SO's. It really must be made, on the facts you know about the person you are going to share the matter with.

I'd love to be in the same situation as you, but sadly I doubt it will ever happen. However I'm so luck to also be in the situation where at least My SO knows and give me a green light (when possable) to dress.

However, what needs to be said is that all peoples reactions are different, and therefore you must be prepared for a negative or netrual reaction, as not all SO's (male and female ones) welcome this subject with open arms. ie for as many with wounderful understanding partners, others have had there relationship sour and fall apart.

As I said I'm one of the lucky ones, I don't have everything, but I'm happy with what I have, maybe one day things will change, but if not, at least I can still count my blessing for at least having her understanding and being able to talk to her, about this when I need to.

[Davinnia]

Those of us who have supportive SOs are so incredibly lucky. This forum really helped me become positive & comfortable with my Cding & gave me the strength & courage to come out to my wife, not knowing that she would be so accepting.
She has just bought me a lovely pink satin pj set for my birthday, the first fem thing I've ever been bought as a gift, it gave me such a warm , loving feeling to know my wife spent time finding me something so feminine to wear.
It becomes harder to recall the stress & bad feeling of being closetted,life is wonderful now & I'm looking forward to dressing this evening, so I'm very happy for you ,Rita.

[Rhonda in dallas]

I am also one of the lucky ones. I told my SO about 2 months ago. We have started shopping togeather and she has brought me a new pink bra and have even went looking for wigs togeather. But I also agree every one knows there own situation and no one should tell someone else what to do. The information found here is a great help on making up your own mind what you should do. Just my:2c:

Rhonda

[ColleenShivas]

The first Christmas after I came out to my wife, she bought me my vey first pair of heeled shoes - conservative 1 1/2' pumps but still the first pair of my own.

Having support of any kind from your SO is a great gift - enjoy it.

[marny]

This may seem weak but the way I let my wife know was by slow exposure, not verbally. I started after a friend of ours painted my toes as a lark. I liked it and it aroused the femme side of me. I always go to bed later than her so I started to wear a nitie with a bra and forms to bed. Of course she started to notice in the morning. Eventually I started to come down for breakfast still fitted out. There were some funny and embarassed looks but eventually she accepted it. Now I'm dressed most of the day at home and when it seems appropriate I go to the next level. Slow and easy! :devil:

[Deanna2]

The most delightful benefits about my wife knowing that I wear femme gear is that I can wear it when she is around and that I can leave it lying about (like on the end of the bed) when I take it off.

[Jillm]

Rita,
I agree with you, no one should tell anyone to tell there SO, or tell them to do anything in their relationship, especially if they don’t completely know that person and the relationship their in. I would like to ask you though, do you feel better about yourself now that you’re SO knows. What I mean, before your SO found out did you have any guilt or anything like that and now that your SO knows do you feel better about it.
Jill

[Carol A]

I guess my position is a bit different as my wife and her sister dressed me up one Halloween about 44 years ago and they both were surprise how good I look. Now a long story short I ask my wife if I could continue to dress and she was all for it at the time as a fun thing to do together. So to this day I haven't stopped dressing and my wife is still far it as she knows it makes me very happy. :love:

[christina marie]

i told because i had to. couldnt stand it any longer. after finding this site, accepting who i was, and realizing how much of me this really was, i could not keep it from Her any longer. i knew the risk i was taking, but could not live the lie any longer. luckily for me,She is still here. looks at me funny some times, but still here. this was my choice, right for me only. I kind of think everyone has their own answer inside, maybe just afraid to look for it.

[Josephine 1941]

Hi All , I also have a great women that loves me for all of my female sides. We have a different name for me in all my different wigs,an each has a seperated side which she loves. I had told her about my crossing dressing on our first date an she said great I am a New York /Manhatten girl. She then ask me to dress for her , which I did our following date. First she said we have got to get you a better wig, then she took me into the bath room and said wash your face I will show you how to put on make up. We now go shopping together and out to as many fuctions ask we can. The only problem I had with her is that she had been a widow for 3 yrs and had very drab cloths, oh I forgot to tell you we are the same size in cloths an shoes . Yep she now wears more of my cloths than I do an when we both get ready to go out as the girls its is a fight to see who gets to wear what even the jewerly. Girls they are out there and I have mine an think I am one of the very luckiest Cd around. For me up front worked . I will put it this way , when you went to a place to meet a women most times a bar if you are up front about all it cuts right to the chase. You then don't have to buy all those drinks for an lose in the end.

Josephine

[jennifer easton]

I'm right there with all you girls! wished I'd told my GF earlier, but its worked out for me as well, I can relate to the shopping trips, and the companion ship!, kathie loves jennifer I think more than my male side!! when I'm him, I tend to be, what she calls a bully, have to be in control, but Jenn is a more careing and loveing person, we to share somethings, but my style is some what different, I like more girly things, where shes more practical, the last three years have been so much easier and enjoyable, just wish it could have been back when I was younger, there I go agin wishin my life away, love you girls! Jennifer

[the femm side of me]

Rita, I am so glad for you. My wife and I are learning to accept my crossdressing. I fist dressed in front of her on July 20th of this year. It went well since them I have dressed a few more times. The best benefit of having told her my needs is that now I don’t have to hide.

[Ruth]

I can relate to what Jennifer wrote. As Ruth I am probably a nicer person and my wife can appreciate this. I don't think she really likes me in femme clothes but she is understanding enough to accept it and to take the benefits in terms of my sweeter disposition as Ruth.

[arani5879]

I am one of the very lucky ones. My SO knows about and loves to make me beautiful. This weekend was wonderful and the festivities are going to continue up until Halloween proper. I will post the whole experience in a separate thread though I don't know if I will wait until after Halloween or not.

[Victoria Anne]

Rita dear you are so right on this issue . We can only speak for ourselves but that said honesty is the best policy . I told my wife just prior to our first date , we were best friends for 5 years before we began to date , we have been married now for nearly 11 years and she is my biggest fan , my best friend and is my life.

[Eugenie]

"The Benefit of My SO knowing about my crossdressing"

Interesting subject...

But it could be taken in two very different senses:

The Benefit (for me) of My SO knowing about my crossdressing

The Benefit of My SO (for her) knowing about my crossdressing

There is no doubt in my mind that when one's SO knows, even if she isn't too happy about it, life is a lot easier for the X-dressers who are in that situation than when the SO doesn't know...

Now what is the benefit of the SO when she knows about her compagnon's x-dressing? Perhaps we should ask ourselves that question too... Not an easy one...

I know it hasn't been making my wife happier to know that I was a X-dresser... It took her years to learn to live with it... But is there any benefit in her knowing about it?

Actually I'll have to think about that question...

:hugs:

Eugenie

[TeriAnn]

My wife and I have been married for 8 years and I told her about 3 yrs ago. After the shock wore off she said she was fine with my crossdressing. We have been shopping together and she has bought me jewerly skirts blouses and a pair or two of heels. She asks my opinion onwhat she is looking at for herself and I ask for what I am looking at. I am so lucky to have a wife that supports me and what I love. To her I say thank you and I :love you more than anything

[Kelsy]

The benefits are enormous!! My wife and I share clothes. she wears my jeans and panties and is always setting me up in some nice outfits! She just gave me a nice cashmere pj set. I help her with make up and she shaves my legs. She critiques my dressing and I hers. Shopping is great fun. She dragged me into payless last week and bought me two new pair of shoes!!! Be honest with your SO from the start if you can and enjoy! Thanks Rita

Kelsy:D

[Billijo49504]

For those gurls that have a supporting SO, isn't it wonderful to have a shopping partner. Even though it's more expensive. Cus if you shop at VS, she wants stuff from there too. Or at least mine does. And Yes, it is definately worth it. Mine found out before we even thought of marrage...BJ

[Lois1234]

My first wife accepted my dressing without any problems however we split up for other reasons (she had a drug problem).
My second said she was OK with it and bought me things and seemed totally accepting however as a few years went by, she saw it wasn't a fad that was going away soon, she changed 180 degrees. Didn't like it and wanted a divorce right away.....done like dinner.
My current GF is Kool with it (we each still have our own places) and i'm telling her the total truth, so as to avoid any problems down the road. So far so good. She says i can come over to her place as Lois any time i want if that is what i really want.
I'm falling head over heels (literally) for this one.......three times lucky?

Lois

[allisonrn06]

I had told my wife about my dressing before we were married -I let her see me in a pair of heels and nylons. Her reaction was not favorable at the time, said I could keep them but she didn't want to see me in them. That was over 6 years ago, and up until a week ago, I was unable to bring the subject up again. Last saturday, we had the house to ourselves and I had planned a Halloween party for just the 2 of us, with me dressing as a maid and her as a sexy devil. Naturally the subject of cd'ing came up and to my very pleasant surprise I found out that she is cool with it and had been for sometime, if only I had had the nerve to bring it up - turns out we were both shying away from the subject. Since then we have already gone shopping together for clothes for the both of us and it has been wonderful !! Still, I feel for those who have unaccepting SO's and agree with other replies to this post about caution in coming out to SO's - it is difficult and potentially big trouble.

[Chari]

Hi Rita, Your thread is what the heart of this forum is all about! Knowing each of our own limits, taking it slow, and knowing when to tell is an individual choice. To "luck out" and find a very understanding, helpful SO is a big burden lifted from the CDers shoulders. It is at times a very lonely road to travel without support. Each of us must decide what and when is best for our situation. :2c:

Hugs2U, Chari

[bridget thronton]

The biggest benefit is not worrying about hiding things or keeping secrets. I end up with a lot of dressing time and some additional shared intimacy. I am not sure there are any benefits for my wife.

[Lovely Rita]

Rita you are 100% :thumbsup: on this thread hun :hugs:
Angie

Angie, you are good for my soul. 100% I will take it and hang it on my wall. You are a pal:hugs:


Completely agree....I've been married for 21 years but have been ...and still am in the closet. I've also had a difficult 2 weeks with my wife (I will post a separate thread about it).
Since joining this board, I've been trying to pluck up the courage to tell her and even worked out when i was going to do it. We are going to a Halloween party as Posh Spice & Becks (David Beckham). She was mentioning what dresses she could wear and I mentioned that it could be a giggle if I went as Posh. Let's just say that she didn't like the idea at all......so I guess I won't be telling her for a while!

Hey Christid66, I hope things eventually work themselves out, but I appreciate your loving consideration of your wife.


Your very, very Lucky Rita, and your so right about telling SO's. It really must be made, on the facts you know about the person you are going to share the matter with.

I'd love to be in the same situation as you, but sadly I doubt it will ever happen. However I'm so luck to also be in the situation where at least My SO knows and give me a green light (when possable) to dress.

However, what needs to be said is that all peoples reactions are different, and therefore you must be prepared for a negative or netrual reaction, as not all SO's (male and female ones) welcome this subject with open arms. ie for as many with wounderful understanding partners, others have had there relationship sour and fall apart.

As I said I'm one of the lucky ones, I don't have everything, but I'm happy with what I have, maybe one day things will change, but if not, at least I can still count my blessing for at least having her understanding and being able to talk to her, about this when I need to.


Hi Tracy, you are blessed indeed. She knows and she is not crazy about it, but she knows. That is a biggey and you should cherish that. So many SOs don't know for whatever reason and that is always harder.

We must all count our blessings, some have it better than others but you have it good that is for sure. :D