Is being effeminate a bad thing in itself?

[docrobbysherry]

I just read a thought provoking post by Ruth. That people today relate effeminate men to homosexuality. But that's today's world. As a kid in the
'50's, there were no gays where I lived. Back then, effeminate boys were called, wimps, sissies, momma's boys, etc. They were teased and picked on, and sometimes the bullies beat them up. No one ever discussed gender variations. There were only boys and girls, period.
My point is this: the way I was raised, acting effeminate was a very BAD thing. Without any of the "gay" overtones, that came later. If other men, maybe some of u, grew up with that same prejudice, is it any wonder some of us have a difficult time going out dressed? In my case, I've only been dressing a few years, and I'm having a very difficult time accepting this in myself!
This has little or nothing to do with someone thinking I'm gay. I know I'm not. It's just looking and acting like a wimp, that I think I fear the most. Maybe that fear makes me a complete wimp! Can anyone relate to this?
RS

www.myspace.com/robertsherry

[Sheri 4242]

While on a personal level I don't relate to what you are saying, I have no doubt but that the attitudes you are describing have had great impact on many crossdressers, especially those who are 50-plus.

[Kate Simmons]

Got me on that one RS. Sal is anything but a wimp and has no problem with using some muscle. "Hey, I wear women's clothes, you got a problem with that? Okay, didn't think so.":happy:

[battybattybats]

I would say absolutely not.
I see a lot of strength and power in femininity.

Society and I often disagree of course.

[Angie G]

Being a wimp has nothing to do thth dressing as a girl being a wimp is being afraidto be the girl you are :hugs:
Angie

[Brianna Lovely]

I gladly show my feminine traits, it's who I am.

Unfortunately, I think that there are many people on this forum who have seen or experienced the negative attitude you speak of. Is this not the same as the dark haired/eyed caveman, beating to death, the blond/blue eyed caveman, because he's different?

Just because someone likes pretty things and has feelings and emotions, does not make them weak or a sissy.

As far as Gay people go, yes they were in your neighborhood, you just didn't know them. Gay people have been around as long as the human race.

And as for stereotypes, how about this, most of the early Roman Catholic Popes were Gay, the cowboy hero, John Wayne, was Gay, Leonardo DaVinci was Gay.

Would you call any of these people sissys or wimps?

[Marla S]

Is being effeminate a bad thing in itself?
No, why should it be ?


I just read a thought provoking post by Ruth. That people today relate effeminate men to homosexuality. But that's today's world. As a kid in the
'50's, there were no gays where I lived. Back then, effeminate boys were called, wimps, sissies, momma's boys, etc. They were teased and picked on, and sometimes the bullies beat them up. No one ever discussed gender variations. There were only boys and girls, period.
IMO today there are still only boys and girls. That hasn't changed and never will IMO.
The replacement of the labels 'wimp', 'sissy' and 'momma's boy' by 'gay' indicates that nothing in the perception has changed just the label has. These labels were/are meant disrespecting and/or offending. They are meant as killer arguments ... no further explanations necessary ... to discredit a person. In some way this has become easier by unifying everything under one label:gay.


My point is this: the way I was raised, acting effeminate was a very BAD thing. Without any of the "gay" overtones, that came later. If other men, maybe some of u, grew up with that same prejudice, is it any wonder some of us have a difficult time going out dressed? In my case, I've only been dressing a few years, and I'm having a very difficult time accepting this in myself!
No it is no wonder, and it is a big problem on the way to self-acceptance. We are corrupted from the very first day on earth concerning genders, gender roles, gender identity. This corrupted soul is a much part of our identity like it is CDing and neither ever will completely vanish.
If we wouldn't be persons concerned ourselves, we would most likely use these labels in the same way like most do ... disrespecting (even some of us still do).


This has little or nothing to do with someone thinking I'm gay. I know I'm not.
You have a different understanding of gay than the majority of the society has. Your's is probably close to the actual meaning, for the society it is something threatening that has to be combated. Probably it is not even homosexuality in itself, but the threat that it obviously means for the traditional understanding of gender roles ... it's a threat for women and men.
Just last week I was told that a lady is scared of me, suspecting I am gay, because I showed up effeminate.
She obviously has no clue what she is actually talking about (neither the meaning of gay, nor my appearance, nor that it is none of her business, nor that it actually doesn't effect her), but I am stamped and her perception effects my standing with other people involved (some try to dissociate from me).



It's just looking and acting like a wimp, that I think I fear the most. Maybe that fear makes me a complete wimp! Can anyone relate to this?
I can relate to this. IMO it boils down to the prevalent gender hierarchy. Femininity in any degree equals weakness, masculinity equals strength. Who wants to be stamped as weak ? How crazy (pervert ?) a person has to be to go this way ?

[Nicki B]

Isn't it really the attitude that says being a woman is bad - i.e. long accepted as misogynistic and out-dated?

[Eugenie]

"Is being effeminate a bad thing in itself?"

I guess not, especially if you want to go out "en femme". It makes life a lot easier for a x-dresser to have feminine traits. In particular the face and the hands. Having a narrow waist and some breasts helps a lot also...

For many of us we have more problem with looking masculine, even when dressed "en femme"...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[Byllie]

Hmmm, by being effeminate do you physically or socially? Personally,l I feel that even when en drab, I'm effeminate socially. That is, the more I embrace my feminine side, the more I act in a caring, loving manner. If, on the other hand, you mean physically, well I know many GG's who act quite masculine physically, but socially are all woman.

[Ruth]

When I'd written the original post, I thought it hadn't quite come out as I intended, but this thread is really good, so it was worthwhile anyway.
I suppose people read a lot into other people's appearance and behaviour - and if they detect effeminate characteristics they start to think that person (if a man) is homosexual.
Naturally as a CDer I have my effeminate side, and in me at least it's distinct from my sexual orientation, which is male hetero.
So while I have no problems with being effeminate, and showing my feminine side to people who know all about me, I would be wary of showing this to a stranger, because I wouldn't want to send the wrong signals.
The exception of course is when I'm out en femme, when of course I can be as effeminate as I feel, within the bounds of social convention.