Does your Relationship Status Influence Your Behavior while en femme?

[Tamera]

I apologize in advance to any who may be offended by my thread. My only intent is to gather information and share thoughts with others.

1. This thread is open to MTF only.
2. This thread is not to offend anyone but I am seeking knowledge on a sensitive subject that I and many need to explore for knowledge, self understanding and support for what is a VERY HOT TOPIC.

Be "OPEN" as much as you want. There is no "TO LITTLE" or "TO MUCH" in this thread as long as we are complying by forum policy.

I wondered if others feel tempted (sexually) when out and about en femme -- might be a kiss or a touch or more but sexual in nature. No necessarily IC in other words.

Do you act on it?

Where do you draw the line? Or do you?

And does being in a relationship have a bearing on your behavior when dressed?

I feel like two different people. My male self feels very married but my femme self, Tamera, does not feel the same. So I am looking to others to see how they feel and how they handle the temptation. I'm looking for your input and help.


Thank You,
Tamera

[Mirani]

I would say that you should include "Relationship Status".

If being married or in a relationship does not have an effect upon a persons behaviour then (in my view) that person has different values to me.

In my value system, being in a relationship means giving that person respect and honesty and considering THEIR needs. If you love someone, you dont deceive them and act as a single person - whatever you happen to be wearing, whatever your sexuality or preference.

Just my view

[nikki_t]

Of course it does!

[annekathleen]

When I was married, my crossdressing was mostly limited to wearing the wifes panties under my pants, and occaisionally trying on some of the wifes other articles of clothing if I was home alone and she was at work.
Since my divorce, I have been able to buy more and more womens clothing, and not worry about where I had to hide them. If I know I'm going to be home alone and not expecting any company, I tend to get braver and wear a bra and breast forms under my shirts or sweatshirts, and I'll even wear them to bed with a sexy teddy, chemise, nightgown, etc...
So being single, married, or divorce has played a role in my crossdressing.

[Shelly Preston]

Well if i was not married my behaviour would be different

Why ? Because what would be the point of getting married in the first place

Marriage(or civil partnership) is a commitment between two people to be faithful to each other

If I was not married I would be looking for a partner with the eventual hope of getting married

I do feel slightly different because I am not used to being enfemme in the company of others but it does not alter the situation of being married

I would behave in the same manner as I would in drab

I am still me just wearing different clothes

[Julie York]

I think there is often a lot of confusion amongst CD people, (rather than say TS) when it comes to sexual activity, because the nature of the activity is role playing. It's a game of 'pretend'.

If you don't wish to BE a woman, then the dressing is a combination of sexual ideas and role playing. You adopt those ideas and play them out.

And I think things get confused by some men, by thinking that if they are dressed up and 'playing' the part of a woman then to fulfill that imagery they also act the part of being flirtatious or sexually active. She is a fantasy creation after all so she can be as flirtatious as she likes?

Some CDs assume a role of being shy and demure. Others assume a role of being powerfully sexy. In your case I think you have mixed in the emotions of promiscuous feminine sexuality and are getting carried away with the idea of being sexually attractive, or sexually powerful, to the point where you feel randy by the idea of it.

However, you might find that the reality of carrying out your desires isn't actually what you would genuinely do, but is a role that you find titillating.

I think you should be clear about the fact that what you wish to do is a sexual fantasy and all the responsibility is yours.

[MJ]

yes it does ... if i were married then i would stay true to my wife

however i am single and i chose to be single and hands off for now .. way too many std out there

now untill i have srs i will not be with another man /male

and if i ever meet a woman f.a.b , well there is a lot of talking so she know what she is getting in to thats only fair

[jaina]

I wondered if others feel tempted (sexually) when out and about en femme

Do you act on it?
And does being in a relationship have a bearing on your behavior when dressed?


My being in a relationship certainly influences my behaviour while dressed. My being in a relationship influences everything I do.




I feel like two different people. My male self feels very married but my femme self, Tamera, does not feel the same. So I am looking to others to see how they feel and how they handle the temptation. I'm looking for your input and help.


Thank You,
Tamera

I don't have 2 seperate selves. There can't be 2 codes of conduct.
I assume your "very married" self likes the saftey net of married life and the social security blanket that it offers while tarting it up on the town as Tamera. I Don't have issues with a nonmonoganous relationship BUT, (and its a huge "but") both partners have to sign onboard. If both partners are onboard there really is only one code of conduct.

[Shelly Preston]

*** Note ***

This is not the same as a previous thread

This is asking how each individual would act

Its not asking right or wrong or you opinion on someone else

Its also MTF Only

[Holly]

...I wondered if others feel tempted (sexually) when out and about en femme -- might be a kiss or a touch or more but sexual in nature. No necessarily IC in other words.

Do you act on it?

Where do you draw the line? Or do you?

And does being in a relationship have a bearing on your behavior when dressed?

I feel like two different people. My male self feels very married but my femme self, Tamera, does not feel the same. So I am looking to others to see how they feel and how they handle the temptation. I'm looking for your input and help...Never have felt tempted in the slightest. I'm a married person enfemm or en home. Does being in a relationship have a bearing? Absolutely! Don't you think it should?

If you feel like, "two different people," perhaps you could try having an affair with yourself. :heehee:

[Stephenie S]

I apologize in advance to any who may be offended by my thread. My only intent is to gather information and share thoughts with others.

1. This thread is open to MTF only.
2. This thread is not to offend anyone but I am seeking knowledge on a sensitive subject that I and many need to explore for knowledge, self understanding and support for what is a VERY HOT TOPIC.

Be "OPEN" as much as you want. There is no "TO LITTLE" or "TO MUCH" in this thread as long as we are complying by forum policy.

I wondered if others feel tempted (sexually) when out and about en femme -- might be a kiss or a touch or more but sexual in nature. No necessarily IC in other words.

Do you act on it?

Where do you draw the line? Or do you?

And does being in a relationship have a bearing on your behavior when dressed?

I feel like two different people. My male self feels very married but my femme self, Tamera, does not feel the same. So I am looking to others to see how they feel and how they handle the temptation. I'm looking for your input and help.


Thank You,
Tamera

OK, I see a couple of different questions in your post.

Do I feel tempted sexually when "out and about"?

No, I don't. I am in a loving, monogamous, and committed relationship. I am committed to my partner, so that lets out all extramarital hanky-panky.

Now, in all fairness, let me say that although I have always considered myself "straight", with NO interest in men whatsoever, lately I have found myself thinking about how handsome or tall and attractive some man I may see casually on the street is. But these thoughts are perfectly normal I think. We can all admire some good looking person, male or female.

So, do I act on it? Absolutely not. As I said, I am in a committed relationship. If I wanted an open relationship, and were I in one, it would be different. I desire committment from my partner, we stated this desire to each other early in our relationship, and so it remains.

Where do I draw the line? I draw the line at action. I would consider any act that contradicts any understanding I had with my partner to be wrong.

So, yes I do "draw the line".

So I guess you could say that being in a relationship does have a bearing on my behavior when "out" (and in also).

Now, I never feel like two different people, no matter what I am wearing. I am me, always. So perhaps I am a poor candidate to answer your post.

I DO feel fairly strongly that some men may use CDing as an excuse to mask repressed homosexual desires. How common is this? I dunno. Does this apply to you? I certainly don't know that either. That last comment was just an opinion.

So I guess my bottom line is based upon what kind of relationship you happen to be in. Is it an open relatioship? Go for it. Is it a committed relationship? Look, but don't touch.

Hope this helps.
Stephie

Holly, I thought this was cute.

If you feel like, "two different people," perhaps you could try having an affair with yourself.

Stephie
__________________

[Roberta Lynn]

I'm a married CDr, I've not been tempted to dishonor my marriage. There may be a different facet to me when I'm dressed, but at the core I'm the same person. The person that made a commitment, a promise, gave my word to my wife to love and honor our relationship.

I've never considered myself two separate people.

[Marla S]

Independent of being one or two, the fact that I should love and respect the one I married makes each thought about sexual activities outside my marriage lapsed.

I would avoid acting on it ... what would be the point of it anyway ... short time satisfaction to become an as*h*** ?



My male self feels very married
Do you love your wife or are you just married ?

[Daintre]

When I was married, I took the vows we made very seriously, we both did. I had my partner and we were both very committed t us. Did I have any fantasies? yes, but I could never act on them because I lived my wife and respected her so much.

We live in a disposable world, in today's world it has become far easier to abandon your principles, vows and morals.

[Sheri 4242]

I wondered if others feel tempted (sexually) when out and about en femme -- might be a kiss or a touch or more but sexual in nature. No necessarily IC in other words.

No!!! Not me!!! I draw the line at the fact that I am married to an amazing, awesome, fantastic woman!!! My wife is my soulmate and split-apart!!! I will never dishonor my vows to my wife!!!

As some of you know, this past June, my wife and I had a "second wedding" out in Las Vegas. Actually, it was a "vow renewal" service since we were already married, BUT an interesting thing about this service was I got to be the bride!!! Regardless, though, of whether or not I got to be the bride in our June service, my level of committment is the same: it is VERY, VERY HIGH!!!!!!! It couldn't be higher!!!!!!! The only thing that our June, 2007 wedding did was give us a chance to renew our vows; the fact that I got to be the bride was an added plus!!!!!!! My love and committment for my wife would be the same if we didn't have that ceremony, or if we did have it and I didn't get to be the bride!!!!!!! The fact that I did get to be the bride was an exceptional surprize -- a wonderous gift -- that my wife gave me!!!!!!! I can openly state that my wife has sacred vows from both of my personnas -- but even if we hadn't had that service, she wold still have all of me!!!!!!!

[christina marie]

this is one of those rare times when i agree with the majority... married is married period, no ifs,ands, or buts. if you need to go elsewhere to get satisfaction, show your partner some respect and leave them first. :2c:

[MsJanessa]

you phrased the question "Have you ever been tempted?" I'm sure I speak for most males when I say of course I've been tempted---most males and females too I'm sure have been tempted at least once in their married lives---those who say they have never been "tempted" either haven't been married very long or don't get out very much.

The bigger more important question is "Do you give in to temptation?" Some of us don't and some of us do---always been that way always will be. You finally asked the question "Do you act on it?" Like I said some of us do and some of us don't----

maybe the next question should be "Do you feel guilty about it and would you reccommend it to others? The answer to that is most of us would feel guilty about it and I for one would not reccomend that lifestyle to others---in addition to the ethical problems which have been throughly pointed out above and in other threads, leading that kind of life is tremendously stressful and in the end not very forfilling.

Finally reading over this post, I think that those of us who cheat only while dressed probably do so, in part at least, because we are seeking validation for our femme selves. In other words we want to feel that we are sexy desirable women and this is a way to that end. The problem with that is that the man you are cheating with is probably just more interested in getting off himself rather than thinking of you as a female or thinking of you at all. As my TS friend Jennifer says, men can be, after all, such dogs.

[Denielleinheels]

I think when we die we stop being tempted. But acting on the temptation should really make you rethink your relationship.

[Lawren]

I take my wedding vows very seriously. I do not change my attitude or behavior when I change my clothes.

[Kristen Kelly]

I don't look as it as being tempted as much as I see it as being flattered. Show me a women that doesn’t like the attention the comments (to a point) we love reassurance. Myself I am single in a committed relationship she knows about what I do, has joined the girls out, supports me, wishes at times things we different, but knows this is the person she fell in love with and that is a big part of who I am. It is a respect issue as well, as things changed in my life and this went from being a sexual thing to just who I am, my fantasies and actions changed. I consider myself TS and maybe my mindset is more of a woman but I have trouble with my own feelings when I try to have more than 1 relationship at a time. As for casual sex, well 1 night stands were never any good for me, If knowing that’s all it was, sex, my feeling got in the way. If the night was great I wanted more.
The more I question myself of who I am, the more I understand why I acted over the years the way I did, call me old fashion, but I lived threw the late 70’s, “Free Love” and then I was being overly Macho, trying to mask my supressed feelings. "Love has a price it is not free". It comes back to respect; I wouldn’t do anything to others I would not want done to me.

[AmandaM]

I agree with MsJanessa. I am married. I am also tempted. I check out hot women, and in my entire life, there's been maybe two guys that I "inadvertently" checked out. But, I don't cheat. Would I like to? Sure, maybe. But I don't. My wife doesn't care if I look at women as long as I don't touch. But, she knows I look at them in two ways: babeness and what they are wearing. Like she says, "You're married, not dead".

[Denielleinheels]

For me I believe in keeping the relationship sacred. I would not be happy if she did it so why I disrespect her by doing it. It's fun to goof around but I am in a relationship with a woman who who respects all of me so I wouldn't want to jeopardise that.

[CharleneCD]

I think when we die we stop being tempted. But acting on the temptation should really make you rethink your relationship.

Of course I am tempted, but the body is still owned by the wife. A little flirting though..... That is OK within our relationship. Both of us have been known to flirt a bit. OK maybe alot. But anything beyond that is out. Weather I feel my fem personality is different the body is still the one I share with my wife, and bringing home STD's is fully her bussiness.

[Sally24]

Yes, my marriage does influence how I behave when en femme. I even wear my wedding band with a matching engagement ring from my sweetie when out and about to try to make it clear that I'm just out for innocent fun.

Being "tempted" or "attracted" happens occasionally. No more so than when in male mode. I think part of the temptation is that we aren't used to being the attractive and sexual looking one of a couple and it takes a different mind set. It does feel affirming when you get some sort of attention for you apperance.

[Tamera]

You see Tamera needed to start this thread to get information and support of what she is going through.

Many of you know that I have kept my FEM side and MALE side seperate and its just recently that they are starting to join.

I think the reason for that was I wanted Tamera to be my escape from MALE life. Probably because I do not like it very well but I have to return because of my wife and children and parents and work.

Recently I find myself wearing Fem jeans and a Male top or MALE jeans and FEM underwear. I never did this before. Since my questions I have come to realize that the 2 are different people but the same body. And what one does, it does reflect on the other. BY this I mean relationship and commitment.

I thought I was the only one who thought of Men when dressed in FEM but I find out others do to, they just don't ACT on them.

Some may find it weird but dressed in MALE my testoserone takes over and when dressed in FEM my Estrogen takes over.

Does this make one GAY, BI or what, who knows.
But the knowledge you have given me have helped me with the TRIALS I am going through.
Hugs,
Tamera

[Veryvicky]

I think that I know what you are feeling, I went through the same thing. Being a loving, dedicated and supportive married male but over time when out dressed as a woman (which my wife did not share time with me) I felt as if I was a single, sexy and available woman. Do you act on it? ... I did, I let myself explore being a single, sexy and available woman. Didnt make me feel like that when I had to go back home though ! Yea...the terrible feeling of guilt and betrayal... it hurts and can be very depressing not to mention stressful.

Where do you draw the line? Or do you? The only line I would draw...he had to wear a condom !

And does being in a relationship have a bearing on your behavior when dressed? No.... didnt have anything at all on my behavior other then kind of acting like some women that I knew... seeing how they acted when out and about.

I know I was always impressed with those who have a supportive SO that would go out with their crossdressing husband, some would even join in and even some would pick someone else to expore her femininity with. One thing that may help if you want to stay faithful to your with is to get your mind to accept that the female part of you is in fact a married woman. A friend of mine wears her wedding band and to make it more of a feminine image she has an engagement ring to go on with it. It's worked for her, she has more than once turned down advances with a very dedicatedly spoked words... "No thanks... I am married"

Hope you find the guidence you are looking for...but really you will have to entertain how you feel about it... not what advise to try and follow.

[Patti Girl]

In earlier years, I thought my interest was to be "treated like a girl" and that included sexually. After all, women get the sexual attention instead of rejection (or so it seems, LOL). As a male, I wasn't interested in other men, but if I thought of myself as female, then I wanted to be with a man. IOW, I am bi when en femme.

But back then, I think the CDing was more of an erotic turnon.

Now that I am en femme most of the time at home, I have come to feel comfortable and normal this way. Occasionally, I think about being sexual but mostly, I'm just comfortable as I am, it just feels right and it's not a sexual turnon.

As for the "cheating" issue, that wouldn't be a problem. I would not cheat on my wife, but I wouldn't have to... my wife would like to watch! Seriously, we used to swing but don't do it any more, to a great extent because of the health risks.

Patti

[Rita B]

Wow. That is a toughie. I think I know what you are talking about. Yes, I can easily be attracted to other T Girls and would openly admit I might wonder what it would be like kissing them or hugging them or just laying close to them . but then again my head is like a doorknob, " Any Girl Can Turn It". I also think that if we were to act upon all these "urges" we could wind up in jail or at the very least get slapped a lot.

I think what would be difficult for me is if some other T Girls showed an interest in me, how would I react? I think that as men we have been more conditioned to be the pursuer, so this is a new role for us. I do believe that genetic women love to be pursued or found to be physically attractive and I think that it is a turn on for many women even though they may not act on it.