My Wife Is Jealous Of My Niece.

[Lindahexi]

Hi Girls,

I haven't posted since I came out to my niece, a lot of things have changed and I needed some time to adjust to the new situation.

Firstly my Niece is worried about the rest of the family ever finding out about my dressing, she knows that however COOL she is about it, the others would never, ever accept it. To that end she suggested that I move my stash of clothes etc to her place, and then I could dress whenever I liked, and the clothes would never be discovered, a good arrangement I thought; so I did just that.

The problem is that I now go to my Nieces house much more often than I used to, not just to dress, but to have some really great chats about cross-dressing and the forum etc, she never tires of listening to my stories about my contacts etc, or my lifetime of dressing. I enjoy her company so much, it has become intoxicating! I'm able to openly chat, or even dress if I want to in her company, it's great.

But now my wife is beginning to get suspicious, she even asked me if i (FANCY) my Niece! At first all was well because under normal circumstances I would see my Niece at least once a week, but now it's 3 times a week or more. I know I'm being stupid, I know I've made it almost too obvious that something has changed, but I don't know what to do about it. On the one hand I know I should cool things down to "NORMAL" but I find myself popping in to see my Niece whenever I'm near her house. What the hell am I going to do about this? Advice please girls.

Hugs,

Linda. :confused:

[Sharon]

Your wife's fears are understandable Linda, and you know this. You somehow have to come to grips about what you're risking by going to your niece's so often. At the very least, you are risking nasty gossip that will not only affect you, but your wife and niece also.
If you have posted in the past about why you haven't told your wife about your dressing up, I apologize. But how is it you tell a niece and not your wife? Maybe you're underestimating your wife's ability to understand with enough talk and explanation.
If you spend so much time at your niece's just talking, can you do it by instant messaging instead? It might not have the same imtimacy, but it's a compromise worth considering. Just be sure that your archive is either secure or erased.
Good luck!

[DanaJ]

Hi Linda, I sort of second what Sharon said above, you may need to cut back on the visits a bit.

Have you thought of perhaps coming up with a story, something like you were putting up some shelves for the niece - just something that would explain that you were going over to her house more than normal? Or - that your niece was having some personal problems and that she has been needing to talk to you a lot?

Anyway, I hope everything works out for you :)

DanaJ

[Tamara Croft]

Don't you think it's about time you told your wife before it wrecks your marriage? She's already thinking you fancy your own niece, what next?? The more you continue with this, the more suspicious she is going to get. How many years do you think you can go on doing this?? I did read why you haven't told your wife, but let's face it, I said the same kinda things to my SO when I saw things like that on the television. It's just a normal reaction to something like that. You really need to sort this out, or you may not have a wife to come home to. I know this is harsh, but so is your wife thinking you fancy your own niece :( Think about what you are putting her through aswell as yourself.

Tamara x

[lynnegirlie]

I have to agree with the theme of the previous posts. I know it may sound harsh, but I feel as if you're getting close to the line of "cheating" on your wife.....not physically mind you, but emotionally. And in the grand scheme of things I personally don't see much difference between the two.

Your wife should be the one who knows you better than anyone else (except yourself) because you share with HER. If you "go outside" your marriage to share things about yourself, you put your marriage in SEVERE jeopardy.

Please reconsider sharing this with your wife in a caring, non-threatening manner. In any case, I wish you and her the very best!

Lynne

[Richelle]

You need to tell your wife. If you do not you will loose her as she will continue to think that you are having a relationship with your niece.

Just rememeber, as Lynne said do it in a carring manner and make sure that your wife knows that you love her.

Richelle

[DonnaT]

Linda, which is worse, you're wife leaving for beleiving you're having a thing with your neice, or her finding out that you are a CD?

I imagine both are equally a bad.

Time for telling, IMHO. No more deceipt.

Print off your post at http://crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?p=71746#post71746 and give it to her to read, if you can't sit down with her and discuss it.

After the past few weeks of dressing euphoria, I imagine it will be hard to cut back. Thus you'll be tempted even more to go over to your neices.

You might find some good tips here: http://www.3dcom.com/couples/vkol/TELLING.HTML

[Lindahexi]

Girls,

thank you for your honesty, I know that what you have said is absolutely true. Please believe me I do not want to hurt my wife, neither do I want to cheat on her. She did ask me if I fancied my niece but I reckon that was "tongue in cheek" but I know she is jealous, I wish I had the nerve to tell her the truth. At the moment things are not completely out of hand, that is why I asked for the help and advice. I know in my heart that I've got carried away with the euphoria of "coming out", to be able to speak openly is wonderful, but believe me girls I'm a sensitive and caring person, and I don't want to hurt anybody. Maybe I've been selfish over the last couple of weeks, it seemed so fabulous not being rejected, or ridiculed, but maybe others can learn from this, and not get carried away as I have.

I'm going to try and cut back on the visits, NO I WILL CUT BACK! things must return to normality as much as possible. I do visit a lot, to do jobs for my niece, she is a nurse and has to work long hours, I do my best to help her around the house, this is all perfectly natural, and my wife is fine about it. But I still don't think she could accept my dressing.

Once again thanks for the reality check,

Please don't think too badly of me,

Linda.

[Sweet Susan]

Do you have children at home? If not, tell your wife. If you do, you may want to find a way to tell her, and she might be willing to go along with you being at your niece's place to dress.

Two things for sure:
One: She will be hurt that you told your neice, but didn't tell her.
Two: Honesty is (almost) always the best policy.

[Katiegirl]

I agree with all the other posts Lindahexi, you may well cut back as you say but your wife is suspious so she will be watching you like a hawk.

I will ask a question can you hold up to the pressure that you are now under, you will have to careful 24/7.

Take particular note of Tamara-GG post she is looking at it from a woman's point of view.

Have you also said anything to your niece after all she will be under the spotlight as well. If you have did she give you any advice?

Your wife will at some point in time find out about your Cding is it not better caming from you, you may be able to save your marriage that way.

:)

Mind of a Woman, Body of a Man, Life is a Bitch

[Di]

I do not think badly of you....BUT YOU MUST STOP THIS,,,,You are emotionally cheating on your wife...I,m sure she has her radar up...on alert.....what if she finds out by accident and also finds out your niece knows and not her....she will feel doubly betrayed,,,,please try to work this out another way before you do lose your wife

[maximillian]

Hi Lindahexi,
I'm a GG whose husband told me about his 'dressing' before we were married. He was scared senseless when he did it, but he did & we worked through it. I loved him enough not to let it wreck 'US'.

But I do think you need to tell your wife soon...her imagination must be working overtime right now & I'm guessing that whatever is going through her mind would not be anything like what you are going to tell her. She might even be slightly relieved - for a minute! :p

I'm sure you know that this is something you are going to have to do, but I'm sure you also know that you would have a ton of support from all your friends here too. Show your wife what you wrote in a previous post - link provided by DonnaT (Great idea Donna!). That's going to give her some insight into 'you'.

Good luck....but I know you can do it!

Cheers,
Maximillian

[SilkenPrincess]

I enjoy her company so much, it has become intoxicating! I'm able to openly chat, or even dress if I want to in her company, it's great.
...
But now my wife is beginning to get suspicious, she even asked me if i (FANCY) my Niece!

Linda,
I think you're looking for honest opinions here, so here goes.
You may not recognize it, but you DO fancy your neice! Look in the preceding quote! You are expressing great joy in the freedom to be yourself with your neice. I don't deny the joy of freedom of expression, but what you are showing is the beginnings of a true relationship. In a way, you have already "cheated" on your wife. Sex is only meaningful within the bounds of relational freedom. "Cheating" really is not physical, it's emotional. That emotional bridge has already been crossed apparently. Just cutting back on your visits won't "fix" things, in my opinion. As difficult as it is, you need to face some things honestly with yourself, and then share them with your wife, NOT your neice.
I am well aware of how difficult that is, many of us have been there already, and it is not easy, few worthwhile things in life are. But, you have a very great resource behind you if you will only tap into it. That resource is here, your sisters. There are numerous people here to talk with, reason with, and cry with. Avail yourself of the help that is here. I think you will be surprised how different things can be. Take care, Linda. I am here for you if you desire.
Love,
SilkenPrincess

[Tristen Cox]

I think between Leta and Stephanie they nailed it right on the head. You may not like it but to continue on your present course is only digging your hole deeper by the day. Climb out while you still can. Do this for your own peace if nothing else. You'll be glad you did.

Love
T

[Lindahexi]

A one post reply to all of the advice I recieved is not enough, I must comment more on an individual basis.

Stephanie, I've read what you said to me over and over, you are so spot-on it's uncanny. I want to just remind everybody that my niece is nearly 40 and not a child. But yes I guess I have already cheated emotionally on my wife! If only it were not so, I feel bad about it, but my niece feels the same as me about my wife being unable to accept my habit. In fact to quote my niece " if **** found out she would immediately ask you to leave" and thats my problem. I think you know that there is nothing untoward going on between me and my niece, we are just very close and tell each other almost anything and everything. Thank you for reminding me that all of you are here to help me through this difficult situation.

Love,

Linda.

[Lindahexi]

Tristen thanks for the advice, I've got to be very careful how I get out of this, both for my wifes sake and my nieces. I cannot just suddenly stop seeing my niece, I've just got to cool off and let things settle down. I still think that telling my wife will be the end for me.

What complex creatures us humans are, a couple of weeks ago I was on a high, now it's all gone sour.

Hugs,

Linda.

[Paula UK]

i raely must agree with Tamara...........be honest with your wife, you may just be surprised at how understanding she is. Not all wives go "AgHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" when they are confronted with a TG/TV/TS SO

Good Luck!

paula xx




Don't you think it's about time you told your wife before it wrecks your marriage? She's already thinking you fancy your own niece, what next?? The more you continue with this, the more suspicious she is going to get. How many years do you think you can go on doing this?? I did read why you haven't told your wife, but let's face it, I said the same kinda things to my SO when I saw things like that on the television. It's just a normal reaction to something like that. You really need to sort this out, or you may not have a wife to come home to. I know this is harsh, but so is your wife thinking you fancy your own niece :( Think about what you are putting her through aswell as yourself.

Tamara x

[Paula UK]

HEE HERE LYNNE!!




I have to agree with the theme of the previous posts. I know it may sound harsh, but I feel as if you're getting close to the line of "cheating" on your wife.....not physically mind you, but emotionally. And in the grand scheme of things I personally don't see much difference between the two.

Your wife should be the one who knows you better than anyone else (except yourself) because you share with HER. If you "go outside" your marriage to share things about yourself, you put your marriage in SEVERE jeopardy.

Please reconsider sharing this with your wife in a caring, non-threatening manner. In any case, I wish you and her the very best!

Lynne

[Paula UK]

Having read subsequent posts i can only say "TELL YOUR WIFE BEFORE ITS TOO LATE" She already knows something is not quite right, put her out of her misery, she will scared stiff at the moment that youre having an affair with your neice. Your wife desrves better, in my opinion youre deffinately cheating on her.... be honest with yourself....do you fancy your neice? Is that why youve confided in her? Personal question i know, but the point im trying to make is that your wife is the person you should confide in! ... DO IT SOON OR RISK LOSING HER!! You dont want that to happen and none of us here do, so, youve got two choices ... try to keep your secret and probably end up losing everything, or be honest, tell your wife of the real you (im sure if nothing else, she'll respect you for it) or keep your secret and probably lose verything! ... Im sure youll be surprised at her relief at the truth!!!


love you loads babes ... good luck!!

paula xx

[Priscilla1018]

Hi Linda,

I understand fully the euphoria of coming out to someone but you have to come out to the one you love and who means the most to you.You can't let this go on;it will ruin your marriage.Once doubt and suspiscion rear their ugly heads,it's only a matter of time before they grow until you can no longer stop them.The longer you delay,the worse it will get.

Good luck to both of you.
Love and Hugs,
Priscilla

[Tristen Cox]

Tristen thanks for the advice, I've got to be very careful how I get out of this, both for my wifes sake and my nieces. I cannot just suddenly stop seeing my niece, I've just got to cool off and let things settle down. I still think that telling my wife will be the end for me.

What complex creatures us humans are, a couple of weeks ago I was on a high, now it's all gone sour.

Hugs,

Linda.
Well then to avoid telling your wife the truth, you will have to come up with a good reason why you are around your niece so much. Not a lie as that will only thicken things beyond control, but something simple that your wife will easily understand. Just a suggestion. Wish I could give you better advice. Do be careful.

*hugs*
T

[Lindahexi]

Tristen,

Thanks, don't worry I will not lie, that I can promise, and luckily I am doing odd jobs for my Niece at the moment which my wife is quite ok about. If i use common sense and ease back a bit I might be able to get things back on an even keel. I asked for advice and I don't appear to be following it, I'm sorry to all if It appears that way, but remember not all confessions have happy endings.

Thanks for caring,

Hugs,

Linda.

[Lindahexi]

Priscilla, this is the first time I've seen you with that gun! The way I feel at the moment I almost wish you would shoot me (just kidding). I know this is serious stuff, and I thankyou for your advice, you have always been there when I've needed help, I'm so lucky that I have all of the girls to support me, even if they think I'm in the wrong. I really appreciate everybodys input.

Hugs,

Linda.

[Lindahexi]

Hi Sharron,

You were the first to respond and I thank you for that, I'm sorry that it's taken so long to get back, I seem to have got out of sync, but I had to log off for a while and when I came back on I suppose I started at the other end (am I making sense?)

I have read what you had to say, and taken it on board, I think I've covered some of the points you raised in later posts. I tried to do a blanket thankyou, but it never seems adequate.

Thanks for caring, and thanks for the suggestions,

Hugs,

Linda.

[Sweet Jeanette]

Linda.------Time to be "upfront" about this, to your wife!!!------No matter what happens!-------We have talked about this, in the past!---Take the advice of the girls here!!!

[CindyT]

OK Linda I must agree about easing up on the visits to your nieces house, BUT my opinion (cause I'm pretty much in your shoes) if you are sure your wife will totally reject your dressing, then you should carefully consider what you tell her.


I could never tell my wife because she is a blabber mouth AND an alcoholic. Even if she did accept, I would hear negativity about it every time she got drunk, and she would tell all my friends! :eek: Not good in a small town....


I would suggest bringing your wife along when you go to your nieces house to do some chores, and let her see that everything is OK. My opinion is if you think telling your wife will ruin your marriage, then don't tell her, :o BUT you could maybe start dropping hints just to see ?????

CindyT

[Flicka's SO]

Hi Lindahexi
I would agree with Tamara GG. it is most important that you carefully tell your wife, she has her suspicions, for her to find out from any other person would be disastrous it is imperative you are the one to explain "LOVE" is a word not often used on this forum and our girls like to hear it,SO USE IT. I do understand the pleasure you derive having your Niece to talk with, having kept CDing a secret for so long must be hell.I dont like to say this but you are being deceitful, you may not realise it, please give first concideration to the one you love, your wife, and please look after your self.