An interesting experiment re: passing

[Cristi]

Let me say first off that I'm not TOO hung up on passing. I'd be just as happy to be able to go out and not pass, as long as I don't get hassled. The attraction of passing to me is that it makes my day less stressful (less chance of being confronted) and safer.

I've always been curious about if I am passing, or if I'm being seen as a 'guy in a dress' and nobody cares. Something has happened to me twice now that may give me a clue, and may be an interesting experiment for you to try.

So here is my observation. First, you'll need to find a clothing store with an fitting room that has a person who lets you in. The kind with the men's area on one side, and the women's on the other. They usually give you some kind of plastic tag with a number on it, equal to the number of items you are trying on and the word 'Men' or 'Women' at the top.

Specifically, I was at TJ Max. I've gone a few times in drab and taken women's clothes to the changing room. I've been given a 'mens' tag and directed to the men's changing room. But last halloween (and again today) the attendant saw me coming and without hesitation handed me a 'Womens' plastic tag, directing me to the Women's changing area to the right.

Now I can't believe that she would have sent me to the women's changing room if she had seen me as a guy, so to me this an indication that I was passing.

Has anybody else tried this? It can be a real confidence boost if it works out :)

[Lisa Renee]

I have gone enfemm shopping and trying on clothes, even bras, and I have always been directed to the the womens dressing room. I have never had anyone direct me to the mens side.

[renee k]

I have gone enfemm shopping and trying on clothes, even bras, and I have always been directed to the the womens dressing room. I have never had anyone direct me to the mens side.

ME TOO !

Huggs, Renee

[Nicki B]

Let me say first off that I'm not TOO hung up on passing. I'd be just as happy to be able to go out and not pass, as long as I don't get hassled.

Why not try starting a conversation the next time you're in a queue for the Ladies' and see if you feel accepted.. :)

Then, honestly - do you think they thought you were born female? But did it matter, at all? :strugglin

The best gossip is so often to be found there.. :whistling:

[Tamera]

Let me say that I have been out with girls that may LOOK FEM. But maybe because of their voice or the way they carry themselves, give them a way as a Guy.

The clerks will still seem to acknowledge their Transgender and still offer the Ladies changing room.

I have been to Dillards and they opened up a new store. And me and another girl went shopping in FEM and I must say we had about 3 clerks offer to help us find something and if we needed a dressing room the ASSURED us that we could try things on in the ladies dressing room. That was so COOL!!!

Hugs,
Tamera

[bgirl]

I don't really pass. At a distance maybe. I have had a SA not notice right away but if i talk,dead give away, but I have noticed that nobody seems to care. I have started feeling ok with them knowing. I may not fool anybody, But how I feel about myself is wonderful. I am doing what I feel I should be able to do in a perfect world. I do the best I can.
I just verify for them that those people really exist.
Its a public service.
I have only once been confornted and I just kept walking.

[Kate Simmons]

Why not try starting a conversation the next time you're in a queue for the Ladies' and see if you feel accepted.. :)

Then, honestly - do you think they thought you were born female? But did it matter, at all? :strugglin

The best gossip is so often to be found there.. :whistling:Yep, you know you are "in" Nicki when they include you in the gossip and don't think beans about it. Hell, you are another "woman", get it?:happy:

[MonikaW]

I had an interesting experience many years ago. I was out and about when I realized that I should have worn a slip with my skirt. I went into a department store in downtown DC and picked out a slip in the lingerie department. I tried on the slip in the dressing room to make sure it is was I needed. Once I was satisfied, I took it to the counter to pay. Upon paying, I asked the salesgirl if it was okay for my to wear it out since I really did need it for my skirt. She said 'of course' and led me to the ladies rest room so I could put it on. Needless to say, I felt very confident in my passing ability on that day.

[Cristi]

Why not try starting a conversation the next time you're in a queue for the Ladies' and see if you feel accepted..

I stopped at one place where everybody knew me. After I had been there for a few minutes, one person came downstairs. The office manager was quick on her feet and said "This is a new customer, Kelsey." The guy actually said hello and started talking to me like a customer, but the first time I had to speak he paused, looked at me closer then started laughing. So I guess what I really need to work on is my voice!

Note: I don't know where the office manager came up with that name off the top of her head, but I like it! I may have to change my name...

re: starting a conversation. I was in the same situation as anothert poster in this thread yesterday. The skirt I had on really should have been worn with a slip, so I stopped in at a K-Mart to see what they had for a short half slip. The aisles were very narrow, so I found myself shoulder to shoulder with another woman while I looked through the slips on one side of the aisle and she looked through the panties on the other. She actually started talking to me about how she could never find her size once she found the style she wanted. I spoke as little as possible. We were in the aisle together for a few minutes. She even started chatting about having to get home in time to get the candy out for the trick-or-treaters. After I found what I wanted, I wished her luck in her search and she wished me a good evening. :)

[Kristen Kelly]

Passing it not all how we look, mannerisms are a big part. This past weekend went to a dude ranch that I have been going for years, being Halloween weekend there, I wanted to let my hair down and be myself not caring what others though, I acted like this is Halloween I’m having fun. I dressed for dinner in a light blue wrap sweater with a white lace bra tastefully partially exposed, with plenty of cleavage coming over the top of the bra, women’s jeans brown suede high heel boots with the pants legs tucked in, my own hair poufed up dangly southwestern jewelry, and my make-up done to a tee. I was lucky to be seated with a group that was into amateur theater, they all knew I was a guy but did not treat me as such. Later that weekend one of the women I had been conversing with at dinner as well as out on the trails, horseback riding, told me from your actions I can tell you have done this before. She said first I looked too good for the first time I walked and dance too well in heels for a guy, when I placed my purse down I remembered it and picked it up as we went from the table to the dance floor and back. It was my actions as a woman that gave me away not at how I was dressed.

Comes down to acceptance more than passing and I’ll take acceptance any day

[Michelia]

I do think some of you beautiful girls get accepted in part because you do your best at "passing". This includes mannerisms as well as dress and looks.

Michelia

[Stephenie S]

It's not necessarily "passing". Becuse of my life (which is all the time), I run into people ALL day who accept me but who know perfectly well that I was not born a female.

This is a point that I make time and time again here on this forum. Most of the fear that we carry about not "passing" is only in our own heads. 99% of the people in this world could care less how you are dressed. 99% of the people you run into don't give a flying fig about you at all. How egotistical of you to think that the lady in the drug store is worried about what you are wearing. In reality she is thinking about something much more personal, like trying to figure out what to serve for supper, or some other problem in her life.

How do I know this? On what evidence do I base my statements? Only that I am actually DOING it. That's all. I am out and about all day every day. I interact with other people all the time. HELLO!! Nobody cares! You want to look rediculous in a dress and sloppy makeup? Go ahead. You want to do a really good job and blend perfectly? Go ahead. In the last analysis, no one will notice you for very long. If you look silly, maybe someone will mention to their SO that they saw you today but that's all. If you look halfway decent, no one will notice you at all. That's it folks. Sorry to disapoint you, but how you are dressed means very little to most people on this planet.

And really girls, if you make half an effort to look good (and I mean good, not sexy. Keep sexy for the clubs and the bedroom.), no one will notice you at all. And SMILE! Smile and the world smiles with you is more than just an old saying. It's true. This is our best defense. Please go look at Karren Hutton's photos. Karren goes where she wants, when she wants, dressed how she wants. What does she take with her? An obvious attempt to look half way respectable and a big s**t eatin' grin.

OK, I will now climb down off my soapbox.

I hope you all had a very nice holiday.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Kristen Kelly]

Most of the fear that we carry about not "passing" is only in our own heads. 99% of the people in this world could care less how you are dressed.

And really girls, if you make half an effort to look good (and I mean good, not sexy. Keep sexy for the clubs and the bedroom.), no one will notice you at all. And SMILE! Smile and the world smiles with you is more than just an old saying. It's true. This is our best defense.


Lovies,
Stephenie

Stephanie you are so right, over the 3 years I’ve been out I have had only one negative reaction to how I was dressed. Looking back now I can’t believe I went out looking as I did. We care more than people out there do how we look. Blend I always say don’t wear the mini skirt grocery shopping even a GG will get attention doing that. If you have a fear of what others might think or you feel you are not passable and that keeps you from going out forget it. I am out in Mainstream life and no one seems to care that I am there if I’m not in their face. The more we are out the less of an impact it will be when we are.
So come out of the closet you don’t know what you are missing.

[pamela_a]

Stephane amd Kristen, I think you both have hit the nail on the head. The vast majority of people in the world have far more pressing things going on in their lives to be concerned with what someone else is wearing.
If you don't want to attract attention to yourself then don't dress to attract attention to yourself. If you want wear that micro mini, skin tight top with DD forms and thigh high boots I can pretty well guarentee you're going to attract all the attention you want when you walk by.

-Paula-

[SandyR]

I still shop in Drab, going in Drag is on my agenda for next year.

SandyR

[Angie G]

I have not tryed things on at stores but i'm thinking of doing it at an Oriental shop at the outlet mall all the dresses are marked in chinese and must be tryed on :hugs:
Angie

[Stephenie S]

I have not tryed things on at stores but i'm thinking of doing it at an Oriental shop at the outlet mall all the dresses are marked in chinese and must be tryed on :hugs:
Angie

All RIGHT, Angie. You go for it girl!

Lovies,
Steph

[Stephanie-L]

I find it interesting that you mention the store where the SA hands you a tag with the number on it and directs you to the appropriate side of the dressing rooms. Once, when I had just barely come out of the closet, I was shopping at a (C)Ross Dress for Less store and had found two very nice tops I wanted to try on. At this time I was totally in drab except for a bra and D cup forms under my male shirt. I often shop this way so I can see how tops fit. Anyway, the SA looked at me, at what I was trying on, handed me the appropriate tag and directed me to the women's side. I should mention that even when fully en femme I don't think I pass at all well, so I don't think it was just my natural feminine looks (LOL). Just my bit of experience at shopping.....Stephanie

[Billijo49504]

Well, I've been told yes Maam, at VS and LB to get into the fitting rooms. For your info, I have a platinum card at LB and a VIP card at VS. Does that count? If my wife dosen't care if I wear bra's and paanties, why should you?? BJ

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i think its just fun to be yourself and to just do your thing in the femme persona..

i'm still buzzing in my head about last weekend and how natural i felt out on halloween,,, at one point i was chatting with some younger girls and it was so nice becuz they came up to me and told me how great i looked and of course i told them too! they did look great... we ended up talking for 30 minutes and it was all girl talk...we talked about clothes and they offered opinions on guys at party...it was so cool and i wasnt even thinking about it...i was just being me...

to me thats more important than passing===of course i do love to try to pass tho!!!:devil: