finally coming out to family

[DebsD]

Really stressed lately,been coming out to all my family,most have been great 1 or 2 not so great, big party on sat night this week and will be the first time i see them al together since telling them!! v v nervous. i married with 2 kids, don`t want to lose them but my s/o told me that if i have to trans then she can`t be with me, these feelings are so confusing and all made worse by losing the ones you love as well, have told my doctor and he is making an appointment for first councelling but not heard anything yet even though over a month since went to doctors!!!

Feel stressed to hell but know i never be happy as a man, just won`t happen!

I have never ever felt suicidal about this either but yesterday i really frightened myself, i was doing 80 mph in my car when i came round a corner and there was a parked truck, i just imagined driving straight into the back of it would all of been over. That has bought me to my senses a little, i need to trans just need the courage to start!!

[Stephenie S]

SORRY not meant to post under body issues!!! can anyone help me move it!!!Really stressed lately,been coming out to all my family,most have been great 1 or 2 not so great, big party on sat night this week and will be the first time i see them al together since telling them!! v v nervous. i married with 2 kids, don`t want to lose them but my s/o told me that if i have to trans then she can`t be with me, these feelings are so confusing and all made worse by losing the ones you love as well, have told my doctor and he is making an appointment for first councelling but not heard anything yet even though over a month since went to doctors!!!

Feel stressed to hell but know i never be happy as a man, just won`t happen!

I have never ever felt suicidal about this either but yesterday i really frightened myself, i was doing 80 mph in my car when i came round a corner and there was a parked truck, i just imagined driving straight into the back of it would all of been over. That has bought me to my senses a little, i need to trans just need the courage to start!!

Geez Debs, slow down!!!

Both in the driving and in the transition. You are going too fast on both.

Wait until you a have had some councelling before you spring anything on your family. Just because you told them doesn't mean you have to start transitioning NOW. Wait.

Please get some councelling sessions under your belt BEFORE you make any decisions.

And about the driving? Slamming headfirst into another car won't end ANYTHING. It will only be the beginning of years and years of pain and suffering for all your family and friends.

Stephie

[lynn27]

DebsD, slow down, don't think about the end of the road, just deal with what is in front of you. Take small steps and enjoy life.

And don't even think about 'ending it all' in a car crash. Think about the results and the suffering of those you'd be leaving behind. Besides, chances are you'll probably survive and have to deal with years of extreme physical pain and suffering.

I have a very good friend that was riding on one of those 4 wheel ATV one nite and drove straight into one of those steel pipe driveway gates at about 35 MPH. his family thinks he was suicidal, I like to think he didn't see the gate. The lower horizontal pipe hit him just below his nose, his ATV continued for about 400 feet as he was dragged off it by the pipe. Although that pipe almost ripped his head off he did survive. The next morning the first of more than a dozen operations took about 16 hours. They actually cut his scalp from ear to ear across the top of his skull and peeled the skin off his face to repair all the broken bones. The short story is he spent 6 months in the hospital and is still a mess two years later. Believe me, you don't want to go thru it.

You only get one life, make the best of it, slow down and live.:hugs:


SORRY not meant to post under body issues!!! can anyone help me move it!!!Really stressed lately,been coming out to all my family,most have been great 1 or 2 not so great, big party on sat night this week and will be the first time i see them al together since telling them!! v v nervous. i married with 2 kids, don`t want to lose them but my s/o told me that if i have to trans then she can`t be with me, these feelings are so confusing and all made worse by losing the ones you love as well, have told my doctor and he is making an appointment for first councelling but not heard anything yet even though over a month since went to doctors!!!

Feel stressed to hell but know i never be happy as a man, just won`t happen!

I have never ever felt suicidal about this either but yesterday i really frightened myself, i was doing 80 mph in my car when i came round a corner and there was a parked truck, i just imagined driving straight into the back of it would all of been over. That has bought me to my senses a little, i need to trans just need the courage to start!!

[Leah B]

You might be better off coming out slowly. Tell someone you're close to in the family that you can trust to not tell others. Tell other people you're close to after that. Then expand from there. After each time, stop and see how you feel about things.

It's a lot less stressful to tell your kindly ol' grandma than it it to tell the whole family at once. Also, people are different in groups. One or two bad reactions can affect the opinions of others. You can answer questions indiviually instead of trying to handle a barrage.

There are occasions where talking to a group is better, but this isn't one of em.

[Sejd]

Deqar DebsD
Your honesty about coming out to your wife is courageous, and of course it has to have some back lash. My SO who has been my wife for over 27 years also opted not to be my wife in traditional sense anymore after I came out one year ago, but after processing the matter in depth we are still strong soul mates, and would not like to live with anyone else. The result we came to was that our lives are 90 percent perfect. The last ten which evolve sex, is not, but so what? We now live in a more open relationship and are doing just fine.
Your kids are a different matter. I would think very hard about dancing around them in a skirt if it is not a matter of life and death. Especially if they are young. After all, they know you only as Dad!!!! Is your personal quest for self realization more important than messing with your kids understanding of what it means to have a mom and a dad? I would think twice about such move. for you own sanity. Maybe, despite the advice from well meaning therapist or doctors (they all believe in the American dream of individualism) you should think about what your family is worth for you. I'm building here on the old idea of sacrificing something for the greater common good. Suicide is always a stupid solution, I know that because I have been in your place also. If you take your life you will go down in history as a total asshole for what you did to your family. My advice. Don't screw with your legacy.
hugs
Sejd:hugs:

[Leah B]

Kids aren't necessarily harmed by seeing their daddy in a dress. Age matters. Everything I've read, heard, and observed tells me that young kids don't have a hard time dealing with this. It's quickly accepted as something that's normal for them.

Teens, they say, are the ones that struggle with it the most.

[loriannetucson]

I have struggled with that very problem, particularly when it comes to the kids. My 8 year old son and 4 year old daughter both know daddy to be there for them always. They both know I dress a little different, act a little different, but they know I love them and I care for every little detail of their lives. My brother said basically the same thing about me screwing up my kids because I wore a dress. Well, it was much more complex than just about "daddy" wearing a dress. I had to explain to my brother that at this point in my life, I would rather fix my GID and BE A LOVING PARENT no matter what I looked like than be an A-hole "father" who was distant and not involved in their lives. Even worse, those feelings of wanting to just get away from the world were even more troublesome to me, and I would rather they had some part of me than none of me.

Wearing a dress? That should be the least of the worry. You most definitely need to begin the process of at least getting counseling. And if the wife is willing, see get marital counseling so you both know you're willing to fight for your marriage.

Hope you work this out slowly but with surety.

Lori