Very Unhappy w/myself

[Jaquelyn]

Well, I chickened out. Tonight's the big Halloween party, and you see where I am. I really don't know how you all do it, I have much appreciation for your guts. I have been upset all week, with anticipation. In the end, I am just a big loser hiding at home...........Not exacty how I saw myself; that's a hard thing to realize about yourself. Life is really getting me down lately.

[Tasha T]

I don't think you're a loser just because you didn't go to a Halloween party dressed up. Maybe you just weren't ready yet? It's not easy crossing the gender lines. Give yourself a break.

[AllieSF]

Hi Darlene,

No need to beat yourself up over this. You should only go out when you are ready for it. Everyone is different. There are a lot of lovely ladies here that never go out because of fear and just a lack of interest to be out and about. I do not know your background so I may be preaching to the choir. I think that the best way to get out is to start with small steps and go as far as you think you can and do not hesitate to back track a little if you start to feel you made a mistake. It just takes time to build up the confidence and the "I don't care what they think" attitude, which in my opinion is essential for easy and enjoyable outings. If you can find a local friend to be your back up, you will find that it does get easier. You can drive around, go through a drive through out of your area and get a coke and fries, go to a gay bar for a quick drink, walk around a park, or go to a museum like I did a couple of weeks ago. Someplace where no one knows you and you feel safe is best at the beginning. For first times out, I recommend that you dress to blend, with a longer skirt, slcaks, plane sweater, flats, no nylons if you can get away with it, minimum makeup and jewelry. Set some easy goals at first to keep from feeling down about yourself. Good luck.

[Kris]

Well, I chickened out. Tonight's the big Halloween party, and you see where I am. I really don't know how you all do it, I have much appreciation for your guts. I have been upset all week, with anticipation. In the end, I am just a big loser hiding at home...........Not exacty how I saw myself; that's a hard thing to realize about yourself. Life is really getting me down lately.

Wow Darlene,
Talk about beating yourself up pretty bad...... Have you tried taking someone with you to the party so that you don't have to feel so alone when you walk in? I don't think that it's that big of a deal, I mean people go into different towns and chicken out in front of strangers. Why would you think for a minute it would be easy to do in front of people that you know?

You need to celebrate little victories..if you can't do it now, it's okay, just put it on the list for tomorrow! :hugs:

Kris

[raleighbelle]

Frankly, I'm impressed you even considered going out. I have never done that, though I would really love to. I think that is true of many of us. I have even backed out of dressing up at home for fear of someone coming to the door. So it is not so unusual for that to happen. Halloween is a great time to try though, so maybe one of these years I will try that. But don't get too discouraged just from that.

[Patricia Peters]

Hi This is Patricia,
You are all so kind and so wise. Anyone who fears the impression they make dressed is only reflecting (maybe) the unaccepting world around them. I was lucky; a lovely CD girl took me to a club after helping me with clothes and make up. There, we met other dressed friends she knew. It made a huge difference. I did nothing alone or without great encouragement.

Without those conditions I would not have consedered going out at all. I believe that perhaps the advice to take it easy on oneself is well taken. I wish I was with you to give you a hug and hold you.

Patricia

[SandyR]

Darlene,

Your not a looser. If I had a beer.....I mean a buck each time I wimped out, well I'd have at least 50 bucks.......or a good buz!

Hugs!

SandyR

[LilahCD]

Darlene hun, I understand perfectly what you're going through. Just tonight I swore in another thread that I would be stepping out, going to a 24-hour department store and picking out some nice things.. but for some reason it just felt 'wrong', something about the late hour made me think it might be best to wait 'till a week day.. mid-to-late morning as one gal suggested on these boards

I know what you're going through and, judging from what I've read elsewhere on these boards, so do many others as well. So... It's okay, we're all here for you. :hugs::love:

PS: Can I say we yet? :)

[Laurengrl01]

"Well, I chickened out..."
Darlene, don't be so hard on yourself; I can say that about myself (many times). Just take it slow and build your confidence level. Try to relax and be yourself. :happy:
I have gone out many times for walks and drives (after dark), which took years just to get comfortable with that. I still have yet to venture out during daylight hours, but I'm working up to that too :D.

[MJ]

please don't beat yourself up over this .. lord knows it took me months to get up the courage to go out ..

[NatashaCD]

I know how you feel Darlene but dont beat yourself up over it you will go out eventually and when you do you will never turn back i am still in the closet peeking out every now and then i am doing it very slowly my SO says do it a step at a time starting with jeans, shirt & boots etc then gradually move on from there but some may not agree with this

[Glenda58]

Darlene Hon I don't go out on Halloween just to many amateurs CDers out there making fun of us. Plus everyone is looking for a CDer. If you had gone out and someone spotted you you would have been bummed out. Find some friends here to go out with on a week day when places are less crowded and you will have a good time.

[docrobbysherry]

Well, I chickened out. Tonight's the big Halloween party, and you see where I am. I really don't know how you all do it, I have much appreciation for your guts. I have been upset all week, with anticipation. In the end, I am just a big loser hiding at home...........Not exacty how I saw myself; that's a hard thing to realize about yourself. Life is really getting me down lately.

I have sexual and everyday fantasies that r WAY beyond what I can describe here! Would I ever try out these fantasies? Maybe. Some, I already have.
Have I ever had fantasies about jumping off a 20 story building, walking naked into a concert hall filled with people, or going out dressed? No, never! For me, it may be more a " sanity" issue than a " gut" one!
RS

www.myspace.com/robertsherry

[Jodie Wexler]

I have been dressing for over thirty years, and have had some very popular
picture threads here, and yet I have never been out where I have had to interact with people. I think you have nothing to be ashamed of, you have to do what you think is best for you and your family. I wanted to go out so badly on Halloween but it was just not going to happen. I felt like a big loser too, so you are not alone, but it passed with the help of all of the fine people here.
Jodie:hugs:

[Sheri 4242]

Darlene,

You have nothing to be ashamed of or sorry for!!! Some of the girls on this forum will never go out!!! Some will go out only under very strict guidelines!!! Only a few really go out very much at all!!! The bottom line is you are pretty much with the mainstream!!! BUT, even if you weren't, it wouldn't matter one little bit b/c we each have to do what we each are individually comfortable doing!!!

[Pamela Julie]

Darlene, if you really want to go out dressed up, start slow and safe to build up confidence. Start by wearing ladies underwear and as weather cools, a blouse under a jacket. Wear ladies jeans with a tee shirt or sweat shirt untucked. Only you will know what you are wearing. If you do decide to go all out as a lady, follow the recommendation of many, and be very conservative in your choice of clothes, dress your age even if that is not your favorite. Wear flats or low heel shoes as most gg's do, blend in is the key. You will feel better if you go to a familiar town where you will be unlikely to run into anyone you know. A late show at a movie theater is usually a good place to go as is a fast food drive thru. You can do these things alone if you don't have a mentor to support you. Personally I have been out enfemme only a handfull of times, never in groups with people I know except a couple of Halloween parties over the years. Most crossdressers probably have never ventured out of the house with so much as a pantie under their drab clothes. If that works for them, then that is great. Only what you want to do matters, not myself or anyone else matters on that decision. We are here to support you in any decision you make.:thumbsup:

With love and respect,
PJ:happy:

[Julogden]

Hi Darlene,

No need to beat yourself up over that. We all have different comfort levels. I've done what you did lots of times in the past, so I know exactly what you're talking about. You are NOT a loser!

Some people seem to have no fear, but I've never ever gone out without at least being nervous a bit, just comes with the territory.

Just proceed at your own pace, you'll get there eventually.

Hang in there!!:hugs:

Carol

[crusadergirl]

Don't feel bad i didn't go out dressed for halloween either. But i did go out on a saturday night to a club believe me i was scared of what ppl would think. Its not easy it takes time to break that fear. I for one have chickened out many times so its no big deal.

[Megan_Girl]

Oh Hun,
Put away the stick...don't beat yourself up over this. I've been dressing on and off for decades and just started going out in public a year ago. You'll go when your ready.
Baby steps my dear.... When you need to eat an elephant it is best to take one bite at a time. Take a short drive...next time hit the drive through at the fast food joint. Find a CD friend from this forum. Find a CD friendly store and go in drab. Soon you'll realize that the people out there are all caught up in their own world and really don't see or care what others are wearing. That's when the fun starts...You'll be ready when your ready.
Until then enjoy what you have right here right now. :hugs:
XXX
Megan

[Suzy Harrison]

There will always be another day so don't worry.

Every one of us has 'chickened out' at one time or another (me many, many times)

Make no mistake, it is a big thing to do - well I think so anyway. Having to go on your own is much harder too. If there was someone else to go with then you would find it much easier.

Take your time and only go when you're ready. The day will come I promise you.

:hugs: Suzy

[Deborah Jane]

Hi Darlene..Like everyone else has said..Don,t beat yourself up over this, you aren,t a looser at all. There are a lot of us here who plan to go out, but never make it. I wonder if part of our problem is we plan it in advance..build ourselves up to it and by the time the day comes, we are so excited/nervous we just can,t "do it"!!..I,m sure you,ll get out one day hun, a lot of girls do!! :hugs: Debs

[charllote34]

NO you are not a loser no way!! i have stood by the door fully ready for "blast" off and just before i open the door i chicken out at the last second totally normal xx:hugs:

[Shelly Preston]

This may sounds strange but halloween can be the wrong time

As has been said many non CD's go out dressed on halloween without a care in the world

However we worry because if we do it too well we will out ourselves

Choosing where and when to go out can be nerveracking going for a drive ot to a support group are the easiest options

although getting to and from your home can be have its difficulties too

Most everyone who has ever been out has chickened out due to these problems

Myself included

You will do it where and when it is right for you :2c:

[Nicki B]

Don't be unhappy - it sounds as if it will happen, because you want it to? :)

Start planning your next possibility - but you don't have to wait a whole year, do you? Where there's a will...

Once you get yourself out that door it will do such incredible things for your confidence. :winking:

[Melora]

Keep your chin up!
There is always the next Halloween or Party, Or just want to go out to adventure by yourself or with a friend! I have a few OK piccies, but I do not dare go out in public just yet, (the whole perfect makeup thing), But anyway, you seem to really want to, AND it will happen when you are ready! :happy: , Just like me, and hopefully soon!
Cheers to us both and to anyone else who is in the same state then..

[Karren H]

Well as one of my old draftsmen used to say.... "Life sucks and then you die"... and if that's the way you want to feel then go for it..... But it would benifit you better to just step back, and give it another shot.... lifes full of little set backs.... as long as you have a positive outlook and keep moving forward you will be fine....

[kassandra richard]

I'm thinking you should notice a pattern here Darlene. I didn't go out on Halloween either. Of course, I was working on a course and in a hotel full of fellow students :) But no biggy if you didn't. Yesterday I went out and today after the big exam (more on that in a rant thread :|) Anyway, cheer up and start planning your next outing.

Kassandra

[Scotty]

Don't feel bad, I didn't have the nerve to dress up for Halloween this year either.

I'm not a loser so you can't be!!! :)

(There's that liking yourself part)..

[TxKimberly]

Well, I chickened out. Tonight's the big Halloween party, and you see where I am. I really don't know how you all do it, I have much appreciation for your guts. I have been upset all week, with anticipation. In the end, I am just a big loser hiding at home...........Not exacty how I saw myself; that's a hard thing to realize about yourself. Life is really getting me down lately.


Let's see Darlene,

All your trying to overcome is thousands of years tradition and an entire life time of values and rules instilled in you by your family, friends, and society. It is NOT an easy thing to over come so don't go beating yourself up.

Here is some advice. If you know another CD, through this forum or otherwise, talk to them long enough to be sure that they are the kind of people you want to know. When you are comfortable they are decent folks, set up a meeting in a "Friendly" club or bar.
It's much easier to make those huge first steps if you have company and friendship.
Hang in there - if this is what you want you WILL get there!
Kim

[Joy Carter]

Wish I'd been there for you. :hugs:

[lowlavalentine]

Darlene,

Be easy on yourself girl. Crossdressing is like fine wine, it takes time to mature. It just wasn't the right time and place. All of us have been in that situation more than once.

Lowla

[DeniseNJ]

Darlene:: I for one use halloween to go out but this past halloween my life has been in turmoil. But like some of the girls posted earlier If you try to look to feminine on Halloween and your friends see you they will realize that it isn't you just playing around .. about 7 years ago I went to a party as denise I went all out , I heard my wife's friends wispering, ( He's having too much fun) (Wow he shaved his legs) (He did his own make-up , he must have had lots of practice) He walks to good in those heels, but I didn't care ... It felt good to be Denise that night. I went out to a public place just a few weeks ago but I made up my mind I need to do this ,shaking in my heels the night turned out great. When the time is right you have to go for it. Remember::: were not here for a long time but where here for a good time!!! enjoy even the smallest amount of feminity you can. and hold your head high!!!:hugs: Denise

[Jaquelyn]

I was really on the pity potty last night, I just logged on, and read what all you ladies had to say; all I can say is thank you. My gf and my wife both told me to lighten up on myself, but, sometimes, you are your worse critic. I was so excited about being "seen" by someone else than my very wonderfull wife. However, there is something underlying here, why I didn't go- this is the one year anniversery of my sister's death, and I think that had more to do than anything else. I am still mourning and missing her alot. So, again, thanks everyone for your support, I WILL go out when ready, or maybe just invite freinds that know, over for dinner or drinks!!!! Time shall tell.:D

[sissy_she_boy]

Hi sis,
I don't really think that there is a reason for you to be so hard on yourself. There are many girls that never go out in public. It took me several years before I made my first trip out in public. Even now when I go out, I never got to places where everyone is straight. I go to places where there are other girls like us. It just feels much more comfortable for me and the big reason is that the men that go to these kind of places are looking for girls like us!!

kisses
sissy dana

[Ms_Judys_pet]

i will admit i did a couple things to help make it easier for me.
1) It was Halloween. i didn't try to pass completely. i haven't worked with my voice enough to get by with it if i did.
2) i went with my Wife who was dressed as a man. She was NOT trying to pass. So we looked like any couple that swapped for costumes.
Several of the folks there know i dress. Aside from that, i wasn't automatically labeled as a bad cross dresser.
The combination gave me a chance to be out and about in a dress i really love. The next time will be a bit more daring.
:2c:

[paulaN]

I checked your profile to see your age. You have got lots of time hun. You seem to have the will to do it right up to crunch time. Once you break that barrier your going to say (heck that was easy) Now where did I leave that easy button.I still chicken out. It's when I don't that I have the most fun.

[Elle1946]

I have been CDing for over 40 years and not had the nerve to go out. This is the time of year that I would have done it. If I got up enough nerve or what ever it takes. Hang in there you are NOT ALONE.

[MsJoann]

Don't feel alone....I was excited with anticipation all the few days prior to going out on Halloween. When the time finally came around, I was way too critical with myself in the mirror...and rapidly losing valuable time.
When I realized how much time I wasted and what my itinerary was for the night...I became tired and stressed and realized the night would be a drag for me anyhow.
Not to mention, a lot of Halloween parties are held the weekend before! And also, I couldn't find anyone else to go with.
Yes I was bummed out, but there'll be another chance soon. It doesnt have to be on Halloween. Do you have a local gay bar that is TG friendly? If so, try it!

[Lucy Bright]

Darlene,

You're already way further down the road than me. I've never been out dressed (except panties, tights and bra - the latter always under a THICK coat or sweater), though I'd love to - always supposing I could be sure everything would work out fine, of course! Anyway, you're not a chicken. I guess most of us take this thing on in baby steps - so when we come up against the occasional chasm (buying our first item of clothing, having "the talk" with our SO, going out en femme for the first time, coming out at work, or whatever) it's not surprising we sometimes need to take a few run-ups.

Especially if we're in heels... :heehee:

Kisses,

Lucy