Indentity and the signs?

[Anthony Jake]

Looking back on my life now there are tell tale signs which i can pick up, that make me think that really I have been feeling like this for longer than I have known.
When i was growing up I grew up in a somewhat normal environment, my grandparents raised me as my mum was still at uni and my dad, well, he just did a runner when i was born. My mum and he got married about 2 months before i was born, and separated pretty much when I was born, I never lived with them as a baby as he refused to move in with my mum. (he didnt work and thus my mum was doing all the saving to get a place, and would suggest things like they should go on holiday instead) Anyway, I think being raised by my grandparents the enivironment was slightly different to being raised by someone of a younger age. M grandparents are pretty straight in there ways and views, so sexuality and identity and such were never really present in the house.. that and no one else around me was anything but straight and happy with who they were.
When i was little i used to do things, and want things which are generally assigned to the opposite gender. But of course i never really picked up on this, or thought it was anything out of the ordinary.

Do you think that there are always signs which people should pick up on, to sort of note that sexual orientation or gender are not that of the 'average' conforming way of society? Or is it possible to really lead a non questioning life only to end up just as confused as someone who has been questioning themselves for years? Is it that being told what is right and wrong has an effect on the way that we think,so if we do something non gender conforming at a young age and someone tells us thats wrong, we try to avoid thinking of it as we would only be in trouble for doing so? So feelings get surpressed and thus, not explored till later in life. Then is it possible to really not have had any such previous signs but to suddenly begin to question oneself?

[Syr_SwitchyGQ]

I think we talked about this a little bit Seth.... I know I didn't have an overwhelming amount of "signs" as a kid, and yet look how I turned out... I'm beginning to think it's really on an individual, case-by-case basis. :idontknow:

[Kieron Andrew]

I think we talked about this a little bit Seth.... I know I didn't have an overwhelming amount of "signs" as a kid, and yet look how I turned out... I'm beginning to think it's really on an individual, case-by-case basis. :idontknow:
im the same, 'signs' only started to be apparent in my late teens, early adulthood....even then it wasnt apparent to 'me' until adulthood

[Cai]

im the same, 'signs' only started to be apparent in my late teens, early adulthood....even then it wasnt apparent to 'me' until adulthood

Same here. It wasn't until puberty that I was really aware things weren't right (which was late, too, 13-14 years old), and didn't understand what was going on until the beginning of this year.

[Emily Ann Brown]

I was 50 before I added it all up (plus it took a major loss in my life). As far as younger days, there were a few signs, but I kept them to myself so as not to stand out.


Emily Ann

[ZenFrost]

I don't think there's ALWAYS signs. In fact, I think most of the time the signs don't really show. I didn't realize I was trans until late puberty (17-18ish) and I think some signs were there, but some weren't. I don't think that everyone around me picked up on them because there was some surprise when I came out.

Society represses these things 9 times out of 10 because that's the nature of it. We're so caught up in trying to fit into a mold that others create we don't always notice it doesn't work for us right away.

[Anthony Jake]

I think we talked about this a little bit Seth.... I know I didn't have an overwhelming amount of "signs" as a kid, and yet look how I turned out... I'm beginning to think it's really on an individual, case-by-case basis. :idontknow:

yeh i know we did.. decided id try to promt some random discussion bc the place was so quiet the other day!


I was 50 before I added it all up (plus it took a major loss in my life). As far as younger days, there were a few signs, but I kept them to myself so as not to stand out.


Emily Ann

Yeh i felt the same, when i was younger as i look back there are obvious signs now that i would want to be a boy.. but then, i think only people who know the signs would pick up on the signs.. otherwise people arnt looking for the signs and put it down to kids fooling around..


I don't think there's ALWAYS signs. In fact, I think most of the time the signs don't really show. I didn't realize I was trans until late puberty (17-18ish) and I think some signs were there, but some weren't. I don't think that everyone around me picked up on them because there was some surprise when I came out.

Society represses these things 9 times out of 10 because that's the nature of it. We're so caught up in trying to fit into a mold that others create we don't always notice it doesn't work for us right away.

I agree with the whole society thing, trying to fit in is what everyone does (well not to be stereotypical - mainly everyone) So to be different is a daunting idea.. i think even if i had known at school i wouldnt have dared to speak up bc i know id have had a worse time than i did.
Thus at any time i have questioned myself and thought or felt like a guy, until i realised id be ok.. i hid it, and went the total opposite.. which would result in random how much girly shit can i buy in one day trips.. a week of dressing way to girly till i could feel right being me again.. Now i just couldnt.. i couldnt mask it anymore.. id feel to wrong after accepting myself. :D

[happyfish]

I can look back and see things that seem so obvious now, but at the time I don't think anyone noticed. What made it so hard for me to admit being trans at all is just the way that people defined it and there always seemed to be this expectation that you had to know since you were, like, four or something. I didn't start questioning until January. I had a fairly normal childhood. I played with dolls. I had long hair. I wore dresses. And it wasn't until I was about twelve that I had a problem with any of that. I grew up in a very Christian home, so it is probable that I just knew that I would be in trouble if I didn't conform and thus repressed all feelings of not being a typical little girl.

[SirTrey]

I had many signs, but didn't realize what they were....I have always worn boys (and then men's) PJ's, combat boots, chucks.....The two jobs that gave Me the most satisfaction were the two that were the hardest to do (saw operator in an aluminum extrusion factory and hospital security officer, then, later, regional security supervisor) and the most male dominated...I have always been told that I walk/stand/move "like a guy"....I have always been drawn to men with more femme traits (they cook, clean, decorate, bake, highly emotional, nurturing, etc.)...and I have always been "over the top femme", too much make up, trying way too hard to hide it because I felt I had to...I also think that My Dominance in relationships was a manifestation of trying to be "the man"....Now that I am actually living and identifying as male, I am LESS Dominant than I used to be in some ways....and a nicer person. I was a very demanding female, mostly, I think, because I was so miserable BEING one, that I expected people in relationships to make it up to Me that I had to be the female partner when I was uncomfortable in that role...as a male, I am much simpler and less demanding....because I am now getting what I REALLY needed...to simply be Myself. **Trey**

[Felix]

Although I thought I wanted to be a boy when I was 8 it has taken me many years to realize that spiritually I am female and that mentally I have a strong male side. I have been on this site since last April 2006 and coming here has helped me sort out many things, this realization being the major one. So thanx peeps!! xx Felix :hugs::hugs:

[boi_0h]

Do you think that there are always signs which people should pick up on, to sort of note that sexual orientation or gender are not that of the 'average' conforming way of society?: I think that it is certainly a possibility that most people of "non-traditional" orientation/gender identity/etc. display these things in varying ways that seem okay, especially during younger childhood (elementary school-ish) and continue to manifest through adolescence into the ultimate identity of the person.
Or is it possible to really lead a non questioning life only to end up just as confused as someone who has been questioning themselves for years?:I didn't question who I was until I learned there was such a thing as a transsexual for biological females, I just figured I was a freak of nature. I think it's absolutely plausible for someone who hasn't ever (at least knowingly) questioned themselves to end up in the same situation of someone who has perpetually questioned themselves.
Is it that being told what is right and wrong has an effect on the way that we think,so if we do something non gender conforming at a young age and someone tells us thats wrong, we try to avoid thinking of it as we would only be in trouble for doing so?: Certainly in my case it is, I was raised in a similar situation as you except my irresponsible parents stayed around to add to the chaos. I remember standing to pee when i was 6 or 7, and being rather boyish forever even though i got punished for it... even though it was just me.
So feelings get surpressed and thus, not explored till later in life. Then is it possible to really not have had any such previous signs but to suddenly begin to question oneself?: I suppose, if you're so miserable that you begin to question different things, gender isn't something someone questions just on a whim, what i mean to say is that someone who is cis-gendered (well i haven't met anyone) won't think about gender, gender roles, etc they just accept it.