Am I the only one who thinks about WHY

[the femm side of me]

Hi everyone how is everyone. I was playing with some makeup and wondering about things and wondered if the rest of you ever have the same thoughts as I do. What is it about our make up that makes us need to crossdress? Is it genetic? Is it learned? Did we lack something during our childhood? Has there ever been a study done to figure it out or is it so complicated that there is no one answer. I know it must be one of the questions of the ages. I just want to know why I need it so badly. What I do know is I feel so much better now that I have come out to my wife and learned to accept it rather than fight the urge.

[charlie]

Hi everyone how is everyone. I was playing with some makeup and wondering about things and wondered if the rest of you ever have the same thoughts as I do. What is it about our make up that makes us need to crossdress? Is it genetic? Is it learned? Did we lack something during our childhood? Has there ever been a study done to figure it out or is it so complicated that there is no one answer. I know it must be one of the questions of the ages. I just want to know why I need it so badly. What I do know is I feel so much better now that I have come out to my wife and learned to accept it rather than fight the urge.
Hello Fem Side!
I wonder why I do this everytime I pull on my nylons and heels! It definately is like being addicted to a drug. Same high even! Tell me, or us, how it was telling your wife you dressed and how she took it. I would love to be so forthright, but am terrified of the consequences.

[Marla S]

A lot will say, that the question is pointless.
I don't agree.
Nevertheless there is no definite answer ... nobody knows for sure.
There might be several reasons for it.
The one that gives me some inner peace (that's the point of finding an answer), is what is usually called "wombwash-hypothesis".

Basline:
Some hormonal imbalances (hormone wash) while being a embryo could have caused it (some brain cells are not linked like they should be for your sex).

Some evidence comes from research that seems to show that the emotional setup of an individual is influenced by stress hormones of the mother during the phase when the limbic system (responsible for emotions) is developed. aka, more or less stress sensitive.

Seems reasonable that it could be similar or even the same with transness.

[Jilmac]

i used to wonder why, but it only drove me to distraction so i don't wonder any more. i know there are a lot of theories but still no positive proof. i just dress and enjoy the moment.
Jill

[Rita B]

I have struggled with this for over half a century. I was so troubled by it that one time I placed all the blame on my mother who I was sure would have preferred a girl and might have contributed to my "personality". I even detested her for it for a while.

I have finally come to this late stage in my life when I have finally mustered up the courage to face up to who and what I am to find out that I am someone very special. I think that this is a journey we all have to take. There is one scene in "La Cage aux Folles" that really sums it up in the song " I am what I am".

I think when we finally come to the realization that we are truly special people ( I would go so far as to say, blessed), that we can truly appreciate the wonderful people who are our sisters in the TG Community. We can then begin to understand what a rare gift it is to see and enjoy life from a different point of view and a new perspective and stop questioning the why and enjoy this wonderful gift that God has given us.

[Phyliss]

I too used to "wonder why" ..... Gave it up in favor of simply ejoying the fun.

Now the only thing I "wonder why" about is: I "wonder why" there aren't more sales?

[jazmine]

Yeah. I sometimes wonder why. Maybe it has to do with that very short time before the Y chromosome is introduced. The possibilities are endless.........But thank-god I am a crossdresser. If I was born female, I probably wouldn't love pantyhose, bras and other such heavenly items. My wife just took off her bra saying bras are evil, and that she hates them.

[prettieboy]

cd'ing i believe is a learned behavor. i also think we all know why we do. i know or would like to think i know why i started. too personal for me to disclose.

[RobertaFermina]

Peel away the layers of an Onion, Honey, and you will not find any Seed, and the Onion will be ruined in the bargain.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[paulaN]

Do you mean why I love the wonderful smell of lipstic.
why I love the sound of heels on hard wood
why I like to feel my silicone breast on my chest and say,I wonder what it would feel like if they were real.
Oh ya I've had a few beers over those questions.

[Kate Simmons]

I came to the conclusion a while back that we are all exactly who we are supposed to be. There is a purpose, we just have to realize what it is individually and what we do with it is totally our choice. Sometimes it just takes a while to figure that out.:happy:

[Joy Carter]

I just wish I had stopped fighting who I am long ago. It would have saved me much heart ache. And of those around me.

[Angie G]

I never think Why I just go with it and enjoy it embrace it and love it :hugs:
Angie

[trannie T]

I'd really like to know but I realize that is never going to happen, so I'll just make the best of it.

[jeniinnylons]

I wish I knew why.

I've meet someone and am scared about telling or her finding out someday.

She wants me to be a "man"

[Nikki A.]

At some point I guess we all wonder why. Maybe it's something we all have in common in that we have an competing fem and masculine sides and we have come to the conclusion that we need to express both sides to maintain our equilibrium.
Those who try to subjugate the one side can for a while but eventually it will manifest itself in some other way. I wonder how many drug or alchohol users are actually closet cd's and are using these means to escape their own reality. I have found that the more that I have accepted myself and become more comfortable and in someways more open with my dressing I have mellowed and feel much better about myself, both as a male and with my female personna. I've recentley been out dressed, admitted it to a clothing store owner and my hair stylist (she did my make-up for my Halloween day at work). Both have been understanding, and supportive.
It is my escape from the pressures of my daily life and a chance to express the other side of me. Is there a why, I don't know and personally I don't care. Now I realize that this is normal for me and the rest of the world is abnormal.

[Staci]

I can't help but wonder why but then again. Who cares??? I know that many would frown upon it. I know my wife wonders what would happen if anyone else found out. But we know I am not hurting anybody. If I am going to have a habit this one is certainly harmless. And I am certainly more relaxed when I can dress as a girl. The issues of the day seem to disappear. Some people drink to relax, some smoke, some do other things. I just choose to dress like a girl. Seems to be the safest and most healthy.

[Billijo49504]

Lets just leave it as, If it feels right, it must be right for me. I hope it's right for you...BJ

[Lisa Renee]

I have also wondered why. But as no one has ever really come up with any real answers, just ideas. I have just decided to accept who I am and go with it.

[LilSissyStevie]

I think about this stuff sometimes. Then I get tired and start thinking about other stuff.

[Vaerise]

I feel its a very valid question though it isn't something that we should dwell on. There are so many possibilities and however nothing conclusive enough to indicate why.

Its a question that I feel... best left un-answered to preserve my own sanity. The brain hurts when we think too much and certain things in life has no answers.

[Nataliebabe]

I have stopped asking or thinking about why and just accepted and embraced this part of me. After coming out to the wife and only the wife, I am finally able to enjoy this....

[Karren H]

I wouldn't say its pointless but it is definetly misdirected energys, IMHO, that could be better used elsewhere... Cause even if you knew for sure.. Which you or anyone else doesn't know for sure, it wouldn't change the fact or make any difference in your life going forward! Right?

And I subscribe to the alien abduction theory anyway!! Lol your mom was beamed into a space craft and implanted with a fem alien gene... I think I saw that on the X Files. :D

K

[MarcellaMcNul]

20YRS ago I asked an analyst for the why and the cure. Was told that no one knows why we CD but compared to other "compulsive escaspism behavior"(her words) such as drug and alcohol abuse,violence,stealing etc, CD'ing is harmless and doesn't hurt anyone including me.Also that is no cure for it and it isn't likely to go away on it's own so I should just learn to enjoy it! I am still trying.

[MsJoann]

When I was in my early 20's....it came about because I had the means and cash to start buying lingerie. At that point I also had the "vinegar" in me to keep it strictly a fetish.
It went away and came back like the ocean's tide.
In the past few years, the mirror doesn't lie to me anymore. Yes, I do have a feminine side and I love it and embrace it!
No answer..go with the flow!

[Marianna Julianna]

To wonder why is good, but if you can find no answer, well just enjoy. It's a phase most of us go through I'm sure, some more than once, but in the end you have to just, like JoAnn said, go with the flow.

[Rachaelb64]

I've stopped thinking why cus its hurts my head to much.........

But, if I did have a definate answer, I be one rich crossdresser and all those poor psychiatrists and resreachers would be out of work :D

Why and If only... are small questions with big answers.............

[jennifer41356]

I dont wonder why I like to dress like a lady, I often wonder why i waited so long to start, thank god for electrolysis:drink:

I feel like one of the lucky ones to be able to enjoy them feminine things in life

[eleyna]

I've always thought about why, perhaps because my femme side took its first breath around puberty and the height of my christian sexuality indoctrination. When I took my first steps, in my mid 20s, I did so in this sort of sense that I would prove it was the wearers that really attracted to me. My shopping choices weren't very good and I very quickly proved myself right - I really didn't want to wear stuff that bit into my sensitive areas... Well, I might as well see how cloying these stockings feel. "Oh, my, those feel good" woah - which side of me was that? :)

I think its different for each individual - I'm sure there are common causes and trends. A lot of people I've gotten to know have some kind of early christian raising that tried to bible-bash a particular sexual perspective on people and backfired. Instead of the loving, compassionate, harm no-one message that was the original message of the religion, what gets communicated is the evil and sinful nature of the male flesh and that man has to become the master of it all and the evil woman who carries the sin of eve.

That strikes a nerve in certain types, it seems, causing them to question the male-asserted superiority of males, and they look to the world of women for a better way. Everything about women starts to seem better, emphasising the gentile and delicate, thoughtful and calm - encapsulated in their clothing.

Guy clothes are meant to be thrown on, women's clothes have to be put on, they interact with you, they touch back. They seem to force you to be more aware of your movements and what you are doing, perhaps because if you rip your boxers you can just replace those, but if you ladder your tights ... you're gonna have to go through the arduous task of replacing them - perhaps partly because as a guy you learned how to wear guy stuff without continually destroying it before you were aware of panties vs boxers.

Many cds seem to go thru a phase where the solution seems to be more - learning to wear the clothes will wear off the sexual edge and make us feel closer to the feminine. I didn't really start dressing (as oppose to putting on some girly clothes and having a good time) until the last year or so, and its really only just recently that I found clothes that I'm actually wearing -- I'm quite surprised by the items too - not things I would ever have dreamed of wearing :)

[Colleentg]

I have a different viewpoint, well, the psychiatrist spelled it out even though it wasn't my question.
He said there are many factors, more than I care to explain here, but a main aspect he identified (about me) was the lack of motherly love (upbringing). I was not raised in a loving family - I mean the word 'love' was never said, much less shown in any emotional way. It was more of a 'taboo' word than anything. There were no hugs, no warm embraces. To put it briefly, (he) explained that I used crossdressing as an alternate to feel closer to women (mom). The later part, living it, is due to how I feel inside. I wasn't a normal boy as I grew up, I was a complete sissy. :2c:

[Tammy298]

A counsellor told me it was about all about my childhood, lack of a mother around (actually leaving/checking out when I was very young) and the motherly love needs I missed from those early years.

We are a product of ourselves and what we do even today might effect who we are tomorrow. It's just when we were young we didn't have any control of our environment. Now we do.

So now I make the best of it and that's why I wear a garter belt and stocking often ( like right now :happy:). It's who I am and I enjoy it. My wife enjoys it as part of me and we both understand that it's only a part of who I am.

[Michelia]

asking ourselves this question because it is pointless to some extent. No one knows.

But is it basic human nature to want to know. Kind of like "where do we come from?" People have come up with many answers to this but does anyone really know?

I do have my own theories on this. If we could just accept there is nothing that different in us from others. We are part of the normal bell curve of the human gender continuum. The curve looks like two humps where the vast majority fit into the two humps of male and female with fewer people being at the extremes of butch and sissy and in the middle (androgyne).

I choose to believe we are normal. There are just fewer of us. But we are still many. Not freaks of evolution by any means. It is society's limited understanding of gender and its need for order through religion, law, and family that causes us to feel "outside the norm". We have to dress and engage in similar behaviors in order to express a side of our personality that is being challenged by others because of their limited understanding and knowledge.

Michelia

[TerriM]

I asked myself that question when I was 13yrs old, 46yrs ago. About 10yrs ago I stopped asking and I feel better because of it. My question to you is, If you found the answer tommorrow what would it change? To me its like asking why was I born with 2 arms? I know that sounds simplistic but it helped me.

Yours Terri

[Deborah Jane]

I,ve spent so much of my life wondering why and never really found the answer!! Now i just accept it,s who i am and enjoy it :happy:

[Sheri 4242]

cd'ing . . . is a learned behavor.

I would like to understand "why" I crossdress, not b/c I'd change anything, but just b/c I am inquisitive. I don't think it has anything to do with being a "learned behavior" -- at least for me! For some it may well be a learned behavior, and that is fine. That just isn't what feels right to me as far as I am concerned.



. . . there is no definite answer ... nobody knows for sure.
There might be several reasons for it.

I do think there are some definite answers, I just don't think it is a "one answer covers all crossdressers" situation.



The (answer) that gives me some inner peace . . . is what is usually called "wombwash-hypothesis".

I, too, subscribe to a "hormone wash," a/k/a a "hormone bath," answer as to why I am a crossdresser! That said, what Marla described is not the same as I believe for me, nor is it what I have read about why others may be crossdressers. It doesn't really matter, though, in the long run b/c there could be several different causes for crossdressing! This would, IMO, explain why a number of us "know" we are crossdressers from our earliest of memories, why others don't "know" until they hit the general age of puberty (10-12), and why others don't "know" until they are 18-25.



(My psychaitrist) said there are many factors . . . (and) a main aspect he identified . . . was the lack of motherly love (upbringing).

This could be true for one segement of the crossdressing population, but again, not for all of us. I identify with being reared with a gross lack of motherly love, BUT, I did receive a tremendous amount of feminine love (aunts and grandmothers).

[Carroll]

Funny, the things we ponder. I ask myself why all the time. Right now, I am sitting here typing, and wondering why I am wearing a red dress, bra, boobs and a wig. Last night My wife and I were watching TV and I asked her if 9 years ago she would have ever thought she would be sitting on the couch snuggling up to her husband while he is cross dressed. Of course she said no.
Even though there will always be a "why", I take comfort in knowing that my wife of nine years and my two children (5y and 8y) are completely accepting of this and that I have great friends that also accept me for who I am.

[Lucy Bright]

Yeah, I wonder about this a lot. I know it wouldn't make any difference whatever the reason turned out to be, but I wonder anyway! I've no real answer, but I've noticed that the explanations on offer fall into various categories (I'm a compulsive categorizer):

a: We do it because were born that way: womb-wash and other prenatal theories.

b: We do it because of the way we were raised: lack of physical affection in childhood; being dressed at a formative age by parents, siblings, cousins, girls next door, etc.

c: We do it because we get something out of it: it's a sexual fetish; it works like an addiction; it allows us to escape the pressures of being male (as if there were no pressures involved in being female!), etc.

d: We do it for some spiritual reason: e.g. it allows us to united the two sides of our nature in a way that society generally forbids (and forbids men, especially).

I guess different people will find these groups of explanations more or less convincing. The b) reasons don't convince me at all, partly because they assume things that just weren't true for me - but perhaps they are relevant in other people's cases. To me, though, they just seem like someone from the outside taking a wild guess and missing. If forced, I'd probably go with some combination of a) and c). I also like d), though I'm not sure how much of it is a happy result rather than a cause, but it's certainly part of the 'why' as I live it today.

Kisses,

Lucy