Betrayal

[LilahCD]

Well, this is a slap in the face...

This 19-year-old girl from down the street got into a full-on, kicking-and-punching fight with her mother, who called the police and had her carted off.. Needless to say, this left her homeless for the weekend.

Me and my father are considered very compassionate people with good reason.. if we see a need in a fellow man we do our best to fill it in any way we can.. so of course, having watched the girl grow up we couldn't bear the thought of her alone on the road.. she's a tough gal but very "girly".

Anyway.. she used to have a chronic lying problem but had seemed to be turning into a very decent young woman.. while checking her Myspace page on her laptop, she swears I can confide in her and she's very persuasive... foolish, trusting me takes her word for it and tells her about my TG issues, my attraction to men, etc..

She points out a very pretty "do what you will and let live" type saying she came up with and put on her page..

She sympathizes with my frustration over men and we laugh about it..

Then the next morning she goes down to a friend of her's place, while I'm invited to an old gaming buddy's house to keep him company with my PS2 and God of War (yes, I'm a total geek. :p)

Well, I receive a call on my cellphone from her father, come up from somewhere South that he's ready to come by and pick her up.. I walk over to her friend's place and the boyfriend answers the door.. arms crossed, legs spread, glaring like he wants to rip me in half.

Lady-friend hiding around the door, giving me a very fearful look, neither her or her boyfriend returning a greeting.. And there's the gal who stayed the night, giving me a very concerned, "ohsh!t" kind of look... so I deliver the message, smile, try to introduce myself to guyfriend (which is rebuffed) and go back to my pal's place.

She'd told everything. As I was walking home, backpack loaded with PS2 slung over my shoulder, from gal and guyfriend's place, I hear: "What the hell is he doing hanging out with that faggot, anyway?"

So.. I've been betrayed.. but by what? Her, or my trusting nature? I'm still trying to sort it out...

Anyway gals/guys, thanks for reading... and remember the old story about helping a snake cross the river and getting bitten. Watch who you trust, watch what you say.. and if you're not in my position, with nobody to share your feminine/masculine side with, be grateful you're not desperate enough to end up like me, snake-bitten and drowning midstream.

[jaina]

Its a serious lack of judgement when you trust people with chronic lying problems and that have knock down, drag out fights in the street.

Homelssfor the weekend? Thats not homeless.

[LilahCD]

I felt it was a bad idea to confide in her.. but I don't feel too bad for taking her in over the weekend. She did have bronchitis and as the old saying goes, it was no skin off my nose to let her use the air mattress over the weekend.

But yes.. it was extremely foolish to actually trust her with anything. Every one of my very small circle of friends says I'm too trusting, that I need to learn to harden my heart.. and not put too much faith in them if they have a history of crap like this...

I feel I did at least learn a lesson, though.. It's tempting to cry about this latest in an entire lifetime of nothing but mockery over this side of myself.. I have never once had any sort of positive experience with it.

No, I'm going to take this as motivation to actually seek out others like myself IRL, rather than just on the internet.. If I only had a little more courage. :o

[Tamara Croft]

I've moved this to the section I feel it fits in better :)

As for what this woman did to you, it is disgusting, but you knew yourself she was a cronic liar.... and you also felt it was a bad idea... so what made you tell her if you already had a feeling it was bad??

You try and help someone and this is the thanks you get.... if I were you, I think I would have gone back and slapped her... but that's just me.... You have to move on now, what's done is done, hold your head up high and ignore them. If you want to meet others here, to go out with etc, there is a section called the 'meeting place', just put a thread in there, with your location etc, see if there is anyone that might go out for coffee with you, would be a start no?

[LilahCD]

Because I wanted to believe that she really had improved, that some of the changes in character she seemed to display were genuine; It wasn't just desperate reaching out on my part, but wanting to believe in the good in her; I had a very strict Christian upbringing; not the "believe or burn" type, but the "how many times should I forgive?/7 times 70 in a day".. "turn the other cheek".. generally, the compassionate side of the spirit, and this is very important to me.. though that doesn't excuse such an error in judgment.

As for slapping her? I never could.. not ever. I have very rarely used physical violence in anything but self-defense (or standing up for my family/real friends). I'll not allow myself to hold a grudge over this or seek revenge, though many would think I have a right to..

I'm not trying to brag about anything, or say "look at me! I've got a heart of gold!" I'm just conveying my tendancy to say "look at me! I'm a pushover! take advantage of me and I'll let you do it again!"

[Dita_B]

Love is the most powerful force in the Universe...

You gave this girl your compassion and that is probably the most loving thing you could do for a fellow human being in need...

Don't think that your action has not made an impact, even if it doesn't look like that on the surface. Love ALWAYS makes an impact and a lasting one.

I, for one, sincerely hope that you will continue your compassionate actions and that you don't let yourself be distracted from it by this one disappointing experience.

I salute you for it... Please keep up the good work! The world needs more people like you...

Love, :love: Dita.

[charllote34]

In life unfortuantly we all encounter people like that .Sounds to me that she craves attention and dosent care less who she stands on to get it .Dont let this put you off helping people x

[Daintre]

Hello Lilah, you get my slap on the back and a wag of my finger.

A slap on the back for doing the compassionate thing and letting her stay the night....2 :thumbsup:

A wag of the finger for giving up such truly personal information to a person who you know is unstable at best. :thumbsdn:

As you say...lesson learned and that's how we grow. :hugs:

[AmandaM]

You need a more "enlightened" or cosmopolitan crowd to run in. Remember, to most people, you are a faggot. So am I. I heard the same thing once. To them you are less than human, so find a new crowd.

[nikki_t]

Unfortunately, no good deed goes unpunished often rings true - as it has for me many times in the past. :(

[Tasha T]

I'm sorry to hear that this person sold you out like this. You really do have to use discernment when sharing your secret with other people. Just think what juicy gossip it is telling someone you're a crossdresser. I mean, how many actual crossdressers does the average person actually know? Probably not many. That makes your secret a hot one and most people can't wait to tell someone else.

Just be careful in the future and remember this Proverb: "He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin."

Peace.

[jessikasummerfox]

This reminds me of a similar thing that happened to me, and you know what: it sucks! Plain and simple. I am so sorry this happened to you. Try not to worry about what these people think or do. Remember, we're always here ready with a sympathetic ear to support and listen.

The fact that this woman may be a chronic liar and that her life may be a total mess does not absolve her of her wrong in betraying your trust and never will. The mistake was hers. Period. You chose to trust her and I think that was an admirable impulse. Don't blame yourself for her problem.

Bottom line for me is that one can be cautious in telling a secret, incautious, or for that matter, completely reckless, but the fault definitely rests with the person who chooses to break the secret and not the person who shared it.

Consider this: If I didn't lock my car when I went grocery shopping, does that automatically give someone else the right to steal it anyway?

Pragmatically, I know that some people often behave very poorly, but on the other hand, idealistically speaking, I know for a certainty that it is wrong to steal, wrong to lie, betray a trust, speak a slur, etc.

[Nicole Erin]

Oh boy.

There are certain types of people who cannot be trusted, and should be avoided.
Thieves, liars, con artists
You know the phrase "there is no loyalty among thieves".

Even though you meant the best in your friendship, she does not understand.
Lieing is probably all she knows.
Never waste love in ingrates.

It reminds me of an old friend I had, an FTM CD. It seemed like a perfect friendship. We were both Cd, but of course coming from different ways. We hung out, and were great friends. Until this person stole $70 out of my wallet when my proverbial back was turned.

I don't know why, but people in general seem to think us CD/TS/whatever are good targets for many types of abuse. They act like a friend until things get rough and then they show their true colors.

ALSO - If you did decide to seek out others like yourself in real life, trust me, you are in good company.

[TxKimberly]

You know what? In the long run you should be able to look at yourself in the mirror and KNOW you are a decent human being. When it came time to stand up and help someone - you did. Where many others would have said "Awe, poor girl, isn't that shame?" YOU did something to help her. It's a damn shame things turned out poorly but don't take it as a reflection on you, because YOU did the right thing.

[KarenMichelleLuv]

Lilah,

Compassion is a virtue. Your heart and mind are teaming with it. You actions speak loudly on your behalf.

Trust is earned! You should share only with those who have earned it both in the way they present themselves to the world [their track record so to speak] and their interactions with you.

Your trust and your love are the most valuable gifts you have to give. You'll walk away stronger from this unfortunate lesson.

:hugs:

[Megan70]

"be very careful who you open up to no matter how good you feel at that moment, how pretty you look at that moment or how much you just want to burst and tell the world ... at " that moment"... remember this quote...
Once you open your mouth and announce about yourself.. YOU CAN"T EVER TAKE IT BACK! ITS OUT FOR GOOD!:eek:

Megan

[sterling12]

And I think the most important aspect is: "What are you going to do now!"

The "outing," is a fait-accompli. Without the benefit of time travel, you can't take it back. If you learn from this and do better the next time, you have done your job as a human-bean. (that was meant to lighten it up.) Remember, there is no sin in making an error. As humans we do it all the time, it's why pencils have erasers. However, there is a sin in repeating your mistakes. It's called The Sin of Stupidity!

It's a grim lesson, and it makes us cynical, but I'll bet you don't repeat these actions. It's OK to trust, just have to be a lot more discerning about whom you trust. I have always argued that trust is not something that people are entitled to....trust must be earned.

Keep your chin up, you have done NOTHING to be ashamed of. You have a great gift. If others are too dumb to realize it, that is their problem!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[LilahCD]

Thanks to all you gals for your support; trust me, it did lessen the sting just a little. I have no hard feelings towards the girl; as Trisha said, knowing a person who's a crossdresser (one who lives in a small community, keeps to themselves and their books/games/CD habit {and is mildly autistic to boot!}) is very juicy gossip.. I understand the human mind well enough to realize that, especially for girls of a certain caste (which is most) it's a secret that can not be kept to oneself.

I actually told my mentor, who isn't involved with this part of my life in any way, about the incident.. He said "Firstly.. I didn't realize you were that stupid. Secondly.... maybe you wanted out for real and subconsciously, you used her as a means to that end."

Needless to say, that was a real eye-opener... and once again, I have no hard feelings towards her. She's still welcome to my laptop to check her MySpace, and if she ever needs to stay at my house again she's welcome to... but I will guard what I say to her very closely; and will make very sure she never sees this side of myself, not even a "friendly" touch on the back... right at my bra clasp. :(

Of course, all that said... I do feel a little angry over it, a little hurt.. but this is just one more reason to be shut of this community and its people, muster up the courage and step out of this life and into my own.

[ColleenCD]

As a young crossdresser I taught myself this rule: Never tell anyone anything that you don't want everyone to know.

It helped me carry my secrets safely for many years until I could learn who I could trust. I remind myself of this rule periodically, for reasons like yours.

Colleen

[docrobbysherry]

Lilah, the phrase, " Live and learn", comes to mind. There is a huge world waiting for u to explore, and find your place in it. U have friends here, if u need us.

For years I have been wanting to tell someone about my CDing secret. Because it wasn't like any of my previous fetish adventures, and I needed feed back. However, if I tell even one person, and it's not a secret anymore. Then, I discovered this wonderful site, with so many delightful folks. Such a wide swath of feelings, advice, criticism, and helpfull humor. Now, I can talk about CDing all the time, and it's still a secret. At least my closet's not lonely any more! I hope u feel the same way.
RS

www.myspace.com/robertsherry