Telling the wife I am A CD

[flacindycd]

Ok gurlz,I'm working up the courage to tell the wife, any thoughts or words of wisdom on how to go about it? Ive been married 30 yrs now she has her suspicians Im sure. But I am mostly interested in the best approach that has worked for others...... I know I am taking a chance but honestly I just am tired of being in the "closet" as it were. Your input is greatly appreciated ...

huggs,
flacindycd@yahoo.com

[Stephacuse]

just be honest, dont lie and let her ask questions and go slow....and good luck

[Shelly Preston]

Read the link in my signature on telling your partner

[Nicole Erin]

This is just my little story -
My wife had suspicions. She knew I wore pantyhose sometimes, anyways - I almost got caught full dressed once when she came home from work cause I had not picked her up on time, she had gotten a ride.
Anyways, I told her I had something I needed to explain, but I did not want her freaking out or acting stupid. I also told her to ask anything she wanted.

"I do have women's things and I do dress as a woman sometimes"

She took it pretty well, and asked the usual questions. She wanted me to dress so she could see it.
Everything went well that evening.

So the cat is out of the bag, BUT -
If the wife does not like it, do not force it on her.
Also, some wives act cool at first but later decide they don't like it.

Anyways, if she has any suspicion, that will work to your favor cause it will not be as big a shock. Just start by telling her not to freak out or however she normally reacts to shocking news.

[Mitch23]

I'd like to give some wisdom here but there isn't any formula except total honesty and vulnerability. In my case she didn't like it then and six months on she still doesn't like it but the bonus is we are still together ..

mitch

[Becca]

My wife and I have been married for 31 years. I talked to her about my crossdressing shortly after we married, and, from time to time, we have shopped for clothes and shoes for me. She is very accepting, and very open minded. However, she is not turned on by my dressing as a woman. She is tolerant, and from time to time we will spend an evening en femme, but her libido is not turned on when I present in a feminine way. I don't suppose that this is all that unusual. Many people, male and female, can be tolerant, but just not interested.

Whatever you do, go slowly, and think about the lifetime you have ahead of you, and whatever it is that's most important to you. I wish you well.

[Ruth]

Like Mitch says, I'd like to give you the answers but there isn't a formula and I think it basically depends on how you two relate. My wife had some suspicions (they're bound to...) but it was still a considerable surprise.
What I suggest you make sure to say is:
1) you still love her the same way;
2) you are not gay (assuming this is the case);
3) you are not thinking about surgery.
And I wouldn't be in a hurry to show her your femme self unless she specifically asks. Knowing about it and seeing it are two different stages in the process.
I came out to my wife over a year ago and though she is not totally at ease with Ruth, things are so much better it's difficult to believe.
I wish you all success and happiness,
Ruth

[Darla in Pa.]

I'll ask my wife how she would want to be told, I think I should have asked for advice before I just blurted it out. But so far everything is working out but I was always curious myself about if I should have done it different.

Darla

[lynn27]

do NOT get all dressed up and surprise her. that is way to big a shock and if things don't go well your kinda stuck.

[Kate Simmons]

It's not easy Hon. How do you tell a woman the man she loves and respects wants to look like one of the girls? There is no easy or right way. Just be careful. When I told my wife after two years of marriage, she felt betrayed. Oh, she loved me of course but things were just never quite the same after that. Some wives show some jealousy when you see another pretty gal but she knew I was looking at their clothes and that hurt her deeply. Of course all couples are different and work it out in different ways. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.:happy:

[Brenda121]

I like you have been married for 30+ years,donn't think I could or at this time wonn't to tell my SO,good luck if you tell her :straightface:

[Victoria Anne]

I had told my wife prior to our first date so I cannot offer much here but I would suggest you look at this post : SEX VS GENDER :A PRIMER , this was posted by Tx Kimberly . I wish you all the best and be honest and plan some time for this talk and do not rush it , be patient and encourage questions . Good luck.

[Lizzie Kay]

My first wife found out by finding my panties and asking for an explanation.
I had wanted so badly to tell her,that I blurted out all the truth. Things were never ever the same.

I think you have to gauge to things here. How will it effect the trust of possibly 30 years she has had in you, and what she may think about you being "en femme" behind her back.

A third party, or counselor, might be able to help you address how and what you hope to accomplish in telling her, and how you both can cope with the information after it's out in the open.

Best wishes!

Liz

[serinalynn]

Since I really began CDing again in March of 1990, after more than 20 years not doing it It began with a trrip to a sears store I bought a bra and pantie forrrr myself. since that time i have bought just about every thing a woman would wear. My wife and I have had many conversations about my dressing and she has become begrudgingly accepting in recient years, often times telling me that there is a sale in my favorite womens clothing store and telling me "It's ok to go buy some things". She knows that I am her husband first and Serina Lynn second. . I keep all of my womens clothing out in sight so she knows what I have and where I keep it. I have never hidden any article of womens clothing from her. She now tells me that I have more womens clothing than she has, so some of the warmer season things are being stored and the cooler weather things are out for me to wear.

Talking to your wife or SO and being honest about it is the best thing you can do. not every woman will accept their man dressing as a women, but there are a few who have, and maybe you will be accepted by her. This past saturday i wore a dark teal cardigan and shell along with a pair of designer womens jeans and my wife complimented me saying I looked good in that out fit. I was also wearing a underwire bra, a full brief pantie and knee high stockings and soft sole shoes. It can be done.

[Sarah I am]

yah my girlfriend and i have been dating for over 6 months now and i just told her up front that i was a crossdresser when i met her she accepts it but doesnt care for it she will do my makeup when i ask her to since i have like no experience with it and we do go shopping from time to time

[Dawn Marie]

I'm with the rest of the group here, take it slow. let her ask the questions and try not to tell her more than she wants to know.

My first wife found my stash of clothes one day and she called me on the phone at work to ask about it. We had been married for seven years so I thought telling her the truth was the right thing to do. So I did. When I got home that evening she was gone. The next day she called me from her parents house and told me she filed for a divorce. That was the last time I talked to her. I found out later that she was just looking for an excuse to leave me, because she ended up getting married again three months after the divorce. So I guess she was seeing him on the side while I was at work.
Never had a clue.

My second wife did almost the same thing except this time I found out she was seeing someone else and I filed for the divorce.

Now my third wife found out from one of her friends while were dating. They must have seen me at the mall or somewhere. She called me and asked me about it and again I told the truth. She got very mad, why I don't know. I wasn't hurting her. We had a long talk the next day and worked things out.
In other words I said I would not do it any more. And so I purged again. That lasted about two years, and I was back at it again. I don't know what it is but I just have a strong need to show my femmine side. I have purge so many times I lost count. Don't get me wrong I love my wife, I just wish I could get her to understand my needs. Sorry for being long winded. and this is the short version.

So what every you decide just take it slow and hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

["Mary"]

Cliff notes:
I comment on women's fashions & looks.
Wear undies sometimes
Indulged on Halloween, bore "queer" jabs, remained me, confessed that I like it a lot and wished Halloween came more than once a year.

Hope this helps. Too bad Oct 31 just passed. Did you dress up then?

Good luck.

Diana

[melissaK]

Ddin't read everyone elses post, but I suspect plenty of sound advice is there. My wife gets most pissed about violations of trust. You've been lying for 30 years and disclosing that wouldn't be pretty at my house. Fortunately you are not married to my wife so I expect your results will be different. :-)

But do read extensively about GG's who have been told, and what upset them most. Think about your wife and what issues are most likely to concern her. And be prepared to weather a storm.

And if you get any approval, do not take it as a green light to go into a pink fog. Said another way, if she gives you an inch, don't take the mile. You'll be heaping change upon change and that may be more than she can absorb.

hugs,
'lissa

[Michelle04240]

I came out and told my wife after many years. But the big thing was asking her a few years later about it she said finding out any other way could have been ugly. She was glad I told her.

Honesty always is best.

:2c:

[Gisele]

30 years is a long time to keep that from her. Just do like every one is saying take it slow and let her come to an understanding about it. Don't rush into dressing around her. Give it time and let her want to see you.

My story is when I met Jenn I knew we would be together for a long time. I had to tell her quickly. On our 5th date when laying in bed before falling asleep I just came out with it to her. I though I may be sleeping alone that night. But, I was way wrong! Now we have been together for 6 years and she is a huge supporter of my dressing. I just took it slow with her and started with panties and hose. After about 2 years I was in full makeup wig and breast forms. Now, I am her girlfriend when we are home.:D

I hope it works out for you two for the best! I will keep my fingers crossed for you. Just be totaly honest with her.

Beth

[Suzie Green]

There are a lot of things that you should consider first before deciding how to tell her about crossdressing. Each spouse takes things differently, and you need to assess the situation first.

1. How is your relationship in general? How much do you argue about other things...never, sometimes, a lot? Are you able to have long, lively conversations about subjects that you would never be able to discuss with anyone but your wife?

2. How is her tolerance towards gay, lesbian, and bisexual people? While you may be none of them, if she thinks being gay is the equivalent of having been cursed by the devil, she may not think much of crossdressers either. Has she ever made comments about gay or lesbian people and what was her attitude about them?

3. Do you have other secrets that you keep from her? Or are you very open with each other? Do you trust her when she says she's going out with "her girlfriends" for the day or evening or weekend? Does she trust you if you want to spend a weekend with the guys?

4. How easy is it to talk to her? Do you need things to be absolutely perfect before you can bring up a touchy subject? If she just went through a minor ordeal with a flat tire on the car and had to call for assistance, can you still talk to her about something or do you need to have a week for her to calm down before bringing anything up?

5. Where will you have this conversation? In bed? At the breakfast table? While watching Seinfeld reruns on TV?

I think a lot depends upon how solid a foundation has been built for your marriage. Couples who can never seem to agree on anything are going to have a tough time with this. Others who have a relationship that is based on mutual trust, respect, and teamwork, already have a head start to working things out. If you're in the second group, you have already paved the road. Instead of asking for her to be understanding, ask for help. If you are the type that holds her hand when crossing a busy street because you know she feels safer, then surely she is the type that remembers these little courtesies and will want to do her part in repaying you in some way. A marriage built on give-and-take will survive a "coming out" a lot more easily than one that is limping down the road with 2 burned out pistons.

Go slowly, let her talk more than you. Don't show her any clothing unless she asks for it. You will get questions. "Are you gay? Are you having an affair? How long has this been going on? Don't you trust me? Do you want to be a girl? Are you wearing my clothes?" Don't lie. Don't lie.

Let us know how it goes.

[Angie G]

You'vegot some great advice from the girls hun so I'll just say good luck :hugs:
Angie

[flacindycd]

Thankyou everyone, itll take some time to digest all the great advice....I love you GURLZ.BIG HUGG....... Ill try to keep all of you abreast of my outcome, altho it may be awhile till I do it, to be honest I came within a gnats ass of telling her yesterday ,we were both home for veterans day,,, I just couldnt do it, My hats off to those that did , its a HELLUVA decision...:eek:

[SandyR]

Go slow, be honest and take at her pace. You mentioned she might know. What makes you think that? And how do you think she will handle it.

SandyR

[caryn m]

many years ago i showed my wife a video i pruchased called husbands wives best friends and lovers about married cds that and many tears by both of us and we are still married 30+ years and still in love love caryn

[Jordan]

When i told my wife I did it kind of slow like I would tell her I like to wear her panties than after a while I told her I like to wear pantyhose and then Bras it took a little while but it seemed to work for me. She picks out my clothes for me now so I must have did a pretty good job of breaking her in:hugs:

Jordan

[Rita B]

Read the link in my signature on telling your partnerVery well done Shelly. Just went through the process. You need intestinal fortitude girlfriend, but you can do it just be honest.