Testosterone blockers

[LilahCD]

I've been looking through the old threads but couldn't find anything which dealt with my specific question; so high-maintenance me decided to start a whole new thread about it. :rolleyes:

Just to get this out of the way: I've been into CDing since I was 5, when I had a chance to try on a pair of my mother's shoes. The specifics are in my introduction thread, but let's just say I had been caught many times wearing a little makeup, or walked in on when trying on clip-on earrings, etc.. Normal CD stuff.

I used to get really "turned on" by it during my teen years, but now that I'm a little older that's been replaced by.. I dunno, a feeling of contentment, of normalcy when I wear a bra, or a little mascara, or even (gasp!) actually dressing up fully and acting the part.

On top of this, I'm afraid I'm a stereotypical, homosexual crossdresser.. I'm ashamed to admit that the first time I was well and truly turned on by another person, it was by a man... well, a fellow classmate in high school back then.

Anyway, long story short: at 24, I slept with a woman for the first time and ever since I do actually have sexual feelings towards them... but it doesn't feel very healthy, wrong somehow.

Finally, my question: I've considered taking spiro or some other testosterone blocker to halt my libido and at least give me a chance to work through those feelings with a competent therapist (or myself, if that's the case). They're nothing abnormal, just an attraction there which, for whatever reason, feels "dark" somehow, and I don't care for it... I've learned to work through it somewhat on my own, found myself leaning back towards what was "normal" before, yet I can't help but think at least temporarily lessening/suspending my libido will give my higher mind more of a chance to work though even more.

Has anybody else here experienced the same thing, maybe done this for similar reasons? Would this be a wise course of action... or, perhaps, should I have held my peace here rather than put myself in a very looked-down-upon minority, another freak, another creep to ignore?

I apologize in advance if I've overstepped my bounds in posting this, but I just didn't know where else to turn... thank you guys and gals for all your support and understanding so far, you have no idea how much you've helped me already!:love: Hopefully someday I can repay you all in kind.

[AmberTG]

Hi Lilah! First off, I don't think you're the only one who's had those feelings of sexual attraction. It's one of the challenges that TG people have to deal with. Gender identity and sexual orientation are two seperate things, but with transgendered people, they can become connected in strange ways.
Spiro will lower your sex drive quite a bit, depending on the dose you're on. It's not the only anti testosterone drug out there, but it seems to be the most common one used, probably because it's fairly inexpensive and doesn't have as many side effects as some of the other drugs used for that.
It's hard to say how much it will lower your sex drive, or how quickly it will work, everyone's different.
A word of caution, make sure you're in good health before you mess with any of these drugs.

[Scotty]

I don't know about Spiro but the people over at eunuch.org can answer questions on that.....

I took Androcur, and I finished up my last pack of them about 3 weeks ago - much for the same reason.

I never lost the desire for breasts, EVER so hopefully in all my posts nobody thinks I regret it.

But, I absolutely DId lose my desire to CD, any thoughts of being with a guy etc....(or a woman for that fact).

I can say I miss it, and if I did lost my testicles I would not mind, but while I got them I plan on using them LOL.

But yes, you will gain SOOOOOO much clarity on things once the sex drive is out of the way.

I miss the sex drive but once it's back then you get all distracted thinking about it unless you have a partner (Which I'm working on!)..

FYI first time on Androcur at 50mg per day (100mg first 2 days) it took 10-12 days to completely kill the sex drive.

The past two times was more like 7 days.

Warning: It takes almost 3 times longer to get it back as how much time you spend ON it.

So I had a two week supply, used them all up 3 weeks ago but I still do not have full "ControL" back.....I'd be afraid to be with a woman for not being able to perform. It will take me almost another 3 weeks to a month before my sex drive is back fully......from 2 weeks worth.......

The stuff lasts a LONG time in your system.

[ToyGirl]

Im not an expert on balance , but i do believe you will be healthier and feel better in general with balanced hormones. I had low testosterone naturally and spent 2 years on just aldactone and I ended up feeling like a shell of a person.

[Kristen Kelly]

Don't put the cart before the horse, think of starting therapy first and see where it goes, yes spirotone will mellow you out reduce your sex drive. The cause of the way you feel will not have changed, that needs to be addressed.
For myself I have talked to my close friend, questioned myself, chatted with my friends and other CDs online and now I have joined a supervised TG discussion group once a month. I have worked out many issues that were on my mind before I started a treatment that has fulfilled how I feel, and that is even a work in progress.

[geri]

lihah,
personally, castration and hrt are the way to a girls heart. other things will come naturally.
i lost my sex drive because of 3 things. 1. type 2 diabetes ( under control ) 2. high blood pressure ( under control ) and the lack of use of my member because of an non sexual SO. i was very active until then.
that's my story.

mucho hugs,
geri danielle

[LilahCD]

Thank you all for your replies so far; I've realized all these issues, yet this thread is still invaluable to me just as a sounding board.

Allow me to clarify a couple things, especially to Kristen: I have already gone to see a gender therapist, who ended up mocking me; I mentioned testosterone blockers to her and her exact comment was "Well yeah... If you have no place to stick it!" I came to find out that she is a gender therapist of the caste that, as long as you sing the right song and dance the right steps, she'll get you on the road to "womanhood" despite the potential consequences... and if you're uncertain, she has no desire to help you.

Needless to say, I have no desire to continue seeing her.

I'm... I don't think I'm welcome in the local TG community, due to my days in denial. I said some very rotten things to some very sensitive people, and was warned by a friend that, at least in this area, I'll have to "do this by yourself"..

That's regretful, especially considering a major paradigm shift I've gone through over the past eight months, after many long hours of sleepless nights and deep soul-searching........ I know I'm a different person, and so do those still close to me... a very good friend recently told me, as I apologized for not being there when he needed me: "I wouldn't trade a pound more performance for a gram of your heart". Yet.. the TG community of Spokane, WA knows me as a bitter, heartless son of a bitch who lacks a soul, who's always trying to drag those around them (him? her? I don't know anymore...) down with them.... (btw, does anybody here read the webcomic, somethingpositive.net? You know the character, Mike? Yep.. I'm that person.)

As far as the testosterone blockers go? I know perfectly well that the underlying reasons for my feelings won't magically go away; I'm a Christian and I have so little faith in magic that I believe it impossible for the world to have been created in seven days; as the book itself says, "A year is unto 10,000 years, and 10,000 years unto a day to Him."

No... I'm interested in the blockers specifically for the reduced libido, so that my mind, my intellect, may be as free of sexual feelings as is possible for a human being, so that I may deal with these emotions and understand them, much as a temporary course of Wellbutrin helped to free my mind of fear, doubt, uncertainty and therefore hatred while I dealt with what caused it, and became a better person because of it.

I just may end up transitioning in the future; but for now, I have much, much bigger fish to fry, and one of them just so happens to be an imbalanced libido.


Forgive me if the tone of this reply seems a little harsh, but this is the only place left for me to go and while I'm not totally desperate, I am extremely serious about every thing I have posted in this thread and elsewhere on these boards; I am only allowing myself this privilege because I believe myself to be ready for even more positive change, as I leave the bitter, hurtful version of myself further and further behind.

[AmberTG]

"That bitter, hurtful person" seems to be something that goes along with deep denial, and not just for TG issues. The self denial works on your mind and creates nasty symptoms, such as bitterness, anger, and depression, and, of course, it's taken out on everyone around you. Been there, done that, got 2 divorces to show for it.