Family members

[Kris]

Hi ~

I am just curious from a M2F perspective, do any of you have reservations about asking a family member or SO come to the forum?

If they come do you think it would invade your place to vent and feel free to speak without judgments?

I'm not sure this is coming out the way I intend it to. I know that I would want a place to come that I felt was private for me to vent about my (cd) issues. The next question is, have any of you invited your family members, (so) and felt that it was a mistake?

:hugs: and :love:'s,
Kris

[MJ]

If they come do you think it would invade your place to vent and feel free to speak without judgments?

YES ,YES ,YES

i would not like my family members to know anything about my life now they were not there for me to start with ... i would feel offended if they knew were i go what i did ..
i don't want to start a war but this is my haven

[Mirani]

I have to say that although I dont want to censor anyone (not at all) - some of the posts embarass me.
Oh dear - this will sound so judgemental but I dont mean to say others are wrong .. just that we obviously have some similarities and also many differences.
What am I trying to say?

Some messages are - well - not necessarily a positive reflection of CDing. Just some - not every one.

Glee at being dishonest or a cheat. Enjoyment at remembering abusing other's property (mothers/sisters/visitors clothes). Yes I DID use my mothers things, but although I understand why I did it, I dont look back with delight at my behaviour. There seems to be a view that we have a right to deceive and be dishonest because of our "condition".

I hope I am making sense.
So, as I am uncomfortable at some threads, I wouldnt invite a family member to come to the forum in case they thought I was like that. That all CDers rationalise their dishonesty and deception - even towards spouses and partners. It is not acceptable behaviour to me.

OMG - I dont mean to offend, please dont misread my comments as wanting to stop freedom of speach here - just being honest that my different paradigm causes discomfort. I dont want to be perceived as the same as those with a different outlook.

I must finish with my view that this site has MANY positives. Particularly the wonderful way many support others in need or trouble. The warmth of acceptance. The hand of friendship.

I would recommend it to CDers (or TG) - but not to family.

[tommi]

At first I wanted her to checkout the forum but I agree it's nice to be able to vent or state current feelings of joy or sorrow.
My wife doesn't want to see me dressed she doesn't want to see my clothes.
I doubt she would be open minded here and after time I've come to realize that's her right too and I'm happy to live with it.

[Rita B]

I think that so many members write freely because they feel secure about their privacy. I think that if you wanted to share a particular post or thread or picture with your S/O it might be ok. I would not allow them to roam freely through the whole site. Although the site is pretty well monitored by our "very" competent moderators, I consider all its members as my family and we are not on display for anyone's amusement. I just would not give the password to get in. Of course, the web site is in the public domain, so there is not much you can do about getting access. Luckily, my wife is computer illeterate. Does not know how to turn it on and does not want to learn, and I say Amen to that!

[pamela_a]

Mirani, I think you have succinctly summed up my feeling also. There are many threads here that I would love my SO to be able to read. However there are others that I fear would cause me more problems.

We are here with one underpinning commonality, cross dressing. At the same time we are all individuals with differing goals, additudes, and lifestyles. I'm not going to judge what you may or may not do or have done but in the same regard it's not something I want my SO to think I may do.


-Paula-

[Angie G]

My wife asked what I talk about when I'm here I asked if she wanted to look and see she just said no :hugs:
Angie

[RebeccaLynne]

Kris, I've encouraged my girlfriend to explore this site, introduce herself, post, and join the FAB forum. She has lamented her inability to discuss my CD'ing comfortably with her friends and contacts, so I felt that coming here would give her an opportunity to seek guidance and let her know she's not alone in being in a relationship with a CD'er.

I'll admit to a bit of concern regarding some of the viewpoints expressed herein, but, on the whole, I think the mods do an excellent job of maintaining the integrity of the site.

And I believe there's no better place to gain an understanding of the subject matter.

I have no reluctance to her participating and learning. I welcome it.

Now if I can just get her to dive in, I think the result will be positive.

[docrobbysherry]

IF I were to tell a family member, I would WANT them to come to this Forum. So they could see what other CD's r like.
However, I would NOT want them to see me posts. As someone said, some of them r TOO PERSONAL!
RS

www.myspace.com/robertsherry

[Kate Simmons]

If they were interested, I would have no problem whatsoever Kris. The things I say here are pretty much me and what you see is what you get. There is nothing in the general Forums that I would not discuss personally with them. The one exception would be the GM Forum for obvious reasons.:happy:

[LilahCD]

Coming from someone who doesn't necessarily see themselves as a positive aspect of this site, what with so many confused feelings and issues to work though, I would never ask a family member or friend to visit this site and especially wouldn't want them to read some of my posts... Gawd, I'm regretting making a few here myself. :o

That said.. this site has helped me work through some things already and most here have been very understanding and supportive.. it's been very humbling and at the same time, shown me that being CD/TG is nothing to be ashamed about, with so many others out there like myself..

And once again, just for emphasis: I would never ask a family member or friend to come here, ever. Too personal, too much chance of exposing others here to ridicule or harm, besides myself.

[Nicole Erin]

Well I don't even use the same user name for any 2 forums.
Where I go on the web is not important to those who know me real life.


Besides, I have had some negative feedback about dressing. Even if people are cool when I am around, they sometimes talk sh*t behind my back.

So about CD'ing, while I am not dreadful of getting caught or whatever, I just feel like this CD life is not their business.

[Ðarissa]

IF I were to tell a family member, I would WANT them to come to this Forum. So they could see what other CD's r like.
However, I would NOT want them to see me posts. As someone said, some of them r TOO PERSONAL!
RS

www.myspace.com/robertsherryThat is how I feel as well. If I came out of the closet, I would like my family to read up on CDing online but I wouldn't point out the forum. The thing is, this forum is pretty easy to find and if they knew I called myself Ðarissa.... that's a rare name (enough for me to be paranoid) and oooooh Hi Mom! What legs? I didn't say anything about kinky sex and shaving in the pale moonlight. :p

:hiding:

As for a SO, if such a person existed, I wouldn't mind showing her the site.

[Sinthia]

IF I were to tell a family member, I would WANT them to come to this Forum. So they could see what other CD's r like.
However, I would NOT want them to see me posts. As someone said, some of them r TOO PERSONAL!
RS

www.myspace.com/robertsherry

Docrobbysherry . . . Just do not tell them your fem name. If they ask what it is, do not lie, let them know that you would be uncomfortable knowing what you have written in the forum. If they care enough to try to see what you are like, hopefully they should respect your privacy in this matter.

[Holly]

No reservations whatsoever. Both my wife and my adult daughter have visited here and posted as well (yes both are members, although neither has visited for some time... their choice). If either one has questions we talk it out. There is nothing shameful about cross dressing or my participating in it. This forum has actually served a very useful purpose in establishing a beginning point of many wonderful and positive conversations with peoplewho the most important to me. Why would I share something here that I wouldn't share with my wife?

[Lucy Bright]

I share some of Mirani's reservations about this. Nevertheless, I do think this site has a lot to offer to loved ones in terms of support and information, and it would be slightly churlish not to give them access to it, since we get so much out of it ourselves. As for me, I've mentioned the site to my SO, and at that time she didn't seem especially keen to investigate. Maybe she will later - she was trying to take in a lot of stuff at the time, and making a good fist of it, but was aware of the need to pace herself.

Kisses,

Lucy

[Karren H]

Reservations!!! Hell yes.... I'd rather be set on fire... hehehe This hobby of mine is the only thing that is truely mine... I call the shots and decide what to wear and where to go.... So I'll pass on that Kriss....

Karren

[DAVIDA]

Hi Kris!
Jean has on occasion read over my shoulder. But as for joining, she couldn't care less. It was Jean who helped me accept who I am and she was grateful that I found this forum. She knows that I have become even more accepting and comfortable with myself because of all my friends here.
But, Jean is a school teacher, and the very last thing she wants to do at home is get on the computer!

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Yes and no, my wife practically is with me most of the time when I am on this forum, so I do not mind her knowing. My mother and other family members no. My mother while supportive is still kind of learning to accept that her totally 100% macho son is a CD. Basicaly we don't talk about it much, kind of a don't ask don't tell policy. I wouldn't want her to get freaked out reading some of my post.

[Michelia]

I really keep nothing from my SO. She is totally supportive and involved and loves me enfemme. She complains I do not dress up enough. I am too busy for my own good.

She has something against being on the internet and visiting this site. She does not like me to either. We compromise on that and I have my limited time online. I wish she would join. She would be a great asset to the site. She is so smart and perceptive. But she feels she does not want to be "tainted" by others' experience. She wants to be able to keep a fresh outlook and for us to have "our own little world".

In a remarkable way this works. She needs no one else's input or advice. She is truly unique. So I do not complain.

I do need some CD friends. At least one. And I have so far been unable to find them. I will keep trying, though.

Michelia

[JoAnnDallas]

My wife now knows I post to this forum and a couple of others. I asked her if she would like to join and that they have a SO only section. She declined. She is not a poster like me and is not interested in forums.

[DonnaT]

My wife now knows I post to this forum and a couple of others. I asked her if she would like to join and that they have a SO only section. She declined. She is not a poster like me and is not interested in forums.

Same with my wife. She has stopped by at least one of the forums to read, however.

And I'm not the least bit worried about any of my family reading what I've posted online. Some of the TG stories I've written, however, might be a different story.

[Kris]

Some of the TG stories I've written, however, might be a different story.

What kind of TG stories have you written? Or is this one of those "internet anonymous things" that I really don't want to know??

:hugs: and :love:'s,

Kris

[trannie T]

I came out to my brother but did not mention this site. If, in the unlikely event he ever brings up the subject of crossdressing, I'll mention Crossdressers.com, and may ven give him the name I use.

[Wendy me]

i would love my wife to become a member here ....she knows abought me but is unsouportive.....and chooses not to know more .... she dose not use the computers her choice again ..... i can't see my posting or what i do here changing if she ever became a member here.........

[charllote34]

YES ,YES ,YES

i would not like my family members to know anything about my life now they were not there for me to start with ... i would feel offended if they knew were i go what i did ..
i don't want to start a war but this is my haven

I would echo everything you said , this is my zone (and ours) and its all the more special for me to keep it this way

[RachelDenise]

I am conflicted, but I think so. I do like a place where I can talk about my innermost feelings and desires without worry, but I think having this forum is a wonderful example of sharing and acceptance.

[immike]

Hi ~

I am just curious from a M2F perspective, do any of you have reservations about asking a family member or SO come to the forum?

If they come do you think it would invade your place to vent and feel free to speak without judgments?

I'm not sure this is coming out the way I intend it to. I know that I would want a place to come that I felt was private for me to vent about my (cd) issues. The next question is, have any of you invited your family members, (so) and felt that it was a mistake?

:hugs: and :love:'s,
Kris
I am a closet crossdresser,in absolute secrecy.If my sisters& mother ever find out
that I prowl in their closets,especially mothers,and dress in her wardrobe,especially
her short skirtsuits&her silk tops&blouses&her shoes,she would kill me.I also secretly
order pantyhose,out of her many womens catalogs,and online.One time I was nearly
caught,in her bedroom,fully dressed in one of her outfits&doing my hair&makeup at her
makeup table

[Sally24]

I've offered the site to my wife and daughter. As far as I know they've only read over my shoulder and never visited by themselves. Occasionally I post some comments that they might be a little uncomfortable with but I would say the same to them if questioned. I don't think I would feel closed in unless they were on every day monitoring what I was looking at and what I was posting.

I think it's hard to go wrong with honesty.

[Raychel]

I would love for my wife to become a member of this forum. I think it is a great place to learn about all the many aspects of the crossdressers life. Sure there are things that I put on here that may surprise her. But after the surprise of finding out her husband of 15 years was a crossdresser. I would bet that any of these things would be pretty minor.

[immike]

Hi ~

I am just curious from a M2F perspective, do any of you have reservations about asking a family member or SO come to the forum?

If they come do you think it would invade your place to vent and feel free to speak without judgments?

I'm not sure this is coming out the way I intend it to. I know that I would want a place to come that I felt was private for me to vent about my (cd) issues. The next question is, have any of you invited your family members, (so) and felt that it was a mistake?

:hugs: and :love:'s,
Kris
I can never ask or tell anyone in my family about my secret life? They would be
shocked to find out that I have been wearing mothers clothes&dresses&outfits&
heels for several years&that I dress fully,in one of mothers short skirtsuits,each
day,wearing pantyhose ordered out of mothers womens catalogs,secretly.I like to
sit at mothers make-up table&curl my hair,do my make-up&lipstick&walk around the house,in heels.

[Kris]

I can never ask or tell anyone in my family about my secret life? They would be
shocked to find out that I have been wearing mothers clothes&dresses&outfits&
heels for several years&that I dress fully,in one of mothers short skirtsuits,each
day,wearing pantyhose ordered out of mothers womens catalogs,secretly.I like to
sit at mothers make-up table&curl my hair,do my make-up&lipstick&walk around the house,in heels.

First, I would like to ask how old you are. Second, why don't you get your own stuff to dress in?

Kris

[Daintre]

I am much like Holly, when I found out my son was also a CD I invited him to join the Forum. I wanted him to have as many tools as possible to handle what was coming his way.

But

What I failed to realize is that while being truthful, there may have been times when I portrayed his mom in a bad light. I was a bit embarrassed that he had access to all the personal posts I have sent in. In a way he knew so much more about me than did of him. It is funny (not humorous) that I have no problem talking and relating to strangers, but I get tongue tied and flustered trying to talk to him.

As it stands today, I am finally at ease with him being here.

[Kris]

I am much like Holly, when I found out my son was also a CD I invited him to join the Forum. I wanted him to have as many tools as possible to handle what was coming his way.

But

What I failed to realize is that while being truthful, there may have been times when I portrayed his mom in a bad light. I was a bit embarrassed that he had access to all the personal posts I have sent in. In a way he knew so much more about me than did of him. It is funny (not humorous) that I have no problem talking and relating to strangers, but I get tongue tied and flustered trying to talk to him.

As it stands today, I am finally at ease with him being here.

Jenni,

This is exactly what I am talking about. We all talk, and need our space of safety in where we can open up and let our feelings out. I am sure that your feelings toward his mom aren't as "bad" as you think they sound, but it still can be taken the wrong way and feelings can get hurt. That is why I posted this thread.

:hugs: and :love:'s,
Kris

[Samantha B L]

In the past 20 years I've lived with my nephew,Sister and Mom. I don't think Mom would ever accept my dressing and I tried to come out to her at least 5 times 30 years ago and she managed to dismiss the subject and pass over it in silence. And of course she'd never join me on this site. I've got half an idea that my nephew and sister who are very 2007 modern would accept my dressing but I'm not sure they would want to take the time to go on this site.

[Bonnie D]

I would have to say No. This is not only a place where I have the freedom to say what I want, within boundaries, but it is a sanctuary for me. I have come out to my wife, she is not accepting, meaning she does not want to see me dressed or pics of me dressed She has done some research on the computer to learn more about my transgenderism and has watched things on tv about this subject. Oprah has had guests recently and we have watched movies about all sorts of issues and she is quite open-minded about them but this is me we are talking about now. She has bought me things while we have been out shopping for her, MAC makeup, panties, a slip, a waist cincher and a couple of necklaces so she is trying to be supportive and understanding. I have revealed most of my secrets to her but not all yet. She is a closed type of person where I am open. She likes to keep things to ourselves and I like to talk to people and am too open in her opinion. Like I am doing right now. She doesn't think this is anyone's business.

As I said, I like to talk about anything to anyone and she doesn't. This is a sanctuary for me and I would not want her to come here and see how revealing I am. I understand that if I have been completely honest with her there should not be an issue with her reading what I have posted. But there would be an issue and so it is best left alone.

Bonnie

PS I have since left her only because of my interest in men. We are still good friends and she is still trying to be supportive.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Kris,

My wife Marla is a member here but she don't post at the moment. I was a member here before she was and would often read threads and posts to her about various subjects. She became interested and decided to join for herself.

I don't feel that it invades my space or that I can't vent and feel free to speak without judgments or whatever, because my wife pretty much already knows how I feel about almost every aspect of cding anyway. We talk so much .... about everything :happy:

If on the other hand I was a person who's wife wasn't accepting ... ah, that might be different. I probably wouldn't feel as comfortable knowing that she would be reading my posts because knowing that she doesn't accept it would make me feel that I couldn't talk about my own personal situation. In other words I wouldn't want to post anything that when she read it, it potentially would be seen by her as indicating something negative was going on between us.

[Joanna-Louise]

Hi Kris,

Actually as it goes it was Kim85 (My SO) that invited me to join oO(go figure, im the CD here and im being invited by my SO)Oo......

Anyway, as far as my parents know what i do, they turn a blind eye to it and generally pretend i don't do it, however Kim, a girlfirned ive been with for 11 months, and living with for around 4 months, has taken a keenish interest to learning more about "our way of life".

While i remain intrigued while reading some of her remarks to some posts im sure she does me. Of course it will confirm more fears as it also puts others to bed, but feel its not just "our place to vent" once we have invited our SO's into our "other life"

oO(am i making sense here)Oo


Joanna
xx