Need to vent sorry!!!

[Felix]

This might be in the wrong place I don't know!! Anyways I feel pretty crap right now about everything. I look at myself in the mirror and think fat old ugly freak, even if i have lost almost 2 stone of late. Having kids did that to me and the doctors never put it right. I know my thoughts are probably irrational because of things that have happened in my life of late but I can't help it. It comes with rejection and feeling so alone I guess. I feel like my right arm has been torn off. I keep thinking it's all because of me expressing my masculinities that I'm in this mess. Then I'm like but it's me, then I'm like this is so mad!! Can anyone relate to this??? The worse feeling is that the ones ya love are ashamed of ya. It happened with my mother six years ago and now I feel it has happened again with my ex. I think there must be something really wrong with me or maybe it's not me but them. Sorry for rambling peeps I just feel like poo!! xx Felix :hugs::hugs:

[Maggie Kay]

Felix,
I can relate. By the reactions of family and society, you would think we are serial killers. That is an exaggeration of course, but when I have to deal one more time with ignorance and prejudice I go exactly to the spot you are in. Right now, I am in yet another argument with my SO who is angry with me again. It started when she read my carry letter that I just got. I was also told by her that long term use of estrogens will change my sexual orientation to want a male in bed. She found this on the Internet but can't remember where. This is especially weird as I have no sex drive at all and have never had any tendencies that way. She doesn't even know that orientation is separate from the gender issue. I do blame my TGness for a whole host of trouble and it is a major pain in the bum (as you folks refer to it). I'll rant along side ya, Felix, life is just crap sometimes. BIG TIME.

[melissaK]

Yea, sometimes self-esteem can crumble and slip away like a sand castle before the incoming tide. Its an awful feeling. Being alone is tough on us human beans. I'm a fan of poetry and human emotions that are in song lyrics, and if you google "lonley+song lyrics" you'll have an ipod full in a moment. :sad:

So, let the wenches serve you a nip and ask the piano man to play you a song that is sad and its sweet, even if your not really sure how it goes. And above all else, hang in there. And remember, darkest before the dawn, sun'll come up tomorrow, an all that other trite Maudlin stuff is true!! :happy:

Hugs from one of the wenches,
'lissa

[Sharon]

Yeah, it can suck to be us, Felix -- believe me, I've been there. I have family and former friends who are also leery(or worse) of me and what I have been doing. But, even though the hurt is still with me and will probably remain so, I do my best to focus on those who have not -- those who are at least making the effort to understand and support me. I thank God for these people every day because I know that this isn't an easy thing to understand for those who don't know it first hand.

[Felix]

Thanx peeps for you reassuring words and understanding xx felix :hugs::hugs:

[GypsyKaren]

Hiya Felix

To me, it's all about finding a balance, easier said than done. I'm sorry you're in the blues, just keep on going, it's always bound to get better.

Karen Starlene

[Kieron Andrew]

Felix, i know its not the answer to everything, but checking in with a therapist may help you unjumble all these thoughts, and its not shameful to need a therapist, i mean geez nearly everyone i know has one these days

[Felix]

Thanx peeps for all ya support :hugs::hugs:

Kieron thanx Hun I'll have to think about the therapist I know what ya sayin though and there's no shame in it I know xx Felix :hugs::hugs: