Update on my son (If anyone remembers)

[HelpNeeded]

Well if anyone doesnt remember (I don't expect that you do) here was the original discussion. http://crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3559

Well things are OK, just OK. But I am kind of worried; you see ever since that day my son seemed withdrawn from me. When ever we get into a casual talk I think that he feels that I am still judging him about it. I'll be honest at first i was a bit confused but I surely did not love him any less or think of him in any lower esteem. I do not really want to push him in any way but he has to know that I am really fine with it. Is this possible?

By the way; In case any of you where wondering he did leave me a note which said 'More Stuff' but I am still a little confused about what he had in mind. But I dont want to put him in an uncomfortable situation at all.

[derminator]

Help Needed - judging by your response... you sound as though you regret ever telling your son what you know of him..... it's only been three-four weeks - just give it some time.

I don't know you, nor your son, but I do believe this will work out in the end.

And, can I just say, what a fantastic supportive understanding woman you are. The type of acceptance you have displayed is what a lot of cross-dressers ultimately crave. Unfortunately you are in the minority.... but hail to you.

I wish you and your son all the best.

Regards,

Derminator

[DonnaT]

Welcome back :)

You think he feels you are judging him, but even though some of us may think mothers are mind reader, you really aren't :D

He is probably still a little confused with himself, and just not ready to open up.

Hopefully he isn't getting bad advice or wrong ideas from the Internet.

Problem is, the only way to find out is through discussing it with him, and he doesn't sound ready yet. If he's keeping the CDing in the house, and his grades are not falling, just let him know you'll be there to talk when he's ready.

More stuff? Maybe more of what you've already provided. Clothes, makeup, whatever it was. You might tell him you don't want to make a fashion mistake, and suggest he tell you what he means. Sounds like he may be uncomfortable discussing it though, so maybe he can cut out pictures from advertisements and leave them with a note.

[Kimberly]

I read the last topic you posted, and this one, and just want to say well done. :)

All CDers should have a mum like you! And buying clothes for him!!! Well... I love it. :p I've got a girlfriend to help me with that though, and from now on all I can say is: make sure he's okay, and try and talk to him about it, just don't be too confrontational. He'll be fine talking about it, unless you really press on with questions. Just talk casually.

I'm sure all of what I just said has been said already... ah well!

[celeste26]

I remember when I started (yes it was a long time ago) but the overwhelming emotion I felt was shame, and not from my family but just in general. If I could go back I would just tell myself that it has all turned out OK dont worry.

I would guess that simple and non-directed assurance of your love and acceptance may be all the message that is needed. Now is not the time to push in any direction. However responding to his messages in a positive way would be helpful. My own son is not the most communicative now anyway(17yrs old) so just hang in there with that love. It will be OK for you also.

[Kimberly]

My own son is not the most communicative now anyway(17yrs old) so just hang in there with that love.
A bit off topic, but still...

I'm 18, and am at this 'stage' of not much communication with my parents. I still love them, but I think it may be something to do with gaining independance, and just wanting my own space. Don't know really... but I think it's natural.

Back to topic: I'm sure your son, (HelpNeeded), will do just fine, as long as he can see you're supportive, loving and understanding. :)

[Julie York]

Sounds like the poor lad is stuck between mortified embarrassment and desire. Just think of someone really shy wanting to ask a girl to dance...but daren't...but wants to so badly....but daren't...but wants to.....

Some of the people here, fully grown adults, are 'out' to their partners and still die a thousand deaths discussing the subject head on because it can be very embarrassing to deal with, so it isn't a wonder a young man is avoiding talking face to face.

Sounds like he obviously wants more of whatever it was you supplied before. Maybe you could leave a clothing catalogue and a note just saying "More stuff? What page number?"


Good for you.

[Priscilla1018]

Sounds like the poor lad is stuck between mortified embarrassment and desire. Just think of someone really shy wanting to ask a girl to dance...but daren't...but wants to so badly....but daren't...but wants to.....

Some of the people here, fully grown adults, are 'out' to their partners and still die a thousand deaths discussing the subject head on because it can be very embarrassing to deal with, so it isn't a wonder a young man is avoiding talking face to face.

Sounds like he obviously wants more of whatever it was you supplied before. Maybe you could leave a clothing catalogue and a note just saying "More stuff? What page number?"


Good for you.

Excellant suggestion,young people at this age are not into a lot of words.
just keep it short and sweet,

Love and Hugs,
Priscilla

[(M)ichelle]

I think if you really want your son to trust you (I am NOT saying he doesn't) and if you really want him to show you that it is okay with you that he dresses up, then why not take him on your next shopping trip? Take him to a place like Target that isn't suspicious to him, and even if he was to meet his fellow peers there, the shopping will be for you. But ask him open what kind of panties, bras or dresses he would like. After all, I am sure you bought his undies for him before, so, why not buy the stuff he enjoys this time. It may be hard on you both at first, but a relationship is based on honesty...
Hugs
(M)ichelle

[Aloha_Dana]

Dear HelpNeeded, Interpreting the posts can be chellenging, Julie York may have hit on something that he is dealing w/his own feelings. Later in life he may want to 'come out', but now he probably is trying to understand himself. Just as all the other ladies have suggested, just be there for him.

You mentioned that he visits CD sites on the 'net. Do you know if he comes here? This is one of them most respectable places I've found. Everyone is very supportive. And it would be just awesome to have a mother and son both members! Maybe you could bookmark the site? I'm sure he'll find it.

Best of luck!
Aloha,
Dana

[HelpNeeded]

It might be a good idea to have him join, but I thought this forum was for 18+? We'll see I suppose. By the way I have been viewing his internet history.. and it seems he has been going to 'TV Fiction and Graphics sites'. I looked through them quickly and I saw nothing X rated so I do not really mind. The sites where www.fictionmania.com www.modified4u.com and www.tgcomics.com

With those sites is it possible to get some insight on his situation?

[biddy]

It sounds to me that your son has a trust beyound trust in you, WELL DONE ;)
How do you feel you would go at getting him out on a shopping trip with you, some where out of the area where his peirs could not possibly spot you's.
The shopping outing dose not at the out-set have to appear to be for him, be a little cunning. Perhaps dinner in a resturant that is tasteful where other CDs frequent, other girls here in your area could possibly set you strait as to the location of one. If he see's that you are accepting of this fact in people he may open up a lot more to you. May-be you could leave this thread on the P/c there for him to accedently see, the more clues that he gets that you have no problem with his choices in life the more PLEASENT his life will be, but then you don't need me to tell you that.
As for you your self GOD has a special place in heaven for you to be sure.

[StephanieCD]

Did you ever play "Wish List" with the JC Penney catalog back in the day? My brother and I used to get different color pens and "claim" things in the book - like "I wish this was mine".

I agree - sounds like he's stuck between shame and excitement. Don't be offended if he doesn't want to talk about it - most teens don't talk about anything with their parents - let alone his confusing desires...

Perhaps a simple note, a catalog, and a red marker would give him a way to express what "stuff" he would like while giving you a way to be there for him. It wouldn't hurt to once in a while leave a silent gift and once in a while attach a note saying something like "it's ok if you want to talk. Love, mom." Eventually, he'll get the idea - as long as you're always there like you are, he'll get the idea.

Allow me to add to the praise we have for you - you are a bold and wonderful woman to seek our help in making your son feel comfortable with himself. I wish someone had for me.

PS don't pay too much mind to the sites he's viewing... I see some STRANGE stuff in my internet adventures - it comes with the subject matter on Google... besides, when I was his age, I had TONS of questions about what I "really" was so I explored as much as I could only to arrive back where I started. The Internet makes that easier... maybe he ran across a transexual comics site or trangender porn in his search - doesn't mean that's HIS "issue" right? I was looking at funny cat movies earlier today ;)

[robyn]

Love him. Hug him. Support him. This is not something you can change.
It is not the end of the world. Just like you see here. There are a lot of very nice people out there that like to dress. We come from all walks of life.
We are the same people you meet and talk to every day. I cannot advise how to approch him. Only you can know that. I am sure you will find the correct way. Let him find his way also. Let him speak what is on his mind, when he wants to. Be a good listener.
If you suport him it will go a long way.
There are many of us who wish we could have had that kind of support.
You are in position to do a lot of good for him.

Robyn

[DonnaT]

It might be a good idea to have him join, but I thought this forum was for 18+? We'll see I suppose. By the way I have been viewing his internet history.. and it seems he has been going to 'TV Fiction and Graphics sites'. I looked through them quickly and I saw nothing X rated so I do not really mind. The sites where www.fictionmania.com www.modified4u.com and www.tgcomics.com

With those sites is it possible to get some insight on his situation?

Sorry, but there are X rated stories and/or images on those sites. All of them. Especially fictionmania.

[jjjjohanne]

Hi,
A lot of these comments that are being posted are from the perspective of people who have crossdressed for years and have had to come to terms with themselves about this. If we would take a step back and try to think about how we were when we were teenagers, we might not give the same advice.

There are several categories that CD's fall into:
1) Clothing "fetish": He may be interested in only particular garments such as shoes or pantyhose.
2) Plays dressup: He may like to put on clothes but he has no interest in being perceived as a woman or becoming a woman.
3) Temporary Girl: He may wish he was a girl on occasions and tries to think of himself that way when dressed. This would probably include the choosing of a female name.
4) Eventual TG: He may wish to one day become a lady by lifestyle or by surgery.

If you ask your son, he will not likely know where he falls. He is probably in transition. He may not have settled into one of these "tracks." Things you do may or may not affect which track he falls into. His future role in this world may be something that is settled when he is much younger.

Probably for every one of us, crossdressing was directly connected to masturbation when we were teenagers. We typically start taking interest in the clothes when we are 6-8 years old. One day, a few years later, we discover a new talent. After that, most crossdressing youths will always masturbate when dressed. This might explain his reservation in including you in this part of his life. It ain't natural letting your mother into a sexual part of your teenage life! :^) A lot of the time, a teenager will be really interested in dressing up, but them after orgasm, he is not at all interested in dressing this way. There is a sort of guilt.

This is to his manly machismo as a big dark birthmark on your face might be to your feeling of self beauty. It is probably hard for him to include you in this.

Keep in mind that things you do to open doors for him might drive him further into this lifestyle than he would have otherwise. If my mother had found me out and supported me, I might be a full-time crossdresser today. I prefer the life I have.

Dr. Phil was counseling a couple who were considering marriage. He was a crossdresser. Dr. Phil said it is very uncommon for a crossdresser to stop. The most dangerous thing to watch out for is significant guilt and depression. He may feel huge amounts of guilt about this. I am not sure if this is a precursor to suicide or anything, but it is still serious. I am not a professional in this area!

Finally, men don't feel as comfortable sitting and talking about personal matters the same way women do. Men typically have heart to heart talks over a car engine or while working on something else. I am more comfortable talking about personal things to my wife while I am washing dishes. If you want him to open up to you, try and set up a time when you can talk to him while you are both doing something.

Like everyone here probably is, I'm jealous of your son.
Joe

[Baby Girl]

I think the catalog idea is great and probably more comfortable for him. I order from catalog's all the time for my April and it make him feel good that I'm helping him and understand what he wants. Just give him a catalog and a pen and let him mark down what sort of things he would like.

Hugs and hoping every little bit helps

[LaurenAnne]

By the way; In case any of you where wondering he did leave me a note which said 'More Stuff' but I am still a little confused about what he had in mind. But I dont want to put him in an uncomfortable situation at all.

Well, I noticed that in your original post you pointed out that money was no object. If this is indeed true, I'd recommend not directly questioning what items of femme clothing he'd like you to purchase for him. You noted that you've been aware that he's been "raiding" your closet for quite some time now... so I assume you know what he's been wearing? If so, you could use that information as a guide to pick out some new clothes that you think he might like. When it comes time to give him the new stuff, you could do as my own mother did. After she discovered I was wearing her stuff [or at least, I'm 90% sure she discovered], she made a point to shuffle clothes into the back of my own closet. She simply explained it as needing extra room. So that may be a discreet way to give him some new stuff. Depending on his age, I would say shopping for femme things together, or you getting too involved in the details would be bad for a number of reasons. Just as long as he appears reasonably happy [for a teenager], he should be able to work things out. Imho.

[Jill]

There have been a lot of things said here, and most of it is more or less in accordance with each other and I think most of it is good advice. I wouldn't take it personally if he doesn't want to talk to you about it. I remember being that age and feeling extremely ashamed and embarrassed about it. My sister caught me once, she got a glimpse of me running up the stairs in her little dress. A few days later she approached me about, I look back on it now and she really seemed to be approaching it in a non-threatening and understanding manner. I was too embarrassed to even recognize it for what it was at the time. I would give him his space but yet in very subtle ways, show your love and support. If you are willing to buy him his own stuff, even if it is for the reason of keeping him out of your stuff, I think the catalog idea with a note is a good idea. Good luck.

[Julie York]

LaurenAnne. You're a genius.

Yeah, "Need a bit more closet space. I'll put these things here in yours if that's o.k."

Son( Squeeky voice).....hmm that's o.k.

Problem solved, nothing actually declared. Works.

[Kimberly]

A lot of the time, a teenager will be really interested in dressing up, but them after orgasm, he is not at all interested in dressing this way. There is a sort of guilt.
This really struck a cord with me, as I'm young compared to most on this board. (18.) I remember for definite the 'guilt' you speak about. Straight after masterbating, I was always close to tears thinking "what the f am I doing? What would my gf think? I should be with her... this is so not right," or thoughts to that effect. It's becoming less now, and when I dress it's mainly to experience just how the clothes feel, rather than for sexual pleasure. Though, HelpNeeded, at this young stage, this will be a very delicate and sexual matter for your son.

There are several categories that CD's fall into:
1) Clothing "fetish": He may be interested in only particular garments such as shoes or pantyhose.
2) Plays dressup: He may like to put on clothes but he has no interest in being perceived as a woman or becoming a woman.
3) Temporary Girl: He may wish he was a girl on occasions and tries to think of himself that way when dressed. This would probably include the choosing of a female name.
4) Eventual TG: He may wish to one day become a lady by lifestyle or by surgery.
I can't actually place myself in this catagory very easily. I'm a bit of all of the first three - just depends on the circumstances. Yesterday I thought, "I wanna get kitted out completely." and today I was in the fetish mood. So transitions are long, and you should be aware that things may change, HelpNeeded. I think the best thing you can do there is adapt to his wants, and be supportive.

[Sophie]

My mother found out about me when i was 16. I thought at the time that the major reason i was doing it was the thrill of the taboo. as a result i thought the taboo was now gone and burned all my stash, which included some expensive items. it sounds to me that you have done a beautiful thing for your son. As many have said here, there is probably no way of stopping him even if you wanted to. I used to dream that my mother would bye me a dress of some sort and want to see me in it but she made it clear that seeing me dressed was the last thing she wanted.

you must not worry that this is going to be an issue throughout his life. it is unlikely that it will hold him back form anything he wants to do. Every one here has found their level and life with their crossdressing in their own way. There are even women out there that will accept and love this side of our personalities. i am one of the lucky ones who has a very understanding SO.

Be assured that you are doing the right thing and as long as your son knows that you are willing to help in any way he needs then he is a very fortunate individual

wishing both of you all the best

Sophie

[connie rotten]

help him to understand dress & shoe sizes. so many of us seem to have ended up with womens clothes that were the wrong size do to lack of knowledge about women's clothes and or in a hurry to by them . ;)

[CindyT]

Set him up with a check card and his own account somewhere like Victorias Secret? You could set him up a separate account with a set spending limit and let him order without embarrasment... ;) Just a thought.

Oh, while your there could you order me that NEW! ANGELS UNLINED FULL COVERAGE BRA IN COTTON, 092 White size 38D ??? (just kidding he he)

I think most of us wish we had a mom like you! Keep up the support but if he wants his own private time make sure he gets it too.