Having a wobble

[Mirani]

Since coming home and "changing" I have been doing a lot of thinking.
Although I have been going out for some time, it was mostlyt to TV friendly places. I would travel en femme and feel Ok.

But my recent outings have been "as a female" rather than just dressing as a female.
Have I been kidding myself? Am I more TG than CD?
I find that I cant wait to go "out" again.

Or is this the "pink fog" I read about?

I have been happy to brush my hair, paint my nails and chill out in a top and slacks.
I now want to go out and be ignored as a woman. As in not noticed.

Being out with Amanda has been like a new lease of life. As if I have "landed".
I am burbling.
Just needed to share my sense of confusion in case anyone else thought they knew who they were and suddenly find that perhaps they arent.

:confused:

[Nicole Erin]

Wow, this is complex. They say one has to decide for onesself.
I used to think I was TS, until this happened -
I had a friend who was TS [not very passable] and had SRS. She said one day after her surgery "Well, you want to see the results?" No we did not do anything, but she showed me. It was at that moment that I realised "Oh my god, this is not fake or a joke!"

I was not grossed out or anything, but it woke me up, it made me REALLY re-think who I was. I finally decided that surgeries or living full time as a woman was just not what I needed. I decided I would rather not have the hassles of everything like money and the other trials and tribulations, so I am content with dressing.
BUT that is just my experience. Everyone must decide for onesself.

[pamela_a]

Mirani, after reading your recent posts I can understand some of your confusion. You have experienced more changes, opportunities, and probably emotions in the past few weeks than many people experience in years.

While I can only dream of being able to experience some of your recent experiences I can easily see how overwhelming it all could be.

You have tread lightly and with cautious trepidation but it still seems to have steam rolled. You've experienced a lot of changes and have been given an opportunity to point your life in a somewhat different direction than you expected. Take the time to consider where you want to go and who you want to be. Some might say you have the brass ring nearly in your grasp and go for it, but is that what YOU really want?

Sorry, no answers. As life tends to be filled with only more questions. Probably the only words I have are the always vague but true, Use your head but follow your heart.

-Paula-

[RobertaFermina]

I now want to go out and be ignored as a woman. As in not noticed.

This is the part that catches my attention.
I'd say you are as likely in "Pink Fog" as not.
Being infatuated with EnFemme existence is natural enough.

However, if months from now you are "most content" when EnFemme in an unremarkable, unnoticed way, and excited about dressing up and being noticed only as often as your "Guy Self", then maybe you would be shifting more squarely onto the TG path.

For myself, being dressed and not seen and complemented, or at least not getting a few laughts and jeers, is disappointing. That's how I judge I am a CD.

Whatever path you take, much love and best of luck !

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Billijo49504]

Dress approapraitely, and go to the grocery store. The ppl are to conserned about getting everything for their holiday, that they won't be looking at you. I was at Meijer's twice. Once for a $145 shopping trip, with the wife, and I was dressed. And for a $ 86 shopping trip this morning, dressed, to pick up the things I forgot the other day. But I was shopping for 2 weeks and the Thanksgiving holiday....BJ

[Lori SC]

Yes Mirani.

It sounds like a little bit of everything. Certainly there is a "pink fog" element that makes everything seem better when it is a new experience. And you may be more towards the TS side than you thought.

And if you're confused by all this, well you fit right in here!

But really, as long as you don't make any drastic changes, or irreversable changes, why not keep going and finding out what you want to do - how far you want to go?

You are evolving as a person. People DO change over time. You are not the same person you were 10 years ago, and you will not be the same person you are now in 10 more years.

Try to enjoy life. Accept confusion as part of the CD/TG life. If you accept confusion as normal, at least that's one less worry.

Hugs, Lori

[Mirani]

"Accept confusion as normal" I love it Lori ! :hugs:


Thanks BilliJo - I appreciate your thoughts but you have missed the point. This isnt about getting up courage or not knowing how to present myself.

This is more about knowing who I am and being a bit shaken that for years and years I have seen myself as an occasional crossdresser who likes to "shake her booty" in "safe places" - to someone who wants to spend much more time in the world in my femme self.

Is this just such a wonderful new experience which has temporarily engulfed me, or has it planted a seed of desire to live more as Mirani than not.

I was happy to come home and "change" and just be me at home ... now I am excited at going out. ..

I think I will finish with the opening quote:

Accept confusion as normal! :happy:

[Sally24]

You can be surprised by what you discover about yourself. When I was first experimenting but mostly just fantasizing about dressing it was mostly a sexual or CD thing. After I had spent time out and about and gotten better at my presentation I discovered it was more of a gender TG thing (that's TG not TS). Now I really prefer to get dressed and go out. It is hard to get enthused about dressing if it's going to be a stay at home day. Take your time and see if your feelings about it all change.

[Mitch23]

sounds like the pink fog to me. I went from lifelong closet undie fetishist to full blown trannie without guilt or shame in a matter of weeks and it takes a while to digest it all and understand all of what it means in your life and for the future. your feelings and emotions will change over time - just take it slowly and remember those little steps

mitch

[Mirani]

Amanda has just said she will help me to stop wobbling .... :)

[tommi]

I have to agree with Mitch and Sally take it slow and see where it leads you.
Just know at times the desires increase and at time they decrease if they level out on the wanting to be dressed side and going out and blending in
the Tg is probably the more accurate description.
Miriana , if the feelings are confusing enough maybe some counciling is needed
just to help you sort it out.
Goodluck
Tommi:hugs:

[Mirani]

we dont "do" counselling in the UK ! ;)

I am not in a bad state .. just working things out.

[Brianna Lovely]

I am not in a bad state .. just working things out.

Do I understand it? No. Do I try to? NO!
But I do accept my being a TG person.

I used to wear a dress, inside only, every once in a while.

Then, last year I started dressing, to go out in the daytime, always enfemme, and have not stopped since.

Miriani, perhaps you are just feeling more self acceptence and you are comfortable and confident enough to go out as "just another girl", doing things that everyone else is doing.

Pink fog? I don't know. If my feeling wonderful everyday, always smiling on the inside, feeling joyfull and loving and at peace with myself, is a permanent pink fog, hurray for me. And I wish everyone could feel this way.