out in the open finally

[shannoncd]

Last week I finally came clean with my wife about my alter ego.
She is not accepting it well and is dead against any possibility
of ever accepting it. I need help from you girls to give her the
background help she's looking fof. I'm new to this, but have been dressing since age 4 or 5. What I don't know is why it got
so severe suddenly?
hope I can get some help for both of us.


hugs,

shannon

[Daintre]

Hi Shannon, before I can give any advice, it would be helpful to know how long you and your SO have been married, and did she know that you wore woman's clothing on occasion? Was last week the first time you two talked? I ask because I am trying to formulate a decent response to your question.

[Billijo49504]

Just a thought, try being her best gurl friend...BJ

[Kieroney]

Wow, we are in the same sinking ship, my wife is like shaking and freaking out whenever I want to dress up, at times she wants to joke around, but I haven't done anything with her for over two weeks,and at this point the way she is acting, I do not want to. My best advice is be yourself, and hold on for a extremely bumpy ride, if she married you for better or for worse and meant what she said at the alter, then she will over time come to terms with this, if not, join me in divorce court. Bottom line, I will talk with you, and give you as much support as I can, on my good days.

[Kerrie Sifton]

Well Shannon, you are being honest with yourself and honest with your spouse, very brave steps, best of luck in the next stages. Have you considered counselling for first yourself and then your spouse to help keep you together. It may help establish limits for both of you in the beginning, and may lead to an understanding of what works for you both over time. Again good luck..

[Vivian Best]

Shannon,
I'm in the same boat your in! My wife has known for about seven years of our 48 year marriage. I firmly believe she would have left me if she had had any other option. Her immediate family consists of our two children and a neice. She is still with me but doesn't cut me any slack!

Tell her what has changed! Nothing! Except now she knows something about you she didn't know before. Many times I have laid it out for my wife that I didn't chose to be this way, I was born this way. I tried and tried to quit, but, it always came back!

There is a lot of material on the net about "Why" we are the way we are. I really don't know what is real and what is mere fiction. I do know many of the things bare an uncanny parallel to my own experience and feelings.

I don't remember ever not wanting to dress! Many think that our difference began when we were in the mother's womb. All of us began as almost female but hormones told the fetus what to develop as. Those that were to be male were flooded with testrostrone telling the fetus to develop a male brain, penis and testicles. The fetus that is going to be female is flooded with estrogen telling the brain to develop female, to develop a vagina and ovaries.

I believe our difference came in when our brain didn't completely get all the message and consequently there is a little bit of femininism in our brain. This is a very simplified explanation of a very complex event and it is argueable whether it applies to us, but I'm sure it applies to transexuals. I personally feel that our needs are part of the same continum the TSs are on.

Your problems with your wife will not be solved in one discussion! It will take many. So be prepared to continue to search for information here and other places to gleen information that will be of help to you. PM me if you'd like more discussion. Good luck.

[irmichelle]

Last week I finally came clean with my wife about my alter ego.
She is not accepting it well and is dead against any possibility
of ever accepting it. I need help from you girls to give her the
background help she's looking fof. I'm new to this, but have been dressing since age 4 or 5. What I don't know is why it got
so severe suddenly?
hope I can get some help for both of us.


hugs,

shannon
I have been married for almost 26 years to the same wonderful woman. I started crossdressing the wrong way. I was hiding everything, including my feelings. When the fire hit the frying pan and my wife confronted me I told her to accept it, get over it. Wrong!!!!! Like your wife, my wife was not accepting and didn't think she could ever accept it. After the initial shock had worn off. my wife sat me down and we talked. We talked about feelings for both of us and my wife asked all kinds of questions so she could try to understand what I was feeling inside. At the same time, I had to try and put myself in her shoes. It didn't happen overnight and we had many discussions relating to Michelle. What we have discovered is that we have had to set ground rules so that we both understand and can be comfortable with Michelle. We still have a few bumps to work out but what I have found in my case is not to get upset and to be totally honest. My wife is my best friend, my confident, and the other half of me and total honesty has always worked the best for us. Every couple is different but this is what is working for us.

[il.dso]

Thank you for your post. You are very courageous. It's such a difficult situation. Without know all of the details, it sounds like I'm in a similiar situation. It's very stressful, to say the least. Please accept my sincerest best wishes to you and your wife. I hope that love will get you through.

[Robingirl]

Hi Shannon - here's my "advice". Continue to be as good a person as you possibly can to your wife. Put yourself in positions where she can look back and say how good you have been to HER. Keep her aware a little bit that being Shannon is important to you, you like it, it makes YOU HAPPY, and it would be nice if she would keep an open dialogoe with you about it. I have been married 30 years this week, my wife does not like it but likes ME and it is a part of me. It takes time and patience. Good luck dear - Huggs , Robin

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

If I had it to do over I wish that I had told my wife before we got married, I didn't tell her until we were married for 19 years. That was the worst thing I could do and I also spoon fed her the progression and that was not right either. We are at a differant place in our understanding now and it has been a long road getting here. I would say how ever you proceed give it to her straight and give her it all, she is owed that much. Good luck!