Whats the purpose of going out? [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

Ashley in Virginia

11-25-2007, 08:29 PM

Joni T

11-25-2007, 08:42 PM

If you've never done it or are unwilling to try it you'll never understand it.

Marla S

11-25-2007, 08:45 PM

Whats the whole point of running everyday errands dressed?...
For me the point is: I don't have to hide and spare a lot of worries this way.
The thrill of it is long gone ... a thrill that had its roots in the battle of urge and angst. Got rid of most of it meanwhile and that just feels good.

AllieSF

11-25-2007, 08:49 PM

I think that you have answered your own question in the last sentence. You can't handle the attention. Others can. So what ever floats your boat and makes you happy. We are a broad spectrum of society and exist at many different levels of adventure. I enjoy going out for dinner, to museums, dancing, etc. I haven't done the shopping yet en femme, but maybe one day. I am happy and don't care what others might think when I am out. It's all in the head.

trannie T

11-25-2007, 08:53 PM

I go out occasionally but usually only for events like social and support meetings or shows in clubs. I do not pass but I enjoy the experience, it is a way of expressing myself and probably a bit of exhibitionism.

Dita_B

11-25-2007, 09:15 PM

Ashley in Virginia

11-25-2007, 09:19 PM

With all due respect, but from your post I got the message that you have no clue what it is all about to go out in public en-femme...

So I doubt the fact that you are a crossdresser at all....

Are you?

:love:Dita.

I guess not. Thanks for clearing that up for me. My compulsion for wearing clothes and makeup must be entirely something other than crossdressing.:rolleyes:

AllieSF

11-25-2007, 09:21 PM

Good answer Ashley. Hang in there.

Sally24

11-25-2007, 09:21 PM

Some (not all) feel just the opposite. If they dress at home and nobody sees them do they still exist? It feels more like "dress up" when that is all you're going to do. If you get dressed and go out into that big bad public you are seen, interacted with, and yes maybe recieve a comment or two. That's real life!

Granted, the better you look, the more tempting going out in public is going to be. We're not looking for abuse, just some outside validation of our existance.

Niya W

11-25-2007, 09:41 PM

Its about being seen, validation, and enjoying your self

Ashley in Virginia

11-25-2007, 09:47 PM

If you've never done it or are unwilling to try it you'll never understand it.

Thats a cop out answer...

I think that you have answered your own question in the last sentence. You can't handle the attention. Others can. So what ever floats your boat and makes you happy. We are a broad spectrum of society and exist at many different levels of adventure. I enjoy going out for dinner, to museums, dancing, etc. I haven't done the shopping yet en femme, but maybe one day. I am happy and don't care what others might think when I am out. It's all in the head.

I don't think I did. I don't want to go out. I just want to know why someone does.

Its about being seen, validation, and enjoying your self

Seen by who? Strangers? Is it validation if someone hollers something obscene? Or is it more validation if you don't get noticed?

Kelly Greene

11-25-2007, 09:48 PM

Going out in public dressed up in fem fashion appears to be the next logical step in cross-dressing after you have put together a complete outfit, this may be true for some and not true for others.
The decision to leave my front door and be seen by others is one that came to me because I have a need to live my life being true to myself, and that is probably the biggest reason for doing anything. If we can’t be true to our selves then we can’t be true to the others in our lives.

Megan70

11-25-2007, 09:51 PM

hear, hear!... short sweet and to the point. I agree totally with Niya. For me its the art of crossdressing and perfecting the art of "female impersonation" so as to perceived treated and talked to as a woman. I have a heavy theater background and I think of it as very pleasurable method acting where I "become "Megan that lady that just walked by you without you noticing. Thats the idea, be unobtrusive and blend in as you would as a girl with their own.Now that is validatio!!.Its an art that takes time to perfect but is oh... such a thrill, a rush.:p

Not to hijack another thread, so I thought I start a new one.

I don't get the whole "thrill" that I keep hearing people talking about. Is it a sexual thing? I can't think of anything thrilling about people staring and talking about me.

I am not knocking anyone. I am closeted and will NEVER go out. There is nothing out there for me. I am pretty sure I can't handle being talked about like a freak and being laughed at.

That is completely presumptuous , if after much practice and care in dressing you go out in public with head held high NO One will laugh at you, or holler at you. Where are you getting such notions?? Please don't generalize and think that happens at all to any of us. Its rare, and frankly most of us don't care. Its their problem to deal with.
Best you always stay inside with that attitude, not sure not a candidate for public appearances.

Megan

Nicole Erin

11-25-2007, 09:53 PM

Yeah this is actually a good question.

I think at first a person can be happy with being home dressed up. but-

1) We all have things to do in our day to day lives, and we don't want to have to get all undressed to conduct our out of the house lives.

2) Maybe we want to show off a bit. Some of us may or may not look pretty, but we feel so and want to show off a bit. Not so much sexual, maybe vanity.

3) This is part of who we are. So maybe every so often, we want to present that part of ourselves.

You know for real tho, you should enjoy the experience, unless you truely have NO desire to go out and enjoy the world en femme. Just be careful in your outings, stay in safe places. And unless someone looks utterly ridiculous, no one is going to give you a hard time. Besides, even if some do, there will always be a******s with something to say about everyone.

Genifer Teal

11-25-2007, 09:58 PM

For me going out is all about the attention I get. I don't mean negative attention - although there is some on occasion - I mean positivie compliments from GG's. I have way more fun going out in the NYC club scene as Genifer. In drab I'd be just another average guy blending in. When Genifer goes some where, that is where the party is. It seems to follow me wherever I go. I've met so many more people and made many friends.

I recently had an epiphany? (I think that is the right word). Sometimes passing is irrelivant. I know how people treat Genifer, and in many situations that is more fun. How I chose to dress (boy or girl mode) is often a no brainer for me - as long as it is appropriate. I doubt I'd get the same treatement at work.

There it is in a nutshell. Dressing up and staying home is like the tree falling in the forest and no one hears it. If no one will see me, why bother with the effort? How many of us would dress if there was no mirror to see ourself? I know there is still the feel of the clothes but you see what I am trying to say.

Anyway, this is what works for me.

Gen

Niya W

11-25-2007, 09:58 PM

WHen i first started going out yes I got heckled . People said thats a dude. Now I've been going out and have people hit on me. It is a state of mind. No offense to ask why people go out is almost the same as asking why do you dress.

We all are in different states. Some like to go out, some will never leave the house.

Kate Simmons

11-25-2007, 10:00 PM

I guess it's just a personal choice Ashley. Some see it as a kind of adventure I guess. I did it for awhile but got nothing out of it really, so don't any more. The stores really don't care who buys what as long as they see the green. This has developed into a fun thing for me, so I just do it mostly when I'm doing something special such as going out with my friends or to the club. In any case, I feel I don't need approval or disapproval from anyone else as I'm too old and stubborn to change anyway.:happy:

wannabie

11-25-2007, 10:02 PM

Whats the purpose of going out?

Why get a new jacket if your not going to wear it?
Why buy a car if your not going to drive it?
Why have a party if your not going to dance?
Why have a piano if your not going to play it?

Unless your there you won't get it.

Ashley in Virginia

11-25-2007, 10:20 PM

That is completely presumptuous SIR , if after much practice and care in dressing you go out in public with head held high NO One will laugh at you, or holler at you. Where are you getting such notions sir?? Please don't generalize and think that happens at all to any of us. Its rare, and frankly most of us don't care. Its their problem to deal with.
Best you always stay inside with that attitude, not sure not a candidate for public appearances.

Megan

If by using "SIR" you feel as if you are insulting me, then okie dokie.... :rolleyes:

Hecklers happen. I am sure someone cares, because quite often I see threads about it here on the forum. I am not making generalizations about yours, or anyone's ability to "pass" or whatever. I am just looking to understand some peoples personal motivation for going out.

For me going out is all about the attention I get. I don't mean negative attention - although there is some on occasion - I mean positivie compliments from GG's. I have way more fun going out in the NYC club scene as Genifer. In drab I'd be just another average guy blending in. When Genifer goes some where, that is where the party is. It seems to follow me wherever I go. I've met so many more people and made many friends.

I recently had an epiphany? (I think that is the right word). Sometimes passing is irrelivant. I know how people treat Genifer, and in many situations that is more fun. How I chose to dress (boy or girl mode) is often a no brainer for me - as long as it is appropriate. I doubt I'd get the same treatement at work.

Gen

I can see going to a club and such. Going to events where the dressing is accepted as a social norm is cool and all. I want to know why do it for everyday stuff when it is easier just to do it without?

Whats the purpose of going out?

Why get a new jacket if your not going to wear it? I could give it to the homeless
Why buy a car if your not going to drive it? Maybe it will appreciate in value over time and I could make a profit
Why have a party if your not going to dance? So other people can dance and have a good time
Why have a piano if your not going to play it? Pianos make great decoration. I know several people who own them but can't play

Sorry, i couldn't resist. :p
Unless your there you won't get it.

Karren H

11-25-2007, 10:20 PM

Beats the hell out of me.... i just like to do it.... when ever I get the chance....

Michelle (Oz)

11-25-2007, 10:31 PM

My answer is by way of sharing my mental anguish.

When trravelling interstate I sometimes have the opportunity of dressing and going to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. I tend to go to bed late and to make dressing worthwhile I have to get up fairly early. I lie in bed thinking is it worthwhile getting up and worrying about the beard, make-up, etc.

Invariably I do and I have NEVER regretted doing so. In fact, I usually regret how long it took me to get up and the reduced time for being out dressed. Unless you have the opportunity to be out dressed you will not appreciate the great feeling and validation it generates.

Several additional points - with practice I can now do a good job of presenting in 45 minutes plus cleaning up in 20 minutes. I don't pass to an observant person but I have only once had an issue when a drunk embarrassed himself more than me.

Nonetheless, I respect those who stay within their own house. It isn't for me but it would make life less complex.

Michelle (Oz)

AllieSF

11-25-2007, 10:41 PM

Ashley, I never really answered your question as to why I go out dressed. I do it because it is fun for me. I try to go places where I feel comfortable and I like to interact with others while dressed. This is not a sexual nor a gender thing for me, at least not yet, since I just started very late in life at the begining of this year. Sometimes I think it is like going to a masquerade party with only me and the people I am with that have dressed for it. I get nervous sometimes, but I have never yet been afraid. I may worry how I look just before I leave the house, but once out I don't pay much attention to it. I love to meet and talk with others and dance when I can. As Karren said, "I do it because I enjoy doing it!".

11-25-2007, 10:52 PM

Not to hijack another thread, so I thought I start a new one.

If you are truely transgendered, and are thinking of transitioning, or something like that then this doesn't really apply to you. This is more for the closeted people.

Whats the whole point of running everyday errands dressed?... Why spend time getting all done up, to just go and do something incredibly mundane (shopping, paying bils, ect..), and then come home. Why subject yourself to potential hassle?

I don't get the whole "thrill" that I keep hearing people talking about. Is it a sexual thing? I can't think of anything thrilling about people staring and talking about me.

I am not knocking anyone. I am closeted and will NEVER go out. There is nothing out there for me. I am pretty sure I can't handle being talked about like a freak and being laughed at.

hey i have seen your pictures and you look better than me :--
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1094718&postcount=1,
i think it could be your fear . in my 3 years full time i only had one incident thats not bad .. and well i get the looks but it does not bother me anymore

why not try going out and seeing for yourself .. you look great and it's not as bad as you think out there !!
hugs mj

Ashley in Virginia

11-25-2007, 11:00 PM

Miss Petra

11-25-2007, 11:03 PM

Ashley,

I have only been out twice and they have been with other CD's in a safe environment. It was liberating for me and good to be out of the prison I call my home. I was ready to get out and thats the key no longer content staying home.

What is important is that you dress and that you are a crossdresser it dont matter where and how you do it. If you are a man and you wear womans clothing you are a crossdresser. If you do it only in your house and you are happy with that great:D. That is what is important and what matters.

And to some of the responses of the ladies here you GUYS are not acting lady like & supportive you are acting like a bunch of Men & you call yourselves crossdressers shame on you:Angry3:

Petra

Kieron Andrew

11-25-2007, 11:05 PM

Megan70

11-25-2007, 11:07 PM

Did I ever use the wrong moniker on you sweetie, my true apologizes. You are no more a sir looking Cd than I am a chimpanzee. You look GREAT after seeing your pictures. You should have absolutely no fear of going out at all , you can pass in a second without a second glance. Very pretty face. Pictured a totally different person hence my error. Sorry dear. I guess it all boils down to the idea if you have no desire to go out fine, don't ,many of us do, each for our own reasons which were mostly explained her, but consider it someday hon' because after see your photos nobody is going to laugh or holler at you.! Get he courage-you've got the looks.:hugs:

Megan :happy:

Butterfly Bill

11-25-2007, 11:08 PM

I never "get dolled up" with makeup or any of that, so it isn't a problem. In the summertime I can get dressed in less than 5 minutes, no more that it takes to put on pants and a shirt.

I go out because the actual experience I have, i.e. tolerated if not accepted by most of the people I encounter, erases any of my anxieties. I don't have to worry if there is a knock on the door, of if anyone sees me outside in my yard. I don't have to hide anything any more.

I also go out because a skirt feels much better if you are feeling warm breezes on your legs, and a tank top feels so much better if there is sunshine felt on my shoulders. The are many sensations you can get outside that you can't get inside.

TerriM

11-25-2007, 11:11 PM

I started dressing when I was 12 or 13 and did so in private until I was 29. After I started going out I found that dressing at home became frustrating. I still dress home on the rare occasions there is nobody else home. But when I do I have a tremendous urge to go out. I started going out in 1977. Since then I have met so many great people because of my crossdressing. I have had so many great experiences. I often think of those experiences when I get depressed and can't get out. I don't think i could ever go back and just dress at home.
Yours Terri

KatieZ

11-25-2007, 11:14 PM

"What good is sitting alone in your room?
Come hear the music play.
Life is a Cabaret, old chum,
Come to the Cabaret."

Start by admitting
From cradle to tomb
Isn't that long a stay.
Life is a Cabaret, old chum,
Only a Cabaret, old chum,
And I love a Cabaret!

Brenda1423

11-25-2007, 11:17 PM

Its about being seen, validation, and enjoying your self

That's what thrills me.

Hugs,
Brenda

Lori SC

11-25-2007, 11:17 PM

Wow! Ashley... Good question, and so many good answers so far. Obviously this isn't a yes/no answer.

If you are truely transgendered, and are thinking of transitioning, or something like that then this doesn't really apply to you. This is more for the closeted people.

Whats the whole point of running everyday errands dressed?... Why spend time getting all done up, to just go and do something incredibly mundane (shopping, paying bils, ect..), and then come home. Why subject yourself to potential hassle?

I don't get the whole "thrill" that I keep hearing people talking about. Is it a sexual thing? I can't think of anything thrilling about people staring and talking about me.

I am not knocking anyone. I am closeted and will NEVER go out. There is nothing out there for me. I am pretty sure I can't handle being talked about like a freak and being laughed at.

If you will never go out, then why the question? Curiosity? I was in the closet, very deep, years ago. But guess what? The closet and house weren't big enough. I was all dressed up and no place to go. Eventually, I started out with timid steps, and now go out whenever the mood strikes me. - Why? Because it makes me feel good.

I don't go out and do mundane "male" things. I go out and do things I never could as a male - like shopping for womens clothes and trying them on. Like going to get a makover. I'm not going to waste my precious girl time by paying some stupid bill that I can do by mail... (er... male?)

Ashley, you don't realize, but it's not about the clothes anymore for some of us.

Others comments along the same thought patterns....

Some (not all) feel just the opposite. If they dress at home and nobody sees them do they still exist? It feels more like "dress up" when that is all you're going to do. ....We're not looking for abuse, just some outside validation of our existance.

There it is in a nutshell. Dressing up and staying home is like the tree falling in the forest and no one hears it. If no one will see me, why bother with the effort? How many of us would dress if there was no mirror to see ourself?
Gen

hear, hear!... short sweet and to the point. I agree totally with Niya. For me its the art of crossdressing and perfecting the art of "female impersonation" so as to perceived treated and talked to as a woman. I have a heavy theater background and I think of it as very pleasurable method acting where I "become "Megan that lady that just walked by you without you noticing. Thats the idea, be unobtrusive and blend in as you would as a girl with their own.Now that is validatio!!.Its an art that takes time to perfect but is oh... such a thrill, a rush.:p
Megan

There seems to be a progression among some crossdresers. The longer they crossdress, the more likely they will venture out of the closet. (Or maybe they wanted to from he very beginning, but had to do so in stages). One they are out, they hate to go back to the closet. Some I know, never even dress at home anymore. If they dress, they are going out...

To sum up, there is obviously a need for many of us to experience the world as a girl/woman/female, as best as we are able. We enjoy the experience. We experience things as a "woman" that we never could as a male, in male clothing.

There are many aspects to crossdressing. Many have used the train alliteration. Perhaps some of us are at a different station than you are. That doesn't make either of us better or worse. We are just at different places.

Hugs, Lori

LA CINDY LOVE

11-25-2007, 11:30 PM

For a lot of us getting dress up and staying at home is very mundane, to us Ashley. Going out dress to shop pay a bill or hit a club is a way of life to a lot of us girls.

A lot of Cd's felt just the same way you did about gong out but as time pass they got tired with the closet life and took a walk on the wild side and love it.

At this time you do not have the confidence to go out dress because you can not take the heat if you get read, you are ready for the attention you my get gong out dress so it is best that you stay in the closet.

Confidence is what we girls have who walk out that front door and a strong
attitude as to who we are, attention is what some of us look for and for others it is a adventure in life.

LA CINDY LOVE

Billijo49504

11-25-2007, 11:53 PM

I get all dolled up and go out with my best girl, my wife!!!! We go shopping at LB and VS, the stores we like to go too. One lady said I didn't fit the fem mold, cuz I didn't have a daimond ring on, till my wife showed her a ring the same as mine. We both got simular rings for our 22 aniversary...BJ

Holly

11-26-2007, 12:20 AM

marny

11-26-2007, 12:32 AM

Don't EVER call me Sir! :eek: Going out is scary. Just be careful and it can be really fun! :devil:

Joni Beauman

11-26-2007, 12:42 AM

For me it is a lot about validation and acceptance - passing is particularly rewarding by not attracting attention. I find it helps with self acceptance, as well. Joni

raleighbelle

11-26-2007, 01:54 AM

For me, I would love to go out in public dressed, but the repurcussions of that with work, etc. would be too great, especially as I would not come close to passing. Perhaps one day I will be able to go out anyway. I can definitely understand the desire to go out.

Having said all that, I do have great value in dressing even just for myself in my own home. I find that by dressing, no matter how ridiculous I look, and how mismatched or inappropriate the outfit, it still helps me feel somewhat feminine, and also gives me a much calmer, more relaxed feeling than I normally have. Can't explain why, but I seem to become someone else; someone I like better and am more comfortable being.

If I could go out in public, and just be that me I described above, and be accepted, if even by just some of the people I would see, that would be all the more pleasurable, and all the more complete feeling of being a woman.

Tamara Croft

11-26-2007, 02:03 AM

I don't get the whole "thrill" that I keep hearing people talking about. Is it a sexual thing? I can't think of anything thrilling about people staring and talking about me.I'm not sure if it is even a thrill (well for my tam anyway) but more about being vain :heehee: Maybe you just haven't met the right person to drag you out yet :p and as for you going out, I don't think anyone would be staring at you to see if you're a dude... more like checking you out Mz pretty :p

DawnRodgers

11-26-2007, 02:23 AM

Ah, there is no feeling as great and exciting as going out fully dressed and no one noticing that you are not who you appear to be. The sound of my heels on the sidewalk, the feweling of a breeze bollowing out my skirt, the feeling of my purse thrown over my shoulder, buiying something and seeing my red tipped fongers as I open my wallet and get out somne manbey, leaving a lipstick mark on a glass, my breasts (breastforms) out in front of me, the feel of my necklace and earrings and bracelet, my hair brushing my shoulders, checking myself in my compact mirror - all of these things and more makiong me feel so feminine.
It is when I feel most complete and satisfied with myself and my appearance. Truly wish I could feel this way every day.

docrobbysherry

11-26-2007, 02:29 AM

While I have plenty of fears :heehee:, they aren't the only thing keeping me from going out I think.

It's risk v. reward. Right now I dont really see a whole lot of reward coming out of it. I am hoping to get a feel for what motivates others and maybe see if I identify or something else

Thanks for the compliment BTW :hugs:

I am a closet dresser. Your thread, and so many other posts here, have hit a chord with me. I'm learning about myself as I write my own post here!

I feel I can't let anyone know I dress, because of my young daughter. However, I live in SoCal. I walk around my home area and rarely see anyone I know. So, I could dress and drive a few miles and be pretty safe.

However, I didn't really enjoy dressing until I completed my look with my special faces. In the mirror and some of my pics, I think I look like an attractive woman. It's important to me that I appear to be HOT. If I couldn't fool myself completely, I don't know if I would keep CDing. My look could NEVER pass, tho. That may be the real reason I won't consider going out dressed.
Ashley, here's my point: Even tho I think u r quite attractive and could probably pass most places, U MAY NOT THINK SO! If I looked like u, I might try going out. But if U don't think so, what I or others think, won't matter.

As others mentioned, I love showing off my looks. A good reason to go out. But this and other web sites allow me do that quite nicely. I would feel like a " man in a dress", if I went out. Not like a hot babe! Think about it!
RS

www.myspace.com/robertsherry

Bethany_Anne_Fae

11-26-2007, 02:30 AM

Because I just gotta get out there and get my Goth on, baby! Its self gratifying, and emotionally cool on so many levels.

Lucy Bright

11-26-2007, 03:13 AM

I'd echo a lot of what's been said here already. I speak as one who hasn't been out yet, but would love to. What's holding me back is fear and shyness. From what I've read here, confidence and body language seem to be so much a part of whether you can get by without hassle, perhaps even more than appearance. (I can't make up my mind about passing, though. While I wish I had the looks - and body - of a pin-up, I can't help feeling that there's a kind of deception involved in wanting people to think I'm a GG, and that I ought to be after validation for being the person I actually am - i.e. transgendered. That's not to knock anyone who feels differently - it's just where I am at the moment.)

Anyway, I'd love to feel the wind and rain on my nylon-clad legs, and to have a skirt flapping around my legs. There are some really nice outdoor clothes I could wear too.

Kisses,

Lucy

crusadergirl

11-26-2007, 03:16 AM

I like your question its a good one.
I have thought about the anwser to that for awhile.
Ok you but the clothes but you just wear them in your house are you hide in your room. You just wasted all that money on clothes your not really using, atlest thats what i think.
The purpose of going out in public for me is to see what its like to be a girl, plus i get bored being a guy all the time. I don't like to show off how i look as well. No one has made fun of me yet are that i have noticed so its all good.
You should try it.
The purpose of it is to see the world in a different way.
I hope that was a good anwser for you ashley.

Mitch23

11-26-2007, 03:53 AM

I had to do it to deal with the attitudes that were in my head. it was my dirty little secret, i would be treated to public shame and ridicule - like a freak as you say. closeted in my own little world, i felt like a freak. I go out dressed about twice a week now and go where the real girls go. I shop, I pay bills, i dine, I dance, i go out tp the theatre.

I have been treated with the utmost respect, never been publically humiliated and made a heck of a lot of good friends on the way. I see the world now in a totally different way and realise that i have a right to belong in it and to dress as a girl if i wish.

You are very beautiful, very passable and would have absolutely no prob being out there too. I shan't lose sleep if you choose not to however!

love and hugs

Mitch

traceyanne

11-26-2007, 04:50 AM

ive really only started going out semi dressed.i only go out dressed to the level me and my wife are comfortable with. i could never pass in a million years so i have no intention to try, guess that just makes me a guy who enjoys womens clothes and the other feminine aspects of me

Shelly Preston

11-26-2007, 05:59 AM

Hi Ashley

There are many and varied reasons for going out

Some of those are the freedom that it gives the person
Not quite a thrill but being able to be how they see themselves at that particular time
It may seem like being out it the most normal thing they can do even if its only a walk in the park or a visit to the mall

It could also be the fact that dressing at home has become impossible for whatever reason, so the only option is a hotel room or a quick change somewhere as demonstrated by some of our members

I never and I do mean never thought I would ever go out apart from my garden

However I did go out a few months ago

I have to say while I enjoyed the experience it was not a thrill
I had very little interaction with other people and I am unsure how I would feel in a busy area

MarinaTwelve200

11-26-2007, 07:26 AM

Not to hijack another thread, so I thought I start a new one.

If you are truely transgendered, and are thinking of transitioning, or something like that then this doesn't really apply to you. This is more for the closeted people.

Whats the whole point of running everyday errands dressed?... Why spend time getting all done up, to just go and do something incredibly mundane (shopping, paying bils, ect..), and then come home. Why subject yourself to potential hassle?

I don't get the whole "thrill" that I keep hearing people talking about. Is it a sexual thing? I can't think of anything thrilling about people staring and talking about me.

I am not knocking anyone. I am closeted and will NEVER go out. There is nothing out there for me. I am pretty sure I can't handle being talked about like a freak and being laughed at.

I am of the same opinion. I don't consider myself "Closeted", but rather a PRIVATE CDer--to me "closeted" means a CD who Wants to , but is afraid to go out. "Private" means that one feels that CDing is a personal, private thing one does alone(like taking a shower, using the bathroom or "pleasuring one's self"), and no one needs to know about it.

I think that the CDers who go out are getting an extra "thrill" of the risk of "exposing" themselves in public---Indeed the urge to go out in public may be DIAGNOSTIC of the "Classic" CDer---Perhaps us private types have a different psychology, where CD means something DIFFERENT than the "typical" CDer. A different condition that STILL involves the wearing of clothing of the opposite gender, but may not be a "Classic CDer at all.

TxKimberly

11-26-2007, 07:49 AM

Ashley, the answer for me is simply my world is bigger than my closet. If life is worth living, it is worth living to the fullest, don't you think? But honey, that's me. If you are content to dress and stay in, more power to you. I just don't see the point.

I think Holly's answer here is great. To add to it just a touch, if others are like me, some of us dreamed of being girls when we were younger. Going out "dressed" is as close as we are likely to get. It's just an awesome feeling to be out in the world - it's almost the fulfillment of a dream.

Nadia-Maria

11-26-2007, 07:58 AM

I understand the point of Ashley and agree basically with Ashley and Marina.
I am a private CDer and have no need to pass among strangers. I don't want to interact with strangers about my CDism. It would be meaningless. I would have no reward at all.

If I were to go out, it would be to have more room for walking than home. So I plan to go out dressed in the country just for being able to walk a few miles, rather than just a few meters.

Going out and passing is not my ultimate goal. I am a private CDer and my social life is that of a man. At home, most of the time I am dressed enhomme.

Maybe I am more an Introvert. I presume extroverted people prefer expose themselves.

Nadia-Maria

Denielleinheels

11-26-2007, 08:14 AM

Kate Simmons

11-26-2007, 08:18 AM

I think a lot of it comes down to self confidence Ashley and self validation. I'm pretty confident in myself either way , so need to prove nothing to anyone really. I've had many adventures en femme that will never be discussed here, not because they are bad or anything but mostly because they are private. Some of them involve little personal "victories" as to how others see us and while they may not be sensational, they are important to me because I have gained the respect of others due to being who I am and never hide anything.

While it may give some a "rush" to be able to go out and "pass" and there is nothing wrong with that, it does very little for me and I would be asking myself just what was accomplished. Most people don't give a rat's banana anyway and are too wrapped up in their own lives to care much, except maybe for the occassional moron who wants to make an issue of things. Once again, if I'm in stealth mode and undetected, what is really accomplished, except maybe in my own mind?

Bottom line is we are all the best judge of our own situation. In my case, I pulled out all stops when I finally decided to go out but realized very quickly that most people could care less one way or the other, so turned my attention to what I felt was more productive which was being accepted for who I am and in turn accepting others for who they are. Anyway, you are beautiful and are doing just fine no matter what you decide to do my friend.:happy:

Littlej10

11-26-2007, 09:39 AM

I guess ther is more than a little exhibishionist propensity in most of us. When you haven't been out very often there is a great thrill in being accepted/ignored (is this the same?) even if you are read occasionally.

nornor

11-26-2007, 11:39 AM

I really wish I could answer this question for everybody... however; I can only answer it for me. I am who I am. He is she and she is he. My personality and gender makeup is equally both. The first time I was scared... the second time I was scared..the third,well you get it.

This is the quote that I iddentify with the most. I think that being "passable" has very individual meanings. For me, I don't wish to go out in public, (whether it be dressed or not) and not be noticed in a positive way. I enjoy reading threads where the girls go out and are acknowledged in a positive way by sales attendants, or people just passing by. BTW - I consider a guy whistling at me from a passing car as I'm walking to the club as "positive". (It's one of the reasons that I park a block away from the club, even though there was a space right in front.)
The threads that I'm not sure I understand is where the girls spend a day out shopping and proudly proclaim that no one even noticed them. I'll take a negative comment over no comment. At least I'll have learned something that I can improve upon.

Brianna Lovely

11-26-2007, 12:34 PM

Everyone is different.
But, speaking for myself, I go out dressed.

I feel that I'm just like any other mature woman, if I'm going to the grocery store, or some other day to day task, I wear clothes that are suited for the weather and where I'm going, a touch of lip-gloss, grab my purse and I'm out the door.

If I'm going to a special event or place, I'll dress accordingly and spend some time on my makeup.

As to why I put on a skirt and top, to go to the store, well.......because I can't go naked! giggle

Seriously, I consider myself a TG person, someone who is aware and accepting of both their feminine and masculine traits. Skirts, capries, pants, jeans, lacy tops, v-necks, stretch tees, colors, purses and fem footwear are my normal wardrobe.

And if people ask me why I'm wearing fem clothing, I tell them that it's my clothing, I'm a TG person, and I like wearing a skirt.

99% of the time, I'm not "trying to pass", and the 1% that I really try to look pretty, I'm probably read anyway.

tina jayne

11-26-2007, 04:50 PM

hi ashley hope that you are well in answer to your question about going out and doing mundane things, after christmas i will be going out the first time as tina all dressed up ,the fun i am having now going out buying clothes ect practiceing make up skills to look right ,and nails is great ,but when i go out i want to enjoy it and as i said lifes little drug we only have one life and live to the full and if it is 50/50 male or fem i will enjoy ever moment thats my :2c: have a great day bye tina:love:

Sophie Haworth

11-26-2007, 04:55 PM

Ashley, first of all let me comment you are naturally attractive, it seems that you do not have to work to hard to look female, that is a great asset.

I am a part time CD and can go months without dressing, or the desire, but for as long as I can remember (my early teens) I would dream about just going out and being a girl, nothing more, nothing less.

But I could never go out with the thought that I could be seen as a man dressed up as a women.

The dream is shattered if and when I am read. It has been a while now since I was aware that I had been read thanks to many peoples input here in this forum.

You did say it was hard to understand why we would dress up just to do something simple like a visit to a local store, but I will try to express some of the feelings here.

If I can do that small thing like visit a supermarket as Sophie the woman and not a man in a dress then for me that feeling is fantastic, I tremble with excitement at the thought, and I have been doing this for 40 years.

I recently told the story of meeting the postman. I spent well over 2 hours getting ready just because I knew he would be visiting and I purposely met him in my drive as Sophie Haworth. Not the man who lives here.

That meeting lasted no more than 5-10 seconds, but it was worth every hour of effort I had put in. I met him, I said thanks as he handed me my package and he walked away without a second thought or glance back.

For me it meant he had spoken to Sophie and saw nothing else but Sophie.

The thrill of interacting with someone as Sophie seems to be the ultimate, there is nothing else I wish to do with my cross-dressing. I do not wish to meet other CD`s or go out with anyone who would be aware of what I actually am.

If he (the postman) had shown any indication that he had read me I would be devastated. It is that important to me.

You must be aware now though that a CD is not just someone who wears women's clothes, CD is just a label there are some many different aspects of what and why we do what we do.

I know there are others just like me.

I have absolutely no wish to live as a woman.

But for a short period of time I have a compulsion to be one, or at least live the dream of being one.

When the desire has gone then Sophie disappears almost without trace.

It is not just a compulsion to dress as a woman it is to be one. And that is not at all easy for me to achieve.

I wonder what drives you to wear the clothes, is it more than just the clothes for you?

I know you started this post with a serious question and not a dig at anyone.

All the best Ashley

Sophie.

Ruth

11-26-2007, 05:04 PM

What a good question. It really touched a nerve in so many. I saw the word "validation" in several answers way back, and I think that's one of the keys. I like to dress for its own sake, but I get something more if I dress in company, and am seen as Ruth. When I go out in public, and I don't get "read", people are seeing me as Ruth (though they don't know my name).
It's all to do with our basic nature as social creatures. We are only fully ourselves in human society, like it or not.

Lisa Golightly

11-26-2007, 05:24 PM

Ahhh... Ya just gotta do stuff don'tcha?

Nicole Erin

11-26-2007, 05:41 PM

Ashley, one that avatar is hilarious :D

Two, yeah your photos, you do look quite good. I think if you went out, your only problem would be guys trying to pick you up. Well, that may not be a problem for you. You would never have to pay for dinner for yourself as long as you were "Ashley" :heehee: But you know how those guys are, they take a lady out and want something in return.

Ashley, look, you could have loads of fun. If I looked that good, especially in tight jeans, Erin would be the only person people knew. :heehee:

Get out there and knock'em dead!

tammysuetv

11-26-2007, 05:54 PM

I like to go out and do the mundane things. I do not pass very well so I do not go places with an abundance of people. It makes me feel good to go out. I love feeling the wind on my legs, hearing the click of my heels on the pavement, smelling my perfume and seeing my reflection in windows.

When I go out it feels like the next step in my dressing and I enjoy it. I think it is more of a waste to get all dressed up and not go out.

Just my humble opinion here.

charlie

11-26-2007, 05:55 PM

rickie121x

11-26-2007, 06:03 PM

Sometime in my mid thirties I would put on my hose and high heels and drive around in my car - feeling risky, very scared, and yet I kept doing it....

A few years later, I would get all "dolled up", and wearing a mask, to host the "trick or treat" neighborhood kiddies - and their parents who accompanied them. I felt no risk, and felt thoroughly high! That was only once a year, but Wow! What a high!

A few more years: I found BDSM friends in Los Angeles, and went to lots of parties, dressed in my hot and sexy Domme leather garb, but still with a mask. After about half a dozen of those outings, I learned to do makeup and began to do the BDSM parties dressed in my Domme leather gear - this was about age 42. This process seemed to fulfill my need for the excitement of "outings."

...and I have been doing that ever since - and I will be 73 next week! The "scene" is not so active here in Vegas and I do not get to dress as often.... I very rarely go out for anything but the parties - for just as you said; "There is nothing out there for me. I am pretty sure I can't handle being talked about like a freak and being laughed at." That, indeed, has happened and my emotional reaction was very unpleasant - I really don't want that to happen again.

Thanks for starting this thread - there have been several important notions expressed.

Rickie :doll:

Kelsy

11-26-2007, 06:08 PM

I am suffering from closet desperation:eek: Where I live it is impossible to go out but I desperatley want to. I have gone out before and it was scary and thrilling and most of all it just felt right some how!! who will drag me out??

Kelsy

Julie York

11-26-2007, 06:12 PM

It seems to be about showing off (clubber), getting a secret thrill (they know but I don't care) and "getting away with it" (they think I am a woman). Most CDs are adrenalin junkies.

People with a less robust nervous system play russian roulette.

Phoebe Reece

11-26-2007, 06:59 PM

I go out because for me it is fun. I am also one of those that no longer bothers to dress at home unless I am going out. I had too many years of "all dressed up and no place to go" to continue to dress and just sit at home.

What is fun for some people represents sheer terror for others. I also ride a motorcycle for fun. I know lots of folks that are terrified of riding a motorcycle. You should do what you feel comfortable doing, unless you are intentionally trying to take yourself to another personal level of bravery.

SweetCaroline

11-26-2007, 07:17 PM

Pure and simple. I went out and continue to go out because I wanted to meet others like myself, and hopefully make friends. When you're in the closet, you are told time and time again that "it's alright" "you're not alone" "there are a lot of other men like you", and then you go out and you don't see them, and you're like "so where are all these other cross-dressers". Until you actually go out, in public, and meet another cross-dresser face to face, we might as well be like Bigfoot, or UFOs, or angels. Sure people have claimed to see them and you've seen photographs, but until you go out and see them for yourself, they might as well not exist.

I go out not for a thrill (tho that's there) or because I want to pass (I've never even worried about that). I go out because I want people to know I exist. That WE exist, and that no one's going to stop us from continuing to go out and be happy.:hugs:

Christine Kelly

11-26-2007, 08:12 PM

What is the point of getting all dressed up if you don't go out?
All that effort. All that work. To what end?
Sharing with others what you have created is a most self less act.
Even if it is just about going out for your self, just to enjoy being out dressed in the world.
It really is an awesome act.
And the thrill is not to be believed!

Sharon

11-26-2007, 08:35 PM

I am TG and transitioned, so the question doesn't apply to me. However, I believe that there are all sorts of crossdressers, with many varying needs to dress. For some, it is a release of femininity, and, for others, it is simply the feeling they get from the clothing itself. For those who wish to express a feminine trait, of whatever degree or influence, some are perfectly fine keeping it private and that's perfectly fine, and others are satisfied until they can do it in public, again for many reasons. Everything is good.

If you are truly happy staying at home to express this part of you, then that's what you should do. But if it is only fear that keeps you indoors, then, maybe, you should think about it some more.

Lilith Moon

11-26-2007, 08:49 PM

Ashley, I feel the need to dress femme. I don't know why but I just do it. I think you can understand that.

Likewise, I feel the need to go out en femme and so I do it without knowing why. I can't explain my reason for wanting to go out any more than I can explain my reason for dressing. I just know that it feels damn good.

You obviously don't have this desire to go out (yet) but surely you can appreciate that others may have drives that you don't. Just like you have a drive to dress in female clothing but most males don't.

Fionax

11-27-2007, 06:19 AM

Whats the whole point of running everyday errands dressed?... Why spend time getting all done up, to just go and do something incredibly mundane (shopping, paying bils, ect..), and then come home. Why subject yourself to potential hassle?

Can I enter the fray? I guess most of us, no matter how often we dress, deep down inside are scared stiff of being outed and the actual moment of stepping into the outside world is like a soldier 'going over the top': a massive adrenalin surge. So doing something that is familiar and mundane, reduces the fear, and in most cases we have n't got all done up, but are dressed relatively inconspicuously. The hope is that because we are familiar with the mundane there will not be any hassle. Those that have learnt to conquer that deep fear certainly do get all done up to do the more exciting things, but most of them need emotional support of some kind too.

Just my old penny's worth

Fi

Megan70

11-27-2007, 06:46 AM

I totally agree with Fionax. Its doing the errands, mundane as you put it that validates your reason for"being" there. You know how to go pay bills, grocery picup. gas station. These are truely indictadive of what a woman or man whould normally do.
I have found that usally the worst, most uncomfortable times feeling conspicuous is when you don't know where to go or what to do, but just drift along a mall or shopping center, "pretending" to be shopping but in essence looking to someone else like you are a puppy lost in the store. If you haven't got something convert to do.. a purpose in going then you might as well stay home Shipping to be with no intention of buying is very boring and I spend more time paranoid looking over my shoulder when I should'nt be

Its a giveaway I should not be there.:2c:

Megan

Penny

11-27-2007, 07:28 AM

There are two sides to every coin. There are two sides to me and I am quite comfortable with both. We have to accent the positive and eliminate the negitive for true happiness. Since we are such a diverse group, as Cd's are answers will vary but one thing is constant. We like to wear woman's clothes in some fashion; there is no one reason.
There are two sides to me. Some days I look like a male. Some days I look like a female. It all depends on how I feel. Some days, as a male I wear bluejeans and and a sweathirt. Some days I wear slacks and a collared shirt.
Somedays, as a female, I wear bluejeans and a sweatshirt and some days I wear a dress.
I go out no matter how I look while it is true I need to accent the positive
and eliminate the negitive enfem. After all I naturally look like a guy.
So the question is "do we go out because that is who we are?" or do we not go out because we are ashamed of who we are?" "Do we not go out because that is who we are?" Do we go out because we are ashamed of who we are
and need to validate our existance?"
I my case, my son has it right when he says " it is what it is!"

:hugs:

Penny

jayelle

11-27-2007, 12:20 PM

I understand the point of Ashley and agree basically with Ashley and Marina.
I am a private CDer...

I feel the same way. I don't understand the urge to go out. For me the joy of dressing up is that it's a private experience. But this thread simply illustrates that in cross-dressing as in so many areas of life, there are 1,000 shades of grey. And thank goodness for that.

sybercom11

11-27-2007, 12:27 PM

put me on the side of those who don't understand the need to dress up and go out in public. i have never done that.

but i do go out in any feminine clothing that i can get away with. that would include shorts and pants and tops and shoes, but not dresses, skirts, wigs and high heels.

in the summertime, i do not hesitate at all to go around in short denim shorts and tank top and girlie sandals. i get some double-takes doing that, but imagine if i had on a wig and high heels as well.

having said that, i suppose i would attend a gathering of other CDs in a private place dressed up. don't know if i would be brave enough to drive there that way though.

i pretty much just put the wig on for photos.

Mitch23

11-27-2007, 12:47 PM

i agree with megan. had an experience on monday when i went out just because it was my going out day but with no real purpose. totally froze even though i have been to the mall many times before - for me there has to be a plan

mitch

Genifer Teal

11-27-2007, 08:23 PM

I can see going to a club and such. Going to events where the dressing is accepted as a social norm is cool and all. I want to know why do it for everyday stuff when it is easier just to do it without?

As I tire of the club scene (same old same old) but still love it, I recently discovered that Genifer can have more fun in everyday life too. For some reason, people (in general) fined Genfier more approachable. Sometimes I wonder if since I'm putting my guard down by dressing this way, they tend to be more open too. Maybe it's just my smile.

Whatever the reason, I like the way Genifer gets treated. That is why I do it.

Gen

Denise Barrett

11-27-2007, 10:43 PM

Hi Ashley, :hugs:

It is a good question. For me it’s pretty simple, I want to be me, Denise, as much as I can be. That other drab person I go to work as, do my laundry as, is a facade. When I was in the Army, I had the opportunity to be stationed in Berlin (West of course), a beautiful city I’ve been told, but didn’t do it. Being restricted to one city would have effect my freedom to walk, to explore. It’s pretty much the same with being Denise, I can’t be restricted by my apartment. It isn’t excitement or validation I’m looking for, just freedom, to be me. Hope this helps.

With all my love and respect,:love:
Denise

P.S. All you ladies are wonderful, I just love this place.

sterling12

11-27-2007, 11:00 PM

Because for many, "It's the first tentative steps in a very long journey." The usual scenario is to, "go for a drive" in the car. Then, to the Post Office or some shopping center that's closed for the evening. I'm naming pretty typical examples that we have all seen posted.

Very few say: "I'm going to head on over to the local waterhole tonight and dress femme." In fact, some of the bravest here might not do that, let alone start that way! Many of these Gurl's don't live close to a support group, or don't know how to contact them. And so, they start with small steps like, "going out to pay The Water Bill."

You may not feel the compulsion to dress outside the house; but for thousands of us, it's a necessity. Joanie wanted OUT for many years, once she got her heels dug in, found out how nice it is to strut your stuff, meet with friends, shop for makeup, and a million other tasks and pleasures, ain't no goin' back! Joanie says: "It just feels good!" Isn't that sufficient? Wish you would join us, I think you don't know what your missing.

There's a bonus too. Probably no WIIFM in it, but everytime a Sista' hits the street, doing anything....it's just another small victory on our Road to Tolerance. I think one of the main ways that CD's might look forward to winning that battle is to make sure that people know we are out there, and that we are visible. You can't accomplish that, by sitting in he House with the curtains drawn.

Peace and Love, Joanie

KatGRL774

11-27-2007, 11:36 PM

You know what I like about you? You're a real person. You make sense - perfect sense. I don't see why you should go out either. I am also closeted and will NEVER leave the house. NO REWARD.. really, I'm not gay so I don't want to attract anyone.. so.. the only other reward I suppose would be if somone mistook me for a woman (and was obvious about it) - I suppose that would be nice (sort of). But really.. I have the most fun by myself! No risk of embarassing moments, or losing my job, or being seen by someone who knows me.. OR having someone talk to me, knowing I can't respond (I have a deep voice that is unmistakably masculine).

All I can say is.. I get you! It makes no sense to me either!

- Kat