Sometimes it's hard to be one of the guys

[Leo Lane]

All the guys who have known me for a long time know that I'm a girl, albeit a boyish one, and though we joke around and even roughhouse with each other the way guys do, there are some things -- bawdy stories, arm-wrestling, all that stuff -- in which they don't include me, and when that happens I feel shut out and lonely. I long to be fully one of the guys. I have some good female friends, but I also feel a little shut out when I am with them, because although we can talk about guys -- I'm mostly homosexual -- they know they can't talk to me about girly things. I don't want to be included in that kind of talk, but it hurts to know that people you're unreservedly fond of have reservations about you. Also I have that male thing of showing affection by playful insults and play-fighting, and I think that my roughness alarms some of the girls.

Anyone else have this problem...? I bet so.

[CaptLex]

Anyone else have this problem...? I bet so.
Yes and no. I'm uncomfortable being around the girls 'cause they mostly talk about stuff that doesn't interest me or outright turns me off - and I have no problem expressing my feelings about that. So I tend to hang with women that aren't much into that stuff either - they generally talk about other things that aren't female-specific or male-specific, like travel or current events.

As for the guys, they may feel that you'll join in on their stuff if you're one of them. I mean, guys don't usually wait for an invitation, they just jump right in (at least that's been my experience). So maybe if you shared your own bawdy story or just dove right in with your own male-oriented thing ("Anybody see the Jets game last night?"), they'd see that you get them and you're one of the guys too.

Guys like to talk about sex, so that's always a good topic to bring up. And as for being "mostly homosexual", that might alarm a few of them at the beginning, but it usually doesn't 'cause a problem for me. If they talk about women, I'll usually say something about how they don't do it for me, and relate a little about my own experiences or desires - and they're intrigued. ;)

[Syr_SwitchyGQ]

Yes. I've been out to most of my guy friends for a bit now, and only now are a few of them including me in the "guy talk." :hugs: Hopefully your friends come around soon.

[ZenFrost]

Definitely. Every time I'm with a bunch of girls I feel way awkward, especially when they start talking about girly things or gossiping. And when I'm with guys (who knew me as a girl) it's like they can't accept me as one of them. Time and time again I tell them to call me by my male name, but they never do. Instead, they put more emphasis on calling me by my female name. :rolleyes:

[SirTrey]

I think we all experience things like this...that's why the best kind of friends for Me are other transguys....**Trey**

[Cai]

I wish I had male friends to hang out with. It's hard being at a women's college sometimes - I'll go days, even weeks, without talking to a guy who's not a professor. And while I love my female friends dearly, there's things they talk about that I'm just really not interested in hearing. Vagina Monologues is coming up, so the whole campus seems to have shifted in "Rah! Womyn Power!" mode. And if I never see another one of those chocolate vagina pops again, it will be too soon.

[SirTrey]

And if I never see another one of those chocolate vagina pops again, it will be too soon.

There are chocolate vagina pops? Can't say I have ever seen one of those....??

[Tobie]

There are chocolate vagina pops? Can't say I have ever seen one of those....??
I'll make sure to get you one when you visit. ;)

[Cai]

There are chocolate vagina pops? Can't say I have ever seen one of those....??

They make them special for the show. It's just molded chocolate on a stick in the shape of a vagina - and I really, really, REALLY don't want to know how they got the mold. :yikes:

[DanielMacBride]

Chocolate vagina pops - PLEH. Do NOT want.

Daniel

[Syr_SwitchyGQ]

I wish I had male friends to hang out with. It's hard being at a women's college sometimes - I'll go days, even weeks, without talking to a guy who's not a professor. And while I love my female friends dearly, there's things they talk about that I'm just really not interested in hearing. Vagina Monologues is coming up, so the whole campus seems to have shifted in "Rah! Womyn Power!" mode.

Yeah... last year my best female friend dragged me to those (against my will) and had us sit in the FRONT ROW. :doh: Needless to say, she was one of the ones screaming during the "C*nt" one, and came home w/ lots of bumper stickers I hope she never puts on her car.


And if I never see another one of those chocolate vagina pops again, it will be too soon.

Chocolate vagina pops? :blink: We didn't have those (thank god) but that certainly gives new meaning to "eating *****." :eek:

Seriously though... certain breeds of feminists can be the most sexist of all people... it's odd really. Think if men had a similar penis rally for men's rights and men's, erm, *manparts* pride... what would be said, what they'd be accused of, etc. etc. So yeah I'm not a fan of the bra-burning-type of activism, simply because I don't think it really does anything to help women become equal; it rather hinders progress by turning off people who are already ambivilant about it. :thumbsdn:

[bi_weird]

Yeah Leo I know what you mean. Like, some of it I can keep up with, on both sides, but the extremes of male and female confound me. Mostly I find that hanging out with fellow chem dorks helps - when you're a grad student in the physical sciences it's hard to be to extreme in your gender. But yeah it takes some getting used to I find to just accept that sometimes I don't have anything to contribute. With people I know well I'll just point out that I'm lost or bored or whatever.

[John]

Yeah, I know what you meen. Fortunatly most of the girls learned years ago that I dont do girly, and have refrained from doing so in my presence.

It can be kinda hard geting into mens converstions, co most I know still treat me like a girl. I've never liked football either. (I did try doing 'conversation reserch' at one point, and ended up adicted to top gear)

[Leo Lane]

Thanks guys for the tea and symp...and CaptLex, you're kind of right: it's partly just my shyness in general, not necessarily my transgenderism.