The two sides of me, and why they don't always see eye to eye

[Lucy Bright]

I’ve only been on this board a short while, but one of the things I’ve noticed again and again already is that experiences I thought were unique and private, things I couldn’t possibly explain to anyone else, are utterly commonplace here! And don’t worry, I don’t feel less of an individual as a result, in fact it’s a great relief to recognize my experience in that of others.

So anyway, I was wondering if anyone else has the same problem I do in getting my male and female sides in synch. Now, I’m not one of those who has two different personas. ‘Lucy’ is just a flag of convenience as I’m concerned: whether I’m presenting as male or female it’s still me. BUT... one of the things my SO finds hardest to understand is the fact that, as a man, I’m rather uninterested in my appearance. I wear boring and cheap clothes, grab the nearest T-shirt to hand as I dress for work, and altogether give the impression of being pretty disconnected from the way I look. (I do wash regularly, and my boring clothes are always clean, but that’s about it!) As a woman, I’m fussier than she is, probably. I moisturize, pluck my eyebrows, I love to talk about clothes and make-up, etc etc.

Because of this contrast I think she has the idea that the male and female sides of me are really quite different people, or might as well be. From my point of view that’s not how it is at all. I’m not interested in male clothes, because I find them boring, and I’m about as interested in wearing them as most women would be, I guess – that is, not very. And, like many women, I find female clothes fun and exciting and fascinating. All the same, I think she finds it hard to understand why, if I’m the same person all the time, I don’t sort of ‘meet somewhere in the middle’ more. Why am I not interested in snappy, or flamboyant male clothes, for example? Why do I have no desire at all to wear a man's pink shirt?

Anyone else have this problem? Any advice on how to explain it in a way that won’t make her worry that I’m turning into a woman entirely? (Not that that’s impossible, mind – I seem to be changing on all fronts just recently - but it's not part of my plan!)

Kisses,

Lucy

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Lucy

The reason behind the confusion is that as a woman you get more excitment out of your female items as its not something most men get the chance to do

Its so much more fun with female things and you well do your best to look good

You may want to explain this to your wife or better still invite her to join where she can see your not the only one in this position :hugs:

[Marla S]

All the same, I think she finds it hard to understand why, if I’m the same person all the time, I don’t sort of ‘meet somewhere in the middle’ more. Why am I not interested in snappy, or flamboyant male clothes, for example? Why do I have no desire at all to wear a man's pink shirt?

Because it is a men's shirt.
I mean, what's the point of crossdressing ?
Depending where you coming from or where you are going to, the point is NOT to look like a (typical) man or to look like a woman respectively.

So, it's not only about nice clothes, certain fabrics, colors, comfort and stuff ... that's superficial only.
It's about changing the role or altering a role respectively.
You can't speak English by talking Spanish, though both are nice languages.

[lisa_e_love]

Because it is a men's shirt.
I mean, what's the point of crossdressing ?


I'm right with you Marla.

As a man I try and look presentable but don't go to extraordinary lengths to look good. I guess you would expect me to be slightly more "metrosexual" as a man but...not so. So, this dichotomy between your female and male selves isn't really weird.

[Kim_Bitzflick]

I am in a similar situation. I am fussy about my female apprearance. I think my fussiness is because I want to look good as a woman and pass as much as possible. It's easy for me to pass as a man (DUH), but I have to really work at being a woman.

That said, I love dressing and presenting as a woman on occasion, but it sure is nice when I can just wake up, comb my hair, throw on whatever male clothing and go.

[Tiffany Leigh]

I really dont like my male clothes, although, the more my wife complements my male self the more I like to pay closer attention to how I dress in male mode, But if I wear a shirt she likes that has a feminine fit/feel to it, I get really self concious because Tiffany wants to show up!.So I feel best in blue jeans,Justin boots, and Harley T-shirt. Tiffany likes jean skirts, and tank tops!


Tiffany

[Brenda1423]

I have the same feeling. I hardly look in the mirror when I dress as a man. I comb my hair in the morning and I may not see if I got any grease (I'm a mechanic) on my face all day. When dressed as a woman, I look in the mirror or any other object to see my reflection. It must be normal.

Hugs,
Brenda

[Brianna Lovely]

You have a plan? Giggle!

I like to think of myself as a blend of fem and masc traits, but I wonder.

Last year I was in a store, walking down the isle that divides the women's and men's clothing sections. I saw a display with men's tee shirts, and a sign "Retro Tee" and it was a men's bright pink tee, so I bought one.

Now, I have at least six women's tops, scoop neck, deep-v, short sleeve, long sleeve, tank, A_line, enbroidered and plain, stretch and cotton.

The funny thing is, I've worn all the pink fem tops, but have never worn the men's tee. I really don't know why. It's just that I pick up the pink men's tee, then say to myself, "No, this dosn't feel right", then select a fem top.

[Karen A]

Lucy,

I don’t think the two sides need to be in sync. If they were then what would be the sense in crossdressing? As a man I have two pair of dress shoes and a pair of sneakers. As a woman, if money and space weren’t a problem I think I could own 100 pair. The best way I can explain it for me is that everyone man has a feminine side but where the average guy may be 95% male and only 5% female I feel closer to 60/40. And to steal an old cliché crossdressing this is a way for me to “let out” women inside.

I never had to explain to a SO so not sure if this helps but good luck to you and hope everything works out.

Karen

[docrobbysherry]

Maybe it has something to do with "attraction". I'm not attracted to my male image, in the least! However, Sherry, an erotic, sexy, and hot woman is another matter! Young, attractive women, I can look at all day. Especially in the privacy of my mirror. That requires a lot of effort, but I get to not only SEE Sherry, I get to FEEL what she is feeling!
Uhhh. Not so sure u should run this by her after all!
RS

www.myspace.com/robertsherry

[Michellebej]

Wow, now I'm the one who feels out of sync!

My two halves are total disconnects.

Both sides worry about thier apperance. The male side is well known as a good dresser.

I did spend some time when I was in my 20s, when I first got married , doing the Manly Man thing! Had to have grease under my nails, long unkept hair, holey jeans.

Thank Goodness those days are long past!

Michelle

[Lucy Bright]

Interesting and useful comments all. Thinking about it, one other aspect of this for me is the strange feeling that I'm always in one kind of disguise or other. I don't like disguises - but either I'm a man dressed as a woman, or a woman dressed as a man.

Maybe I'm nearer the TS end of the spectrum than I thought, but at the moment I don't trust my own feelings, which have been in flux ever since I came out to my SO last month. Besides, my SO gets a lot of pleasure from our lovemaking, It always good, has been a lot better since I came out to her and am able to be more feminine in my loving - foreplay certainly lasts a lot longer and is more adventurous - but she is straight herself, so am careful not to emphasize the importance of that side of it too much.

One last thing. Though I've got no more feminine in my male dressing since I came out, the same certainly can't be said of my body language. Not sure why that is! I'm also a good deal less tolerant of my own hairiness.

I don't have a plan really, Brianna, but I do know I'm very much a work in progress!

Kisses,

Lucy

[Brianna Lovely]

One last thing. Though I've got no more feminine in my male dressing since I came out, the same certainly can't be said of my body language. Not sure why that is! I'm also a good deal less tolerant of my own hairiness.

I don't have a plan really, Brianna, but I do know I'm very much a work in progress!
Kisses,
Lucy

I've looked at my life and realized that I've spent most of it in denial. Now that I've accepted my fem-self, I feel that I'm going through some kind of change/adjustment, every day,

I think of it as evolving into something new, like the caterpillar that becomes the butterfly.

[Kate Simmons]

I became Ericka because Victoria was too much of a prima donna prude. Ericka was kind of a wild in-your-face tomboy, sometimes a little too much over the top. Rich is an easy going peace maker who gets along well with everyone. So, I amalgamated Rich and Ericka under the umbrella of Salandra. The result is a person who is easy going and friendly but still speaks her mind, so now everyone is happy. Seems to work out well for me anyway.;):happy:

[Dawn Marie]

I don't have two sides, but I do have two different looks. One just happens to be female, and the other drab male. I use to watch how I dressed in male mode but not any more at least clothes wise. In female mode I tend to look at every detail of me to make sure I present the best female appearance and manner. To me it is an art.