frustrated with myself

[Rebecca Jackson]

Hi,
I am so frustrated with myself right now. Today I had to go to the store to get a few things, and I decided that I was going to get some panties. I’ve always felt uncomfortable buying feminine things, even though I can rationally and logically tell myself that no one cares that I’m looking at the women’s underwear, and the clerks probably don’t even notice what the customer buys. But then I get to the store and chicken out. I feel like people are thinking I shouldn’t be looking at women’s underwear. I know that to many of you this probably seems trivial since you go out dressed on a regular basis, but to me it’s a big deal. Why can’t I do something as simple as buying panties or a bottle of nail polish? Why do I seem to lose all sense of perspective? It’s so easy to sit at home and think logically about it and convince myself that I can do it, but then I get to the store and all my reason and logic seems to disappear, replaced by unreasonable fears. I actually used to be able to do this without much of a problem, and have even ventured out dressed several times. Anyway, I feel very defeated right now, and very frustrated with myself. Is there any hope for me? Thanks for listening.

Rebecca

[paulaN]

I live in Maine, the northern part. The nearest city is Bangor and it's an hour away. It is nothing for me to see someone I know from my home town, or from my workplace in the city. That even goes for the city of Portland for that mater. Anyway in my case it's not bying panties or polish that seem to get me in a lather it's seeing someone that I know wile doing it. That's the part that gets me wound up tight. In your case it could be the same. I don't know. Are you shoping local? Maybe you should travel out of town. You might feel better about it. just a thought.

[SandyR]

Hun,

You are not alone, it justs take alot of courage to buys girls things. Most people are not looking but, still its just not an easy thing to do. If you know your size, order off the web, or maybe try buying a female razor first. Worked for me.......

Hugs!

SandyR

[Nicole Erin]

I sometimes feel uneasy shopping for women's things. I feel like a bunch of retarded teenagers will come up and laugh. But I don't really care. I dont laugh at them when they buy acne medicine.

Now normally when you look for women's things, no one will notice or care, EXCEPT -
when you are in the pantyhose section. I don't know why, but as soon as a guy is in that area, someone will come and ask if they can help. Sometimes when I need help with anything, I just go stand in the PH area knowing an associate will soon be asking if I need help. It is automatic.

So if you WANT help, just go stand in the PH dept. If you do NOT want to be bothered, then do NOT go in that area. You so much as glance at the PH, and a team of employees will run out of the back room screaming "Can I help you? Can I help you?" If Jimmy Hoffa was CD and wore hose, he would be alive and well and never "misplaced"

[Daintre]

Gosh Rebecca, this is something that we have all gone through. I remember many times walking back and forth in front of a lingerie store arguing with myself. Go on in...nobody cares....arggg, don't go in you will be so embarrassed. Finally you will overcome this and the barrier will be broken. Keep at it, it does come easier.

[suzanne]

Of course, there's hope! This forum is all about giving hope to whoever is unsure about themselves. It has helped me immensely already, although I still have much to learn from my sisters. I am a rank amateur compared with many of them, but I can go and shop for my own things. The main thing to remember is that old Nike commercial "Just do it." You will find that it gets easier every time you go shopping. You will also get comfortable with the idea that sales assistants want your business and don't care who is buying or why.

You go girl! And keep on reading this forum. It's full of encouragement and tips. Most of all it's full of people with loving acceptance, who know that progress isn't always easy or steady and sometimes we stumble. They will help you get back on the horse ASAP. Believe it, and believe in yourself!

[Zee]

About a 6 years ago, I had similar issues. I would walk in to a store and try not to look at the women's clothing while looking at it, afraid what people may think.

Then, one day, I snapped. My general attitude shifted completly in a matter of seconds. It went from, "gosh I hope no one sees me", to "F##K IT!, I'M NOT LETTING PEOPLE DICTATE TO ME WHAT I CAN AND CAN'T BUY!". The attitude shift was so strong and sudden that I almost yelled it out.

Be that as it may, I now have no problem buying things I want. I hope that you can find your inner "F##K IT" attitude soon hun.

Hugs
Z

[Lisa Elaine]

Rebecca, you're definitely not alone! I get anxious if I'm about to buy something obviously feminine like nail polish or pantyhose. For me, confidence builds on success ... go out and do it, and then do it again soon after ... just remind yourself that you CAN do it and use your recent successes to bolster your confidence. You have every right to walk in proudly and buy what you want. You can do it!

[susiej]

Count up the number of girls here who have purchased something feminine and intimate -- in my case, a bra -- at a big box store. Now count up all of them who chickened out the first few times they tried. Now subtract. Result = zero. We've all gone through what you are experiencing.

Here's a trick. Buy something cheap but distracting at the same time, like a package of adult diapers. You can imagine that the clerk and the other shoppers figure you're shopping for an invalid aunt. Frankly, none of them probably give a sh*t, but it will make you feel better.

Keep at it. You're a girl at heart, and girls wear nail polish and pantyhose. And the problem with that is .. what, again???

Hugs,
Susie

[trannie T]

This is something that has never happened to me. Well, maybe once. Or twice. Or a hundred times. As I've done more shopping it gets easier and easier. When I look at my bank account I sometimes wish I was a it more timid.

[Jennifer Soames]

I get nervous but have found the SA very helpful. I love the thrill of buying Lingerie and knowing that the SA is helping me buy something very femme. They seem to like it as well.

So dont be shy and if you are, shop away from home. You will be amazed at the thrill you get.

Jenny

[melissaK]

overcoming the fear, guilt, shame . . . it's a rite of passage . . . on the road to self acceptance . . .

hugs,
'lissa

[lisa_e_love]

Rebecca,

I still remember my extremely awkward interaction buying my first bra and panties in male mode. The clerk was some teenage guy but I had convinced myself I was going to buy it anyway.

He says, "Is this for a wife or a girlfriend or something?"
This was none of his business so I lied.
"It's for my girlfriend."
"It's kind of weird to be buying this for your girlfriend."
"OK."

But ultimately, he swiped my card, I took the lingerie, walked away and have never seen him again. That's kind of what I use to talk myself up: first, there aren't a lot of nosy prying clerks like him. Second, I tell myself I don't care what they think and that after it's over, it's over!

[Susan.]

It has been a weird road for me. I used to be okay at buying stuff, probably 'cause most of it was for my wife. But I know better than to buy her something now, so it is usually for me. Plus when I buy for her it is not usually very sexy (last time knit pajamas for her at Dillard's). But her birthday is next week, so I get to try again. :D

Anyway, I've never gotten better at buying lingerie. I guess I need more practice. Yeah, that's the ticket.

[Kelsy]

Just follow the Karren Hutton method, I do. Just act like you own the place
It works!!!!!! Smile be pleasant and confident!! Thanks Karren:D

:hugs:Kelsy

[marny]

I usually buy over the web but bought a new bra while out with my wife a couple of weeks ago. She was surprised when I told her I had bought bras before out by myself. It is scary, your first, second, third time. But you do find most women are very helpful and friendly. The young ones can be a problem but just ignore them. they're kids. Have fun and shop. They all like your green! :D Marny

[Ms. Emily]

A strangers opinion should never matter when it comes to harmless fun. You deserve to spend your money on what you want.

[Joy Carter]

[QUOTE=lisa_e_love;1101169]Rebecca,

I still remember my extremely awkward interaction buying my first bra and panties in male mode. The clerk was some teenage guy but I had convinced myself I was going to buy it anyway.

He says, "Is this for a wife or a girlfriend or something?"
This was none of his business so I lied.
"It's for my girlfriend."
"It's kind of weird to be buying this for your girlfriend."
"OK."

Rebbecca I'd asked the clerk "Where is the sign that says. For Sale To Women Only !"
Or walkout saying business must be pretty good, if you can sell only to whom you want.
I'm pretty much a nice girl. But I don't take bullying lightly. I think that clerk you spoke with was way outta line, and needed to understand his place. :mad: <------ Discalimer: No I'm not really mad. This Icon was just easier to use. :rolleyes:

[Deanna2]

Hi Rebecca

You are quite right about no one giving a hoot. You are the only person who cares what you are doing, so go ahead and do what it is you want to do.

You don't say whether you are in a department store or supermarket. If it is the latter just throw the femme items you want in with your pile of other stuff and pretend you are shopping from a list.

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Rebecca. Well, years ago when I was deeply in the closet, I used to used a kind of "fuzzy logic" with myself. This was before I got married and was living with my Grandparents, so I was pretty independent. I would go out on shopping trips for myself but would have the "willies". What I did was buck it up and actually looked for SAs in a store and tell them I needed help as I was getting stuff for my "girlfriend". Got a few funny looks but this was the early 1970's and attitudes were a bit different but I looked and acted like a guy guy, so figured what the hell. I bought everything from wigs to makeup. Very few challenged me. Of course I did the obligatory "dumb guy" act and asked if I could bring the stuff back if it wasn't right. The answer was always: "Of course, as long as you have the receipt." Everybody was happy. They made the sale and I got my stuff.:happy:

[Denise Barrett]

Hi Rebecca, :hugs:

I have nothing to add, except these ladies are great, their advice for sure, but their honesty and humor, too much. I can never get enough. We’ve all been though what you’re going through. It will get easier, if it doesn’t, it will drive you crazy so don't let that happen. They are so right about the SA’s, not only do they want to help, but I think if you told them it was for you, except for the males, they would love you to death. You can use some of Salandra’s techniques, in the past, I have. Just don’t quit trying and don’t be so down on yourself. You didn’t create this situation, society did; you’re normal, just different.

With all my love and respect,:love:
Denise

[Patricia Danielle]

Oh yea have fun with it. I went to sears bought a dress two night gowns a full slip a 3/4 inch drive air impact wrench four sockets for it and a 48 inch pipe wrench and a big commerical type weed eater. The sales girl looked at me kind of puzzeled I just smiled and said I wear a dress when I work on my tractors and combines the weed eater is for the kitchen and bedroom. I thought she was going to faint on me, by the time I got out to the car I was laughing so hard I was in tears! So have fun with it and go for the gusto girl your worth it!!! Patricia.. P.S. Remember those without a sence of humor are totally at the mercy of those of us with a sence of humor!!

[RachelDenise]

We have all had that issue, though it may be hard to overcome. I say practice, practice, practice. Translation=SHOPPING!!!!!!!!! :D

[rachel_rachel]

About a 6 years ago, I had similar issues. I would walk in to a store and try not to look at the women's clothing while looking at it, afraid what people may think.

Then, one day, I snapped. My general attitude shifted completly in a matter of seconds. It went from, "gosh I hope no one sees me", to "F##K IT!, I'M NOT LETTING PEOPLE DICTATE TO ME WHAT I CAN AND CAN'T BUY!". The attitude shift was so strong and sudden that I almost yelled it out.

Be that as it may, I now have no problem buying things I want. I hope that you can find your inner "F##K IT" attitude soon hun.

Hugs
Z


Yep, that's about how i feel as well. I don't feel the need to travel to another town, shopping centre or anything like that either, I do however check out one particular place beforehand when i do go into one shop at the local shopping centre, If a friend of my wife's is working there, I won't go in, but i will go and send double at the Kmart 4 stores away.

[Joanna-Louise]

Hi,

I have shopping trips like that, id be walking round womens departments and think why am i here, while looking i usually can't find anything (probably due to the fact im aware of where I am.) I usually give up on these days and go home a little depressed.

When i go back in a more confident mood im ok, I can't really goto a town I'm not known as i'm a bus driver and tend to drive into most towns, so its possibl;e alot of the shop assistants do regonise me from walking through town whilst on lunch breaks, or worse they may even catch my bus to get to and from work :S

Other than that i try and switch off and enjoy the thought of wearing what ive bought.


Jo
xx

[LindaTS]

I envy a lot of you girls for being able to shop as a guy. That's something I've never been able to do except during the holiday season. Thank God I get along fairly well in public as a woman so this is the only way I shop now. Oh, one more thing. It seems like my friend Dana is doing quite well now. Keep it up hon. But one of these days I'll get you out with me.

[marie354]

Hi,
I am so frustrated with myself right now. Today I had to go to the store to get a few things, and I decided that I was going to get some panties. I’ve always felt uncomfortable buying feminine things, even though I can rationally and logically tell myself that no one cares that I’m looking at the women’s underwear, and the clerks probably don’t even notice what the customer buys. But then I get to the store and chicken out. I feel like people are thinking I shouldn’t be looking at women’s underwear. I know that to many of you this probably seems trivial since you go out dressed on a regular basis, but to me it’s a big deal. Why can’t I do something as simple as buying panties or a bottle of nail polish? Why do I seem to lose all sense of perspective? It’s so easy to sit at home and think logically about it and convince myself that I can do it, but then I get to the store and all my reason and logic seems to disappear, replaced by unreasonable fears. I actually used to be able to do this without much of a problem, and have even ventured out dressed several times. Anyway, I feel very defeated right now, and very frustrated with myself. Is there any hope for me? Thanks for listening.

Rebecca

I've been there sooo many times I've lost count. I've learned that no-one really cares what you buy in a store as long as you are giving your hard-earned cash to them. 'To each his/her own' they'll say, and not give it another thought... Well most of the time.

Getting over that 'fear of the fear' has been one of the toughest things for me, but once I did, it's been great.

I guess I'm lucky, most people accept me for me! WooHoo!

[Jilmac]

hi rebecca, i know your frustration. i started dressing seriously at age 15 borrowing clothes from my sisters and friends. i was 20 when i bought my first pair of panties at a novelty booth at a county fair. i told the booth operator that they were for a girlfriend, and she seemed totally unconcerned as long as she was selling her merchandise. the first time i bought panties in a store i was self consious thinking every eye in the store was on me. the female clerk at the register didn't even look up as she checked out my items. after that first time it became easier and less intimidating to shop in the womens dept. i think the best ice breaker for me came when a clerk at kohls jokingly said "i'll bet you are going to look pretty in these" as i was checking out several bra and panty sets. i joked back to her "you ought to see me in a dress". we both had a laugh and i walked out of the store with the confidence to buy any feminine item i wanted at any store and not worry how others think. i'm at the point in my life now where i'll pick out the items i want, take them to the dressing room, try them on, and buy them, and don't even think about the other customers or clerks. i hope you will be able to find your ice breaker so you will gain the confidence to go into a store and be proud to shop in the women's and lingerie department. hang in there girl, it gets easier each time you shop.

Luv, Jill

[flacindycd]

I get about 99% of my things thru the mail via online. Buting at stores gets me uneasy as well hon

[Mitch23]

i often feel that way when drab but never when buying whilst en femme

mitch

[CatAttack]

going to the store used to be a huge challenge for me at first when i didnt really know what i wanted to get (and had to browse for a while.. in the make up section), and i would feel like everyone is looking at me and i'd start thinking about all sorts of paranoid things. but then i realized what my problem was: thinking about it!
i went to some local beauty store to buy my wig and the owner looked at me funny and was like "for you??" and i was just like "yeah". he then proceeded to speak to his wife in another language and they both started chuckling/smiling and though it made me feel uneasy, i ignored it and didnt think about it, and after i had bought it and walked out the door, i felt invincible! it was definitely a much better experience than if he didnt say anything.

[Nadia-Maria]

Of course, it's now a way easier for me than it was decades before, since I was very shy as a teenager ; but it is sometimes still a bit frightening, and for example I would still hesitate to go and buy shoes with (very) high heels.

In fact, my technique for gaining confidence at the beginning was the following :
to select carefully the adequate stores to go, those where I believe I will feel the most comfortable. As a rule I don't buy the first time in a new store, just looking, often less than a half minute ! If I find I felt comfortable during the first try in that store, I will come back and certainly buy. (And it's easier to buy where you have already bought something).

Nevertheless I still prefer buying on line, since as a rule we have more choice online. And nobody I know will find me doing that.

Nadia-Maria

[Kelsy]

Now if you take your wife or girlfriend along you have cover!! Untill you check out with a pair of shoes in a size 8 and a pair in a size 12:eek:

:heehee:Kelsy

[paulaN]

It's Christmas season. You can bye gifts for anyone you want. yourself even.

[Rebecca Jackson]

Hey everyone,
Thanks for all the wonderful replies and all the encouragement. After reading about your experiences I feel better and am confident I can eventually do this. I did buy some panties, bras, and a camisole on-line last night. If I could just not think so much when I get to the store and just go buy what I want it would be so much easier! I'm bound and determined to buy some nail polish the next time I go to the grocery store. Baby steps!

Rebecca

[joann426]

when i go shopping i dont have to be friten about buying panties or a bra it is so wonderful for me cause they dont care either and if they said any thing to me i wood say its for my wife heheheheheh!!!!!!!!!!!

joann

[alyssalove56]

"tis the season"
How true!
I'm getting braver all the time.
I have the "cover" of my girl freinds. (One of them helped me realize I was a girl.)
Coming to this somewhat late in life and being somewhat shy, I think the "gift buying" time is a true blessing. I intend to use it to get over my hang ups. 'Cause I need more things to make it though a week.

[Jacqui]

Hi, Rebecca.

There are two other techniques that I don't think anyone mentioned:

1) Scout the store. Decide in advance exactly what you're going to buy: the brand and size of panty hose, the brand and color of lipstick, etc. Then bring a list with you to the store. If there are people watching you while you're in the aisle and you don't feel confident, just make believe you're having a hard time matching up the item on the list with the item on the shelf. Or, as Salandra pointed out, show a S.A. the list and let them help. You can have some male stuff that you need on the list also to throw off the scent.

2) When at the register, have an imaginary conversation on your cell phone with wife/girlfriend: "They didn't have the Leggs you wanted, so I got Donna Karans. Queen, right?"


Hope this helps.

Jacqui