Should I tell my therapist

[dianwb262]

This is the first time here for me and need some advice. I have been crossdressing for years unbeknown to anyone, especially my wife and daughter. I don't know what I would do if they ever found out. Anyway I just started seeing a therapist for an unrelated issue and wonder if I should tell her. I don't know how she would react. Anyone have any experience or advice for me?

Thanks

[Julogden]

Hard to say. If your therapist doesn't know anything about gender issues, it may be a waste of time and money. I've heard about others who have done that, opened up to their therapist, and ended up basically educating their therapist instead of getting help, and paying big bucks to do so.

I'd strongly suggest that you seek out a therapist who works with gender issues on a regular basis.

Carol

[NZ_Dawn]

I have two teenage boys, but was in a similar position as yourself. The only difference I guess was that I wanted to tell my wife rather than keep it a secret. I also figured and read from many forums, that:- chances are you will be 'discovered'. I would take the opportunity to talk to your therapist about this; see what advice they can provide. You may read of many suggestions to let your wife know. I wanted to, just never found the right time or momemnt. It felt like I was living a lie and wished I had been honest earlier. :happy::2c:

[susanmichelle]

I'd strongly suggest that you seek out a therapist who works with gender issues on a regular basis.

Carol


I agree with that as well, when I was seeing a therapist and told them of my crossdressing they knew nothing about it and starting trying to probe me like i was under a microscope, and even asked me if they could tape my sessions. Well the answer was NO real quick and I never went back to see them again. I also told them what they could do with the bill. I never received one.


Susan Michelle :mad:

[flatlander_48]

This is the first time here for me and need some advice. I have been crossdressing for years unbeknown to anyone, especially my wife and daughter. I don't know what I would do if they ever found out. Anyway I just started seeing a therapist for an unrelated issue and wonder if I should tell her. I don't know how she would react. Anyone have any experience or advice for me?

Thanks

I do not have any experience with professional therapists. However, I was involved with a peer-to-peer counseling methodology for many years. Two things are very important:


Safety and security is the foundation upon which counseling, of any kind, is built.
You can't deal with what you can't talk about.


Perhaps after a few more visits you will have a better sense of your comfort level with your therapist. If it feels OK, then go for it.

You said that you are being treated for something unrelated to cross dressing. You have to remember that the human mind is VERY crafty when it comes to disguising issues, holding on to fears, etc. Who knows? Understanding your motivations and benefits derived from cross dressing could prove significant in understanding another issue in your life.

[Michelle S]

I have been to therapists several times for depression. Since the depression had nothing to do with cross dressing I did not mention it except to the most recent one. She was not judgmental, did not "probe," but acknowledged that she knew little about it. I gave her printouts from the Tri Ess site. She thanked me for them and it never really came up again.

[trannie T]

If you wish to get any enefit from your therapist you must be honest with her. If there is a possibility that your crossdressing is related to the other reasons you are seeing her then you must tell her. Rememer, your conversations with her will e confidential.

[GypsyKaren]

You're paying her so let her earn her money, if she can't then find one who can.

Karen Starlene

[JackieInPA]

I told my therapist, but with me the crossdressing wasa major component of my depression (stress of dealing with one of my friends ex wives knowing and thinking she would out me if the custody case went to court, and a huge fight with another friend who knew at teh same time, along with pretty much taking care of my god daughter for 9 months0 She was very supportave and it was very easy to talk to her after she knew. If it has any impact on why you see a therapist you should tell them.

[Susan.]

I've been to several therapists (several, because I moved). Only one was a gender specialist and crossdressing is all we talked about. The others doctors saw me only for depression and social anxiety, but I didn't tell them about my CDing.

Only you know how interrelated your problem(s) might be. I personally don't think you have to tell your therapist about CDing, but I'd think that is could only help if you did. :2c:

[Kelsy]

Personally, I get most of what I need as far as therapy and support from this forum and from the lovely people here - real understanding - I never did get much out of therapy but that is me. One bit of advice though Think very long and hard at revealing yourself to anyone.

:hugs:Kelsy

[docrobbysherry]

My wife and I saw a licensed psychologist, ( therapist), before we got divorced. I continued with her after we separated. Altho I wasn't dressing ANYTHING like I am now, here is what she said:
If it didn't become a compulsion, ( which it wasn't back then), don't worry about it. She even encouraged it, if it helped me relax and unstress. We talked about it for a very short time. She just kind of thought of it as relaxing diversion, and NOT a problem. That really opened the door for my CDing.
One note; I talked about this during a session with my wife, she brought it up. My wife mite have used it against me during our divorce. Except we did NOT have a custody battle, only a $$$ one. Plus, I would have mentioned all her "girlfriends" if she had! All of u married folks, remember that before u tell your spouse!
RS

[VtVicky]

The key phrase here is "unrelated issue". As others have alluded to, the mind is a very complicated thing. What may seem unrelated to you now may, in fact, be very related.

The real problem is finding a therapist who has any knowledge of, or experience with, the variety of gender disphoric situations. And good luck finding one who doesn't assume that crossdressing automatically equals gender disphoria.

As a practicing therapist, myself, for over 30 years, I can tell you that there are very few or us who have more than a passing acquaintence with CDing. And most of what they think they know came from watching TV.

I would ask your current therapist if she has any education, training, or experience in the general area of crossdressing. I might ask if she knows the difference between transvestite and transexual. If she doesn't have the experience, I would ask her if she could refer you to some one who does. Depending on where you live, you may be out of luck. In that case, you may end up training her as your best bet. If she is any good, it may be educational for you both.

In fact, CDing may have nothing to do with your problem. But, if the issue is not put on the table, it will probably be in the back of the mind, (yours or hers), and interfere with therapeutic alliance and progression.

And, make sure you discuss your diagnosis with her if your treatment is being paid for by an insurance company. Have her use something fairly general, like Depression or OCD. DO NOT use any gender disphroia diagnoses unless, and until, you establish that as fact. Those DSM codes she is putting on the insurance forms may seem Greek to you, but I guarentee the people at the other end will know what they mean. And some insurance companies will not reimburse you for gender disphoria diagnoses.

Good luck

[Joni Beauman]

I went to a therapist supposedly trained in issues ranging from sexual orientation to gender dysphoria. Three sessions were covered by insurance. Why not - maybe get some insights. He was clueless. At one point he was reading to me from his text book. If your therapist is compassionate, I don't see where it would hurt to bring cross-dressing into the conversation. Joni

[kim85]

I would say that if you feel like telling your therapist then tell them. But as alot of the others have said if they have no expirence in the area they may not be much help. You could always ask your therapist is they know of anyone in the area who may be able to help you better with this matter
Kim
xxx

[Marla S]

Anyway I just started seeing a therapist for an unrelated issue and wonder if I should tell her. I don't know how she would react. Anyone have any experience or advice for me?
I've been in a similar situation and didn't tell at first, which was a good decision.
If your issues are unrelated than there is no need to talk about your CDing, because it won't help or even detract from your main issues.
Not every trouble in ones life is related to TG ... it was interesting for me to realize that.

After several appointments I brought it up nevertheless, because it was the situation for it.
For two sessions only it was an issue ... rather me educating him ... now we are back to the main problem. It's good though that he knows now as background info, but a I said it isn't a matter of the therapy ... a gender therapy wouldn't help me anyway.

Baseline, if you think or feel that your CDing isn't related to the reason you go there, there is no need to tell it now. But maybe at some point (due to some incidents or you feel more comfortable) you might want to tell nevertheless ... then do.

[Kate Simmons]

Well in my case, crossdressing was the reason I started the therapy. Not so much the CDing itself as dealing with the fallout caused by it. Probably around my 5th session, I side lined my therapist a little by coming to the session en femme. After she picked her jaw back up from the floor she said she would have had no idea it was me unless she knew I was coming. I did it to show her it was indeed real and not a figment of my imagination. After the initial response, we got down to work and it was business as usual. I do think that it impressed on her just how important this was to me however.:happy:

[RachelDenise]

Therapists have areas of interest and specialties. Find out if yours has interest into gender issues. If not, then you might want to seek out someone who does. In the meantime, it probably won't do any good to tell. I do believe that a good therapist might find a connection that you had not thought about between your gender issues and other issues.

[Melora]

If you a re going to a Therapist, Then S/he needs to know YOU! If that is to be so, then you need to let Him/Her Know YOU! OR just waste your money and time..

[Joanna-Louise]

As stated before it would depend if your therapist knows anything about gender issues.

Even if not they could put you in touch with another that does. I found when i depressed years ago, that talking about it to an "outside source" allowed me to come to terms with who i am, and start to accept it, and realise its probably never going to go away.

Jo
xx

[Eugenie]

You're paying her so let her earn her money, if she can't then find one who can.

Karen Starlene

In my regular activity, I have to deal very frequently with people who need to consult with therapists. The advice quoted above is exactly what I tell people on how to deal with the therapist.

It is the role of a therapist to listen to the expression of your difficulties in life. Even though your therapy isn't directly related to x-dressing, that last aspect definitely has some impact on your life, especially if you have not told your SO. It is a hard thing to have to keep a secret about something that is so important for you.

Your therapist should know about it otherwise a whole shunk of his bacground that is necessary to his concelling will be missing.

If your therapist knows nothing about gender issues, she/he should tell you honestly. She/he may know another therapist who knows.

It is also your prerogative to change therapist if you don't feel comfortable with the one treating you. In particular if she/he changes attitude in a negative way after you will have told about your x-dressing.

I hope this helps...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[DeeInGeorgia]

You need to be careful of the therapist you tell. My guess is most therapists are not sufficiently educated to handle gender issues. When my wife told one therapist about my crossdressing, the first question out of the therapists mouth was "Are the boys safe?"

When I changed medical plans, I tried to find a new therapist on the approved list and the list and anybody I talked too that would know of the therapists training did not know if they could handle gender issues. The person they sent me to for an initial review was at least familiar with gender issues in that when she had first entered the business, she had worked with a well known TG therapist before she had transitioned and this therapist knew of the transition but still refered to the TG therapist by her male name and used the "him" pronoun.

Dee

[CandyDarling]

I have a great shrink - a leader in the field - I told her after a year or so of therapy and she was visably dissapointed in me that I had not been honest from the start. It was like I had been wasting her time. She - not beeing a specialist in this area - sent me home with the promise do do some reasearch and tink it over and see if a referral was in order or if she felt that she would be a helpinng source.
Well - she is very very thorough and when I returned she had spoken with specialists all over the country. She said - that the results were split exactly down the middle in what to do professionally. Half said - "he must engage in the community - go to support groups and express his feminine side in order to avoid serious repression based issues - even possible depression and suicide" - the other half said, " He must try to control; the urges - it will never stop in him and if he values his curent life then he must work to limit and reduce the amount of his dressing and not respond to every urge."
I feel that in therapy- once you have asserted that the therapist will honor the patient confidentiality - One should speak the truth. I now feel like I did waste her time and mine as well.

[Michelia]

That your need of a therapist is for totally unrelated issue, then your crossdressing is not important. You can mention it if you want, but why even bother going there if it is not pertinent?

For example, if you had a marriage problem, would you see a therapist specialized in addiction?

Do not change therapist because he/she may know nothing about gender issues, unless you need to address your dressing issues. This therapist may be the best for you for what you need.

Therapy costs time and money and there is no need to discuss your crossdressing unless it is at the root of your problem.

Michelia

[Jill]

I am attending graduate school right now to earn a masters in mental health counseling, I intend to become a therapist. I wish that I could say that all therapists are good open minded people who won't judge you or handle things in a professional manner. The truth is, as with everything else, there are good ones and there are bad ones. You can't make generalizations either way, they're not all good and they're not all bad. But yes, some of them do seem to have somewhat of a God complex, they're never wrong and they never make bad decisions. If this is your therapist, don't tell her and find a new one.

[Nicole Erin]

I agree with that as well, when I was seeing a therapist and told them of my crossdressing they knew nothing about it and starting trying to probe me like i was under a microscope, and even asked me if they could tape my sessions. Well the answer was NO real quick and I never went back to see them again. I also told them what they could do with the bill. I never received one.
Susan Michelle :mad: Maybe they shoved the bill where the sun didn't shine? :heehee:

Yeah these GD therapists know less about our issues than we do anyways.
I once went to see some lady who worked with TG. Insurance paid most.

Anyways, one time I had to bring my kid, he was at the time too young know know what we were even talking about. But anyways, the therapist asked my kid this "So what makes you cry?" He said something about when he gets spanked. Anyways, that was the last time i set foot into her office. B****. :mad:

Honestly, unless the therapist is TG him/herself, it is pretty much a waste of time and money.

[Ruth]

I'm in regular therapy so I feel qualified to answer on this. You don't say why you went into therapy except that it's "unrelated". As a couple of people have said, all of your behaviour is related (it all has one factor in common - you). If your therapist is any good, he/she will be able to recognise if the CDing is a factor in the original presenting condition. Keeping the information out of your sessions can do no good at all. Mentioning it may provide your therapist with a key, or it may just be irrelevant.
Confidentiality rules apply so you need have no fear of the information going any further.
All of the foregoing assumes of course that your therapist is competent. Sadly this is not always the case.
And the question of expertise is a complex one. Not many therapists are experts in the CDing situation, but a good therapist will soon know a lot about you and be able to offer some kind of help.
My therapist learned most of what she knows about CDing by talking to me, but on the other hand she is a wise woman as regards human nature in general and has been an enormous help to me.

[Sinthia]

Most medical plans at work will cover therapist visits, with a small copay. I paid only $15 a visit 4 years ago. Your human relations department will give you a phone no. for your provider. You call the provider yourself, and tell them what you want a therapist for. They will give you a list of doctors that work on the problems that you have and you can call them and pick one that you feel comfortable with. I saw two doctors. The first one I saw for about five visits and then found out she was a transexual. That freaked me out. If I had known from the start, I might have felt OK with her. The second was a genuine female. I saw her for about 3 months about my crossdressing. I learned that it was OK to crossdress, and that I didn't have to justify my desires with anyone. I feel great after my sessions with a therapist.

[dianwb262]

I am overwelm with the response. Thank you so much for sharing your opinions and experiences with me. There are good reasons on both sides of the question. I guess everything is related. Anything that causes me anxiety increases my desire to dress. It took me a long time to finally go see a therapist. It was very hard to do and I thought it would be a good time to bring everything up. Unfortunatly my insurance allows minimal sessions. I do not know how she will react or for that matter how I will. I quess I just want to tell someone and I can definitlyy not tell my wife, daughter or friends. I guess I will see how things go the final sessions I have and hopefully it will come out.

Thanks again to everyone.

[Stephenie S]

This is the first time here for me and need some advice. I have been crossdressing for years unbeknown to anyone, especially my wife and daughter. I don't know what I would do if they ever found out. Anyway I just started seeing a therapist for an unrelated issue and wonder if I should tell her. I don't know how she would react. Anyone have any experience or advice for me?

Thanks

I think this is a "no-brainer". Of course you should tell your therapist.

Why do you think your issues are unrelated? Don't try to "out-therapy" your therapist. Tell him/her everything if you want them to do you any good. Being selective in what you tell a therapist is like trying to piss into the wind. What an absurd waste of both your time and theirs.

Having said that, I also think you need to insist on some sort of time line with your therapist. Therapy, in my opinion, should not be open ended. You should have some idea of how long it should take before you decide you are wasting your time. Six months? A year? Clearly, if no progress has been made in that time, either you are fine, or you need a new therapist.

And if you feel you are "educating" your therapist, ask them to study on their own time, for goodness sake.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[SandyR]

If you feel CD'ing is wrong then maybe you need to work with someone, but for me I am at peace with myself and really feel no need to "explain" my actions its me. Not all of me but, only a part. Maybe moderation is the key, not sure. Works for this girl!

GO Green bay!

SandyR

[Jilmac]

the first time i ever saw a therapist was in 1978 and for the most part, crossdressers were still in the closet. i was seeing her because my marriage was falling apart, but i confided in her counseling and told her that i enjoyed dressing. i was surprized when she gave me books and pamphlets pertaining to gender issues.
this was not a clinic that specialized in gender issues, it was more family orented, but she was caring and understanding and did her best to help me deal with my marriage issues, and helped me realize that i wasn't alone in crossdressing.
if you trust your therapist, go ahead and tell her, she might open a whole new world of knowlege for you.----Luv, Jill

[TxKimberly]

Seems to me like your wasting your time and efforts with the treatment if you don't give them the info they need to help you.

[dianwb262]

I know I want to tell, I just don't know if I can.

[marny]

My wife wanted to see our familly doctor after I started dressing. We went and talked. She suggested some out of town therapists. I was only there to make my wife happy. I know more about TG and TS than our doctor does. She is a good doctor but she had no idea what you can buy on the net. Be careful who you take advice from girls! :hugs: