Some Thoughts

[GailTulane]

I originally began this as a reply to the role-playing post, but when I saw where it went, I thought that it might warrant a separate thread.
For me, there is no role playing here. This has been a deep part of me from a very young age. This is who I am, and I am never as truly comfortable as I am when I am expressing myself as a woman.
But something occurs to me that I have never really seen expressed: I do not necessarily believe that what I feel and call femme actually corresponds to what genetic women think and feel. Perhaps these "femme" feelings are unique to certain people born male, and no one, male or female, not in the same boat can truly identify. I am not out as myself to anyone who knows me as a male, and the only non-*T people I have spoken with, other than on the net, are men and women working in or patronizing clubs or bars that I go to dressed. That being said, thus far, the only true empathy I have found is with *T girls on various places on the spectrum.
So, apart from feeling that, for me personally, there is no question of role-playing, and that this is how I most comfortably identify, I question whether there is actually any role to play, because even a genetic woman is not exactly the person that I am expressing, not because of the obvious fact that I can not duplicate a GG, but because the very deep feelings that I am expressing are are not ones that are necessarily felt by and are truly characteristic of genetic women.
This could also be the reason why the vast majority of wives can't relate to their husbands' dressing; i.e., because the "femme" expressions of their husbands do not correspond to their innate and undeniable knowledge of what it means to be biologically female. No matter how the man looks or acts, every fiber of their being tells them that this is not female.
Anyway, those are a few thoughts of mine--I would love to hear what others think.
Warmly,
Gail

[Alice B]

Very well presented and something that many, like myself must take into account as to who we are and what our SO feels about our dressing.:hugs:

[RebeccaLynne]

Gail, we, as crossdressers, are in a unique situation. Can we ever really know what it feels like to be a genetic female? No. Try as we might, we are biologically males. Speaking for myself, I've never been comfortable as male. I've played that role only because the expectations of society forced it upon me, given my birth gender. As a child, I prayed that God would miraculously transform me in my sleep. Only in my dreams. Do I wish I was born a girl? Yes, but I wasn't. So the next best thing to satisfy my innermost feelings of being female was to dress as one. And doing so made me happy, contented, and complete. I was free to be me.
I truly believe we CD's are the third gender. It's not pretending we're something we're not. It's who we are.
Those are my thoughts.
Thanks for asking!

[Kate Simmons]

The fact that they are YOUR feelings and you are comfortable with them make all the difference Gail. There are innate feelings that genetic women have that we will never have, that is true but the fact that we have them and are able to express them make us all the more human. As men, we have been conditioned to hide and suppress our feelings. As humans, we can allow them to flow freely. Seems we have an option most don't have, be a "man" or a human. I choose to be a human first, a man second.:happy:

[Julogden]

Yes, I tend to think that we T-people are a separate gender or genders, as there are quite a few varieties of us.

Most people insist on a binary gender system, but actually, humans exhibit an array of gender variations.

Carol

[Marla S]

There's a lot of truth in what you said, Gail.
Nothing to add, except that I agree.

[jenniferj]

Gail,

These are very interesting thoughts!

As you get to know us - Please do! - you will see that there is a very broad spectrum of degree of identification with women and their behavior/roles in society. There are some members who have a fetishistic interest in the clothes (particularily underclothes) and present a very "male", macho persona even while chatting with us; other members are so deeply immersed in the effort to experience womanhood that their male side has disappeared. You are who you are, although you shouldn't be surprised if you find yourself moving irresistably toward one endpoint or the other.

This is also true of GG (genetic girls = real women)- there are very serious women who eschew the standard societal roles and want to compete with the "big boys", just as there are women who crave the chance to bear children and knit booties. I expect that they do not feel the same way inside, anymore than any of us can expect to exactly match up with any of them.

In spite of what they say in online catalogues, one size does not fit all.

I personally find myself slipping deeper into what I perceive as the feminine mode of existance, by which I mean the nesting, nurturing, sensitive manner of relating to the world. I love to cook for my wife and to make her home pleasant and cozy. This may be a role I'm playing, but I expect that the very same factors that drive me to present as complete a woman as I can also are driving this behavior. I love to sleep in girl jammies or nighties with my wife, but find that when I'm in this mode I really just want to cuddle like kittens.

There is a very clear switch when I go back to guy mode, which I do most nights and weekends. In addition to the "manly" tasks, I help with the household chores, but I am helping with the CHOREs and don't feel the same satisfaction that I do as JJ. And I definitely have different ideas when I sleep with my wife. I also find it uncomfortable to write to this forum as JJ. It's a very weird feeling.:hmmm:

I think the fact that many wives can't relate to their CDing mates is more due to confusion and fear than different core values. Certainly most women know other women who are entirely different, and have no issues with sitting in the same room. I think that our wives are only just a little more confused about us than we are about ourselves.

Good topic!

-jj

[RobertaFermina]

I can break my head on the false goal of "femme feeling" when I correspond it to what genetic girls feel.

When I correspond it to "how I feel when I surrender to an adventure within my ideals, admiration, and emulation of femininity and womanhood (and ...ahem....babehood )" I am much less complicated and more happy.

Better not to compare myself point for point, and be happy to notice the points between myself and GG's that DO match up well. Even then, accepting that not all GG's match up with each other, either.

Its a fun world, if we don't take it too seriously.

:rose: party on, girls! :rose: